-Diary 1

I love my oneechan!

She often praise me to be cute, she likes to compliment me, and she smiles a lot.

We often not meet with our parents because of their work, so we were close because there's only two of us at home.

What is to compliment about my oneechan? Well, she was pretty and slender, with long hair that sometimes i was jealous of. though she complains that her breast is lacking at her age I never thought that there's anything wrong with that and saying that she was pretty, like a model.

After I said that, she hugged and praised me as the best sister in the world.

Um, i love you too oneechan!

Anyway,

My oneechan is the best sister in the world.

-Diary 2

Today, she looked depressed.

When i asked her, she said her best friend had taken a distance lately from her because of a misunderstanding.

Trying to cheer her up, i pat her head and saying that she was doing her best already and praising her.

It was really effective. She hugged me and start to crying.

Um, oneechan is adorable too like this. Kinda like a small animal.

I love my oneechan the most!

...though, isn't she hugging me a bit too tight?

-Diary 3

Today, i was shocked.

Oneechan cut her long beautiful hair to a short hair.

She said she doesn't mind and it feels better this way, since a long hair is troublesome to maintain.

But, I don't like it. So i was crying when i saw her like that.

She got panicked a bit and start to hug me to calm me down.

Umu, oneechan is so kind. That's why i love her.

Strangely, she keeps panting and getting excited while hugging me while saying "haaa.. haa.. my imouto smell… so small, so adorable... pant..pant"

Um, it must be just my imagination right?

-Diary 4

Lately, my oneechan is getting strange.

She often glance to my side while pretending to watch movie together, or peeking me from a distance.

When we take a bath together, her face is feverish and she seems to struggle when it's her turn to wash me while keep saying "Nuoohh! Hold still, my right hand of mine! Pant pant, curses this right hand! You evil! This is not the time yet, you swine!"

In the end, I didn't want to trouble her so I wash myself up.

Oneechan looked like the world was ending when i am doing that.

Um, I don't know why, but cheer up oneechan!

-Diary 5

She was not at home today.

She said she had some meeting with a psychologist.

When i asked what is she going to consult for, she avoided eye contact and saying "Just.. some minor business about my friend, you don't have to worry? Yep"

Well I didn't plan to pry too much. Oneechan might have her own problem that she doesn't want anyone know.

But still, i wish she told me at least.

When she was gone, i saw some books scattered around in the living room.

I was getting curious, so i took a glance of it.

The title of the book was "how to legalize the same sex marriage", "is it wrong to love despite the difference of age" and "the country where a same sex marriage is allowed"

Huh? I don't understand most of it but was oneechan is going to marry someone?

-Diary 6

Today, i asked her if she was going to leave to somewhere else.

If oneechan is getting married, i would be lonely.

Father and mother is not at home, and its so quiet if i was at home alone.

She was hugging me and crying "NUOOOHHH! Don't worry, imouto! Oneechan is not going anywhere! I will always be with you forever!"

Feeling her words, i knew that she wasn't lying. So i am glad.

Thankfully, it was just my imagination.

After that, our neighbour is coming to visit.

Honestly, i don't like him so much because he often glaring at me while squinting his eyes and fixing his glasses. Like he was angry with me..

But since i saw him quite often with oneechan, i was enduring it. I don't want to cause trouble to oneechan.

After some small talk, oneechan and him are saying they want to discuss something, so he was going to her room.

Huh? What are they going to do together in her room?

I was getting worried that they might done something strange, so i was hiding beside oneechan room.

When i close my ears to wall, i heard some things that they're said.

"Why didn't you understand my feelings!? Were you only playing with me all along!? I thought we were soulmates! Which had been bonded from thick and thin together!"

"I could say the same to you! Imagine my feelings when i thought someone is finally understand, yet that person is actually dirty backstabber disguised as comrade!"

"So was it just a lie!? Were you just planning to using me as your sexual frustration dumpster and throw me away all along!? All that passionate talk, all that determination, was it not the truth after all!?"

"As if! I was always serious!"

Hawawa.. what is this?

Is this, what i heard occasionally in tv dramas. A lover spat?

Could it be, the one oneechan troubled lately is.…

Uu, i wish i didnt heard about it.

