=== Chapter 2 [Alone]

The Update of the Stars, or otherwise called The Cosmos update, is the great expansion that was planned for a long time. What did it include was the possibility to go into space full of shining lights, by riding there on a new type of mounts, flying ones. When it was revealed first it gave everyone hope that they would be able to fly beyond their wildest dreams.

[We are gonna go this flying thingie! Like as you girls know there is this new update that will bring actual pegasi into here! Wowzers, it might be something too much for little grass hoppers like us, but if we put our endeavour-ever into this one thing, we can surely reach even the stars themselves! All we need is to believe that eventually dreams will come true! Easy-peasy!]

On top of the ability to travel to different servers, or to micro world dungeons with huge bosses, and probably some kind of secret test servers, there were updates to housing and AI management, but those are just minor features. However, people complained about one thing the fabled flying mounts that were too expensive for normal people. But did that stop them from trying? Probably not, right?

When you think about dreams you can consider them as something that gives meaning to why you are doing certain mundane tasks, like work or grinding. However, there are many reasons why one would chance after a goal, but not exactly reach it in the end. It's a long journey, of discovering your true desire, what you want from playing a game in the end, for example. That how it supposed to be, but the reality is quite...

When new players that start the game, they search likeminded others, trying to escape from the repetitive reality they experience outside of the virtual world. Searching not a way to fix their deeply rooted insecurities, they come to this domain which accepts all sans prejudice, seeking acceptance. Further, even if their life in the world of origin is not as pleasing, there is still chance to succeed inside this universe. Knowing not that their inability to progress comes from their faults, they repeat the same mistakes over again. Why it is so?

[Yea I'm really excited about that too, especially about the housing update. You know, I'm not a person that is social, I rather live alone somewhere where I don't get many visitors...but then there is the problem that I might get robbed. I'm happy that won't be a problem now. As for the flying mounts, we will get there eventually right? I sure hope so.]

[Right! It's just like being an idol and waiting for your internet boom! I wish it would come sooner, but this update is great! They are like adding stuff for clothing and performances, so you can actually transform during the act! Such an amazing feature! I need to work now on my super fairy outfit, with all the lights of the rainbow and extra adorable glitter. It's going to be fun!]

[I am also quite excited how this is all going to work out, but children, you mustn't look just at the short perceptive. Say that we, by a miracle, achieve our goals, what will happen then? I presume that we fly into the cosmos and then...Does even God reside there, my wisdom wonders? Alas, I will follow you since my will lies with his divine intentions, leading the sheep away from the darkness and into the light. Thus you will have my support, for now and for the future.]

[Yappie! That's the spirit girls! I knew I could count on you all, because you are my adorbs little party members, right? But tonight that changes, and by that I mean we are going to get an upgrade. How does “sisters” sound for you? Totals rad! I'm going to name the guild, albeit it would be an unofficial thing, Wing Sisters! After all we are cuters birdies, right?]

Additionally to the game update there was also a certain thing that was missed by a lot of people, the ability to grow small. Previously the limit was about one hundred and forty centimetres, but now it's ninety. How that does work during the combat? Enemy players you will still see you having the old size limit, but outside of it, you can be as short as a child. It's a very uncommon system, but it works for the purpose of role playing. Who would not want to return to the time where everything was amazing and fun?

Yet knowing so there is one problem, which is usual when you chase after dreams. Since they originate from hidden desires, ones that were not lost during the young days, it becomes an extension for the never-ending pursuit after something impossible. Can one be ever satisfied by a peculiarity that’s fleeting like a brief image on the eye-confusing and mind-twisting screen?

It should be known that when humans chase after their dreams, they are disconnected from the world, from the earthly troubles. But not knowing that fact, not realising that they are trapped within their own bubble, they want to make wishes last forever. In spite that it’s impossible, as the very nature of fantasy is fleeting and shallow, they would still be willing to dive in. Why it is so?

[Remember when we did the establish our little guild thing, where we all sat down near the fire place and said stupid things, did a little embarrassing pose and revealed our wishes? I would rather forget about that, but it doesn't matter any longer. You know that very well don't you? I was also convinced that we were able to do that, not thinking how long it would take. Now I'm slightly thinking more realistically, knowing that you can only get tier five materials from end game dungeons. Dammit!]

[But Oddie! We can defins get there if we try! We don't need to give up now, because we already made this much progress! You are too smartie-fartie to be sure about that! With our combined power, the amaze-daze Wing Sisters can’t be stopped! It's like, think about how somehow we manage to land on our butts, but we end up successful! Think about the skies too, because it's important to see the dream to believe! Like this totals adorbs pegasus knight, she is full of inspirations!]

[You created that rodeo thing, saying it would be a good idea to make money, instead of grinding. Here, your diary. I'm giving you that back because I no longer need it. After the Mermaid City trip I also realised, it's no longer fun. When you smile and make a silly face, it's the same thing as yesterday, over and over. I don't want to sit here idly. We will never get anything done, so there is no point in playing within this farce. You also understand that very well, right?]

