Chap 13: In your heart it shall rages on

"It's has stopped expanding" Gas said as we hole ourselves in one of the many classrooms. Looking at me, he says softly "I'm sorry about your friend" Something I didn't know he is capable of, maybe that was why it sounded so… strange. But his concern seems false seeing how fast he wrote of Akihiko as… dead.

He only gives me a few moments to rest, however. Soon Gas reaches over to take the painting behind my back.

"What are you doing!" I recoiled in surprise.

"I need it, the painting behind your back" He said, still with his gentle tone.

"But why?" I said "It is just a normal painting!" I tried to fool him but my voice was too shaken.

Gas looks at me for few moment, his hand slightly moves forward. I feel like he would yank Dorian away from me and I won't be able to fight back. The man, however, puts down his hand and decides to convince me instead.

"That girl, Aoi was dead. Kitamura said so in his journal, but I know she is alive. Your late… Akihiko said that someone was brought back from the dead. He never told me who but it's not difficult to pierce that two information together" For some reason, I feel like this is not him giving me his reason, this is Gas giving me a choice "Something brought her back, I can only deduce it to be an apparition. Akihiko knew about it but he didn't tell me, he was also oblivious of the other apparitions on this island. So, this one is someone new, perhaps, something Ishmael who has been following this case for years don't know of. It must also be powerful enough to go against the rot. By the letter we learnt that a painting managed to seal that thing, so an apparition of that kind would fit the bill. Next, both you and Akihiko knew who revived that girl and you are carrying a covered canvas. It doesn't take Sherlock Holmes to connect the dot, O'Brien"

At the end, the man stressed at my family name, something I don't hear often here at all. His voice is still sweet but that was a threat no doubt. My intuition is correct, this is a choice. Whether I 'get' convinced or he will just take it away by force.

But still, I don't want this, not at all… "What are you going to do?" I asked weakly.

"Isn't it obvious, I want to seal off this storm" Gas immediately cut to the chase "Look outside, it is still trying to get out whatever is holding it back. I could make it and get off this island but what about others here, this thing will consume them as well"

I couldn't say anything to refute this at all. Guess there is no other choice, I reach behind to get the painting. Before I could hand it over, however, I could hear something.

"No…" A weak protest… coming from me "No, no, NO!"

No I can't do it. Holding the painting tight I back up against the wall. I have lost everyone I care about here, first Yuuko then Akihiko. I haven't known Dorian for long but it is enough, I can't let him go as well. I don't know what will happen to him, he is already damaged, I don't know if he can hold on.

Knowing retaliation, I close my eyes in anticipation.

…

…

…

"That's not true at all" I… could somehow, hear something in my mind. A familiar voice, it's… Dorian "What about Aoi?" He asked.

"She is just a meddlesome girl, I don't…"

"But didn't you make a promise, for her…"

"… To have a peaceful high school life, I know"

"Besides, can you truly say that you don't care about her at all?"

"I… that… I can't"

"Then what about Azumi? What about her?"

"I only know her for a day, how could I care!"

"Then are you fine then, with leaving her to be consumed by this storm?"

"…"

"You know what it's like, to be swallowed by the rot. You have experience it firsthand. Are you fine then, with leaving those you know, the students, the teachers, the people here to that fate. Knowing full well they can't filter the horror out like you"

"… But I…"

"I know to you, Yuuko and Akihiko are the most important people on this island. But you have made so many memories here with so many others, even during these past 7 days. Are you ready to let them end just to like that?"

"I… can't. I don't want anyone to die, to suffer… including you as well. I… don't know what to do"

"Everything will be fine, I promise. You need to open your eyes first though"

After a moment of silence, I comply. Opening my eyes, I am confronted be a person most hideous, enough to bring tears to me. On that Sunday, Dorian drew most of the rot power to help us sneak away, to hide Aoi away. However, the result is something I know too well, his perceptions are now tainted from staring into the abyss and with them, the painting and Dorian himself.