But, if oneechan is happy with that guy. Then i might be able to accept it.. eventually…

"Her cheek is pink, the feeling of munyu munyi when your cheeks touching with her is amazing! Licking her feel so sweet, and if she was blushed while i was doing that it was the best!"

"Hah, thats why i told you amateur. When you talked about her best part, it was definitely her legs! I was looking forward for the future...no, the one right now is the best! It doesn't need to be changed at all! Viva la little girls!"

"You lolicon 2D bastard! Didnt you said you weren't interested with a real woman!?"

"She wasn't at the age when she could be called a woman yet, so it was still safe!"

"You asshole! Thats exactly the excuse that criminal makes. Want me to break your damn glasses, lolicon bastard!?"

"Quit calling me a lolicon! I am what society today calls as perverted gentleman! Quit comparing me with those criminals! My feelings are more pure!"

"That's like a pot calling the kettle black! You disgusting walking obscenity man! Have more shame as a adult!"

"Like you're the one talking! Bragging about how she feels, how she taste, everytime you open that foul dirty mouth of yours! One look at this room, one could clearly said who is the criminal here! You ero obscene bitch!"

"Aah? Now you said it. Lets pick this fight outside! I am going to freaking murder you and break your glasses first!"

"What's my glasses got to do with anything!? But i will not run, bring it on you siscon complex bitch! I will kill you today and make her as my sister"

"SHE WAS MY SISTEEEERRRRR!!"

A loud clang and voice is happening after that.

One can feel the yelling, insult, fist, and blood from the voice alone.

"......."

Huh?

I was getting blanked for a moment.

I don't understand their conversation, but from what i know oneechan is not going anywhere probably.

I should be glad.

I should be happy.

But…

I wonder why, why did i feel uneasy instead?

I leave them quietly and hiding into my room before they notice me.

Huh? Why did it feels like i was trying to running away from my oneechan?

-Diary 7

Today, oneechan is going home drunk.

It seems like she was having an after work party with her company workers.

Um, she was hopeless. But i love my oneechan.

I helped her standing, and asked if she wants to sleep or eating.

She was happily saying bath. Even though I didn't include it in the choices at all.

Um, okay then? I'll prepare the hot water then. Oneechan can take a bath, i'll clean it up later.

But she was saying again "togetheer" and not listening to me.

Um? But it was already middle of night oneechan. Besides, I already take a bath earlier.

But she start to pouting "No,no. I wanna go together with my cute imouto!" Like a little child and throwing a tantrum.

Aww, oneechan is hopeless.

But it wasn't a bad feeling having her relying on me.

Mou, It can't be helped then.

…….

I was washing my oneechan back, while she looked sleepy.

I am starting to get sleepy too. I want to finish this early.

But when i want to finish early, oneechan said she wants to wash my back.

Um, i was going to refuse and wrap it early. But oneechan looks like she was going to cry if i refuse. So i allowed her too.

But contrary to what i thought. When she was supposed to wash my back, she touches my chest instead.

"Hyaaahhn!?"

Uh, i let out a strange voice.

I didn't used to be touched at place other than my back by oneechan, so that was kinda surprising.

I wonder if she was mad. Oneechan didn't move after touching my chest.

Oneechan looked at me strangely, while having a heavy breathing.

Um? Her eyes is kinda scary. I never seen her like this.

Then, as if something inside her snapped.

She embrace me from behind.

Um, oneechan? Its getting kinda embarassing..Hyah?

"Awuu.."

She play bite with my ears.

Being hugged tightly, i cannot move.

I can feel her body warmth closing with mine.

Something that pressed me..nothing. it feels hard like a rib on my back though.

I thought it was going to be stopped only at that, but.

"Haahii!?"

She start to touch me on below too.

Wait, oneechan!? this was getting embarrassing!

It feels good, but scary at same time.

Feeling my skin and body all over, i can feel hers too.

Um, what is this strange feeling?

Getting dizzy from the steam and being touched, i was in daze.

Then,

Oneechan slowly brings my face closer to hers with her hand.

"Haaa haaa.."

She looked at me with expression that looks to be embarrassed, yet wanting to cry at the same time.

".....!?"

She start to put her lips together with mine.