“The Loli Agreement”, the one thing that everyone vowed upon during the assembly meeting, when we unofficially created the guild. Jielby was the one who proposed it. What it included was that all the Wing Sisters must have small avatars, along with cute voices to fit them. Making it so, the pink knight and others upgraded their voice devices and improved their vocals—they started to sound like actual girls.

But that was not all of what was the requirement to join the guild. You also were not to talk specifically about the real world. Doing so would break the immersion, and the leader's plan was all about the impression that here is a distinct plane of existence. Forgetting about who you where there, and embracing the fact who you became...that all is just too fitting for the image of a dream. Yes, even if you tell yourself that you are too old to be playing video games, even if you have better things to do, it's fun....It supposed to be fun.

Hence the disability to grow up from this state, or rather returning to it, is something quite fitting for those little birds. They are like the ones that hatched, got nourished and now are facing the reality that they need to jump outside of their nests. Yet, in spite if they eventually jump or not, they will gladly still gladly return to the egg state, if opportunity arises, knowing it is the only warm place. Why is it so?

[My children, I was afraid that this will happen. Alas, if I could blame myself, if that would help even a little, I would. But as the Lord gives us our individual problems to solve, I fear too that I'm not able to deal with mine. Knowing so fills me with doubt—only his holiness in heavens knows the purpose of it all. I can say it was fun, but I don't find the reason why we could continue. It is only a path filled with thorns, leading into the emptiness.]

[I have to agree Noctia. As much I can have fun with playing, I still find my idol work much more important. It's hard for me to concentrate on a single thing, and when simple hunting becomes a problem, I need to stop. That's the only reasonable thing to do right? We are no longer the same team we were, so it's time to say goodbye.]

[Wait girls! I know, maybe we should...wait a second, I'm going to figure something out! Give me an uno momento!]

[It's over Jielby, not thanks to you however. I'm sure you understand that we lack the dream now. Pegasus mounts? Forget about them. Mermaid City? It was fun but it’s memories now. The second time, it won't be the same, right?]

Whatever happens will say here, in this world, okay? That's what Jielby said during her big speech. But now it's different, we met on top of a mountain, during the early morning, with the sun just heading up to the skies. The wind was quite chilly, my hair fluttered and I had hard time standing. Once there was a single dream that united us all, but now that is the past.

“Who lives a real life when you can have a VR wife?” “Who needs dreams when you have memes?” “The path of loli is the soil!” The bubble got burst because no one realistically believed it from the beginning. They wanted something else, all of them. “Wing Sisters”, a very fitting name, it was a shelter for those little individual dreams, which would eventually surface. Now it was the time, revealed by the light of truth. It might be right to say this was fate from the start. Why is it so?

[No hard feeling, but good luck Jielby. We can probably still play, just that it might take a long time for me...Actually no, forget about it. Just try to find others and see if you can have fun with them, because I'm not sure.]

[What are you even saying Oddie? Like this amazing cuters knight become lonely? Nonsense! I'm just picky-sticky that's all! I need quality partners in crime that can do stuff...well whatevers! You are just a big meanie, that's who you are! Booie!]

[Okay sure, did you expect me to be nice after all those times I said you were the problem? You haven't changed at all, you never listened! Now you are giving me this treatment as if you didn't even notice that I was serious all that time. Dammit Jielby, I thought you might have a complex of being not too okay with strangers, but you don't even know yourself. It's a good thing, being alone sometimes, so I hope you will learn from now on. Afterwards, who knows? I'm not going back.]

And so, in mostly similar fashion to their beginning, the Wing Sisters were no more. Each one of them went on their own way, leaving the crying leader to herself, on top of a giant mountain where she could see the sky clearly. Due the cosmic update, stars would appear during the night. But now, are they still there? Maybe they can be distinguished from the bright light of the sun? It's always darkest directly under the lamp, since if you look straight upwards, you can only see the glow and nothing more.

//Ending https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WHckO1AWM6M //

===

I don't need to worry about a thing, I'm just going to create a wing myself! I mean I could ask Albert, but nah...he only plays this game for PvP, he never does hunting. Anyway, I can always go solo if nothing else, righto? Yea sure,I got the skill to pay the bill and my butt is ready for some monsters...jeez this is kinda hard doing alone though.

As I decided to do just in the old times, I went towards a hunting ground, not far from here, and started looking. Fresh tracks that I found were not quite the monsters I would have expected. That group almost killed me right away! I barely escaped alive, thanks to my smarts, but then I tried again and...oh well, next day is going to be better.

Therefore, with new spirits, I tried tomorrow...and the next day after that. I think I was missing something important, because no way I was this weak alone! I mean I have all the skills learned and Tanks supposed to have the most hit points, but the damage is lacking? It's unlike the early days, for sure, so maybe I do need some help after all. Oh well, bugger!

[Hey guys, I'm like be very-merry about joining your party and whatnots! Before you there is totals cuters pegasus knight, it is me, the one and only Jielby! I'm like in a pinch now, and would be happy-puppy if you guys would team up with me!]

[Who are you again? Your name is Jielby, and you are obviously a Tank. But why lance? That's the worst weapon you know? I do feel sorry for you, but we are in no need for more damage dealers. Go bother someone else, will you miss tiny pink?]

