-Varia-

Despite wanting to know what was spoken of, what left Maddox so shaken, there was no time to speak of it. They were moving, they had been moving for what felt like days, but the caves gave little indication to the passage of time. Varia was better equipped to tell, but even he was lost.

The one time Varia did think to ask Maddox what was said between him and Dor’Goth, Maddox did not wish to speak on it. The only thing he said was that he did not believe Dor’Goth to be as cruel as he seemed. When he said that, he also gave a warning.

“I believe he is growing quite fond of you.” He said during one of their stops for rest.

Varia snorted through his nose, rolling his eyes. “No, he is not.” He did not press for more after that, for he was certain he would not like to hear what was spoken.

They emerged from the caves while the sun was high. The sand steamed, distorting their view of the vast nothingness before them. A decision was made to stay in the caves, where it was cooler and shielded from the oppressive light, and to map their path from there. It was difficult to decide, for they did not know where they were, and did not know what direction they faced just from the sight of sand before them. They would climb the rock face during the night, to attempt to gain a vantage point.

“What sort of place is Qruedon?” Varia asked, using his cloak as a seat, weapons casually cast from his body as he attempted to cool himself. The caves gave reprieve, but not by much. It was dangerously hot, even in the shadow of the mountains.

Maddox sat near him, two small lizards skewered on sticks, roasting them over a small fire just in the mouth of the cave. “It is a place of sin and debauchery. A town full of whores, thieves, murderers, rapists. We will be safe there, for no one there will seek anyone of authority even if we are recognized.”

Varia scrunched his nose, eyeing Maddox. “Rapists, murderers, thieves and whores. Perhaps they will not seek out soldiers to report us, but if there are bounties for us, they would certainly wish to claim the prices on our heads.”

“If. If there is a bounty. No one is aware we are alive, we should be safe.” Maddox said, propping the lizards against a rock to keep cooking and turning to face Varia proper. “Most of the towns and cities near the front lines are like this. Anyone who has money and proper authority will have fled further north, out of fear.”

Varia snorted again, eyes on Maddox. “They are right to fear.”

“Aye, you are a terrifying foe. Though, perhaps if they saw the way you look when I am pleasuring you, they would not fear you, as I do not fear you entirely any longer.” Maddox’s eyes were bright, the sight of Varia in little clothing not lost on him.

Varia turned his gaze down to himself, to what clothing he wore. A short sleeved shirt, cut down the center to reveal bits of his chest. His hair was pulled back with twine, out of his face and off of his neck. Was this attractive? Perhaps more so than his heavy armor that hid much of his figure. Maddox too was less covered than usual, and Varia found himself inspecting his arms. He knew their strength in a great number of ways, ways he never thought he would know or appreciate.

He rose to his feet then, the heat suddenly unbearable, and moved deeper into the caves. He heard Maddox rise to follow him, and despite himself, a smirk tugged at his lips. “How I look when I am being pleasured is not something that others are privy to seeing.” He murmured, and heard Maddox chuckle behind him, closer than he thought he would be.

Maddox’s hands found his waist, and then slid up his shirt and he felt his form behind him, pressing him closer to the wall of the cave. “But I have seen it, and it is my favorite sight. The sounds you make are my favorite sounds. The way your body trembles, so eager for me… it is my greatest conquest.”

Maddox’s fingers slid up, brushing over scars, both new and old. One found his nipple and began to tease it, rolling it between thumb and forefinger, and the other drifted low once more, tugging at the ties on Varia’s trousers. Varia shuddered a breath, staring at the stone wall before him. “I am the eager one?” He cast a glance at the fire near the mouth of the cave, at the lizards so casually left behind. They could catch more, it didn’t matter if they burned.

“You are, once I remind you, yes.” Maddox’s lips found Varia’s ear, nibbling on his lobe. Ties now undone, his hand slid down the front of Varia’s trousers, fingers wrapping about his hardening length. “But I am always eager for you. If you told me to stop fighting and only fuck you, I would do so without a second thought.”

Varia’s eyes fluttered closed, the tightness in his chest a reminder that Maddox’s words were curses to him. He would forget about the war, forget about his betrayals, forget about everything except Maddox so long as he spoke to him like that, touched him like he was. “Perhaps I will, someday.” He murmured.