Then, like a snake, her tongue is twirling inside mine.

"Uuh.. ummph"

After some time passed.

She was finally letting me go.

I was in daze, but so was she.

She looked at me with feverish eye.

I never seen her eyes like this.

Then, slowly.

She start to open her lips and saying something.

"..i..love.."

But, before she can finish.

"No!"

I pushed her back.

…

She looked surprised, but so am i.

Then,

I start to coming out from the bath then hurriedly wearing my pajamas.

After that, i was running to my room. Leaving my oneechan behind in the bathroom.

I was quietly cowering below my blanket in the bed.

I was scared.

But not because of oneechan action, its just...

Honestly I kinda have a guess of what oneechan is actually want.

But, i feel like if i accept it, our relationship will change forever.

I was scared.

Scared of losing oneechan.

Scared of losing myself.

Oneechan face back then cannot disappear from my mind.

Probably, I cannot forget it for the rest of my life.

I was a coward, didnt i?

Oneechan…

Sorry if i hurt you.

-Diary 8

The first thing i saw when i was coming out from my room.

Oneechan was (dogeza) prostrating herself in front of my room, while still wearing a towel.

Oneechan, it was embarrassing so please stand up and wear some clothes!

After i said that, she was slowly lifting her face to me.

Her forehead looks red. Was she prostrating since the last night?

Gee, oneechan. I wasn't angry you know? I was just surprised last night.

But, she didn't believe me and start to get teary eyes.

Finally, she was bawling and said "i am sorry" and "you can do whatever you want to me as an apology!"

Oneechan, please don't cry. I don't want to see you cry like that.

Calming her down took all day.

Geez, now who is the big sister here.

But it wasn't a bad feeling.

Patting her head while she was sleeping in my lap, i was relieved that oneechan is still oneechan.

Yup, i do love oneechan the most after all.

-Diary 9

As expected, she was having fever from all night staying outside half naked.

She was sleeping in dad room because it was more comfortable to sleep there, and the room heater is better.

Uhm, because oneechan is sick i would do my best to act as the oneechan today!

So i was done washing clothes, hanging the laundry, doing the cooking…

Huh? I dont think it was any different from things that i usually do. Come to think about it, oneechan is suck at housework isn't she?

Oh right. Since i have time, i am gonna clean oneechan room.

Ufu, i never saw her room for quite a long time. I hope she will praise me after.

Its dark, since oneechan is not returning to her room last night.

So i slowly turned on the light.

And saw…

"......."

What..?

……

My mind is getting blank.

If i put it in words, this room is me.

No, not something as simple like that.

To be exact, there's only me in this room.

Theres a photo and poster of me in the wall, ceiling, and floor.

With various pose and clothes. Some that I don't even remember i was ever seeing. Even when i was younger, how long had been this photo taken?

There was a mug and case pattern with my picture, with pose while i was taking a bath, sleeping, smiling, crying, angry. Her bed and pillow have a picture of half nude me, seems like the image is man made by computer instead of photo.

What is this? since when she was taking this photo?

I was getting scared and slowly walking back, and i accidently hit the drawer makes the content is pouring out.

"Hii?"

I found my panties, underwear that i thought was missing from my room. Also.

A..book? Seems like a diary.

"...."

I've got a feeling that i shouldn't open it...

It was locked with various chain, like the content inside is not supposed to be pouring out.

It was a forbidden book that its content is not meant to be unleashed outside the world.

But…

But…

Perhaps, i should see whats inside after all?

Choices :

-look (normal ending)

-don't look at it (???)

…..

*from here on, the ending is decided from imouto action is. This one is when she decided to open the book*

I look for a knife and opened it slowly.

Its hard, it was locked quite tightly. But i managed to opened it.

I am sorry oneechan, but i must know the inside of the book.

When opening it, the first i read was…

….

My little sister is so cute.

-Part one

Honestly when she was born, i hate how she was getting the attention of my parent and they start to neglecting me.

My parent said i must take care of my little sister because i am older. But, pshaw, who cares about that? it feels like a burden, seriously? I hate taking care of brats.

But,

Soon i realized i was wrong.

At first, i feel like she was annoying, keep crying when mother is not here.

I yelled at her for being such a baby, but she was a baby so i guess i am in wrong too.

