The awesome looking Ebony Knight helmet took on the appearance of a french beret.

"Are you kidding me? That is a stupid looking hat!" I almost yelled at Hawk. Who responded by taking it off and looking at it, then he shrugged and put it back on.

"Don't hate on his hat! That is the image I got from your mind when I searched it for the most elite soldier hat!" Andrea barated me mentally from my neck as her cute little claws dug in and she made a squeak that was all Hawk heard. Then I noticed his eyes squint slightly and he pouted a little and his eyes shined with fresh tears.

"Alright on second thought you pull it off, but here let me adjust it." I said motioning for him to bend down. When he did I shifted the extra material from the front to the side and attempted to make him look as close to a green beret as I could.

Are you sure that is the image that you saw? It wasn't a white cap with a round bill that surrounds it? Maybe called a dixie cup? I thought internally.

"You thought of that, but that really was a stupid looking hat!" She laughed in my mind and nearly fell from my neck.

"Do you feel any smarter?" I asked Hawk as we started back down the path.

"Not really." Hawk said shrugging.

"Not even a little bit?" I asked.

"Nope."

"That is a God level artifact, surely there has to be some difference." I said not exactly in Hawk's direction.

"If there is I don't feel it."

"I wish there was some kind of magic scroll or something that every person had that could maybe give them insight into their own physical and mental stats. It could also be a place to store let's say item descriptions for later inspection." I sort of looked up when I said it even though Andrea was wrapped around my neck.

"Who are you talking to? Do all lizardmen talk to the air?" Hawk was still looking around trying to find someone that wasn't there.

Congratulations! You look like an idiot and you have stupid suggestions! Maybe next time you will just figure it out! Be more creative!

That isn't helpful!

I know! I will take it under advisement, but look as it stands you are just having fun. If I start making everything technical and put quantitative values on everything the adventure will become more linear and you may start grinding stats instead of having fun. Since you carry me around with you that would make my life very dull.

She has a point. "You think we will run into any trouble on the way back?" I asked Hawk as we walked.

"Most likely the worst thing we will see is a demon scorpion, but they are exceedingly rare." He said as he bent down and grabbed a stick and tossed it a LONG way into the forest.

I hesitated watching the stick spin end over end like a Golden Retriever, it must have went 500yds! "How rare?" I asked.

"I have only ever seen one, but the elders say they are attracted to powerful artifacts." He shrugged and we continued down the slight slope.

"Have you ever tried throwing a rounded stone? You think you could throw one further than that stick?" I asked then added. "How accurate are you?"

"I don't know I usually throw any sticks, cones, or stones as far into the forest as I can when I am clearing the needles. I have been able to throw further and further as I grew. I can hit a cone with another cone at around 150yds or so." He said looking up and to the left like he was remembering a cherished memory, or triumph. "Is that good?" He asked.

"I am not sure, it is physically impossible where I come from, and if I had to put a quantitative value on it I would say it is deadly."

"I could kill stuff just by throwing a rock at it? Never seen it done, but I have seen slings used."

We walked in silence for a few minutes until I finally found a relatively round stone of the correct size. "Here throw this at that fallen tree." I pointed to a felled tree about 200yds away.

He didn't even crow hop, or set his feet properly. He just threw it with a blur of motion an insane woosh of air and a hum as the projectile flew from his hand. I was surprised that it didn't take a normal arching path like a baseball, but instead took a path closer to a golf ball clearly having a ton of backspin on it. The stone not only hit the fallen tree trunk, but it actually sunk deep into the rotting tree. My jaw dropped until I recovered to a broad grin. "You know I could show you how to throw properly, and you could probably throw even further!" I picked up a stone, then thought of the embarrassment I would suffer and decided to make it a dry run.

"You take your hand like this, then you pull back like this, set you feet, shift your weight, bend your arm at the elbow, pull with your other arm and throw!" I mimed my best center field to home plate throw, and surprisingly it felt and I am pretty sure it looked just like it did back home.

Hawk just looked at me, shrugged, then he picked up a stone mimicked me exactly and threw the stone. It not only went faster it sounded different and took a much more linear trajectory to the tree. It hit in the exact same spot with a loud crack and then the back side of the tree blew out with a shower of shrapnel from the two exploded stones.

I was again left mouth agape, and then started thinking of the implications. "This world must have some sort of repetition based leveling system on simple skills." I had seen this before and it lead me to run around jumping everywhere trying to get my 'acrobatics' skill higher. "Is there anything else other than picking up needles that you do on a regular basis?" I asked thinking that maybe he could chug beer at an inhuman rate.

"I don't know, I didn't ever think about it until now. I just sort of did that because it passed the time, and the further I get them into the woods the lower the chances that I will have to do it again." He was so nonchalant about having an arm like Bo Puig.

