You remember that alcohol, the one that I brewed, that I stored away for times of troubles.

It’s the only thing that has gotten me past these cold cold days.

I was never this heavy of a drinker back on earth, but I’m guessing that’s because I lived in a warmer climate.

It’s cold, it’s fucking cold.

I understand why the Irish and Soviets did nothing but drink now.

Because it is fucking cold, the food is always cold.

There’s nothing to do but work then drink.

And drink and drink and drink.

Have I become an alcoholic?

Naw I can stop whenever I want to.

But, but, but right now, right in front of me my stash has been found.

Those fuckers, Cain and Lotus!

Those assholes are enjoying the best years of their lives, going on adventures, getting stronger, getting chummer with one another.

Fuck and now they’re going to take my booze and use it to create a wonderful youthful memory that they can look back on fondly and shit.

Screw Them!

I am definitely in the right here and that means I have to right to retaliate.

When some someone steals your most precious things you have a duty to fight back.

It’s not like I am addicted to alcohol, it’s just that I have my dignity on the line here.

Next thing I know I’m running at them and spouting incomprehensible slurs trying to snatch the bag in their hands.

I’m promptly knocked out.

…

Now that I think about it, I never had any dignity to begin with. I can still remember the day I sold my dignity, it was when I was around 8 or 9 I think, me and my family were in Thailand for a vacation. We were in this one mall and there was a bunch of games that I wanted to buy, but I had no money. Fast forward to the night of the same day, I ask my older sisters if they could give me money to buy a game, they said yes as long as I do something fun for them. Next thing I know I’m wearing a gel push-up bra holding a 500 Baht bill posing as they took pictures of me. Yeah I never had any dignity to begin with.

…

I seem to be getting into a stupid pattern of getting the shit beaten out of me while remembering shitty experiences from my last life, let’s put an end to that ok.

I wake up and both Cain and Lotus are looking down at me with worried expressions.

Cain is the first to speak.

“I remember hearing about it from Tall bro a few years back, your hearing voices in your head aren’t you?

Don’t believe them, they are evil”

His eye were really worried, what when did we ever have this relationship?

I barely ever see you, but you’re being stern with me, what makes a punk like you think you can care about me.

But you know, it nice that someone cares hahaha, I’m sure you make a good father.

Lotus chips in his two cents as well.

“No matter what happens, remember that you are in control of your own life.”

And now I’ve been mistaken as a psychopath, great.

Different from Cain, Lotus on the other hand is really that sort of guy that will support you and help you up when you’re down.

The sort of guy that takes into consideration what the other party’s thinking about, I guess, I’ve never really talked with him, but that the sort of vibe I get.

He sure would make a good wife.

Oh wow what this warm feeling inside me.

These people sure are kind.

Wow Wii, gosh all mighty they are so kind~

Is this how everyone in a web-novel feels about the MC?

If I were a girl, I’d gushing myself right now and throwing myself at them.

That’s how girls work when they are attracted to a male, right?

I might as well try to explain that, that bag was mine and that I was really upset over it.

Yeah they’ll understand

…

One long long long long long harangue latter.

I was finally released, but my booze was confiscated.

They believed (for the most part) that I wasn’t insane, but gave me a long lecture about how kids my age shouldn’t be drinking.

And that I should think about the debts that we are facing, and to live a good and honest life even though the adventurers occupation is very seedy one at its lower levels, and to keep on practicing every day, to not be cocky when doing quests and to rely on others, and to make sure when talking to others that I should be polite, and that…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Yeah, anyway I’m going to have to find another spot to hide my booze from now on.

I know I should be listening to the great lessons that your older siblings hand down to you, but I’m pretty sure that no one can follow that sort of life to the dot.

So I won’t bother, I’m not that straight laced a kind of guy.

I’ll just keep on doing whatever while making sure not to do most of the bad things, that should be enough right~

Even though I know all these proverbs, aphorisms, and lessons it’s not like I can really change who I am any more I’m like 27 now.