But such a strange kid, seeing my face when yelling at her she was laughing instead.

Curious, i was showing my hand on her trying to intimidate her by looking like a bad guy.

But she was pulling my finger instead and laughing at me.

What a strange child.

-Part two

She was starting to walk.

But i guess speaking is still too much for her.

My parents is getting worried that she was kinda late in speaking, since other kid at her age is already able to speak.

But i am not worried too much, since apparently I was like that too when i was young.

I was alone to take care of her today too. What a pain.

Ah, she falls and start to crying. Honestly, such a pain.

I said yosh yosh and patting her head to calm her down, so unlike the usual me that usually likes to bully those weaklings or crybaby.

She stopped crying, and after "auuh auuh" she touched my face, curiously.

Honestly, she still didn't recognize who i am?

Then i was pointing to her, she was imouto,and i am the oneechan.

She was still speaking "auh auh".

Man, this is why i hate dumb brats.

But, her next action surprised me.

She touched my finger, and start to look at me curiously.

And then, with such a pure look.

"A..u..onee..chan?"

HURKK!?

i was feeling a shock on my entire body.

What is this feeling?

Its like my body is electroded all over.

Dangerous, what was that.

It was, at that moment.

That i thought my little sister is the cutest in the world.

-Part three

I watched her slowly growing up.

The annoyed feeling had disappeared, instead, when i looked at her i feel happiness.

An indescribable feeling is swelling inside me. And I thought that I must protect that smile.

She was always close to me, and I cannot think of life without her.

I thought it was natural that she was on my side. I want to be with her forever.

But, no matter one wished for it.

Sometimes, things never happened the way you want to.

"No, i wanna be with oneechan!"

I turn to 15, and she was 5 year old at that time.

Father and mother is getting separated because father company is collapsed from recession.

Had enough of depressed father that only keep drinking and didn't working, mother tried to leave me with father and bringing only imouto along.

Which is why this is happening right now.

"Don't be selfish! Your father is already done for! Theres nothing good going to happen by leaving a 5 years old child in this house! Your sister is already a adult and can take care of herself so she would be fine!"

Uh? Technically i was still in high school so i was not a adult yet. But i guess mother is too fed up with father to think straight.

But imouto is still too young to understand, so she pushed mother aside and grabbing my hand, trying to convince me instead.

"I don't want to be separated with oneechan!"

Aww, she was cute. I want to hug her.

But, its no good.

Honestly, I don't think father can support both of us anymore in his condition.

And i have no confidence to be able to support someone else right now.

I am still in high school, and well, the work that i can do is limited.

Perhaps i can get some money if i sell my body, but that's probably only for a last ditch effort.

After all, things might gone badly if the police capture me. And i have no confidence i can even seduce man. To be honest, I don't think highly about them. Put it bluntly, i hate man.

I can't make money if my body rejects them to the point that i want to puke the moment i touch them right?

So i have no choice but to become a demon right now.

"Oneechan..?"

She was looking at me while calling me.

Guh, stop imouto.

Please don't make my guilt getting harder.

I can't make you happy by being separated from our parent. I don't have the strength to do it yet.

Eventually, you will forgot about being separated with me when i become a adult. And once you become an adult too, you will be getting used with your new environment that you probably won't even remember about your oneechan anymore and able to live in happiness.

Yeah, it will just take a moment. I should just separate the hand that grab me right now.

That's what i supposed to do, and yet…

"I'll take care of her"

Ah,

I was an idiot am i?

-Part four

Eventually, we debated a lot.

Finally, my mother relents and allow me to live together with imouto in this house.

On the condition that if things got too hard for me to handle, imouto should just stay with her instead.

Then i quit school and doing parts time work instead.

Thankfully i got a work as programmer from some game made by a shady four eyes in some company.

Well he was shady, but he only had eyes on 2D little girls. So he was the only guy i can work comfortably with.

Some years later, my father is missing after saying he would look for job.

But, i got the feeling that he will never come back..

Well at that point i was already getting used to take care of both me and my imouto, so we can probably live by ourself.

Though i guess i am the one that cannot live without her, considering she was the one doing the housework mostly.

Uu.. i am sorry imouto, your sister is really useless at housework!