Maddox’s hands stilled over him for a moment, a long moment, and Varia’s eyes opened. Had he said something wrong? He turned his head, but before he could speak, Maddox’s lips were on his own, kissing him with so much passion and vigor, as if this moment was the last time they would be together like this. Maddox’s movements became quicker then, not wishing to draw this out any longer, desperate to close that distance and fill Varia with all of himself.

The hand inside of his trousers left, the hand in his shirt meeting it, and together they set to pushing Varia’s pants and small clothes from his hips and allowed them to drop into a bunch at Varia’s feet. The kiss was heated, tongues meeting, teeth grazing lips. It was hungry, fervid. Maddox often kissed Varia like that, with so much passion, passion Varia did not recognize as such, but this was different. It was much like when Maddox returned from his talk with Viansola and took him then. It was hurried, it spoke of things that Maddox could not quite say, things that Varia almost knew, but did not all at once.

Maddox pushed Varia with his body, forcing him to bend at the waist, and then the kiss was broken, leaving Varia gasping for air, gasping for Maddox to return his lips to his own. But Maddox’s lips had another path, over his shoulder and down his back. Varia’s hands braced themselves against the wall, and with a nudge of Maddox’s legs, he spread his own as wide as his pants would allow. Maddox knelt behind him, his hands gripping and squeezing globes of flesh, before parting them. Varia was exposed all at once, in ways he was both used to and still unaccustomed to. He felt the heat from Maddox’s gaze, inspecting him like he was a prize, and then that wetness dragged over his heat. He shuddered, and Maddox continued, lapping at him, circling his hole, dipping in when he could, and then retreating so quickly Varia wished to punch him.

A finger soon joined Maddox’s tongue, circling and dipping inward. It was not nearly enough, he was so wildly aroused he would have bid Maddox’s to enter him without preparation, but even if he had, Maddox would refuse. This was part of it for him, part of the pleasure. Maddox got pleasure from pleasuring Varia in ways he was unused to. He wished to hear his sounds, and so Varia gave it to him. He was never especially vocal, but the softer sounds that left him, the huffs and heavier breaths, Maddox wanted them all.

A second finger joined the first, and together they pressed deeper, scissoring within him. The pressure that caused the slight burn, he enjoyed it so very much. Maddox did not waste much time preparing him, and Varia was glad for it. He was desperate now, whining like a bitch in heat for Maddox to give him more. He did not need to speak it, Maddox knew he was ready. Maddox rose to his feet behind Varia, fingers still within him as his other hand worked to undo his own ties, to free his length from the confines of cloth that would not allow him to feel Varia.

Varia felt the weight of Maddox’s cock once freed resting on one of his cheeks. Heavy, thick, already weeping for him. The thought that the Golden son, the Hero of Er Rai would be so fucking hard for him was pleasure in itself. Maddox shifted behind Varia, and for a moment he was empty, Maddox’s fingers left him and nothing replaced them. The anticipation for what was coming caused him to tremble, to open his eyes and peer over his shoulder, gazing back at his lover.

Maddox was watching what he was doing, squeezing his ass, spreading it. He had barely slicked himself before he was parting Varia’s flesh to bare the hole that he appeared to wish for so fiercely. He pressed against it, his thick, heavy cockhead spreading wetness against him, and slowly, out of sheer brutal strength, forced himself into Varia’s body. Varia arched, and Maddox bent, digging his teeth into Varia’s muscular back while he forced his length further inward.

Varia’s hands clawed, grasped for hold on the wall of the cave but he found none. Gasps of pain, whimpers of need and hurt left his lips with each passing moment. Maddox did not stop until his pelvis was pressed against Varia’s ass, so deeply inside of him he felt as if he were a part of Varia. The shock of ache and pain burst in Varia, the stretch that was far too much, more than he was ever ready to receive, was pushed away by the sudden, quick and reckless thrusts from the man above him. Maddox’s mouth found his ear, pressing against it, growling and groaning as he plunged deeper and deeper, dragging the pain out until it became pleasure.

