I once had a name, a long time ago. Like most of my race, I was born in the Secret Kingdom, land of the tengu. I have almost no detailed memories of my family, but they must have been people of good standing, since I was given a good education.

Vision and speech, those are the two things that the gods have enhanced for the Tengu. The ability to to see the flow of things and then speak in order to manipulate them. Windspeaker, Earthspeaker, Waterspeaker and Firespeaker. Without exception, any Tengu with superlative abilities will possess one of these four titles, as an honor and recognition.

I was an exceptionally gifted child and from an early age it seemed like those around me expected me to be capable of obtaining at least one of those titles, if not multiple titles. As for me, I didn't really care about it that much. Caring about the thoughts of those around me was never a forte of mine. What I craved instead was knowledge. Seeing and listening to the wind was fascinating and quite satisfying to me. I learned so much, there were so many new things that I could barely keep up. Really, I believe that I am in no way lying when I say that my early years were the best days of my life.

The earth, the water and the fire had their own stories, their own knowledge. It was like an gigantic spring, pouring forth. And how thirstily I drank of it, I drank such huge gulps of that water of knowledge, almost to the point of drowning. And perhaps I did drown. Before I realized it, I could see new and mysterious flows that not only could I not see before, but which originated from things that there shouldn't be a flow from: Living things.

Innocently enough, I asked one of my master what did it mean, after all, the Tengu should not be able to perceive the flow of life, right? I don't remember the face he made then, but I remember that he was quite distressed. He rebuked me, although I didn't know the reason why, and told me to forget about it, act as if I was unable to see them. I was forbidden from ever broaching the subject again, with anyone.

Being a well-educated child, I complied with not speaking of it to anyone else, but equally being just a child, I could not help being led by my curiosity and impulse to learn. And learn I did. I observed the plants and animals in the garden of my house, no matter how small. Although I did not speak to them directly, I learned so much more from them than anyone else could. Of course, I did not slack in my other studies, so to my masters, it must have seemed like I was meditating by myself. Nothing special happened for quite a while as I grew and learned.

The first problem I encountered was during a party, an important social gathering of important people of sorts I believe. As I remember it, the host of the party had quite a beautiful daughter and it is quite possible that I had been attracted to that young woman, which would explain the foolish actions I took. That daughter had quite a precious pet. A dog, if my memory serves me right, but the poor thing was quite sick at the occasion, and she was dreadfully worried about its life. Perhaps ultimately wanting to curry favor with her, I asked to see the terminally ill pet.

It was the first time I had seen a creature wavering between life and death, or perhaps it was the first time I paid attention to such a situation. It's flow was so... fragile, so... dear, so... fascinating. Seeing it along with that young woman's sad face was something special. I can no longer remember her face, but I clearly remember the feelings conveyed. Determined to see a smile in her face, I manipulated the dog's life, I spoke not to it, but to its body, and making use of my power and knowledge, I destroyed its illness and made it stronger. I could not turn back the clock and make it younger, but in many respects, who could tell the difference?

She smiled. I had fulfilled my objective, at least the objective of a foolish young man. I did not see the horror in the face of her servant, who was accompanying us. If I did, perhaps then I might have understood the gravity of what I had done.

A week later, when I was sharpening these newly acquired skills of mine, becoming more and more fascinated with what happened when the flow of life became the flow of death, I was called by my father. His voice was serious, very serious as I remember. Being the foolish young man that I was, I was quite elated. In my ignorant young head, I thought that the young woman, full of gratitude, had spoken well of me to her father, and perhaps from that we might have received the offer of a possible engagement. Try to imagine how confused I was at seeing an assembly of every teacher I had up until then.

I remember that they started by admitting that I was probably the most gifted tengu to have been born in hundreds of years, which was why they were willing to overlook the mistakes I had committed until that moment, if I only swore to stop playing with life and death. Now, I will not be so cynical as to say that I was blameless and everything was the fault of the foolish adults that were responsible for my education, but really, for a group of people dedicated to teaching young people, they sure were terrible at dealing with exceptional young people like me.

I might have been playing dumb with myself, perhaps I wasn't actually able to admit it to myself. Still, regardless of self-deception, the truth was that I did not fully comprehend the powers that I was then just starting to develop and frankly, that was part of the reason why I kept pursuing that knowledge: Because I didn't really know where it led. I needed to know, and yet nobody told me. All I was told was to just throw away my knowledge, my path, because that path was forbidden.