[Oh but I do Tank a lot! I'm like the best shield muscle there is. Can you believe? There was this one time I dungeon, we were split and I almost soloed a boss! Well, not just almost, but they basically stole the last hit from me, auchie! Sho, do I need to say more? I'm totals about blocking hits and saving the team, so there is no problem, is there right?]

[You are quite lively, for a little girl but with such a big mouth, so I assume you know how it is. We are kinda fine on our own—we don't need another person we will have to share loot with. Sorry, no hard feelings, and good luck miss.]

And that is how usually it ends up. I tried to talk with many different random people, but I get similar responses. Wowzers! They even turn my own words against me! I am so maddie-baddie about that, but is there anything I can do really? Try again!

[You are a little too annoying in your speech. If you were a mute I would add you, since we do need a Tank, but oh well. I don't think you can form a party with a person who is blocked. Good luck though. Maybe you can find someone who's deaf.]

I'm just going pretend I didn't hear that! What about my super adobrs squeaky voice? Like how is that a problemo? Jeepers, I thought that cuteness is the new crypto currency, but some people are just too old fashioned. Onto the next party then.

[Hey, you look cute little girl, how about we offer you something special. There is this one place that is quite...wait your name is GLB right? Then sorry, it says on this screen that we already hired you one time and the results...I again apologize, but we don't see a way for us to work together. If that is all you wanted to ask, then excuse me.]

Oh yea, sorry for not giving you another chance, sorry your butters is not sexy, sorry you’re just too little, sorry-worry...Frikens, how I would even start to explain my charm to them? I don't think in a hundred years they will understand. Gotta still try!

[So you are saying you have created this device and you want to find a way to sell the patent to others? Sorry, I can't help you. It's just that because I don't find this profitable. It lacks any outside touch. By no means I’m trying to say that it is tasteless or anything, we just don't know of any facility that would be interested in something as...stunning as your agricultural rodeo. In any case, please do give us our email and we will contact in the possible future. As for now, I can only offer you this brochure about...]

But I don't need that "How to Get Rich Online, With Me, The Virtual Success" thingie! I can do that on my own, just you watch! Even if it takes months in the mud, I am not going to let go of my stick until I dig up a treasure! Someday, I'm gonna be rich!

[A lonely pink girl, with her tools of trade, with the desire to get rich, among other things. She is the one to dig,

to get stuck in the mundane and harsh dirt that binds the human within Earth. Knowing not of the day of deserved rest,

betrayed by the weather that drenches her with heavy mud, chained by the inability to escape this pit of self-denying,

she lives in a world that might be perceived differently by others, yet she will call it her own sky. This is her story.]

It was fun playing with others, yet why I can't find another group so easily? It's because we were all new players...Like children we would grow up and learn how to play together. Now, I can't even go back to being normal. Dammie-mummy! This avatar really, she is too cuters to leave behind, as well as starting again from the beginning would be a big no-no. But I still miss them a lottie. Even though I could send her a message, I feel that...It’s because I still did not say sorry to them.

This dream, this desire to spread wings...you need a degree of freedom to actually fly. It's unlike any simulation—you just go where you want, or where the wind takes you. That's what I wanted to create a wonderful dream for me. I guess I failed that, and now I'm like a bird without wings. Actually, I was like that ever since I fell into this world.

It's because I didn't want to give up on my dream, rather I wanted to achieve it by relying on the help of others. I'm hopeless, just like Albert said. He uses harsh words, but he is not afraid to say the truth. The reason I would ask my Wing Sisters for help was that I afraid that I wouldn't be able to succeed on my own...or that I would cause trouble for others with my clumsiness.

[Is that one really starting to rethink actions? Interesting, although we can only watch. There is reason to this,

but it should be clear soon. I can only seek out those who dream, to ease their pain. This one I'm not sure about.]

Yet as soon we got to anywhere it was as others would have said, “Mermaid knight or pegasus knight, is there even a difference? As long its fun, noting else matters.” Jeepers, I'm like thinking about one thing and then the other, just to make others react to what I say. Strangely, they did follow to a certain degree, but as soon as the fun was over, as soon as it got serious, I no longer mattered.

Oddie said very mean things about me, but she was right in the end. This greedy-sweaty work was totally meaningless. You can't just simply dig up the dirt one day, then the other have some fun, and repeat that constantly. It's like...if you were trapped inside of a mermaid's bubble, deep underwater, and waiting for someone outside to burst it open.

I got my punishment there, realising the reality of how I wanted everyone to keep fake smiles on their faces. The truth however, she said that I never change, but isn't that the same for all of us? That should be right. Wing Sisters were having fun down there, despite being birds not fishes. But knowing so, why do we sink alone?

[A strange and frightful thing, the human sea of souls. Those that sink into there, they find no escape within waters.

Trust they must, the hand that helps from the surface. Yet only if they reach out for it, they shall return to reality.

Truth is such—a mysterious and scary realisation. Thus for those who wonder in darkness, do they await the light?

Swim not against your own current, but become the whirlpool, that’s the answer. This one is yet to test the waters.]