Maddox’s hands found Varia’s hips, pulling him back against him with each thrust forward. Heavy, hard thrusts pulled gasping moans and pleads for more from Varia. His body jerked, trembled as his cheeks were forced apart around that thick and long cock now spearing into him. Violent heat rolled through his body, straining against the pressure, the pain and the overwhelming pleasure. Maddox was impossibly thick, impossibly deep. His stones met Varia’s flesh with every stroke, heavy with what was to come. His own cock swelled and ached with need, and Maddox seemed to understand that unspoken need and wrapped a calloused hand around his length, stroking him with every thrust.

Seconds passed like hours while that thick, wet cock punched into his gut. His walls molded around Maddox, forgetting the ache, the pain of being so underprepared, drawing him in further, quicker, balls slapping against his cheeks over and over and over. Then fire bloomed inside of him, rolling over his trembling walls. So much, so hot, Varia’s mouth dropped open into a soundless cry. Their bodies were slick with sweat, and continued to move still. Maddox fucked his seed into him, searing him, claiming him. Varia’s climax was intense, spurred on by the stress of the last several days, weeks. By Maddox’s sounds, his eagerness to have Varia. By the conquest they were sharing in, conquering one another in ways they never thought possible.

A heavy sigh left Maddox’s lips then, and his thrusts slowed finally. He could feel Maddox’s seed dripping from his hole, from around the cock still buried in him, dripping down his thighs. Varia’s head pressed against the cave wall, throat dry, lips dry, attempting to catch his breath. Maddox’s head dropped to rest against his shoulder, and they slowed to a complete stop. Varia was thankful for the hand still gripping his hip, holding him steady, holding him flush against Maddox still. Maddox’s cock was still hard, still pulsing and throbbing within him, and Varia wondered if they would go again. They had not fucked so much since they left E’letaesi. When they were there, in relative safety, their thirst for one another was endless. He was impressed with Maddox’s endurance when it came to fucking him, opposed to fighting him.

He felt Maddox’s lips press against his shoulder, the hand on his hip tightened its grip once more, and slowly, Maddox began to drag his cock out of him. But instead of emptying him entirely, he pressed forward again, beginning their frantic love-making once more.

Afterwards, they lay together, completely naked and bathed in their own sweat, and each other’s. They lay atop Varia’s cloak to save them from the sand and small, sharp rocks of the caves. Varia watched the sun dip lower, slowly vanishing behind rolling dunes of sand, casting them in orange.

Maddox’s nose was pressed to his hair, breathing steadily. His hand drifted up and down Varia’s arm. He thought of the Graves again, not of the warring and demons he faced there, but of his time with Maddox. Locked away in that small room that was meant to be a prison, but was instead freedom. Freedom to choose, for once. He chose Maddox, he chose for the first time in his entire life. He did not regret that choice, and he would miss those moments once they began to move once more. Maddox was his first, not in sex, but in passion. In intimacy. He wondered if Maddox lay like this with others, or if this was a first for him as well.

“I wish we could vanish together, somewhere underground without ever being found.” Maddox’s muffled murmur broke the silence. “These are my favorite moments.”

Varia’s eyes fluttered closed briefly, drawing a slow breath. His hair shifted against his scalp when Maddox spoke, when he breathed. It was an odd comfort, one he was unaware he enjoyed until Maddox. “I was just thinking of your past lovers.” He mused impishly.

“I would not consider those in my past as lovers, simply bodies to warm my bed on lonely nights.” Maddox responded, voice laced with amusement.

Varia cocked an eyebrow, amused as well, and wiggled his head from where it was tucked under Maddox’s chin and turned so he could look up to him. “Would you consider us lovers then? Or am I simply a body to warm your bed?”

Maddox raised his eyebrows in return, staring down at Varia with an odd look on his face. “Of course we are lovers. Why wouldn’t I think that?”

Varia waved a hand, flopping back to lay properly. “We are together now only because we have a common goal. Once it is through, you will find another. Perhaps a woman who can bare you sons.”

The silence that drew on after Varia spoke was uncomfortable, and Varia turned back to watch the other man. Maddox’s face was set in stone, serious in a way Varia had not seen during their banter. The look pulled something in him, tightened his chest. It was almost sad, mournful, as if Varia had struck him.

“Why do you think that?” Maddox finally asked, though his words were careful, calculated.

