Intermission II, Part II: Meditations

By Archcanon Tholer Saryoni, Patriarch of the Tribunal Temple

I look at my life and there are some days where I look back and I can still smell the brine of the ocean’s air coming into Gnaar Mok and there are others where it feels like it was a lifetime ago, but some things never feel that far away—even if you wish they did. This letter from Odros, it reminds me that no matter how far I get from my past, I’ll never escape it. I just wish I could, but some things never change and this is a reminder of that. If only I had known then what I do now, I would’ve never spoken to that pretty little girl who got in over her head with things she didn’t understand I’d never have followed her into the dark, but the past is the past and there is nothing I can do to change it. I just have to look back with acceptance, of both my virtues and my sins, and know that through ALMSIVI I am saved from the evils I brought upon myself following Drulyn.

Normally it does not trouble me as much as it does today, but normally, I do not have a letter from my old teacher upon my desk.

It is painful to look at. It just draws me back to the days when I was lost in the dark chasing a girl who had long gone blind, but I suppose such things do not matter anymore. I suppose all that matters is that an old friend has called upon me and needs me to help him, but can I? Can I allow myself to walk back into the dark? Should I?

That is the thing that I have found to be the most difficult part of my service to the Three. It was once simple. I gave sermons to those who needed guidance, food to those who were hungry, and compassion to those who had never felt it, and I was fulfilled by my service. I felt whole in what I was doing and I felt myself becoming absolved of my crimes, but the Temple is an imperfect organization even if it is devoted to perfect beings. I was called on to do more, to be more, to give more, and of these things I did without question and I did them well, but I slowly found myself more and more removed from what it is to be a servant. I became more and more an icon or an idea than an actual person doing good in the world and this holds true even today.

The Temple hears my words and they adhere to them as they would if they were the words of our gods, but I am no god. I am a mere mortal who is trying to make right the wrongs of his past and as I sit here writing this, looking out at the Holy City, I feel a pit in my stomach and a pain in my heart. Very seldom have I been required to choose between adherence to our traditions and to our doctrine, and to my heart, and it pains me to have to make such a choice when people will look upon my choice and make it their own choice. That is the problem with being a mortal viewed as the voice of a god; I am imperfect, yet they see me as infallible, and thus, they will emulate the choice I make today.

If ever it is discovered my correspondence with Odros, they will think that I have pardoned the crimes of the Sixth House and the heresies they have committed, or they will think that I have fallen to the corruption of the Sixth House when no such thing has happened, but I must chose and I must choose with my heart. I know what it is Odros speaks of; I know what fate will befall our homeland if this destroyer is not stopped and I know that if we do not stand together against it, then countless will suffer eternally as a result of the Sharmat’s reaction and I can not allow this to come to pass. I must not.

I will write my correspondence to Odros and hope it reaches him as his reached me.

May ALMSIVI cast their light upon me as I venture into the Dark oncemore and may they forgive me for my sins. I pray they understand that this time, it is not about a pretty little girl—it is about all of us. It is about everyone who calls my home their own, from the fishermen of Gnaar Mok to the pilgrims of Molag Mar to the Telvanni of Sadrith Mora—we all stand to lose everything if this destroyer is not stopped. I only pray that we are fast enough to put an end to him, lest the Sharmat unleash his horrible curse upon my people—and I will not stand idly by, for no matter how many people may see me as a figure and the voice of gods, I am still a servant and that is what I must do. I must serve my people as I always have, even if it means doing what I fear the most.

-Archcanon Tholer Saryoni, Patriarch of the Tribunal Temple