Now what kind of dog-shit luck did I run into to get into this scenario?

Of course an elf that decides to take a bath in the middle of a forest only a few hundred meters away from an active warzone without supervision would end up being a princess of the entire elf kingdom.

Of course that same elf is the number one magic prodigy in the entire kingdom and as a result ends up isolated from the outside world due to her untouchable status.

Of course this prodigy ends up being truly touched by my words because of the “sincerity” behind them and the lack of figures in her life that ever complimented her for anything other than her superficial attributes.

What kind of cliché world is this?

It feels almost as if someone ripped a page straight out of a fantasy novel and just pasted it into my life.

However, much unlike the traditional isolated princess trope, this elf lady is crazy.

I don’t mean crazy as in she acts wild or unrestrained, I mean crazy as in a psychotic mental ward patient that has been detained for the murder of three innocent children on the self-justified reason that the children were annoying for merely existing.

Lovely. Absolutely lovely.

One might ask, how did I figure out about this fact?

Well, let’s just say that I was assaulted in the middle of the night with a knife made of ice pressed against my throat and the elf lady leaning over me…

…actually, I’m still running from the elf right now.

Damn it! I never asked for this!

I’ve finally survived for one entire day, is all my hard work going to end like this?

All of this arose from my one fatal mistake: trying to get to know the elf lady a little bit better.

I wasn’t trying to dig too far into the story of her life; in fact, I was trying to figure out more about this world while pretending to be interested in her past.

It all started when I began asking her questions about who she was and about her life in the kingdom.

From a young age, the elf lady had been a tom-boy - always hanging out with the other young noble boys that were around the palace and romping about as boys usually do.

However, as she began to reach her teenage years, the princess began to be discouraged by her maids and instructors to stop hanging out with boys and begin acting more like a lady while her male friends started to distance themselves from her for being a girl.

From that point on, she began to distance herself from society as a whole while pursuing magic underneath the tutelage of her instructors and eventually becoming widely known as the number one genius in the entire kingdom.

Eventually, her old friends tried to get close to her once again; but the feeling of being praised with comments about her beauty or her prodigious talent disgusted her and she ended up acting cold towards those who initially rejected her for her femininity.

Despite all of this, the princess was still similar to most other women in the regards of love - desiring someone who would understand her and truly love her for who she was on the inside, not for her outside characteristics.

Because of this, the elf lady was touched through my “heartfelt” monologue and saw that I was a person not blinded by her beauty or aware of her talents.

And, as a result, she ended up developing feelings for me which she thought was love at her first sight.

An interesting backstory, no?

I mean, I would accept her love if not for bat-shit psychotic nature.

Nevertheless, she thought that I would reciprocate the feelings that she felt towards me and…

Well, here I am.

Running away from a psychotic woman with the ability to control ice in the middle of a forest.

*Sigh…*

Is this what they call, “Out of the frying pan and into the fire?”

This is why you can never trust women, one moment they’re all kind and sweet while in another moment they’re the catalysts of demons, turning your life into a literal living hell.

“Come out, come out, come out wherever you are~!”

Shit. Calm your breathing, body. Calm, calm, calm.

I can’t be discovered like this.

I’ve come so far, it wouldn’t be fair to die here like this.

Hurry up, body! I know you want oxygen, but I would rather suffocate to death than be caught by that elf!

“You can’t hide forever from me, my love. I will find you and then we can be together, forever~!”

What are you, a character from a horror game? Get the hell away from me already! I’m not here, I’m somewhere else far, far, far away! Why don’t you check the other side of the forest? I’m sure you’ll find me there.

*Rustle, rustle.*

“Is that you, my dear? Let’s end this game soon so we can become one sooner~!”

If you exist, thank you, god.

I don’t know what made that rustling noise, but it distracted h-

“Ah, so that’s where you were hiding. People always lose their guard when they think that they are safe, dearest~!”

…

I’m screwed, aren’t I?

I can already hear and feel her breath on my neck.

“I can’t have you running off again, so bear with me while I freeze you, darling~!”

A chilliness is rising up my legs.

What’s the possibility that it’s ice and not just my nerves sending panicked messages to my brain?

I think the answer to that question is…

…clear from the fact that …

…everything is slowly…

…going dark.