Varia was sick of dancing around it. He knew, and Maddox knew that he did. “Because you plan to be king in Arcturus.” He stated. A fact he knew, that he had uncovered for himself. The last of the Aesirs, sharing his bed and body, lying beside him as a lover might. It was almost comical, considering he was the council’s dog, those who had dethroned his family and murdered them all.

Varia did not know what to expect, he and Maddox had come to an unspoken understanding that Varia knew, but seeing no surprise on Maddox’s face did not comfort him. He was not rushing to deny anything, he was not confirming what Varia knew to be true, he was just watching him solemnly. Finally, Maddox wet his lips and spoke again, softer than before. “What does that have to do with you being my lover?”

Surprise flashed across Varia’s face, but not because he did not deny it, but because he spoke of them being lovers still, not of the kingship he was declaring. Varia stay quiet for a moment, gathering his thoughts, concerns, before he spoke. “A king will need heirs. I cannot provide them, and I will not be a concubine.”

Maddox sighed, finally breaking the eye contact they had held. He ran a hand over his face, brushing harshly against the stubble on his jaw, then back through his hair, pushing it from his face. He shifted away so that he could sit properly, leaning his back against the cave wall. He gazed out of the mouth, thinking deeply. Emerald eyes were distant, lost somewhere Varia could not follow. Then he spoke again. “That is not how this works, Varia.”

It did not need a response, and Varia did not provide one, instead he waited for whatever explanation was to come. “She chooses heirs based on their blood. There are others with the blood needed, or… Aesirian blood. Even the faintest amount, and She will choose from them when the time comes. I need no sons, no daughters.”

Varia was not comforted by that, but he did not think Maddox told him to comfort him. Giving power to a demon to choose those who rule was… odd. He did not know Her, he did not know if She would choose someone worthy, or if he would be sent to kill yet another child. “How long has it been… like that?” He asked cautiously.

Maddox shrugged. “As long as I’ve known, in all of the tales that have been told. It has been this way since far longer than you and I could know. She said there was another once, another line that could be chosen, but it is no longer. They have all been Aesirians, but some have been cousins, nieces, brothers, daughters. She chooses those who are right for the land and the people that dwell there.”

Varia was not sure about that, not sure if Maddox was right for the people. He did not trust Her, surely. He did not plan to face this reality yet, wished for more time to see Maddox as his true self before he reclaimed a throne for him. He was undecided yet if he would give Arcturus over to him, once this was through.

“It is convenient that She would choose the heir, since you wish to keep me at your side.” Varia said, letting the weight of his thoughts dissipate with his breath.

“Even if it were not, I would wish to keep you by my side.” Maddox murmured, before he turned his gaze back to Varia’s. “I would not force you to stay. I would simply ask you to.”

“I have no desire to rule, and I have no desire to become some blushing bride.” Varia responded.

“Stay at my side as my commander then. You do not need to rule if you do not wish it.” Pleading. He sounded like he was pleading with him.

Why? Why did he care so much? He promised to set him free, he swore he would slay him if he wished it, so why this? Varia stood suddenly, hands running through his hair to calm himself, before he began to shuffle through his small clothes, shaking the sand from them. “This was not the plan. This was not our agreement, Maddox.”

Maddox rose as well, stepping near, to close the distance Varia attempted to make. “Things have changed, Varia. You know they have changed. I do not know if you feel the same, but I have changed, and I no longer wish to grant you your death. I will set you free, and only hope you choose to stay, or to return to me.”

Varia barked a laugh, but he was sweating again. His fingers fumbled over the ties on his pants. This conversation was making him nervous, causing the dull pressure of a headache to bloom in his temple. What was happening? What was he saying?

“You cannot be serious. We are laying together out of convenience, not because of anything else.” Even as the words left his mouth he knew they were not true. He did not believe them, had not believed it, since even before they first lay together in the Graves. They were drawn together by something inexplicable, something beyond them. That kinship he felt, so long ago now, in the caves of Er Rai, just after an entire city was snuffed out in moments, he felt it still. This was not convenient for him, this had become as natural to him as breathing. But it was also terrifying.

Maddox’s fingers curling around his bicep snapped him from his thoughts, and he turned to face the other. He gazed at him, into his handsome face with such defined features it was a wonder he was able to hide his emotions so easily. But then, right then, Maddox’s face, his expression was open, displaying his emotions. Sadness, hope, affection.