I'm afraid of living...in the state that my dreams that will consume my life and change who I am. But in spite that I still came here, even though I knew it was wrong from the start. I do this in order to survive—to be able to do something I have the drive for. I can't do a lot of things on my own in real life. That's why it's better for me to change completely, and become that character who is just badly written and subar annoying. With that, at least I get attention I would never get elsewhere. Being a fool myself, since my life is a joke, how fitting.

Every time I get a chance from life, I need to proof myself that I can do it. It's not easy just to survive each day. If I don't do it, I will be left alone, like now. That's why I tried so hard to make it work, to make Wing Sisters fun for all. But then again, wasn't I the only one that was enjoying it? I guess, since I never got them to grasp that, when you have nothing, there are no...

It's too late now, all I can do it to strike this stick against the dirt, during the night, alone in a forest. Does this even have meaning for me? I'm weak...falling on the ground, covered in mire, sinking in, bit by bit. Only in this weather I can feel alive...though it's not only the raindrops that drench this moist ground.

[Even if they jump, they will gladly return back to their childhood. That was her story, and how will it end I wonder?

It is obvious, without destination one can't fly. But to spot the sky you must see it not within the darkness, but light.

Only with reflectors, perspectives that come from looking not from above, not from below, but rather outside of the mind,

one can realise the true desire of heart. This one, stuck in the barren mud, lacked the carrot to walk the visible track]

===

Going as far as getting a pegasus was not my objective from the start. I wished for a different ending, yet...I guess it can't be helped that we broke up eventually. At least I tried to show them the way, as much as I could, but I'm just a humble servant of the Lord that is unable to cause miracles to happen. I'm a human, like others.

Yet I feel like I have made a terrible mistake somewhere, since a sensation of regret from not taking action is present. After we returned from the trip to Mermaid City I was surprised to learn how strange our behaviour changed. Scared, I decided not to say a thing, not to intervene. Maybe because I'm a coward or that I lack something? I do wonder, pray to God every day, what if I was to save Wing Sisters from the disaster? Would we still be hunting together?

That matters not now, since I have a life beyond that. It is the night in Maremoda, and my day just has started. I seek souls that are lost, and return them on the path of light. That is my calling as the after-hours priest, evangelising others. It is what Lord tells me to do. I can't fight against his will, even through this cold...

[Welcome dear children, I see that you are shivering from cold. I wish you to know that we have shelter in our church, with warm provisions. Thus be not afraid, for I shall show you the way lost lambs. It is not far from there, thus let's!]

[I don't know what are you talking about little girl. I'm just out of blankets that all...okay I'm fine now. What was that, about the church and everything? Ah I know you! You are that one sister who talks everyone into visiting her place, right? Nice, can I take a photo together? I want to show my friend this rare find after all! Tehehe~ Okay, just smile...okay it's fine, thank you~]

[I was serious when I invited you to my sanctuary. I wish nothing but for your cold to be eased, that much I can provide. Thus, think not of the current shock, it will be over soon. If you wish I can give you my coat during the way, is that fine?]

[Nope, I don't think these clothes would look good with something like that, but thanks for the care really! Fashion and stuff, it's hard I know. I too pray to Lord for that sake sometimes, Tehehe~ You are quite funny, mind that I throw you into friends?]

What is she even saying, this young lady who is clearly out of her mind? I don't understand, why she must be so absent-minded? It would be a sin not to help those in need, but I'm clueless to how I would make her understand my desire. If there is way, his wisdom shall know the answer. Therefore, I know my solution. In prayer I shall continue my strive, under this night sky.

[Say child, why are you alone? Is it not better to be with others in this cold and dark night? I fear for your state, thus I offer my kindness. I have a place nearby where you can warm up.]

[Who are you and why are you bothering me? Can't you see I'm working here?]

[On that tablet? Would it be better for your work if the distractions of this world were absent? I'm afraid that is the usual case, so I understand. But I insist, please do consider your health...]

[If you are not going to leave me alone, I'm blocking you! Be it God or a priest, your hooting is bothersome.]

Right, this young man clearly knows better than to multitask in this cold space. Yet, I can't force his ways, it is his will. Strange are the ways of Lord, and if he says to me that I'm not to help this soul, then there is no need for my intervention.

It might be a test, but it might be something I fear the most...The streets that I patrolled went from full to empty quick. Even if I wanted to visit the usual club, they said they had no need for my help. Some days are like that, thus I return home. I should be wary that sometimes, when I'm outside, there might be someone at the church’s door who is not met with my presence. I'm patient...

[It is the middle of the night. Under the Moon that shines with dubious gleam, lies a church created by human desires.

Within the wood and stone, behind the steel garden-like door, lies a soul that searched for the light and its warmth.

We can see her as she sits in the small room she calls home. Only one chair, but a cosy addition nevertheless. Cold,

she prepares a tea for herself and others, in case they come, despite it being this dark already. This is her story.]

Night is the only time I can really play this game to the fullest. I have a job schedule that forces me to do so. It's not very complicated, but I don't talk about that to others. What shepherd I would be if I worried my sheep? Even if my children come and ask me to change my ways, even if my life changed, allowing for a more lenient schedule, even if by some heavenly miracle I was allowed to choose between night and day, there are reasons to why I stay nocturnal.