Finally, even mother had stopped sending us support. It seems like her new job is not going too well..

I didn't explain it to imouto too much since I don't want to make her worried, but it was probably to the point that it was pretty hard just to support herself.

She can't return home because she can't leave her new job. So it was decided that i keep taking care of my imouto like before.

When sometimes things are getting too hard for me like customer unreasonable complaint, or our games are not sold at all despite already booking so much copies, seeing my imouto face heals all of them away.

But eventually i was getting worried.

I think my feelings to imouto is more than just a feeling of what a sister have.

The more she developed and grow, the more i cannot contain my feelings.

I start to want to do more than just look at her. To the point that i was looking at her lustfully.

I cannot go on like this, i might end up hurting her.

So i started to make a move to my kouhai in work.

To my surprise, she accepts. Huh? Really?

She was a good person. Not only understanding, it seems like she developed some feelings for me too.

We dated together for a short time, trying to have fun together, holding hand together, even sex.

But, i feel like something is still missing.

Eventually, we were separated.

It seems like she was getting married soon to some guy from other company. Said she was meeting him for quite some time already.

I was shocked of course. Not because of being rejected or she actually had some guy, but because i was strangely more relieved than i thought.

After apologizing to me, she was hurriedly leave said she already had made a promise with her fiancee.

Huh, so they're already that close. I didn't realize at all.

……

When i go home, imouto seems to realize something different from me.

I guess i didn't realize it but it seems i looked a bit down.

She was trying to cheer me up.

….

Ahh..

I realized then.

It's not like i was liking fellow girls.

It's not like anybody is fine.

I was fooling myself all this time,

I lied to my kouhai, didnt i?

I only used her to distract myself from realizing the truth.

No wonder no matter how many times we were doing it together, or doing a date together it feels wrong.

In fact, i already knew it all along.

I.. love my little sister.

Not as siblings, but as a woman, and a person.

Not that kind of pure love, but a dirty, obscene, slutty love.

That's why,

When i got rejected.

I was relieved while thought i was finally free from her.

At that time, i was finally conviced.

It doesn't matter even if i was rejected by the whole world, it doesn't matter if this feeling is wrong.

What matters is my feeling was true.

I only want one thing, one wish that cannot be true no matter what.

Even though its a impossible dream, i rather regret pursuing it than regret not doing it.

If she refused me, then i cannot think of any other way to live.

But, if i am allowed to be selfish.

Let me be with my little sister forever.

…….

-back to reality-

"Oneechan…"

After that, the diary speaks about how the four eyes is actually easy to talk into, and after she discussed a lot of things to him turns out they was more similar than they thought. So she often discussed her problem with him.

And that she was starting to seriously think about her future together with me.

It looks like oneechan is serious about it.

"...."

I knew that my sister feeling to me is real.

But then, What about me?

Do i love my sister that way?

I..don't know.

I love my oneechan.

She was gentle, sometimes clumsy, and beautiful.

Always listening to my troubles, never leave my side, and always looked smiling.

But, do i love her as a family? Or do i want to be more than that?

Either way, i knew that after this..

I cannot pretend that i don't know about her feelings and keep getting ignorant about it..

I.. what should i do?

"Huh."

It seems like there's still some writing left.

This part is crumpled, and seems to be written with more emotion that before.

I was curious, and start reading it too.

That,

Was my mistake.

"Ahhn, her smell is wonderful. I want to lick it i want to taste it. Lick lick her panties is awesome! umm what a fragrant smell. I wish i could lick it forever, ahh thats not enough. This is not enough. I want to feel her, i want to taste her soft skin, her aromatic neck, slender body, her armpit, lick lick.. uhmm awesome. Umu, its the best.. oh my god, oh my god, Its coming… its coming.. i cannot hold it back anymore. Aww! Imouto! Imouto!, You're inside me, you naughty girl! i can feel it! Oohh. Ahh.. I'M COMINNNGG!!"

"Hii..?"

When i read it, i was getting too shocked that the diary is falling from my hand.

Then, some stick is rolling out from the last page, among with my wet panties.

It was wet, slimy, and have an intense smell.

I got scared looking at that stick with skin outside that seems so realistic.

