《Interdimensional tuition fees》1: A very strange first day
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Patrick had a very strange first day.
He had arrived just an hour earlier at the university campus, meeting the Sunday sun. His first day's task was to collect his accommodation hall keys from collection points, but it seems like whoever was placing the signs for new students was uninspired at best and he got lost.
Patrick’s hair, which was already a brown mess at usual conditions, was puffed up like a wet mop from the sweat and confused head-scratching. The autumn British sun was not helping the panic, being sharp enough to cast sweltering spotlights through the clouds. But, not enough to warm the winds which blew through his budget coat and t-shirt.
By the time he was finally in a queue, his luggage’s plastic handle had dug red lines into his palm. His laboured breath was dry from dehydration, stinging his throat. Just a little break, a little pause, a little sit down and everything will be alright again, he thought.
That was when the strangeness began.
A young member of staff suddenly pulled on Patrick’s shoulder. He couldn’t make out his face, obscured by a university-branded hat. But, when he turned to face him he felt his gravity change, like an elevator cable was cut above him.
After a blink, he found himself in a dimly lit hallway, bagaggeless, with a bruise on his bottom, and sprawled out in front of a door that read ‘Director of Interdimensional Studies.’
Wait, and she will let you in.
Before Patrick could register the staff’s presence in his mind, he blinked and he disappeared into thin air.
After blinking a few more times at odds with accepting reality, he got up and went with it.
The door was closed, with a single wooden chair next to it for visitors. Patrick sat in for a few minutes, before finding it a bit uncomfortable and standing back up again. Thankfully, the cycle only repeated twice before the door opened and he peered inside.
The director sat on a reclinable armchair, behind her massive mahogany table which faced the door. She looked at Patrick with a plastered smile, gesturing to him to take a seat across from her. Approaching the seat, it's the same as the one outside.
“Welcome to the University, Patrick Terrance Charles,” she said. “Apologies for such an unconventional first day at university, but you have been randomly picked… I mean carefully selected by our talented staff to represent the university!”
Her voice was business cheery. “You are to be a proud and only member of our Interdimensional Student Adoption programme, which allows students from other dimensions to feel more at ease at our splendid campus. Are you ready?”
He nodded once, but was hesitant to make a second one. “Erm… excuse me ma’am, but I still don’t understand why I am here. Is my luggage okay?”
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“Great question! A student of great importance to the university has decided to study here from between dimensions, and you will be a great aid in helping him settle in!”
“Dimensions?”
“As a home student, it is sometimes hard to comprehend that students from all over the world and multiverse may want to study under our prestigious name. International students are from different countries. Interdimensional students from different dimensions.”
Seeing his questions doing nothing, he hoped his questions would be answered in time and let her continue. He shifted his bottom around to prevent the uncomfortable chair from affecting him too much.
“Since the university’s founding in the 1960s, we have had to fight for distinction and prestige against universities like Oxford and Cambridge, institutions established for centuries with billions of pounds in funding and influence. Many modern universities have tried and failed, but we have succeeded.”
She picked up a pen, and began playing with it as she leaned back in her massive and very comfortable reclining armchair. “Many universities use international students to balance the books, due to the higher tuition fees they can be charged. However, to attract international students, you would need international recognition. You would only have international recognition with good staff, teaching, and history. You would only get that from a large budget, which would be from international students. Does this make sense to you?”
Patrick nodded.
She begins speaking fondly. “Therefore, as a brilliant decision, the founder of the Mathematics institute Sir Christopher Colquhoun opened an interdimensional pathway to allow students from alternate universes and dimensions.”
Patrick nodded, then took his nod back in confusion.
“I… what…”
“Not only was this a huge success, but as an institution, we are proud to be able to provide education not just to the furthest corners of the globe, but all intelligent iterations of the globe across all eternity!”
Hearing her swap back to business cheery, I couldn’t believe my ears. “I’m so sorry ma’am, but I think I might be hallucinating from dehydration. It’s okay, as I can meet you later when I am in a better state and we can…”
“Here, catch.”
She tossed me a pink crystal the size of my palm, pulling me out of my seat to catch. Then, she opened the curtain behind her, to reveal…
Everything.
Flying dragons, human-sized owls, a suit of armour without a helmet, all manner of fantasy characters were moving and talking in front of my very eyes.