Why is it forbidden? As I innocently asked the question, I was met with only rebukes and orders to shut up and listen to my elders. However, with only a simple pledge to not continue doing what I was doing and to never talk about it to anyone else, I was left unpunished.

From that day on, I saw that many more people were discreetly trying to observe me at all times. This made my learning much more difficult, but not impossible. I might not have realized that what I was doing was wrong in some way, but I sure realized that I shouldn't let other people know about it.

A year later, I was once again at that young woman's house for another commemoration. Now that I think about it, it might have been her birthday. Once again, her pet was ill and nearing the end of its life. Full of hope, at the end of the party, she asked me to repeat the same miracle of the preceding year. I lied to her, telling that it had been something that I could do only once in any living creature. Saddened, she could only cry, lamenting the suffering that her poor pet must be going through. I whispered to her that, if she could arrange for a more private meeting, I at least might arrange for a peaceful death for the dog. Part of me might have wanted to just be closer to her. She considered for a moment and said that if she managed it, she would contact me.

Among tengu nobility, such encounters might be somewhat common, for it didn't take long for one of my servant's to give me a message from her. I met with her not long after and, following her wish, I severed the flow of life of her pet, ending its misery with nigh a whine of pain. It was the first time I had done such a thing and would eventually give me yet another insight into the nature of things. Yet, the insight did not come right then, since for a while after that all I did was talk with that young woman. She was precious to me, almost as precious as seeking that knowledge.

The months after that were the apogee of my glory. I was the first tengu in hundreds of years to be awarded all four titles of mastery, I had also managed to become engaged to the young woman. A bright future seemed to open itself in front of me. Except for one thing... I kept pursuing the forbidden arts. Little over a year had passed since our engagement, one month remained before our wedding.

Her great-grandfather was dying and just like she asked me to save her pet a second time, she asked me to save her great-grandfather for a first time. I couldn't use the same excuse I did with her pet. I considered and weighted things. I told her that what I did was not well seen and that we could get into trouble. She didn't care. He meant so much to her and she meant so much to me. I couldn't resist her and, in the end, I gave in and saved her great-grandfather. This time, it wouldn't end with just a warning.

I was summoned before the entire council of elders, along with the king. Despite multiple warnings, I had not stopped pursuing the forbidden arts. Due to my abilities I was afforded plenty of tolerance, or so I was told, but things had reached a point were my transgressions could no longer be ignored. They would either have me comply in the deepest sense of the word, or I would be exiled.

If I wished to stay and continue my life in the Secret Kingdom, I would have to accept being blinded. A blind tengu cannot make use of our unique ability, and it would be a great loss. However, after that everything would be forgiven and I would still be accepted as a teacher and an example of foolishness gone too far. My marriage would still happen. I would essentially be a cripple, but I wouldn't be shunned, in fact, I remember being told that I would be honored for my sacrifice and repentance. I don't remember her face, but I remember the voice of the one who would become my wife begging me to make this choice, that she was eternally grateful to me for saving her great-grandfather, and that she would forgive any fault in me for that.

Unfortunately, it was too late. Haughtily, I asked why I should give up that great power that I had accumulated over all those years. I was finally given a halfway decent answer: Long ago, tengu honed power not unlike mine, the power to read the flow of life and death. It made them immortal and extremely powerful, but in the end it brought great ruin to all tengu. At the point I had reached, it was all too tempting, not just for me, but for all tengu. My wife to be asked me to save her great-grandfather, who else might be tempted to make me save their relative? How long until I performed more and more miraculous things? I had two choices: I could seal my powers permanently and stay or I could leave in exile. I wished then, and I still wish things had been more thoroughly explained to me before. It was too late.

I could not give it up. I was, I am, so close to something... to an answer. I do not know the question, but I know that the answer will lead me to the ultimate enlightenment. Thus, I left my homeland, abandoning everything. I was also stripped of everything, my name was taken, my things, my position. My wife to be had never been engaged to anyone, my parents only had three children, not four. Any records of my having ever existed were destroyed. I could only lament in my heart. How could my people learn from their mistakes if they tried so hard to completely forget them? Taking only a few clothes and many masks with which I would hide my sinner's face from the world, I left my homeland and started roaming the world, still after that answer of which I do not know the question.