Part XVI: The Broken Prince

By Nilas Arobar, Son of Miner Arobar

Everything hurts. Everything. Every breath, every muscle movement, everything—but I am alive and that—that is the greatest gift of all. Gandosa has come a few times to check on me and she keeps asking about what happened and I wish she wouldn’t. The things that happened out there—they’re things she has no need to hear about. The Trials themselves were harrowing. I barely got through them with my life, but what happened after—when they swarmed me as I was crawling out of the deepest levels—those are the things that I can’t forget. They are the cacoethic thoughts crawling inside my skull like a thousand spiders and no matter how much I try to quiet them—there is no end to them. There is no escape. Just the constant—reminders. Gandosa can tell. She can tell something’s wrong, but she doesn’t know what and she keeps trying to pry and I just want her to stop. Just stop. There are some things she just doesn’t need to hear and what they did to me—those are the things I don’t want anyone to hear. I dare not even write the abuses I suffered because it—it makes them—real. I know it doesn’t make much sense, but—I don’t know how else to phrase it. It just—I can’t. They may skitter inside my head but I will not let them manifest into the real world—I won’t! I refuse!

On a different note, Uncle Athyn has been keeping a watchful vigil over me since I woke up yesterday. He is here before I wake up and here after I fall asleep and he has been—talking—to me, although talking doesn’t really feel like the right word. Interrogating. He’s been very fishing in his questions and I can tell that he, like Gandosa, wants to know exactly what happened, but there’s something different about Uncle Athyn. There’s something behind his eyes I never really saw before. Hurt. He carries a jovial smile and an aura of calm, but for the first time in my life, I see that it’s something of a façade—a mask. He wears it well. So well. But for the first time, I can see past it and I can see the man beneath it—a man who feels just like I do right now and I think has for a very long time. But I just—I just don’t know he does it. How he maintains that façade so well when I’m sitting here in this bed rotating between fits of rage and absolute emotional collapse. He doesn’t get angry or upset at my instability though. He just sits there in silence and listens as I scream out my lust for vengeance and watches as it turns into sobbing.

He finally had the directness to ask me what happened a little bit ago and I tried to speak, but—I froze. I tried to speak, not because I wanted to—but because—it’s different with Uncle Athyn than it is with Gandosa or really anyone else. I can’t explain it, but—when I look at him and peer into his eyes—I see hurt. Maybe not the same kind as what I went through at the place they called Ramimilk, but—he is no stranger to what I’m feeling. To the helplessness. To the horror. To the hatred. ALMSIVI forgive me for my hatred, but it festers in my heart and the heat of it radiates like that of an infected wound. The Temple preaches mercy, but my heart doesn’t have that function right now—there is no capacity for mercy—not for them. Not for them after what they did! I want to kill them! I want to run them through on my spear one by one and I want to hear them beg! I want them to beg for their lives! I WANT TO WATCH THEM SUFFER AS THEY MADE ME SUFFER! But I can’t hurt them. My body is still recovering and it could be weeks before I have the chance to get my vengeance and by then, they could be gone. I just—I just hope I get the chance to find them—especially Evos.

I want them all to suffer, but Evos Tharen—Evos beg for his master to cut him free of the mortal coil, but the Third Corner won’t be so quick to do that. No. The King of Rape will enjoy watching his little pawn endure as I did! But Evos, you—you fetcher—you are lucky, I’m not an animal like you. I will hurt you. I will break you. But no matter how much I hate you—no matter how much I want you to suffer—I will never do the things that you and your monsters did to me! Never! NEVER!

BUT I WILL KILL YOU!

I WILL KILL YOU ALL!

I SWEAR IT ON MY LIFE AND EVERYTHING I LOVE! I WILL KILL YOU!