I find those who don't sleep normally relatable, because they have the same problem as me. Perhaps I believe that we can help one another in some way, that we can connect on a different level. Listening to their troubles, spreading the wisdom of the Lord, figuring the solutions to the problems together, that is how I envisioned my work here. But that was a fallacy of mine.

In reality, it is not them who need help, it is me. Strangely, I feel distanced by the words they grant me. "You don't know me", "A problem child like me is not someone who can be saved", "I'm far beyond help" those kind of voices reach me too often lately. I don't know if this is my fault or due to their view being so outlandish that they prefer to be alone. I can only pray for them...

[But a miracle you must not expect. Empty are the words of someone knowing little, and futile are the efforts in the darkness.

Steel you be must in order to take down the walls, since salvation is not granted from one's will. If the mind is like water,

it absorbs knowledge and wisdom from all sources. Only then you may grant the light to yourself and others, if you so desire.]

I really figured it all out from the beginning. Expecting little from the game, I decided to make this small church my home. Knowing that others might help me in the plight, mostly at nights I searched for suitable deacons that would join my ranks. Even if I found three willing little girls, I knew that asking them to stay with me would have been...difficult to perform.

It's because of my situation in real life. I don't often talk with my own family—we speak different languages for one. We also don't see each other very often, with my working hours filling most of my day. And so, it all falls into my belief of piety. I don't want much from life, just a warm stove and someone I can share it with. But knowing so myself I wish not to sin. To force my weakness onto others would be something detestable, thus I do not invite the sisters to live together with me.

It's something I have been praying to God about. If I was that one lost sheep he seeks, then he knows where to find me. Casting not my sickness onto others, even if I sinned a bit, I wait. Only one blessing can cure my leprosy, his holiness.

[Strange are the ways of this one, don't you think? I see she is struggling with the idea of self-improving greatly.

There is however an internal conflict, one between her and the Lord. I wouldn't be surprised to see her soul change,

if she was to leave her conviction behind and believe in the detachment from this thorn in her heart. Is that right?]

[You may speak some words of wisdom, but her object of obsession is not what brings her down. There are more anchors,

hidden in the sea of self-consciousness. You shall see soon, as she explains her full account to us. Any minute...]

They were really adorable, Corona with that angel outfit, and Oddia who slept on my bed in my night clothes. Pff~ That is the sign of my weakness, the inability to create a family here, in this world. Should the reason be obvious, there might more to it than its visible. Not only can I see them as potential members, but also people who I want to help. Saying so, I know what happened at Mermaid City, and I slowly learned the reason, my true burden that weights me down.

It is that I lack the empathy to understand emotions. I can only see others through God, and know very little otherwise. That wisdom I call mine, if I were to leave if behind and see with my heart...but that one is filled black sharp thorns. Alas, I'm not able to remove them, due the fear that I will get rejected if I use my own judgment for assessing others.

This silent night at Maremoda, I wonder what others are doing, looking through the window in a lonely and cold room. I shiver down my spine, covering myself with my coat as it was a blanket. Heated by a tea I prepared myself, I yawn. Too tired to even think, I fall asleep on the table...and wake to the same morning, with my eyes dry from tearing.

[Silent are the days of those who not wish to speak. Maybe it is for the best, as she said, to stay alone for a while?

Only then you may hear the true voice of your desire. Without it, you will have not the strength to stand up straight,

to unlock the door and leave to the outside. Even if there are happy times, due a singular warmth brought by others,

it is what you give away that matters. This one, despite comity, failed to open the door for the one who brings light.]

===

Well it's not the end of the world. I just have to start again from the scratch. Actually, I do that all the time, I'm a fairy so I can get reborn with each new season. No matter the cold or rain, there is always a new summer! That's more or less how I kept talking to myself, despite that our idol team, the Wing Sisters, disbanded recently. I can call them that since we did perform once, and by that I mean we did use an emote as backstage mermaid dancers.

It's not exactly the highest point in my career, but that's at least something right? I'm going to use that as a stepping stone and rise to the top! Despite that no one actually knew I was there...yea, don't worry about that now. I have a lot of free time, therefore I can totally try out new ideas for shows and costumes. What's popular lately? Oh my goodness, it's really hard to tell.

Doesn't matter, I can always go back and see on my older videos...by now someone would have noticed yes? Even that Jielby, I bet she didn't even watch. My only fan to be so cruel...yet she did get what she deserved in the end. Really, that girl, she had it coming because she couldn't keep up with the same act all this time. Right, what she does now matters not for me.

[Hey how are you, long time no see. You look fabulous today, care for a drink at the beach or something?]

The reflection in the mirror answered...

[Yea sure, you are like this fairy that can't even sign and dance properly. Are you trolling people on purpose, huh? You know, those old people making videos and trying to rap or something. You are kinda like them, now that I...]

[Oh gee you prankster! You are really funny you know? I mean an artist is someone who performs something, like me. It matters not if you think it’s trash, because it might be a treasure for another. That's why I don't mind at all!]