Maddox held his grip for a long moment, before his hand drifted up to cup Varia’s cheek instead. “I am serious, and I do. I know that you know how I feel.” Varia’s eyes slipped closed at Maddox’s words, not wishing to face that, right then, with Maddox so bare before him.

“We cannot. We are not allowed to.” Varia whispered, his voice small in the cave, under the pressure of what Maddox was trying so hard to tell him.

Maddox smiled then, that open façade cracking for a moment. “Who would stop us? We are the most powerful men in the world. No one could stop us, if we chose.”

Varia did not respond, watching Maddox speak instead. There was something else, something lingering in the air between them. Maddox had more to say, but even as he began to, that openness closed suddenly, his brow creased and he drew it back in. He could not say it, just as Varia could not face it.

“I chose you, Varia. I am choosing you.”

Hearing it was different than feeling it. The need in Maddox’s touches, the passion in his words. Anytime they were together like this it was there. The proof of everything Varia knew he felt, knew Maddox felt. He appreciated hearing it, and he was certain his gaze gave him away for Maddox’s eyes brightened with anticipation. Instead, Varia shoved a hand against Maddox’s chest.

“Sleep. I will not drag you across the desert, you foul creature.” Varia said, flopping back onto the ground, chin held high with false haughtiness.

Maddox laughed, and his arms found Varias' waist, dragging him to lay with him.

---

The cave spat them out south, further south than they intended to go, but they were not completely lost. The desert was less forgiving than the caves, and assaulted both men with sun and heat and sand.

Varia was suffering, sweating, heaving as he walked. His armor was heavy, and no longer on him, instead it was gathered with his cloak and their other supplies in a sort of sled dragging behind Maddox. Maddox was also sweating, out of breath, and generally unhappy with their situation. He was perhaps a bit worse off, not that he would ever admit it.

Varia watched Maddox turn a maddening smirk across to him, watched as Maddox took stock of Varia’s deplorable state, and then snorted a laugh. “You are out of shape.”

Varia reared his head back, aghast Maddox would ever say such a thing, especially being so familiar with his form. All while he trudged beside him, soaked with sweat and panting for air. “You look like a pig.” Varia snapped back, unhappy that he fell for the taunt, but not willing to let the insult slide.

Maddox gulped in a few short breaths, laughing, before he gazed up towards the sun. “When was the last time you actually trained yourself?” he asked.

Varia was loath to continue speaking, especially in this heat, in this sun, but it was, oddly, a welcomed distraction from his own misery. “I cannot recall,” he grumbled.

“I cannot recall the last time I trained either.” Maddox muttered, squinting out across the desert, towards the small grove of trees they were aimed for, and approaching rapidly.

“Being in active war counts for more than training.” Varia picked up his pace, spotting the shade the trees cast.

“We have not fought any true foe since the elves attacked us.” Maddox heaved in an attempt to follow quicker, pulling along their supplies as he did.

“If I hadn’t fallen from a cliff, I would have been bored with the bandits. You’re right.” Varia said, finally taking a moment to rest, once he was safely shielded from the sun below the small circle of trees, surrounding a pool of crystal clear water.

“Would you like to spar with me? I promise you will not be bored, and we could both use the practice.” Maddox joined him, sliding the straps from their sled to drop from his shoulders and crouching near the pool to wet his face.

Varia frowned then, opening his eyes and gazing at Maddox’s back, drenched in sweat and red streaks of sand. “I don’t think that is a good idea.”

“Why not?” Maddox asked, rubbing the water into his face, before standing, turning to face the other, lifting the lower half of his shirt to dry himself.

Varia did not quite know how to answer. Perhaps it was the fact that there were many feelings that neither men were prepared to deal with. There was an ocean of blood between them, and he had not forgotten it. He dreamt of those days, in Nihal, during his campaign, fighting Maddox. But, he did not have an answer for Maddox, and did not wish to seem so weak. Instead, he gave a nod instead. “Fine. We can spar.”

Maddox broke into a wide grin, scrambling to where his swords were with their other things and drew his short sword. He left Cithrel to lay, and drew a wide circle in the sand. Varia unclipped his sword belt, drawing it, and setting the rest near their things. He stepped into the circle, listening while Maddox continued to define the edges.

