Intermission I, Part IV: Responsibility

By Dagoth Milos, Former High Priest of Kirinibbi

I set upon this city beneath the Betrayer’s namesake with purpose of unmaking the Abomination and every step has only intensified my zeal for fulfilling this goal, but I have come face-to-face with the one I thought the Abomination to be and I find myself deceived. The Abomination is nowhere to be found, but its presence—its very aura—lives on in another—the infiltrator of Kirinibbi who thought herself too smart for me to pick up on her deception. She is the source of the great illness that plagues the City Below and she is without remorse for her actions; everything about her deeds confirms that she must be brought to justice for her crimes against these people, but there is something in her that gives me pause even as I consider following through on my oath to destroy the Abomination—or her, as it seems she has become it, and that troubles me. I should not be feeling a pause, but only vindication in that my cause is righteous, but I feel no righteous fury as I stand and look upon her—I feel only the gravity of everything she has lost.

I look upon her and I do not see the Abomination; I see myself.

I see myself when I first got sick and how I had to run as fast and as hard as I could beyond the Fence, because I couldn’t deal with the look on Llevos’ face if he was the one to be my executioner, and here she stands, alone and lost in the world, clinging to whatever gives her hope—and that is my house. In more ways than I care to admit, she is my reflection, even if we wear different garb and come from different times, she is me and that is why I can not find the righteous fury that raged within as I came here. I came to destroy the Abomination in both form and thought, but I gaze upon this woman who is little different than Cerebel except in ego, and I stand at a pause.

How can one kill themselves?

As I watch her sleep after our confrontation before the sunrise and the ensuing conversation, I am troubled.

She deserves to die by every measure of justice for her crimes, but her crimes were committed both unwittingly and without realization of the gravity, so I also find myself asking if bringing her to death would be justice—or vengeance. She has damned a thousand lives to join the ranks of the Lost and a thousand more will die sparing them from their torment, but is it justice to condemn those who act without realizing what they do or is it an act of vengeance to try to get some sort of satisfaction from knowing the assailant is receiving their comeuppance? These questions trouble me as much as the way she looks at me now that she knows I will not be the one to unmake her as she thought upon seeing me. Her terror was palpable and it breezed into my mind like the gale winds the Nords are so accustomed to and I felt myself forced to put up a mental guard against it, but she feels safe—secure—and I too feel that from her. She is like the Abomination in that regard, in many regards, but especially that one. We hear the words of Lord Dagoth and are made whole by it, speaking only to him through our prayers, but she and the Abomination are twisted microcosms of Lord Dagoth in that they too hear the thoughts and ‘feel’ the Sixth House as he does, but also, the Abomination spoke as Lord Dagoth did, and I worry more and more that the Abomination lives in her. She is possessing of great power without realizing what it is she holds and that is also one more reason I can not kill her, but even more, it is one more reason I must bring her to Lord Dagoth.

The Abomination acted in defiance of Lord Dagoth; it thought itself to be equal or even superior to Lord Dagoth, but she is young yet and still malleable. She can be sculpted and molded to reach her true potential and with time, shown and taught about the great gift she carries within her. I only hope she comes to understand that she bears the Mark of the Abomination and is in many ways, the Abomination itself, but she does not have to suffer the same fate it did—she could be spared if she is willing to submit.

She will be in my prayers on this night and each night that will come to follow; I only hope that she proves worthy of joining my house in full, lest she face the same fate as her sire.

May Lord Dagoth watch over you, Nevena, for I look upon you with hope that you will be everything Cerebel was not and that you will bring glory unto my house and not try to eat away at it as he once did.

So long as you act in good faith towards my house, I will protect you, Nevena—of this I swear on all that I am. I will show you what it is to be Dagoth and you will be greater than I could ever hope to be—of this too—I swear.

-Dagoth Milos, Former High Priest of Kirinibbi