Chapter Thirty

Jessica was screaming. She was trying to break free from the chair even if she knew she couldn’t. Her eyes were of true desperation, with the only glint light of hope fading away into darkness.

“No Andrew! Andrew! Can you hear me Andrew? No! No! I’m Jessica! ANDREW!”

I ignored her.The gun was tight in my hands. My perfectly calm and still hands.

“What are you doing Andrew? Can’t you recognize me?”

I turned around and looked at Roger. He didn’t give me any orders to pull the trigger yet. My head was too dizzy to decipher that command myself. The only thing that didn’t require thinking was to talk back, so I chose that.

“You are a dangerous human.” My voice was flat, like I didn’t care what was about to happen.

“So are you! You are also human!”

I was still waiting for the order to shoot, but Roger didn’t give the command yet. Instead he was talking to a medic.

“Unlock her cuffs.” Roger pointed towards Jessica.

“What? With all respect sir, are you kidding me?” Not only the scientist said this, but the me in the present is thinking the same thing inside the Reader. Why unlock the cuffs?

“Do it.”

“But… He might just take her and run away!”

“His condition is under perfect control.”

“But…”

“This is the seventeenth day of injection already. He is under control.”

Day 17.

My thoughts in the memory suddenly turned so turbulent that there wasn’t much room for me to hold another thought in reality. So I can only spectate in the Reader now.

The medic didn’t argue back and unlocked Jessica’s cuffs.

Jessica ran towards me and pulled me into a tight hug, but I just stood there like a lamppost - motionless and emotionless.

“Andrew. Please. Tell me it was all an act.” Jessica was pleading and praying. I didn’t know if it was to me or to herself.

Since Roger didn’t give me the order, I didn’t have to shoot her. My sedated brain could still work these simple things out. About basic justice and everything.

I stared at her with blank, empty eyes. Being so close to her allowed me to remember some things. I felt familiar staring into the deep eyes and touching the smooth skin.

“Je… Jessica?” The drugs seemed to be wearing off a bit by the presence of Jessica right next to me. I could start to remember some things.

“Yes! I’m Jessica! What is happening to you?”

Now my thoughts became a little bit more active, and it felt like ten thousand pairs of eyes piercing every part of me, staring right into my soul. Every bit of my cover seemed to be stripped away by this drug. What was left of me was only the inner parts of me, the areas of my most valuable memories and the darkest secrets that I didn’t want anyone to encroach upon. But that was exactly what they did.

It wasn’t just about me here. This girl standing in front of me. Every bit of her seemed so familiar, like a dream you could recall with the vaguest contour, but as you advanced into more minor images, the whole substance vanished. I stroked her hair lightly. This feel. This texture. I could link it back somewhere. I experienced this sense before. But when? But where?

And where was I now? I rotated my head a little bit. Roger was still standing there, observing everything while whispering occasionally with the medic. Roger. He was the king, the god of my history. He was the one telling me what to do. I obeyed only to him. But why? Why did I obey to him? Defiance was so hard though. I couldn’t think; I couldn’t plan; I could only execute orders. Like a machine. A killing machine.

“Jessica…” I repeated these words. I couldn’t tell how I came here or what I was doing. I couldn’t even remember who I was. But this word seemed to carry a meaning, a very special meaning, and just by repeating this words I could find some comfort in this violent reality.

Was the drug wearing off or was I becoming stronger?

I regained a bit more consciousness. The world became more real to me. The walls. The arena. The chair. Jessica. The vision in front of me suddenly blurred, but cleared again. Was my body fighting against the drug?

“Yes, it’s me. And you are Andrew.” Jessica began whispering in a low voice. Her voice was the guiding star among all these mists of chaos.

“Are you… real?” She floated so distant like a reverie, then came close again, like an angel who came close when your soul called out.

Her beautiful almond eyes were my only beacon - the only light in the endless dark that was trying to devour me up and take control of my body. I could only keep my eyes fixed on that light. The world began turning under my feet. I staggered and tried to keep balance, but my eyes were remained connected to hers.

“Yes. Real.” Her eyes sparkled for a second, and a bead of tears glided down her cheeks. Her fear and terror transformed into sorrow. It was hard for her to see me losing the memories of us. The memories were everything.

I was about to say something more, but before the words could escape my mouth, Jessica blocked it with a long emotional kiss.

The kiss was a spell — a spell that undid the curse.

But life wasn’t a fairy tale. The state of amnesia still haunted me. Moreover, the consequence of fighting the drug surfaced. The world began spinning around me. The floor came up and then sinked down. The standard geometric squares on the walls were twisted into distorted shapes. At the same time, fragmented memories hit my brain. Memories of who I used to be before the seventeen days of drug therapy. I felt seconds, or only milliseconds, of the past swarming up inside me. I saw what I had seen. I heard what I had heard. I felt what I had felt.

The next second, my mortal body couldn’t take it anymore. It was too much.

“Get up on you feet, soldier!”

If Jessica’s eyes were the beacon of angel’s lights that lighted up my way in the dark and led me through the fog, then Roger’s order was the discordance of demon’s laugh that devoured all other things around me and left me with only the target. Both were attention-catching.

I was still tight in Jessica’s arms. They didn’t bother separating us two.

“Shoot her now!”