[You don't mind the reality that no one is giving you tips because they don't want to be rude? Oh sorry, I'm helping here, this is constructive criticism. Yup, you suck and you have to live with it. Quit being an idol and save yourself some shame. You are never going to be on people's mind so you might as well forget that and do something productive, like get a job!]

Or something like that. That's how I imagine the conversation would go if she would have visited me. Yet, was she serious? I dunno, I would probably need to see for myself, if she would really...but that's kinda impossible in all honestly. Huh, she is like that on the inside at least right? She disbanded the team and made everyone angry, that's who she really is.

As for me, I got more time for myself instead. Gee, I really need to work on a new video because it was quite long since...Wait a second, this can't be right? Did someone liked my video just now? Since when? Umm, can I even check who was that...nope, it says nothing. I can't even say thank you! Goodness this is annoying. What if this was Jeilby's way of trolling me?

[Hey I liked your video, are you happy now? Are you pals again, you little cute fairy I can't take my eyes off?]

[Oh you so flatter me I'm turning red like a rose! Ehehe~ But seriously are you stupid? I don't need numbers, they matter not. All I want is my fans to give me insightful comments about my art so I can improve! Now go back and do your work proper girl!]

[Wow you are so noisy! But I can simply resist your charming dominance. It's like a flower garden and I'm trapped inside! Help me, this little cute girl is taking me hostage! I'm melting from adorableness overload! This is too much shiny stuff!]

[Oh you silly, you just need to say I love your work! That's all I need okay? I mean that's not asking much right? Just the words from your heart, without lies and stuff. If you do that...I might give you a special performance!]

Yea as if I would. Jielby, you are just too silly sometimes, but you never actually do what you say. What a bother, I get all fired up because of her words, but her actions are soo...anyway I think my old works are super bad huh? Looking through them I realised that, maybe people just go there and close the window before it gets to the middle part? Okay, no worry, I'm going to delete them.

[Hey, don't do that! I'm sure that someone is going to like your older works, because it shows the progress you did!]

[My progress you say? I did change a lot of stuff let's see...this looks kinda the same though? Maybe if I try this one...Why? It doesn't seem that I did improve at all! But why? I got new inspiration and tried a lot of stuff? Yeah that's right! My number one video would be...the best right? It's actually the worst, now that I look at it again. What can I say really, everyone has their own taste. I shouldn't delete it just because I don't like it. Honestly, what do even people enjoy nowadays?]

[That's a good question Corona. Could you answer me please, what is your number one reason for doing your idol work? Is it because you like dancing, is it because you like singing, or is it the passion you have for your numerous fans?]

[Eh? Who knows, I can change my reason each day, can I? Ehehe~ It's hard to tell because there are so many different motives. Like when there is a person who tells me “You really should keep doing what you like” it feels so damn fantastic for me!]

Yet I know personally that I have no idea why I did start my self-idol career. Just to be a little silly little fairy? Nothing wrong if that was a joke at some point, but now I feel this didn't even get a bit more serious. Oh my goodness! I am so fed up with this I really just want to quit...but I guess the next day I'm going to be doing the same thing...

Oh well, at least this bed is comfy. I mean, it's a place where I feel comfortable thinking about stuff for a while. This tablet though, it should go away until get my mind clear. Now that Wing Sisters are no more, maybe I should...Honestly, would Pearl and Tear even remember me? It's like, I can help them with mermaid stuff on the side, if they...

I was lying in a silent small room, on by small bed, as I usually do when I get tired. Today I was thinking about my idol stuff again, and didn’t come up with anything. Maybe tomorrow I will turn a new leaf? A tiny fairy, alone in her garden of dreams, she stares at a blank tablet before throwing it away, and closes eyes...in blind hope.

[And so on, the fairy was talking herself to sleep on her cosy bed. What great inspiration is her ability to constantly change,

but also her worst curse. She is trapped within her own world, unable to break out from the cocoon. Her every day is similar,

she is born with the sun rising into the sky, and dies before flowering. Only her frisk nature allows her to forget of past,

and be constantly reborn. What existence is that, in bliss of a hidden garden? A plant earning for water. This is her story.]

Ever since I started playing this game I realised that a lot of people just don't hunt and spend their days on stupid stuff. They all have fun, within clubs, arcade game centres, theme parks or even during virtual idol concerts. That's right my alley! I didn't know that so many actually simply log in, with like very basic avatars, buy tickets and just spend their money here. Knowing so, I really wanted to be that person—the one that gives joy to others, the one that invokes smiles on the streets.

But when I created this character, which is a fairy...though I don't know now why I decided on that image in the end, I noticed that people began to ignore me even more. "Who is this child and why is she dressed like that"? "Oh my...this is some kind of freak show or what?", "Gee, she so cute, but I'm too shy to say that out loud in public" and so on. That's more or less what I thought was on their minds. I can only ponder, since no one will actually give me a good...

Yea, because of that I can never improve. I always change, try something different, then forget where I started again...This process repeats again and again for all eternity. Just like fairies, nature always gets reborn. Just like pixies, it is a force that is unnoticed. Is there anything that I do wrong? If I knew...but I don't want to go down the dark path.

[Listen to the wind and you shall hear the call of the wild. With water the life cycle starts, but never does it end.