But maybe had I followed the things that my dad and siblings said, just maybe I wouldn’t have ended up as a lifeless waste of space that didn’t know what the hell he wanted to do…

Ehh go away sad and depressing thoughts, I’m living a new life now, and in this one there’s no internet to distract me from doing the things I should, also I’ve got a really involved family that makes me exercise and learn even if I don’t want to.

Even if I’m a rotten person at his core, that doesn’t mean that I can’t act like a decent person.

Just like that quote: “the fake in its attempt become the real thing, becomes more real than the real thing.”

Even if I was a loner with no friends, that doesn’t mean I can’t try and attempt to be some sort of decent person.

And hell maybe one day after following the motions enough I too can become a decent person ghahahaha!

But this argument only exists on the basis that I believe that I’m a bad person.

So in a way the only thing keeping me from becoming is a good person is myself.

Thinking that I have to act a certain way in order to become a good person, I’m I trying to fit my own definition of what a good person is, or somebody else’s.

The eternal conundrum: which came first the chicken or the egg?

Does being a good person mean thinking like a good person and doing good things?

Or is it doing good things and thinking about them later.

If you think about doing something good before doing it isn’t it dishonest?

For example before helping an old lady cross the street you think, if you think about helping her across the street because you want her thanks to boost your ego, then help her after thinking isn’t that being a good person with a purpose. Isn’t that purpose dishonest, versus helping an old lady cross the street just because you’re a nice person, just helping her without thinking. Isn’t the latter person who helps without thinking a genuinely good person?

For now I guess that’s my definition, maybe one day if I keep acting like a good person I might be able to become a good that does good deeds without having to think about them.

The mind is evil, the body is honest.

Maybe the quote is supposed to mean I’ll form some holistic view of this problem and that will be better than the answer I was looking for.

I don’t know, I should have finished learning Japanese in my last life and read Subashitty so I would have had some idea what I was talking about. Instead of gleaning a bunch of shit from what others had to say about its themes and ideals.

Ehh still depressing, oh well I won’t think about it, what you don’t think about isn’t a problem, there QED haha.

Hmm I wonder how straight laced people Like Cain and Lotus think.

Do they scrutinize every action they take throughout their lives, reflecting and becoming better people as they live?

When they look at others do they see themselves as people who lived different lives, or do they see other people separate entities altogether; do they have a need to bring other people to their level, or do they think that everyone can act as they please, but only to a certain standard.

Or maybe they’re still 16 or 17 year old who are still in the mists of puberty trying to find themselves, I don’t think so this world is pretty different by 15 one is considered an adult.

I still don’t get the common sense of the people in this world, well I’ve only ever interacted with half the people in this family and that the extent of all the interactions I’ve had in this world.

Elf bro is kind and melancholy tries to act like a reliable adult, but has lots of worries that show.

Blonde sis is really spiteful about the debt, but never involves in her troubles, she only complains about those things to us kid, but gets over it and plays with us right after.

Tall bro is masculinity incarnate, he’s the fucking alpha, the leader, tons of charisma and always gets you to train or learn knowing that it’s for your best interests, he’s really overwhelming I wonder if that’s good or bad, oh well.

Gloomy bro is well gloomy; I guess you could say he’s like a web-novel MC kind others, self-deprecating.

Varvara is a floating rock sponge that does mathematical calculations, yep that’s her. The best way I can explain it is that she’s the type of person that will get all the ass female or male; she’s also great to talk to. I’d offer my ass to her too, but I know better than that. She really is amazing and a great listener she’s an individual unbound by other’s I can’t really rely on her to get a good view of this world.

Leo is the purest thing I’ve ever seen in my life.

I feel like my dirty being will melt just looking at him, hehe it feels good having a kid like him look up to me.

Besides that I’ve haven’t really talked to anyone enough to get a feel for their person.

The trio is bunch of children sent by some country, so I guess they are very loyal and patriotic.

Nona is so quiet; I don’t think I’ve ever talked to her either.

*sigh*

Whatever I still don’t know who I am, or where I am, besides a stupid punk that just wanted to run away from everything for no reason and ended up in a Winter-fuckyou-land.

I’m me, I’m all I want to be, I’m not them, so I’ll keeping doing things my own way; isn’t that enough?

Yeah, let’s keep going with that.

Rest in Peace batch #12.