I don't know what it is, but i feel disgusted from the bottom of my heart.

Then,

As if by prank of gods, oneechan is showing up behind me.

"Imouto...?"

She looked a bit dizzy from fever.

But,

I don't want to see her

I don't want to see her right now!

I don't want to know this side of her, i don't want to end up hating her.

"....!"

But its too much.

Its too much for me to bear right now!

While looked scared, i end up running away from her.

Oneechan looked confused by my reaction.

But,

Seeing that her diary is being opened and falling into floor.

She would probably realized by now that i have already read her diary.

…..

Oneechan is not home at that night.

After calming down, I realized I shouldn't have blamed her too much.

After all, i know that she consider me her most important person in the world. And i consider her the most important too.

Sure, she might be a little...weird, but still.

I don't want to be hated by her.

Oneechan hating me though? I cannot imagine it...

I might need some time to accept her intense feelings, but i wont hate her. I would never be able to hate her.

That's right.

Oneechan is still oneechan.

Its not like this little incident will make me hate her.

I have to apologize to her for running away so suddenly.

But,

No matter how long i waited at home…

Oneechan didn't coming back that day.

Oneechan…

Oneechan...

Please come back…

I miss you.

…..

Days passed.

Ten year had passed.

I have become 20 today.

The same age as oneechan back then.

Ever since that day, she was missing and never return.

I contact mother and only said that she didnt return home after we had a little quarrel.

I didn't tell her about the diary which might complicate things.

After calling the police, she wasn't found anywhere and treated as a missing person.

Now that i think about it, she was always good at hide and seek didnt she.

I cried a lot and keep praying to the gods, hoping that i can apologize to her.

But, no matter how much i prayed.

Oneechan never returns.

……..

I moved to my mother place after that.

Because we lost contact with father for a long time, we end up selling the old house.

Thanks to that, mother had a money to support us both.

Time is moving on without any mercy, and the house that i lived together with oneechan is gone now.

Then,

After a long time had passed.

I had finally meet with oneechan again.

"...."

I was standing in front of some bus.

Because i was standing still, the businessman behind me is speaking.

"Not going to get in, young lady?"

"Oh, sorry."

Apologizing to that person, i was riding the bus hurriedly.

After some distance had traveled.

I was reaching my destination.

While bringing a bouquet in my hand.

"...."

I was silently staring at the grave in front of me.

"I am back...oneechan"

While i put down the flower bouquet.

….

Apparently, she was running away ever since that day.

Trying to escape as far as she could, she end up in the south artic.

Without contacting her family, she was joining a illegal whale hunter.

Usually, she was smart enough to not doing such a suspicious jobs. But after getting depressed i guess she was leaving everything to fate.

I heard she was drown to death in the sea while thought that a penguin is me and hugging it even when it was diving to the sea.

Um, seems like a idiotic way to die. But its so like oneechan..

….

I was really shocked when i heard the news about her death.

Half of me cannot accept and believe it. But i was starting to accepting it when i saw her corpse.

She was thin, and doesn't seem like she was eating properly.

Her co workers said she keep mumbling to herself and looked so scary that nobody wants to get near her much.

Oneechan…

Were you in pain?

The moment we were separated, i was thought "Ah, this is what hell looks like" but it must be harder for you than me, right?

I wonder how did your life looked like when we were separated.

"...."

In the end, I haven't got a chance to apologize properly.

If only I didn't read that diary, perhaps things won't become this way.

"......"

I hugged her grave while crying.

I am sorry.

I am really sorry, oneechan.

I didn't realize it because i was too ignorant back then!

But, now that i lost you. I finally realized.

I love you, oneechan.

Not just as siblings, but as the most important person in my life.

You were always beside me when i was in trouble, and when i was in the happiest moment in my life.

If only…

If only I didn't running away back then.

If i didn't read that diary.

I wonder,

Would things had been any different?

Would i be able to accepted your feelings?

Would i be able to proudly said that i love you,

Not just as your sister, but as a woman?

"Goodbye, oneechan..."

Finally releasing her grave, i return home after praying.

It might be hard, but things that already happened cannot be undone.

From now on, i will try to live in the world without you.

Oneechan..

Please look at me from above, okay?

-Normal end-