His magnificent coat soon turned greyish and ragged, molded start to appear all over. The man pristine skin started to rot, to burn, to be torn apart to reveal the fetid flesh within. His hair withered and its brilliance yellow was replaced by a most depressing stain. The rot also managed to strike him, staining his hand with red spots of blood. Once, Dorian was such a beauty that even my heart would flutter with just a glance. Now he is no more than a revolting sight to behold and my filter refused to work here, I could no longer see him as a person. And so, I covered up the painting, even to Akihiko.

I never could understand how he felt, however, despite us both being tainted. Maybe because the man was such a pure and innocent being compared to the already twisted and heartless me. And to see someone like being soiled, it hurts.

Now, here he is once again standing in front of me. The man… The thing was still loathsome — more loathsome, if possible, than before — and the scarlet dew that spotted the hand seemed brighter, and more like blood newly spilt.

Behind him is Gas holding a pistol to the apparition sudden appearance. Dorian slowly unveils his picture to the cautious man "Don't worry, I am here to help" He said "I believe I could do it, seal the storm away I mean"

"Are you sure?" Gas asked with great concern.

"Yes, but the paintings need to be replaced, I need to go to where she used to be. And… I am not sure I could make it there by myself" Dorian continued with sadness in his voice "As you can see I am already tainted, I would be swallowed whole. There are… things hidden in the torrent, they are waiting to drag me in, I could feel them"

Gas looks at me to confirm what the man said, I give him a nod. I can see that he wants something more concrete, but the situation is not really allowing it. He decides to risk it "Fine, I will go with you then"

"I will go too" I chimed in, wanting to see the end of this.

"No you stay" Gas is not allowing it, however.

"I will be fine, I am already used to the rot"

To my surprise, the man kneels in front of me and puts his hands firmly on both of my shoulders "I know, but you are used to it doesn't mean you have to endure it anymore. These past days must have been horrifying for you. So now, just stay here, let the adult handles the job"

I want to object but am still surprise by his gentle gesture. I can hear it in his voice even through the muffling that… he cares.

"You have no idea how much of a mess you are looking like right now. Let's just say, quite bad." He continued and patted on my ruffled head. We don't really have a mirror here and even if we do, I don't know if what I see will be real or not. But still, I trust him.

"Ok" I muttered. In the background, Dorian is nodding in approval.

"Here you go" Gas turned over his pistol and hands it to me. Compared to his double-barrelled gun, the black side arm looks rather futuristic.

"What is this?" I asked nervously.

The man gives a straight answer "A Heckler and Koch USP tactical, completed with a suppressor, pistol sight and laser!"

"You know that is not what I meant…"

"I know, figure you want a joke to lighten up a bit" He continued "Anyway, this is to defend yourself in case anything comes up. It is chambered with .45 ACP so the recoil will be a bit mean but I am sure you will be able to handle that"

I clumsily accept the weapon, it feels so much more reliable to have compare to the one I had in the old library. Gas looks at how I hold it for a few seconds, seemed satisfied he then talks a bit about the safety lock.

Then, the two leave in a hurry and to my dismay, Dorian doesn't even turn around to say goodbye. And so I seat by myself in the empty room, fiddling with my weapon. Ah, I am so used to having the painting behind my back that now without it, my balance is slightly off.

Outside the window, the storm is still raging overlapping even the school building. But it shows no sign of entering anymore, as if where I am is the eye of the storm.

Before my mind could wander to undesirable territories I could hear Dorian's voice.

"President, can you hear me?"

"You could still talk to me, even when we are apart?"

"Yes, I am growing stronger and stronger every second out here, it's the storm… Come to think of it, President, do you what is it exactly?"

"You mean… this is the rot, is it not?"

"Yes and no, President. I finally realise, the rot and the murderer are different entities. The former is simply the product of the later"

"Wait, if that is the case… what is the rot exactly?"

