La da diddly dee.

That dwarf sure is persistent as hell.

He’s been close at my tail for a while now and I’m already halfway through the forest.

However, all this time while running, a magnificent plan began to formulate in my brain - a plan so grand and intellectual that I really want to call myself a genius right now.

The first step? Why, that involves following the sound of water.

Ohohoho, isn’t my brain huge? Can’t you see the pure strength of the muscle that my mind is? Aren’t I quite simply the greatest mastermind to ever live on the face of this earth?

No?

Fair enough. To be honest, it’s a plan that almost anyone could come up with if they were in my shoes.

You have killy-killy man over here and killy-killy lady over there, wouldn’t it be natural to let the two killy-killy people meet each other and end up killing either the former or the latter in the process?

…you know, instead of being a genius, I think I’m starting to go insane.

What the hell was that nonsense that just spewed into my head? La da diddly dee? Huge brain? Killy-killy? I sound like an actual five-year-old who’s just binged an entire line of horror and fantasy movies in an alternating manner and is now spitting literal garbage out of his throat. The exhaustion, the gradually declining adrenaline rush, and the psychological torment of resurrecting from the dead twice within the span of two hours must be getting to my brain.

Besides that, this plan of mine is rather decent as it takes care of two birds with… well, each other. Instead of killing two birds with one stone, I’m throwing a stone at one bird and getting the other to...

No. I don’t want to fall deeper into psychopathy as my brain cells die off one by one from entertaining this train of thought. I’ve fallen deep enough into insanity and I don’t feel like diving any deeper.

Back to the task on hand, I didn’t fall into the lake in my previous attempt at life because of lack of coordination or loss of balance. No, the cause of my fall was the sudden collapse of earth beneath my feet just as I was walking around a thicket of plant matter.

Just a little further now, body. We’re almost there. All you have to do is avoid the spot of earth where you fell and then you ca-

AHHHHHHH!

*Splash~!*

DAMN IT!

I’ve made the same mistake over. This derails my plans quite a-

“AHHHHHHH!”

*Splash~!*

Huh, it would appear that it’s perfectly normal to fall off an edge of the cliff.

Either that or Mr. Dwarf and I are both idiots.

However, this time I didn’t piss my pants. I think that’s already a fantastic step up from…

Shut up, five-year-old me. I don’t need any of your halfwit commentary in a time like this.

I've got a murder-crazed dwarf that's chasing after me and you accelerating the decay of my brain mass isn't exactly helping.

“Ya can’t keep runnin’ any more ya cheeky lil’ bastard! Stop bein’ a coward and fight me lik’ a real man!”

Hell no, dwarf man. I would fight you if I had a weapon, but you keep on chasing after me with that damn sword all over the place while I only have my bare hands.

But also, unlike you, I have a secret weapon that you don’t know about.

Swim, my body, swim! Reach the edge of the pool before you hear the words:

“Eeeeek! Pervert!”

Right on time, lady.

Despite my fatigue and overt desire to hibernate like a bear for three months, I make it to the edge of the lake before ice begins to coat the surface of the water.

“Wat in da… Ahck!”

Sorry dwarf man, but perhaps don’t try killing me in the next life and you could potentially not die a painful death each time I survive.

No time to watch, though. I need to get out of here before the ice lady can get to…

“And where do you think you’re going, human?”

Uh-oh. Time freeze!

The lady soon becomes motionless like a doll and I take a short moment to observe both her and my immediate surroundings.

Standing there covered in a white dress decorated with daffodils and having a head full of long, silver hair still damp from the water of the lake, piercing eyes the color of sapphire, flawless pale skin that contained the essence of the moon, and pointed ears that matched the description of your typical fantasy elf, this lady was most certainly the dream girl of almost every man in existence.

Except for me of course.

Who the hell would be attracted to a lady, no matter how beautiful, that’s trying to kill you? I realize that may be some sick fetish or kink that a degenerate might have, but I’m still sane enough to know what’s good for my own personal livelihood.

But where did she get that dress? Wasn’t she still naked just a few moments ago?

I mean, it’s only natural to ponder how something that didn’t exist now appears out of thin air.

It’s not like I wanted to see her breasts or…

Get the hell out of my head, five-year-old me. I don’t need any of your bullshit in a time like this when I should be thinking of my current options and how to get out of this mess.

Now, back to the more important matters at hand.

Unfortunately for me, It would appear that this lake is situated at the bottom of a valley - this means that the steep hills surrounding me on all sides make the possibility of running away from this ice witch zero.

There are only two remaining options left: to talk or to fight.

The chance of me winning a fight against the elf is also practically nil as she can control ice without putting too much effort or thought into it. I’d end up block of frozen ice like the poor dwarf man in the frozen lake.

That leaves talking as my only option left.

Luckily enough for me, the ice lady had enough courtesy to initiate the conversation herself. The fact that she decided to talk to me before freezing me gives me a clear opportunity to try and convince her before she follows through with her human-flavored ice cube manufacturing process.

Now… what to say?

I think I might have an idea.

Time release!

“Thank you, Miss Elf, for rescuing me from that terrible dwarf!”

At once I place my left knee against the ground, bow my head, and clasp my hands together above my head in a display of gratitude.

Silence.

Although I’m not quite certain whether I’ve convinced her or not, the fact that I haven’t died yet means that my tactic is working.

“I was chased by the evil dwarf for quite some time now and it’s only thanks to you that I was able to get out alive. If you were not there to stop him, I may have died to his blade in but a few short moments!”

Continued silence.

I truly do hope that my act is working. If I do not hear a response from the elf lady soon, that might not mean good things for me. Either she is contemplating the method in which I should be eliminated or whether my story is truly trustworthy.

Whichever it may be, I need to make my acting even more convincing; I need to kick up my performance to the very next level.

“How can I ever repay your kindness? I am but a frail human; there isn’t much that I am capable of on my own. But, if there is in anyway shape or form that I am able to pay, I am willing to act as long as it is within the limits of my ability!”

Even more silence.

Shit.

Now that I think about it, my mini-monologue must have sounded really cheesy, huh?

I’m curious though, what’s the expression on her face right now?

How close was I to getting her sympathy?

Well, if I’m going to die anyways, I might as well take a look and see, right?

…

Huh?

Why the hell is the elf lady blushing?