Withered are the plants that lack attention, but who is to blame? Is it the sudden rain that doesn't fall from the sky,

is it the sun that blames those in the shadows, or is it the gardener that never waters them? Eerie must be solution,

for it lies not with the growth, but the reason for it. This one has plenty of weed in her soil, still sucking the dew.]

I probably tried everything on my mind, that's worth giving a go at least. I don't want a stupid gimmick or anything... and I would definitely not profit from changing my image entirely as well. I just want somehow for people to like me, okay? There is nothing bad with what I do, though I might be not the best. If I were to improve I need time, is that right? So no worries, I'm going to do that anyway, just like my teacher said. I might lack the passion but I make up with...

Let's be honest, if my voice was super good someone would have already realised that right? It's not the best, but still...I don't want to be that girl who complains that she didn't at least try, right? Truthfully, if I don't do it fair and square, I'm not going to be happy with the result. Like I won't ask Jielby to literally give me an opinion. Why would she even...

[Is it perhaps that she fears she would say bad things about her singing? That one is poor, yet I won't pity her.

Her path lies with the realisation of her faults first, not within giving into her dreams. Isn't that idea right?]

[Yes, I do agree with the notion. She is simply too proud to change her ways, and that is her downfall. Nevertheless,

if she desire so, then I have no objections, since she has no intent to affect others and make them follow her lies.]

[The dark path I presume? Frankly, not knowing the light and darkness, one doesn't grasp if they shine.

Thus even in taking the wrong step, there is some recollection that can be learned. Do remember that.]

I'm sorry, I don't think there is a different solution for me if I want to get some results. I gotta delete them! Umm...saying so I have my finger on the button...yet I knew, I can't do that! It's like a part of me, my stem! How else would I gather water without it? In the end I can only apologize to others, that I'm just a lowly idol.

I want to grow to the top! And then...what I wonder? There got to be something there, like those mermaid sisters, or that exotic teacher guy, they too strive for the top, right? But I guess I might be wrong about that as well...

Now I understand a little more. When I started the game I was alone and wanted people to notice me...even before that! In real life I get hardly attention, as people just pass me. I'm afraid to speak up, to act on instinct, to be a clown. That's not who I want them to remember me as! I'm totally a cool fairy with lot of interests, you just need to give...well, I already had lot of chances to prove that, yet I failed every single one of them. Oh my goodness! I'm a failure!

[“There is no reason to be so critical about yourself.” is what I wanted to say, but we can only watch our subject. I understand,

the problem is that she can't change to do her inability to digest the dew. Everything is a risk, they say in business,

and so she is afraid that it would hurt her more than help. However, it is not all true, as every rose has its thorns.

In order not to repeat her mistake for eternity, she must decide. For this showy wallflower has yet to swallow her pride.]

===

Well this was an enjoyable ride, too bad it's over now. I have decided that I would quit the game, because frankly, I don't find it worth my time any more. Maybe in the past, when we played for the first time, when we just explored the world, got beaten up by monsters, faced the difficulties, and had kicked butt nevertheless...those times are just the past now.

I remember still when I first met Jielby, and how obnoxious she was. Not even being silent for a second she would talk, trying to make a joke at every occasion, and then did something stupid saying it was her plan all along. What a girl really, she would even use that squeaky voice changer. I know, I didn't react positively the first time, but I didn't know better. After this lecture on "Loli People" and "Waners" I kinda got the feeling of why she would be hiding her identity online.

Saying so I mean I always saw that little pink jester as a girl, instead of whoever she is in reality. That's something I grew into, just like having fun with the game. When you first start you don't necessary comprehend what you should expect from virtual reality. It's a mix of expectation from media and internet, but the reality of this is a bliss, similar to that you feel during your childhood.

[That was it really, when we did our first dungeon I thought this was going to be like the other video game, just smacking the boss. But it was so different I started to feel like actually inside of that world, and doing all those crazy things I wouldn't in reality. When I first get downed, when I tasted the monster egg, when I got deep into the goo, all those experiences were quite fun in the end. Some people might be thinking, “Maybe you shouldn't enjoy this”, “It's quite disgusting”. Yet, there are no real consequences in this world.]

Yes, I did agree to what she said about not mentioning the real world, just because it was easier to communicate with her. That pink birdbrain, she had some truth in saying that I shouldn't be as moody as I was, but she was absolutely not better. She constantly was telling me to have fun, despite what I was trying to tell her about her behaviour. I understand that jeez, could you just act like a normal person? I can be stupid if I want, but I'm not as awful as her, since I know when to stop...

That being said, we had some similarities, but when I think about just simply having fun I'm reminded of having to pay money. Everything in that game is basically an incentive for you to open your wallet, from food to high tier flying mounts or such. When you realise that playing this game feels like being locked in this minimum wage, repetitive, and dead-end job of grinding constantly, you start to think if it’s worth in the end. Alas, from time to time you can fun with friends and do something special, like going on a trip. It's fun for everyone! Or at least it is supposed to be...

