Chapter 8: I think…

I am suddenly awakened by the sound of someone knocking on the door. Huh, how did I get into my bed in the first place? The room is also sparkling clean as well, the trash taken out. On the floor is Dorian lying on my blanket, his head rests on a neatly folded shirt.

"Wait a bit" I yelled at the door and rushed in the bathroom for a speed brush and face washing.

Opening the door, I am greeted by Aoi in a rather unusual attire, for her at least. The girl would normally wear a variety of blouses accompanied by miniskirts or shorts. But here she is in a jersey and track bottoms. Her usual well done hair is now tied behind, they are still very well-kept and fluffy though.

"Good morning" I greeted her, trying to look as clear-headed as humanly possible.

"Good morning, President~" Aoi replied "Your uniform is still wet you know"

Ah, my collar is drenched and it belongs to clothing I have worn for two days no less. The moment she leaves this is immediately coming off.

"What the!" The girl is startled by another man in the room who is also waking up.

"Ah, it's Aoi, good morning!" The man said, rubbing his tired eyes.

"That voice… Dorian!" Grasping for breath, the girl is surprised to see her mysterious companion for the first time. She walks past me to his side "It… it's really you!"

Aoi reaches out her arm but soon retracts it in hesitation. Her face full of contemplations, the girl twitches slightly. In the end, she couldn't hold it in anymore and give the man a pinch.

"Sorry… I just…" Aoi stuttered for words.

Dorian is understanding though "Don't worry, I don't really mind this"

"Really?"

"Really" The man replied in the sincerest of tone.

"Then can I?" The girl asked nervously her other arm starting to rise. She is met with an approving nod. With all stops pulled, Dorian finds both of his cheek being pinched by the confused girl. Her feeling is currently a mess but she finally settles on happy.

"Anyway, what are you doing here?" I asked Aoi.

"Just a visit perhaps?" The girl answered rather sarcastically, a jarring tone shift from her previous pinching session "Oh well, I am here to report on my finding, Pre-si-dent~" She said, sitting down on the floor.

"Oh, so you went to the Paranormal Activity club (official) then?"

"Yep and didn't find much at all!" Aoi said with a straight face.

"Ok then… Even among all the old notebooks?"

"About that, the new members put all of them in storage. The room is instead filled with their trash now" The girl sighed "But I managed to find one notebook hidden in a secret compartment"

"Such a thing exists?"

"Yep, it took me a whole of yesterday morning to dig it out!" Bending backward, Aoi stretched her back. I can hear a small crackling sound "Only a part of it is filled but… well you should take a look yourself"

The girl hands over a plain looking notebook. The first thing that catch my attention is the incredibly neat hand-writing, I even mistook it for typing at first. Every similar letter has the exact same shape, down the smallest detail, the smallest curve. This IS typing level. In this notebook are reports which is curiously signed by the alphabet letter G. There are others mentioned in this, all of them are referred to as a single letter as well. The rest is written in flawless kanji.

"Whoever written this certainly has talent~" Aoi made a side comment.

"No this is much more" I refuted the girl. With this memory, I can overlay the images and compare the individual letter together "Even expert has slight difference when writing the same symbol several times. Even then they tend to use a simple style more akin to typing. But this person, who is probably female judging from the handwriting, uses her own style which is rather whimsical. Yet every similar letter is completely identical!"

"You sound impressed, President!"

"Of course" Much more than usual even. Such an unbelievable ability, it's evident just lying around like this. Although to me, there is a greater implication to this discovery though.

Infer from Aoi reaction, I can tell this is related to the rot. If so, that is the second person with impossible skill who is involved with this. Don't really want to brag but the first one is me by the way. Maybe this is unrelated but my gut tells me otherwise. Huh, now that is something I am starting to rely more on recently.

Perhaps this is also a Grey, after all my family have another branch. Although for the longest time I have no idea because of their secrecy. Going as far as hiding our current family name O'Brien.