"Do you truly want to know?"

"… Yes"

"They are cries. This storm is mostly made by those who died by the hand of the murderer. But I can feel among them are the original rot, I don't know how they die but it must have been horrifying. In fact, it is so terrible that their pains linger on, clinging onto one another. Perhaps they seek solace in the company of another"

"But… aren't all of them in pain?"

"Correct, because of that, they cling to each other forcefully, desperately trying to lessen their suffering. But alas, it only made matter worse. Together the pain is amplified, so much so they were all consumed, it warped their mind, tainted their perceptions"

"…"

"As a congregation, they desperately seek others, living people in a false hope to sooth their pain. Ah, all those innocents, suddenly swept away by an avalanche of agony. I could feel their confusion, their regrets, their broken hearts and broken minds. But then it stopped, the scourge"

"How, how was it stopped?"

"It was due to one man"

"What!"

"He was among them, the original rots but unlike them, he didn't succumb to pain. So instead of suffering, it was will that he was made manifested. I… I think I know him…"

"How so? Did you remember anything?"

"No, but the rot recognised me as… one of their tormenters, one that fell under that man hand"

"That… I don't know what happened but that must be the original Dorian. That wasn't you, I believe so!"

"Thanks, President. Anyway, where was I. Ah, the man, he had taken all of them in him, harnessing them. Soon after that, the slaughters began. The man murdered people after people, wiping them from this world somehow. I don't know why would someone do such a thing but he was the murderer. It was his grip, his hands that strangled Aoi. The seal, it was all for him. But over time, it must have weakened, allowing him to take over Yu… the host…"

"It's alright… I'm fine, you can continue"

"All those he killed, they are consumed by the congregation, the rot. They grew and grew, turning into this raging storm of agony. But they are held under man control and he suppressed them, hiding them from the world. Now, the seal is fading away and the spirits have escaped but he is still partly trapped. But even then, his will is still powerful enough to keep them from spilling out, to contain them here"

"What exactly does he want then, this murderer?"

"I don't know but one thing I am sure of. If he is released the killing will continue"

"NO! I can't let that happen!"

"Don't worry, President. I am already on it, remember? You won't have to do a thing"

"That… thanks, Dorian"

"No problem…"

"…"

"President, there is still more, it's about what happened to you"

"You mean, my corrupted perceptions?"

"Yes, it's because you are… a kind and open person"

"That… doesn't make any sense at all"

"Oh yes it does, you see, even sealed the rot still tries to reach out. But then the people have closed their heart, themselves. Maybe it was because of the spirits constant beckoning I wonder. Only the kindest, most open-minded here can feel a smidgen of the calling, but to them it is just a passing sensation"

"…"

"But then you came, you heeded their call, their cries for help. Because you are accepting that they could reach you. Then you started to give deeper, eventually enough to connect with them. It helped you to see through their eyes, hear through their ears, sense through their distorted senses. And the day after, that horrible urge of yours to kill yourself? That was their plea for you, the only who could 'see' them, to end it all. To deliver them all from this life of eternal suffering"

"That certainly didn't turn out well"

"True that"

"I… I don't know how to feel about that really. But…"

"But?"

"But I am sure that one day, I will return for you. That I promise"

"I… I believe you, thanks President. Since there isn't much time left, I want to say something. I am grateful for what you have done for me. I am thankful of the things I could experience because of you"

"They aren't much at all, this world… there is still so much more to do, to see, to experience"

"I'm sure there are, maybe one day I would be able to see them all but now, I am content… Goodbye, President"

"… Goodbye, Dorian. We will see each other again"

…

…

…

There is silence follows by even more silence. I open my eyes again to see the empty classroom. I could feel nothing but emptiness. As if I have lost something important, once again. Soon that feeling is followed up by an overwhelming sadness. I can't help to be reduced to tears, I am truly a mess.