“No shadows, no powers. Only swords.” Maddox said, stepping back to eye the circle.

Varia twirled his sword, watching Maddox. “You are a better swordsman than I.”

“Barely. I believe most of that was luck on my part, and perhaps some intervention from Her.” Maddox said, stepping into the circle to face Varia properly.

“Or perhaps I am truly superior, if I can best you while you harbor an ancient demon. Now that I too harbor one, I may finally be rid of you.” Varia drawled his response, his sword lazily dropping to the side in a halfhearted, and taunting, shrug.

“Perhaps you will be! Or perhaps I will best you, use my clear superiority to bind you to me forever. You would never escape me then, not that you would wish to, despite the venom you sling at me near daily.” Maddox tapped Varia’s sword with his own, in a feeble attempt to knock it from him.

Varia did not loosen his grip, instead he tightened in, and pointed it to Maddox’s chest. “You enjoy the venom, if your incessant need to be inside of me is any indication.”

Maddox smacked the sword from himself, moving forward with a quickness not usually reserved for men of his height. He twirled, a fancy move more suited for plays than an actual sword fight.

He knew it would not strike Varia, and was simply making the first move.

Varia sprung back, away from the closer combat Maddox preferred, and met another swing with one of his own. The hilt vibrated in his palm, and he wished he thought of wearing his gloves. Instead of dwelling on the ache in his fingers, he pressed forward, meeting each increasingly hard swing with one of his own.

They fell back into fighting one another so easily, but something was different. Each swing of Varia’s sword, every swing of Maddox’s, they were not strong, they were lazily. Both were pulling their swings, both tense. Varia almost appreciated it, but he drove further, harder anyway.

They continued their sword play around the perimeter of the circle, darting under swings and clashing swords against one another in a flurry of movements. Another swing of his was met with a particularly vicious one of Maddox’s, and he stumbled briefly, the vibration searing up his arm and burning into his shoulder. He pushed back and away, scowling at the arrogant smirk on Maddox’s face.

“Your words are cold, but your body is so warm.” Another swing, this time harder. Maddox’s sword pinged off of Varia’s, the clash of blades echoing through the emptiness around them.

“You are foul.” Varia shoved back, stumbling Maddox briefly. He teetered at the edge of the circle in the sand before righting himself.

“So you say, little one.”

Little one. Little one. How long had it been since Maddox called him that? Months, perhaps. When he was captured? He could not quite recall the last time, but the playful, yet taunting jab at his stature reminded him of other times. In this country, on these same sands, where more was at stake than a bruised ego.

“I do say, Shekrath. Do you intend to fight, or to simply puff your chest?” That name also had not been used for quite some time. Low Arcturian, a harsh word, spoken as an insult. The name of Maddox within the Legion. The name on many of Legion's lips before they were cut down by him.

Maddox went silent for a spell, and that playful look in his gaze vanished. It was replaced with a coldness Varia knew and recognized. A cocky sort of danger, one that he had seen standing above the bodies of his slain men. Taunting him. Daring him to come forward. Promising him nothing, but death.

Varia’s mind shut off in an instant, honing in on Maddox, his stance. Both hands were on his sword, Maddox’s stance was wide and aggressive, while Varia turned sidelong and crouched for grounding. They were quiet, neither man moving for the longest time, before Maddox suddenly lashed out, a wide, powerful arch.

Varia danced to the side then lunged forward, swords meeting in a clash of metal. Their swings became harder, their movements quicker, more lethal. Varia could feel his heart thrumming, the hum of adrenaline filling his ears, his vision swarming, but so focused on Maddox. He could feel his swings hardening, could feel Maddox balking at each one, each clash of sword. He was becoming more aggressive, the circle long forgotten.

Stop.

He needed to stop. His body seemed to move on its own, spinning and slicing and attempting to cleave Maddox. He couldn’t stop, he couldn’t stop his aggressive push forward, his brutal swings, the near misses. He worried he would harm Maddox suddenly, or that Maddox would harm him.

He could see him through the haze, hyper fixated on him as he was. Maddox was focused too, but his gaze was not the warm one he had grown used to. It was the cold gaze he knew too well. Maddox’s swings were just as hard, as precise, his movements were just as aggressive, and Varia knew that they were suddenly in danger of one another.