Ugh, just thinking about them make my blood boil!

Back to the notebook, the first few pages just talk about club activities through the author G. There is certainly a lot of playing around. They also mention discussions and reviewing data but none is recorded here. The others are denoted as B, T and M which is curious seeing that 4 people aren't enough for an official club. After further reading, apparently, T is a teacher which docks the number down to 3. From the looks of it, they do seem official (unlike us), an exception perhaps?

The next to final note catch my interest though.

19/2/92

Tomorrow we will visit Ryūjin-sama once again. Too bad this time we didn't manage to find anything on that Hitobashira. I was rather bumped out by it but the others cheered me on. This is still our first year after and yet we have found so much. According to Hitotsume-chan, to be aware of the apparitions, much less finding them all like us were unheard of.

Everyone wants to slow down though. Hitobashira (人柱, meaning: human pillar) is the last one after all, there is no need to rush. No one said it but I can tell, they all wish this search would go nowhere. I can understand that very well and a part of me feel the same. After all, we met and became friends through these oddities. What would happen when everything comes to an end. I'm not afraid though, this bond of ours won't break that easily!

So I must do this, to free the people from his reign once and for all. We will prove that Hitobashira exists and banished his influence somehow. Ryūjin-sama himself is already much stronger, combined with everyone else he won't stand a chance!

-G

"The date format" I commented out loud.

"So you noticed it as well, President~"

Inching closer, Dorian takes a closer look "So this happened 15 years ago. What's wrong with it"

"When denoting date, we use this format, year then month then day. Meanwhile the date here is the opposite!" I explained "This plus the use of alphabet letters… Maybe this person isn't Japanese?"

Also, who are these people, these apparitions that are mentioned? Do… Did they even exist? There is nothing more that we can find out seeing that the final note is written in another language. It also uses the alphabet but isn't anything we can identified, or at least I can't. The individual letters in this are still the exact similar like before but it is signed by a Helena. Is this G, an English name out of nowhere?

"It's in Latin, took me the whole afternoon to look that up" Aoi said, flicking her hand "Still couldn't decipher it though"

On this island, computer is such an oddity and internet is non-existent. She must have poured a lot of time and effort into this. That's why I come to her for help in the first place anyway. Despite her usual cheerful and somewhat air-headed manner, the girl is nothing but thorough.

"I will try to find a dictionary at least then" I said, wanting to contribute. While Aoi was doing all those work I was lazing around eating dagashi. The President should actually do some work! Reading through this again, a detail catches my eyes "This final note is dated 23/2/92!"

"That was a Sunday" Dorian commented casually. From Aoi surprised face I can infer that was correct. Knowing her, she must have crossed check the date beforehand. But still, he could instantly calculate that instantly and with such ease.

Of course, I also notice signs of ripped papers "So some are missing"

"Not really" Aoi said, giving me the last few pages "These were also in the secret compartment"

Yup, there are enough here to fill in the missing days.

20/2/92

Cogito ergo sum.

-Helena

That was a short page I thought. The next page is also the same. The one after that, however, is certainly concerning. Filled with ink, the content is literary ripping on the tattered paper.

22/2/92

CogITo

erGo

SUm

-heLEnA

The sizes are all off, the composition is also wrong. And yet, even in this stage, the individual letters themselves are still so perfectly written. Taking a closer look, I manage to find something even more chilling. The ink covering this page is actually words, sentences so numerous. All of them as distorted yet eerily orderly like the rip. The content is of course still the same, that three words.

Cogito ergo sum.

Was this Helena compelled to write these words or were they a reminder of sort? By what, who, how? Are all of this related to the rot even, Aoi seems to be convinced of that. After all, how many paranormal beings are there even on this island. Maybe it is this elusive Hitobashira or something else.

"What are you guys doing?" Sitting down next to us, Azumi asked.

"Just looking through some clues" Aoi answered in frustration as this brings even more questions. That's when I notice something crucial, something urgent that is starring straight at us.