When you get to parties like mine, you get to know what I'm talking about. It's just because they keep saying stuff...I had no problem at the beginning, but it just kept going on and on, I just couldn't take it anymore and I had grumble. Nevertheless, if I started looking for a different party, I would probably end up doing the same, complaining kinda deal.

[I'm an efficient woman, I don't like wasting my time on cute stuff or things that don't earn money. Because you know...I got to eat too, be it the real world or the virtual one. There is no harm with having fun, from time to time of course, but there is a limit to how much you can lose yourself in mindless tasks. The treasure hunt trip showed that very well. We went through this icky and dangerous cart ride, but in the end all we got was some petty accessory for the birdbrain.]

But it was fun at least, I can't deny that. I was searching for something that would feel the emptiness in my life so...I was completely full after I took a dip in tar and got covered in feathers. Seriously, that venture did change one thing, which was becoming more accepting about fun. Mainly thanks Corona's cheerfulness I noticed so many things I was missing. I'm not a big fan of idols, and probably I will never be, but the idea of value in adorableness has resonated within me.

You can only see so much in the world, and think if playing is even worth, but when others do silly expression and poses, I just can't help but to squeak, at least in my mind. It's similar to how my irksome pink commander used to tease Corona, but I at least don't do it ostentatiously. To make things short, I find some things cute, but don't squeak like a duckie.

Putting that aside, I also remember we took a dip into the Mermaid City, in hope that we find some hidden treasure or something. My intention was of course profit, but in the end we failed at that. We lost the will to hunt, and the entire game became quite boring. That alone got we worried, since we did a really good that one week, and then from the subsequent hunts we hardly got anything. What's the point in playing the game when you don't progress? Is there really fun when even your friends are no willing to...

[Well Jielby, I should have at least said thank you for playing, but you haven't really explain the rodeo thing or anything. As for Corona, she always wanted to be an idol—we were only getting in her way. She will be fine on her own, I do believe. I shouldn't be worrying about Noctia either, because she barely even plays. If I ever pray, I'm going to remember her. All those girls, well maybe not our commander, did find something above the grind, but I didn't. That's why I'm quitting it.]

That was my final decision, there was no turning back. I have sent each girl a personal message and logged out, for the last time. Goodbye black screen of a video game, I'm going to miss you, despite that you were always colourful to me. It's night as well...

[So she was supposed to the one that shows them the way, as the bearer of the Darkness Coat? That name is quite silly.

Nevertheless, it seems that it was as we discussed before. Without narration there is little to the story, isn't there?

Say that she was to become a hero of the gods. Wouldn't that alone gave her the purpose to stay on this virtual side?]

[Speak not of possibilities but what lies in certainty. With mind clouded, the sky becomes dimmer as well.

Dreams are nothing but a reflection of what one does seek—to mirror is to shine bight. This is her story.]

“I don't have many friends. Most of them don't even play video games.”, “I feel alone, but also empty in life in general. “, those words can be said about everyone I met. They are the same as me, not able to change or find a reason to exist. If there was a god in this world, he or she would surely show me the way. If there was other purpose than consumption, like reaching the stars, one would surely head into that direction without thinking. Yet, some dreams are impossible.

[It holds the truth, but that one does not realise the second important thing. All her comrades carried “dreams” as well,

the ones which could have not been realised by the means of the real world. With the perspective of new stars and the Moon,

they were send to this world like bugs to light, only to undergo the same difficulty with flying off to this fake sky.]

It’s interesting that we basically did the same here as we did in the real world, being ourselves, despite the silly characters. Each one of us had a dream they individually wanted to achieve, the flying one was just something that connected us together. Saying so, I don't think anyone from the start planned really to spend their year of life or more on grinding without rest. Frankly, we realised that too late, after the Mermaid City trip. For me, it was obvious we would part our ways eventually.

[What an interesting story this was, though without an actual goal. It is true, each one of them created a character,

but rather than being themselves like Oddia, they pretended to be someone who they wanted to become. How silly of them.]

We weave our lives like yesterday didn’t matter—the second we wake up we forget what we were doing before we went to sleep. It's not like we necessarily don't care about ourselves, but rather the daily life is repetitive and not worth remembering. Each new day we still do the same things, but in our hearts something is lingering, the desire to experience an adventure. This is why we have dreams, and why we want to believe that by some means, be it a god or a video game, they will come true.

[But alas, when you become a fictional character, when you write your own story, do you experience any change in the end?

Be it known to others, that is a trap. The only path of change that’s potent is one which includes loss. You must offer something,

to others from yourself, in order to receive the piece that will make you complete. Yes, being a free-to-play player...

We probably made a mistake choosing her, but we had a lot of hope. Regardless, do take note from this experiment at least.]

I’m turning like high twenty something today, and this mundane life has been video games and meeting friends online so far. No longer can I now have fun, not only due work but to my tiredness. Maybe I'm growing old...but I feel like standing in place. To move again I need to give something out to the world, create a higher value, or influence someone so I can become at peace. But my existence won't change over day, not with my current pace. I need to jump higher, or at least from a different angle.

[Yes, she is yet to know the sky. Should it be said that we did at least partially succeed, maybe?

I mean, do you know a better way to spend our time? Since without force there is no direction.]

=== The End