《It's hard being the fourth wheel in a love triangle》Interlude: To me my otherworldly self

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It feels like the 12 years old Ayva has just woken up from a long dream. In the dream, there was a man talking to him, however, it seems so far away, so far, far away. It feels exactly like a dream.

A grown man with strange outfit and kind eyes was looking back at the childish Ayva. The eyes were oh so familiar, Ayva realizes that it was the eyes that he saw in the mirror everyday. It was the eyes of a man who share the same soul as Ayva.

The man suddenly started speaking.

"I am an actor. Before I became an actor, I was a boxer.

Before I was an actor, I was a boy who idolized Sugar Ray Leonard. I wanted to become a boxer so that one day, I could stand on stage and be like him. However, it was shortlived.

When I was 26, I was unbeatable. I talked a lot of shit but my record can back it up. In all of my 31 professional fights until that point in my life, I have won all of them. The Russian was just another step on my ways to be the GOAT of boxing. However, I never lived that down.

I got my ass beat for the first time in my career as a boxer. Knocked out cold in the ring with a left hook.

After that, I retired and realize I was only in it for the fame and the money.

I tried to be a role model for the kids, I was probably a gullible fuckers too for believing in all of that crap. In my entire career, I tried to stay clean. No drugs, no alcohol, no whoring. I am clean like Mr. Clean in a white shirt.

After that match, I was washed up and depressed for a year. Then, I came to Hollywood. It was not because of my lost that sent me there. No, it was because of the realization that I just like the fame and the money. I try staying Mr. Clean because people would praise me in the headline no matter how much shits I were talking about my opponent. After realizing that I was just an attention whore, I moved to Hollywood to try and make a career.

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However, no matter how much effort I put in my acting, people would always see me as 'that guy who coat on his rep as a boxer and can't act'. Well, it was true, but I did try. For some reason, I thought of myself as a modern day Arnold, and stick to cheesy action flicks. I starred in a few blockbuster however, I was the villain in the rest. The typecasting sticks, and I was relegated to the cheesy tough guy role.

I try to stay clean in Hollywood too, no drugs, no booze, no debauchery. It was hard. There was a time when there was a very persistent director who wanted to pay me to fuck his old hag of wife while he watched, and he made my life hell for a while, no roles at all during that period.

When I turned 35, the mid life crisis hit. I came to the realization that I have never managed to accomplish anything I wanted in this life. Thinking back, it was stupid, I probably achieved more than most living human can speak of. However, it was not enough for me, I never lived up to my own expectation.

I regretted a lot of thing. Probably what I regretted the most was that I didn't live like a superstar because of my role model delusion. I mean I could have fucked a bitch or two and got her pregnant and got on TMZ the next day because of a scandal. I mean shit, I have never done coke. I regretted not blowing all of my bank account on debauchery. Shit there was a few orgies I could have gone too when I was still hot shit.

And that was when I died. Depressed because I was reduced to a C-list actor who is only typecast, and that I have never achieved my dream of making it big, I bought all the drugs. Cocaine and vodka becomes a kind of cocktail.

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It was not a suicide attempt mind you, I was just high out of my mind. Then I got in a car. I lost control of the car and crashed into a telephone pole, snapping my spine in half.

That is my life. I have a lot of regrets. Would you make the same mistakes as I did?"

The man just keeps on talking, repeating words. It is like he is an apparition of something that was. At that moment, Ayva asks him

"Uh, do you have any games that you played?"

The man says something, however, slowly, the 12 years old Ayva woke up from that long dream.

For some reasons, even though he felt distant from the dream, he started crying. However, Ayva realizes that while the man in the dream was his past life, he is not him.

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