"Azumi you are still here! Where did you even come from!"

Aoi recoils in surprise and tries to hide herself… somehow to no avail of course. She is now all flustered, my guess is that she doesn't want to show this 'un-cute' sight of her. Although I do find her reaction now plentily cute. Saying that out loud would be a different matter though.

At least Azumi doesn't seem to be surprised by her friend's attire at all. She is wearing her shirt and skirt combo again, all fresh from the wash. Even the black sheer tights are back, I did remember seeing a few spares in her backpack though. Looking at us, the girl answers my question.

"I just came out of a bath, sorry about that though. I wanted to ask but you were sleeping so soundly"

"Eh, it's alright, I don't mind really" I truly don't, she did take a shower here after all. Also, she must have been the one to clean the room and dump the trashes for me… "Wait, then when I went into the bathroom earlier…"

"I was there! I even waved but you didn't really reply" Azumi said casually.

I was that unaware of my surrounding! True that this is my place but still. Besides, there are still all these papers lying around. I need to do something to divert attention away from them, especially that black mangy page. A plan appears in my mind and in just a moment I am now on the ground.

"What is the President doing?" Asked a curious Dorian who is poking at me.

"That my boy, is what you call a dogeza!" Azumi pushed up her non-existent glasses and explained to the clueless man "But oh my, President your form is wonderful!"

Meanwhile, Aoi is looking at us with so many questions right now. Most of her attention is now currently focused on Dorian though, whose clueless attitude is rather different from what she had imagined. She still remembered to gather the papers and hide them out of sight.

It's still too late though "Cogito ergo sum huh?" Azumi murmured to herself.

"So you saw that. It was just a stupid riddle so pay it no mind" Aoi covered our track with some frankly very convincing acting. If I didn't know any better, I would be fooled.

"So what was the riddle?" Asked Azumi who seems to believe the lie.

"Oh, it is to translate that… Yeh, that girl sure doesn't know what a riddle actually is!" Aoi giggled cutely. Her transition to the usual fluffy self is the smoothest I have ever seen.

"Um… I think I can translate… I think"

"Are you sure, it's in Latin you know! Anyway, I am going to town for a bit, want to come?" My newest club member diverted the flow as much as she can and it succeeded.

"Ok" Azumi answered merrily "I guess it's time to leave now. It was fun playing with you two!"

"Agh, see you again" Both me and Dorian replied at the same time. We turn and look at each other awkwardly as the two girls giggle.

Behind they leave completely though, Azumi remembers something "Oh that phrase, I know what it means now!"

"What!" This has of course attracted all of our attention.

The girl tilts her head to the side, confirming her thought. While we don't expect much the possibility of her answer actually correct is still there. After a few moments, Azumi finally said with confident.

"I think, therefore I am! It is the first part of Principia philosophiae by René Descartes!"

Inserting the key, I open the old and cumbersome lock to the old library. Yuuko isn't in during the weekend seeing that her parents are very strict. At least she gave me spare keys for the place.

I enter the place which is usually so warm and welcoming. But now without Yuuko, the sheer size, the maze of bookcases and the gothic design really send chills down my spine. I can see now why people don't really frequent the place. At least thanks to that, I can have more time with my lovely girlfriend.

Thinking about that word, 'girlfriend', seems to struck a nerve within me. Why am I remembering my ex now, probably because I was thinking about the other family branch earlier. At least this time I can get rid of her images easily by super-imposing Yuuko all over them.

I make my way to the club room (unofficial) and put the wrapped painting down. Before I could remove the cover, however, Dorian appears beside me.

"So you can project yourselves even with this covered up" That wasn't a new discovery, just a self-reminder. He did appear when I met with Azumi after all.

I also found out then he could truly materialise himself and individual object like a coat then. Still, how far and how many layers can he project himself through? Also, back in my room, didn't he create a gem out of thin air? From all the defect my perception were experiencing maybe something was taken to make it after all. But then what was that, why were my senses failing. More than the normal five, even my ability to maintain balance, to feel my limbs and more were affected. They weren't disabled completely but more like there are… holes all over, if that makes any sense.

