- i've been uneasy, sorry -

"..out"

the goddess said it while enduring cry

"this.. is my house, and my room.. out"

of course for a soul without any place to go it's impossible . so

"there's.. a guest room beside. just stay there.. and never step here again"

she squeezed that last words

the girl didn't said anything other than staring the maid for awhile

she only standing up and hand over the plushie back

after a voiceless exchange, only the sound of door closed can be heard

-the goddess side-

that night..

"uuu..."

the goddess pondering inside her bed

"what am i doing? getting angry with such a younger girl far from my age?"

she regret her un-goddess behaviour

doesn't know what to do, she looks at pi-chan

the plushie is the last gift given to her creator before they departed from life

because it accompanies her every night she give it nickname

but with her power, she can restore pi chan easily

it shouldn't have to be a problem if it broke, so her action is unnecessary

"i'm getting weird"

ponder goddess

"ever since i involved myself with humans, i keep getting strange feeling that i don't even understand. today is the first time i ever feels angry with someone else too"

although she lives for more than 2000 years, the time where she meet with other intelligent living being can be counted with one hand

that's why, this kind of feeling. is the first

bringing pii chan, she was speaking to herself

"what should i do, creator? what is.. living actually means anyway? is what i experienced, can be called as living?"

having question without nobody answered, she goes back to sleep

- lost girl side -

while taking a bath while humming, the girl washing her body

it feels strange, despite her only exist as a soul she doesn't feel any different when still alive

perhaps it's because this place is special

"aimi chan aimi chan, going into horizon, towards the light. aimi chan aimi chan"

she was singing the theme song of her favorite game

while washing her hair, she looked at her appearance once more in the mirror

"it exactly looks like before i'm coming to this world. perhaps the state of soul is different from body?"

there's no scar or wound she received when died

which confirm that she was indeed “died” back then

thinking about it again she reminded herself of what she seen before

inside goddess lcd tv look-alike, she saw the state of her current body

surprisingly, the form is clearly different from before

a pale white skin with scale, a height not different from child, height that's clearly lower than before, glittery silver hair, golden irises, tails and claw

she looks more like aimi appearance that she always play in pc game than her previous appearance

while thinking if she want to "attack" her and tasting her like aimi in game, she perish the thought

that's her own body after all. what did she wants to do anyway? she wasn't that far narcissist to attack her own body

according to goddess, because her second wish is to kill someone it took that form

if the wishes is granted, it probably gonna return like normal

"probably" the goddess itself is not sure since this is the first time it happened

when taking another glance at the girl in monitor that happily catch a fish while closing her eyes i start to doubt myself

"can i.. really go back? what if, i can't? what then? where.. where ..should i go? "

the thought is haunting her

there's no guarantee she can return alive

her wish was to survive

to do anything she wants without restraint

to not lose to anyone and anything in the world

to see a lot of things she never seen before

"to live" and then

"i.. want to live while bracing my leg above earth"

not earth the planet, the earth that i stand

anywhere, anyplace is fine as long i can..

live

see the world

go

wherever and whenever

anytime anywhere

thats.. the proof that i'm "alive"

there's no lie with that

then, what about her revenge?

did she angry because she lost?

did she angry because the fight isnt settled?

did she angry because she got ignored?

did she angry because his subordinates rapes her?

did she angry because that country trapped her?

no..

it doesn't feel like that

the reason she was angry

why she was unreasonable toward the goddess earlier

was..

"i am, afraid.."

that everybody and everything is gonna leaving her

that she has been left to die

that she, will lose

that fate, is more crueler than death

of course it's unreasonable

every living thing gonna die someday

all things that born would surely died

she understand that

she doesn't want a immortal life without end anyway

what she wants, it's simpler

to move forward

go

go in front of you

never stopped walking

never stopped moving forward

run run run

that's why

if there's a big boulder stopping you

if an obstacle gets in your way

either that man, god, devil, or buddha trying to stop you

then destroy them

no need to takes a side glance

no need to pay attention to it to

until the day you can no longer run

until the day you can no longer stand

move

go

crush

take everything that you wants

grab everything that moved

mow them down

take them with this hand

crush it, smash it, pressure it

then..

erase them from the face of this world

never regrets, never looked back

until the ends

stay true to yourself

yes

that's what she wants

that's what she needs to do

that's why..

even if it's to my body

i won't give it to anything else

with that in mind, she renewed her determination