Standing up, I make my way outside, I want to escape this empty place. I know the building is now desolate save for the still raging storm. Yet I still try regardless.

However, in a hallway, someone is already out there waiting for me.

It's a tall man, impossibly tall, he is dressed in tatters. His black hair is messy and dead. He looks up to me and I could see them. Two black holes where his eyes supposed to be, but that is not the most shocking. His lips and eyelids are all cut off, there is a long cut from the edges of his mouth to both ears. It reveals his toothless inside, still stained black with dried blood.

Taking a closer look, his body seems to also suffer. The arms and legs have incisions running along, all of his flesh seemed to be sucked out of the body. All of his joints also have metal rods piercing through. The man walks toward me and I feel as if his body will fall apart any time soon.

Around his waist is an old piece of white cloth filled with countless red stitches. It also held onto what seems like an uchigatana with its blade broken in half.

He seems familiar, this broken man. Soon, I realise who he is. The mark on Aoi's neck, the person holding the sword for Yuuko, it is him. Panicked, I draw my gun straight at him but couldn't pull the trigger. How could I, against this shell of a man, he is naught but a hollow. Before I know it, however, he is already in front of me. As he starts to move his hand I pointed the gun at his head. But all he does is to take something from his back. Something I somehow missed.

It's… a burnt canvas.

There is no mistake, I can feel it, it's her. Dropping the gun, I take the painting. The moment I touch its burnt surface. Suddenly in me there is a surge of suppressed emotions and memories. It's of the time we are together, it's of the time we are apart, it's of the time we are forever separated. All of them just mashed together, creating an explosion of feelings.

[I love you]

Sadness, happiness, doubt, pain, loneliness, warmth… I appreciate the time we had but because of them I am now in pain. Everything keeps on swirling within me, creating a torrent of emotions. It drowns out everything else, even the storm raging just outside. Soon I found myself swept along with its current.

[I hate you]

The man is gone. Here I am walking through the corridor in tears with a pained grin on my face.

I used to be a heartless bastard. I used to be uncaring, cold and callous. But then I was shaken to my core, I decided to change. It was tough but I changed alright. I tried to accept all that the world has and I learnt to care. But then my desire to connect was what tied my fate with the rot. Because of it, I went through so much agonies, suffering that the old me wouldn't even register. But also because of it, I experienced so many wonderful feelings, so many flavours of love.

In the end, after enduring all these pains do all the wonderful memories shine even brighter. And remembering them I can't stop smiling.

[I love you]

But there was one thing that Dorian was wrong. I know you were never possessed, you were never taken over. To me, you were and still the most dazzling of all. I have watched you so much I have memorised everything about you. Your every detail is imprinted deep in my mind so I can tell that was you. The person who faced me in the old library was you, that was why I lived, because you hesitated, because you loved me.

It was the reverse, you were using him, the murderer. You wield his skill, his movement, his posture and everything but behind all those cloaks and daggers it was still you. It was you who killed Aoi, it was you who killed Kitamura. I don't know why but I know it was all you. That is why I am now in pain, it is all you.

[I hate y…

No, even after all that I still can't come to hate you…

"I love you, Yuuko"

I said to myself in the dark hallway, where no one is listening, or maybe everyone is. I can feel something lifting but it is not enough. Here I am, still being torn apart by all these emotions. The storm within me still rages on. And so I scream, loud and clear, enough to feel my throat bursting.

"I LOVE YOU, YUUKO!... I still do"

What follows next is a strange feeling of calmness, is this… acceptance… Looking down, the ashes have fallen of, its content forever gone. Underneath is a pristine canvas, pure and indestructible.

Looking to my side to the drawing room. Now that I am here, might as well.

I go inside and set everything up, mix some paints. Then with a sigh of relief, I started to paint, a truly original piece of my own. I paint on and on, not caring of the countless spirits just outside the window. I can only deal with one storm and it is one within me. But at least now, there is only one emotion raging on fierce and strong.