While I am pondering to myself, Dorian is already looking through the absolutely massive book lists for our target, Principia philosophiae.

"There it is!" He does manage to find that blasted title "But… someone borrowed it already"

"Wait, what? When was that!"

The man points at the registry "There wasn't any name, even in the librarian spot. But check out the date here!"

I take a look and see the date 92/11/13. So it wasn't Azumi herself who borrowed it. All of us would just be one year old then.

"That's a Friday" commented Dorian "And there are also two more book borrowed that day"

"What are they?"

"The dictionaries from Latin to English and English to Japanese" The latter I have thought to be plentiful but apparently not, there isn't a copy that. Curiously, there was another copy for Latin to English. Emphasised on the 'was', apparently, someone already borrowed it a month back.

Guess there was no Latin to Japanese one "Then what about our other objectives?"

"Principes de la Philosophie is here, unfortunately we only have French to English dictionary here"

In case you are wondering, according to Azumi that phrase Cogito ergo sum is in the book that was borrowed. However, she did remember that there was an edition in French which is the one we have here. Why did she know that, I have no idea. Aoi would try to ask about it later.

Now I would try to crack the meaning behind these words. To be honest, this is a fifteen years old lead that doesn't even have a visible connection to our current problem. Yet I decided to pursue it anyway seeing that most leads have gone cold for now. Besides, I have what you might call a feeling about this one. Dorian seems to also agree.

"Woah, this place is certainly huge" The man said in amazement as we stroll along the bookcases.

"I wonder if it has anything to do with what is going on, with the rot, with all those… apparitions"

"Are you alright, President? You seem tired"

"Am I? I'm fine actually, yesterday was a good rest" Looking down at my feet, I commented "It just that after all that happened. A place with apparitions, one is a mysterious murderous rotten being, a gigantic gothic library! They just all seem connected somehow, so many unusualness in one place like this"

"Well, you forgot to add me in that list of yours! A talking painting is rather special don't you know"

"Nah, I met plenty already. Went to an art gallery once, this one painting just won't shut up!"

Both of us laugh out loud, our noise echo throughout this full but empty place. I am glad, to be able to be like this.

For the longest time, all I did was chasing after this nebulous concept of the rot. Sure, we did have a goal but it was so vague to the point of unreal. None of us actually expected to stumble on any finding at all. I was already adjusted to this new school life. The rot was integrated into my every day.

Then there was a breakthrough, the death of Aoi. I was exposed directly to the rot, starring straight at it. On the very next day, my vision was corrupted. It all happened so fast after so much stagnation that I wanted to kill myself. Thinking back, it was such an idiotic thing to do. Then I had to alter my own perception just to remain sane while drifting further into a surreal reality. Everyday sceneries were all suddenly so enchanting, so fantasy like. Then finally, I had the strangest of experience. To be disconnected to all of my sense. Touch, smell, taste, tension, nociception, equilibrioception, magnetoception everything was slowly punctured and made gone.

Each one of those could be life changing but I went through all in just two days.

"Hey, was yesterday fun to you" I asked Dorian out of nowhere.

"Yes" The man answered, unsure where did that come from.

In just today, I found out about others possibly like the rot. A whole host of apparitions, all unknown and mysterious. A group who went on a trail to discover those beings. Suddenly the scale just seemed to enlarge in an instant. What if they are all as powerful or even more than this rotten thing. Then what would all of my struggles, my efforts, my dilemmas… my death even mean.

I could see a me sitting there clutching my head, having existential crisis. I could see a me curling up, waiting to be rescued. I could see a me, couldn't cope with all of newfound information, forfeiting my life once again.

But I am here, pacing through the old library, still alive.

"Do you want to hang out again, with Azumi?"