“W-what is happening? What am I seeing?”
“You aren’t the only new student here at campus. Students of all backgrounds are saying goodbye to family and friends as they embark on their studies.”
She stands up and gestures into the plains where the dragons were collecting. “We rarely see dragons study here due to our facilities being human scale, but research collaborators from Hhyaith are more than glad to enjoy the large expanses of fields while discussing socioeconomic theory.”
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She then walked over and tapped the crystal which was glowing gently in my hands.
“This is a perception crystal. Their existence is thanks to the genius of Sir Christopher Colquhoun, and absolutely central to the university’s operation.”
“Without these crystals, it would be impossible for our precious students to see or interact with our dimension, and vice versa. In a sense, our reality is orthogonal to theirs. That is where this crystal comes in.”
She gave the crystal a little flick, ringing it like a tuning fork. “Each crystal can be adjusted individually to perceive different things and to different levels. Not all interdimensional visitors are miscible with each other… to put it lightly, so it is as much for the safety of our students as it is for ease of administration.”
She walks over and picks up the crystal from my hands, after a blink, all the figures out the window disappear into thin air, the same way the staff member did from earlier. “As the director of interdimensional studies, it’s natural that this crystal of mine is able to view all students studying in the university, right?”
I nodded.
“Here is yours.” She hands me a small necklace, with a small pink crystal on the end the size of a thumbnail. “You are going to need it as part of the adoptions.”
“Adoptions? Ah, I have to help an interdimensional student.” I played with the crystal in my hand before putting the necklace on. “I need this crystal to be able to see them right?”
“Well, no. Not this one.” The director averted her gaze out the window. “You should be able to see this interdimensional student with or without a perception crystal.”
“Huh? I thought you said that people who aren’t from this dimension need a perception crystal to see them.”
“Well, that was because he was born here on Earth. But, their permanent address was in a different dimension in the last 3 years, so he does not qualify for the cheaper international status. This is because of his quite noteworthy family.”
“Oh? Who are they?”
“He is the son of Death.”
Patrick blinked. “Death.”
“Yes, Death.”
“Of course. Right. Mhm. Death. That guy.”
“You are correct. Death.”
He stood up. “Death!? Actual Death?”
“Their full title is the First eternal God, the Great peacemaker of souls.” She pulled out a letter from her drawer. “Unknown to the multiverse, Death had a secret son for 18 years. Their motivation is unknown, but what is known is the unusual circumstances around their child.”
“That’s not… just… Why is Death’s son studying at a university? How did he make a son? Who was the mother?”
“As part of the Interdimensional Student Adoption programme, designed entirely around this student, we want you to make them feel at ease, and stick around him at all times.”
“Isn’t he born on Earth? W-why do I have to ‘adopt’ him? Is he unable to take care of himself?”
“Recall earlier how I mentioned that interdimensional visitors may have violent cultural differences between one another? He *is* the son of Death.” She clears her throat euphemistically.
“Ah, I get it.”
“We simply need someone to stick around him and keep an eye out.”
“But… wait, what could I possibly do in this situation? I saw a dragon the size of a carpark. How am I supposed to protect him from that?”
“It is unlikely you would be able to do anything given a worst case scenario, but thankfully your job is simply to be near him. Since you share the same dimension of birth, anything that could possibly affect him would also affect you, and you can simply tell the network of hidden staff of any findings.”
The solid wooden chair had already worn down Patrick’s posterior, and was pushing into his pelvis. His lower back was as sore as his head.
“I… I… I don’t know about this. I feel a bit scared.”
“All you have to do is stay close to him. As long as you report anything that happens before it happens, everything will be fine.”
“What if I mess up? What if something happens to him?”
“I will be quite honest with you, but this program was constructed out of a direct request from Death and their collaborators. While they didn’t say what they would do, when Death asks you to do something, it is quite clear what the consequences of not doing it would be.”
“Wait, why me?”
“Yes.”
“Why not the university?”
“Because you have been carefully selected to represent the university!”
“...”
“...”
“Am I allowed to say no?”
“Sorry, but we would have to report you if you did.”
“What if I say yes?”
“If you accept, your tuition fees will be cut in half.”
“...okay, I accept.”
With a few consent forms, and a 30 page waiver which he couldn’t understand, Patrick is now adopting a man.
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