On and on, they clashed together, swords singing, sand flying from their movements. Then, Varia stepped down and his boot slid. Slid. He nearly lost his balance for a moment, righted himself quickly, but not quick enough. He saw the blade slicing through the air and he jerked to the side. His neck. That was the intended target. His eyes were wide now, focused on Maddox’s. He was honed in, a beast coiled and ready to strike.

Then, his mind blanked once more. Varia brought his arm up, capturing Maddox’s, which was now next to his head. He used the thrust, the momentum Maddox had built going in for the kill to surge forward, hooking his leg behind Maddox’s knee. Then, reaching out with his free hand, he shoved forward, into Maddox’s throat, and threw Maddox to his back on the ground below him.

Varia stood over him, sword pressed point down, pressing against his neck. He needed Maddox to yield, now. Not that it would matter. The humming was louder now, the blur at the edge of his vision was closing in around him. He felt a stab of pain in his temple, spreading across his back in a fury of heat and horror. Somewhere in his mind, he could see Maddox’s lips moving, could hear the faint drone of his voice, but the hum was loud, so fucking loud.

Then he saw them. Scores of men. His men, lying dead. Their blood turned the sands to mud, the smell of rot burned his eyes and threatened to empty the contents of his stomach. He could see them, the milky blue of their eyes, gaping at nothing.

He pressed his sword down harder, piercing the flesh of Maddox’s neck. A trickle of red leaked from around it, staining the blonde of Maddox’s hair. Maddox was still speaking to him, still saying… something. What was he saying?

The droning was all he could hear, all he could focus on. All those emotions he felt, all the rage, the anger, the humiliation he felt. All because of Maddox. All because he could not kill him. A failure, his one failure. That’s why he was here now, alone, without Arcturus, without Legion, without Brom. He was alone now, because of him. This man, who killed his men, who would kill him. This man who lay claim to Arcturus, but who was not one of them. Born on the ice, yet raised with elves and Nihalians and Er Rians, their enemies. He was not. He would never be.

The feeling of cold on his ankle snapped him from his thoughts. The humming vanished, the blurring of red in his eyes was gone in a blink. Instead, he stared down at Maddox. The man who saved him, who freed him, who gave him choice. The man who would not, could not leave him alone. He was there, with him. He was not alone.

Varia gasped suddenly, then stumbled back from Maddox, tearing his sword away from where it was still pressed against Maddox’s throat, now caked with blood. He ran his hand over his face, his gaze lifting briefly, seeing the sudden darkness surrounding them. The shadows were coiled, poised and ready to strike, twisting creatures prepared to do what their master could not. They vibrated with energy, with anticipation, and Varia jerked his hand, dispersing them. He dropped his sword, staggering to the shade of the trees and flopping to sit below them.

Maddox rose from where Varia had held him down, and Varia felt an immense guilt take him so suddenly he felt he would be sick. He lowered his head to rest between his knees, and then, from there, he saw the frost left behind on his boot, in the shape of Maddox’s hand. A small laugh left him, somehow feeling better knowing Maddox was prepared to defend himself, prepared to stop Varia.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered when he heard and felt Maddox sit beside him. “We should have never….” He trailed off, chewing his lip, refusing to look at his companion.

“I’m sorry as well. We should never have assumed that our past would be so easily forgotten.” Maddox spoke, no animosity in his words, or his tone.

“I’m afraid it may only grow worse, Maddox… We should not do that together. It was too easy to fall back into… old habits.” Varia said. Maddox shifted closer, and Varia raised his head finally to look at him. Maddox returned the stare with one of his own, before he turned his head.

“You have always bested me, in our fights. Whether I was wounded, or you were. You could have killed me then, She is too weak to have saved me.” Maddox finally said, leaning his head back against the tree.

“You are a terrifying foe, Maddox. You have bested me before, many times.” Varia disagreed.

“Ah, you’re right. She perhaps played a large part in that, though. You are now on equal footing with me. I believe you are… more skilled than I am. You always have an advantage, and I had to rely on demons and my brother to save me from your killing blow. I am not surprised to be reminded, but it stings a bit, as it always does.” Maddox spoke, that honesty taking him once more.