"Uh… of course" Dorian is still wondering where is all this leading, he was stuttering a bit though.

"You seem awfully fond of that girl" I made a side comment.

"Well, she is a nice person and… and…"

"And what?" I pushed him further with a smile on my face.

"I… could really let loose, around Azumi that is" He admitted.

I can certainly understand. She came to us, to me in my darkest of time. That girl was a force of her own, a bit crazy and confident. Azumi was certainly headstrong, maybe that was why Dorian's aura had no effect. We were pulled along with her flow but you know, sometimes it's nice to follow. Especially if it was a particularly fun trip.

Without that joyride yesterday, I would one of those me I could see earlier. But no, I was thoroughly entertained and relieved. I could continue walking today. But still…

"Don't you think it was rather… convenient?" Suddenly turning around, I asked Dorian seriously.

"What do you mean, President?"

"I just met her the day before, Azumi. Yet there she was literally falling down on us. And for her to know a Latin phrase that just happened to pop up the very next day. And for her to even know about where it various editions even. What are the odds of that!"

"So you want to say that she is related to all this somehow, that she was… lying to us" The man looks down, clenching his fist.

I won't be surprise if that is the case. Heck, if that girl somehow turns out to be the moustache-twirling villain behind this then fine. That won't happen but still, who know.

Before I could continue speaking Dorian cuts in. Putting his palm on his heart the man declares "I… don't believe it!" He continues to elaborate "But don't worry cause I am prepared. I would steel myself if it is true that she was lying, or on the other side. But until that happens, I want to believe in Azumi!"

"You really like her, don't you?" I let out a sigh.

"Of course! He said without a hint of a doubt.

"I didn't expect Dorian Grey to be someone to fall head over heel over a girl after just a day!"

"Eh, what?" The innocent man finally realised what I was talking about "No… it's not like that!"

On my face is the biggest smirk right now "Ho, are you sure? Maybe there is something, a crush?"

"Maybe… I guess I do have this 'crush' after all" Dorian turned away, his ears all red.

That was blunter than I had expected. He is such a truthful guy. But what he said is more or less how I feel right now, minus the 'crush' part! But still, I do have this nagging feeling that her appearance was deliberate. Maybe not by her own will but of someone or maybe something higher above. Entropy? Karma? Was she there to help us relax or soften us to an even stronger blow… Now that was pretentious, to think the world revolves around me like that!

"Don't worry Dorian, I will cheer for you!" Putting my hand on his shoulder (with great difficulty of course, why does he have to be that tall!), I said.

"F…For what?" The man fumbled, he is probably suspecting the correct answer.

"Wooing Azumi of course! Don't worry, I will help you all the way"

"That…" For a second there was a gleam of hope in his eyes which he truly regrets showing.

"She is a bit off her rocker though but definitely high on the hot-o-meter!" I give a thumb up "Her assets are great as well… actually a bit smaller than I originally thought, that was strange. Still those curves are still among the best!"

It takes a while for Dorian to realise what I am talking about. I can see his face redden as he loads the information slowly. It finally explodes in a flurry of stuttering and embarrassment.

"Pr…President, that was too vulgar. To mention a girl… size like that!"

Ah, the flustered Dorian is just so adorable that I want to trample on "Don't worry, I know you are into her personality. All of those are just added bonuses… quite substantial if you know what I mean!"

I laugh as the man tries to hide his bright red face. It may be true that the situation is much more severe and vast than what we expected. Maybe everything is dictated, that there is some force controlling us all, to make us suffer. But then what if we are all just dolls without string, fantasy of a trashy writer. We, I will continue to go on, to tackle against these problems of mine. Even if they are insignificant to the grand scheme of thing, to some eldritch or cosmic being.

As long as I continue my struggle then it won't be in vain, all of my pains and experiences. I feel like I could understand it somewhat. Maybe it is not what the original author intended but I can still see.

Cogito… ergo sum. I think… therefore I am… I exist.