“I feel… inadequate compared to you sometimes. I’m not used to being the one who is left behind, who needs to be protected.” Maddox was speaking softer now, revealing another side of himself, a tender side, a side conscious of his limits and ashamed of them.

It was endearing, and again he was filled with that odd feeling of stress. He would protect Maddox. He knew if he needed to, he would.

“I wish to keep you near, not because I fear you losing control, but because I am afraid of you leaving. I’m afraid of so many aspects of you, but I fear losing you the most.” Maddox said after another stretch of silence.

Varia snorted then, waving his hand to dismiss the comments, but Maddox reached to take his hand instead. Panic rose in Varia then, and he had the overwhelming urge to silence Maddox. He did not wish to hear what he would say next. He could not. They couldn’t, not now, not ever.

“Varia, I’m afraid I’m in love with you. This is unexpected, and does not fit into any plan I have made.”

There it was. That single phrase. How words could be so terrifying, evoke so many emotions, he was not sure. Worse of all, he was not surprised, and the first thing that rose in his throat was an admission of his own, but he swallowed it down. This was what he feared. This was what he had feared since the beginning, since those small seeds of kinship had begun to bloom into something worse, tangled and far reaching.

“I… assumed you did.” Varia spoke, the only words he could speak. Did what? What did that even mean? He read about love in books, but did not understand it. Perhaps because he never felt it, but…

“I do not know if I can say it back, Maddox…” His voice was soft now, their hands linked still. Maddox closed his eyes, resting his forehead against Varia’s.

“I understand. If you ever do feel that you can, then you should not be afraid to do so.” Maddox whispered.

“I will always be afraid. You have too much power over me as it is.” The closeness, the intimacy was intense, though Maddox had admitted to Varia feeling for him in a way Varia could not, would not feel back. He felt the urge to comfort him, to declare his love for Maddox in return, if only to hear his tone rise in happiness.

“I have less power than you think. You are just used to being utterly controlled. I will not control you, Varia.” Maddox’s thumb brushed over his knuckles, comforting.

Varia closed his eyes, not responding. Maddox was right. He had never been his own person. It felt like control, but it was not. It was guidance, it was Maddox wishing for Varia to take this journey with him, to help him reclaim his throne, but it was not total control. How frustrating it was, knowing that he was now free, but not knowing how to be his own person. He was a tool, he was used to being a tool. He could not be anything other than that, for that would make him human. That would make them right. If he loved Maddox, then Arcturus was right in trying to kill him. They were right all along.

“You would find another to love in the end, if I die, or if I do not return to you.” Varia whispered, desperate for something, anything to wedge between them. But it was not to be.

“I wouldn’t. I would wait for you, Varia, until the end of my own life. You will not die, not by any hand, but mine, and I will not die by any but yours. I would wait until you return. And if you never did, I would die waiting for you to.” Maddox whispered.

He wouldn’t. Varia couldn’t imagine him doing something like that. He would find another, someone better. Someone who could give Maddox what he needed, who could respond to the affection in the proper way, in the way someone normal might. Varia was not, he could not do that. He was broken, and he could not give Maddox what he wanted, what he deserved.

“No other would be able to understand me how you do. Now that I’ve had that, now that I’ve felt that kinship, even in the small capacity you are able to provide me, I cannot imagine being with anyone else.”

Maddox shifted back from Varia, turning to settle on his knees before him. “I will vow to you. If you do not remain by my side, I will still rule. I will build an Arcturus that you would wish to return to. I will make you proud of your choice, of your decision to lay with me, even if it is away from me.”

Varia watched Maddox, a smile curling at the corners of his lips. Such a sappy man the Hero of Er Rai was. This man, who was declaring for him so boldly, promising him the world, wished to be king. He shook his head, lifting his foot to topple Maddox over into the sand. Maddox laughed at that, flinging a handful at Varia, before settling next to him again.

“I will, Varia. Even if you never say it back, I will save Arcturus for you. Even if you never return.” He whispered, leaning his head to press his lips against the mane of black hair atop Varia’s head.

Varia did not respond then, simply took in Maddox’s words. He did believe him, he realized. He believed he would build a better Arcturus, that he would save them all.

He knew then that he would return to him, once this was through.