"Wait a second you said that you pick up all of those needles right? You get every one? Like all over the village?"

Hawk just nodded in response and I picked up a random needle then told Hawk to look at it real closely. I then had him turn around and ran forward on the road a couple hundred yards until I was sure there was no way that he could see me place it if he was watching.

"Alright I want you to find that needle!" I said excited. In response he just laughed.

"That is impossible! It is one needle in a massive area, and there are several thousand that look just like it! Nobody could do that." He was clearly not as optimistic as I was.

"Just try it, if this doesn't work I will drop it." I said showing my palms with my hands up in surrender.

To Hawk's credit he took it seriously, and started looking. He would lean down every once in a while, but never even picked up a needle. We were drawing close to the place where I dropped it when he stopped, his face scrunched up in confusion, he looked at me cocked his head, then looked back at approximately the exact spot where I dropped the needle. He slowly walked over, picked up the stick that I placed on top of it, and then picked up the needle examining it.

"How did you know?" I asked with a huge smile.

"I don't know! I just knew! When I got close my eyes wouldn't leave that spot! Is this some sort of magic or trick"

"No just like you have worked your arm into a cannon, you have exercised your mind to a point that you can now pick out a single needle from thousands. In this world you simply have to work on a skill to increase your competence." I continued to walk and theorise with Hawk.

We stopped for the night and slept, then we got up early the next morning and continued down our path. Around midday we heard a weak rasping voice attempting to cry out off to the right of the road. We both looked at each other and then back in the direction of the cry.

"Demon Scorpions can't cry for help can they?" I asked, joking a little.

"Not that I know of, sounds like an elderly woman to me." Concern was plaster all over Hawk's face and we both headed in the direction of the voice.

About fifty yards off of the main path we found the most massive fallen tree I had ever seen. The roots flared out and must have reached sixty feet into the air, and left a massive crater where it had once stood. Most likely the wind had blown it over after a particularly wet season loosened the dirt in its roots. At the bottom of the crater was a small women in tattered clothing with blood stains on her collar. Her raspy voice rang out "Help!" with a nearly silent plea and she reached up to us with a withered hand.

"I will go grab her, and help her out." I said and started into the crater.

"Better let me do it, she might be old, but she will probably be too heavy for you to carry." Hawk said putting a massive hand on my shoulder.

I grabbed one pinky and lifted his hand. "I will be fine, you be the lookout, this could be a trap, or whoever would bloody an elderly woman and throw her in a whole may still be in the area looking for better equipped prey." A quick thought passed through my mind, and then I voiced it to Hawk. "if you were going down into the pit, how would you do it?" Hawk looked at me, then the pit and immediately with a surprised expression detailed his exact path.

I took Hawk's advice and went down the way he described, and everything went very smooth. Then I reached the old woman who was ANCIENT! I mean like at least two hundred, and a stick figure with long liver spotted flabs of skin hanging down her toothpick arms and her arthritic joints were swollen in a painful looking way.

"Please Mister I need help! Some evil men shoved me in this pit after I told them that I didn't have anything of value." A tear rolled down her cheek.

"No worries Miss we will get you out of here, and on your way in no time! I will have to pick you up and carry you though, are you ok with that?" I sat back on my heels and waited for her confirmation.

"Yes, but don't try any funny business! I doubt a little shrimp like you could handle a real woman like me!" She actually grabbed her crotch, while licking her lips with a too long tongue that had thick spit like she just ran a marathon clinging to her wrinkled lips.

This just got real awkward, but fortunately I worked in fast food and knew how to handle randy old women that made a pass at me.

"You are probably right! I wouldn't know what to do! I will tell you what let's get you out of this hole before night falls. Where do you hurt, I don't want to make it worse." If that doesn't work, I may have to just flirt back as a last resort.

"I hurt everywhere, but here!" She said again grabbing her crotch.

SERIOUSLY! This is like my old DM when I rolled a 1. How am I going to help this woman? I settled on a stern look, that said 'Are we really going to do this right now?' and waited her out.

"Alright you stick in the mud! Just cradle me in your arms! Your generation just isn't any fun!"

I leaned down picked her up and started back up the path that Hawk had indicated, it was actually different than the one that I used to get down, and was a little further. I couldn't go back up the other path while holding the crypt keeper's grandmother though.

"You are pretty sturdy for a lizardman." She batted her wrinkled eyelids at me, and I noticed some gorgeous green and gold eyes covered in a slightly milky film. Bet she was a looker in her day.

"Not really, but you are just so light. You want to stick with us for a little while until you have had a couple meals?" I asked as we got to the lip of the hole.

"That sounds nice, but the bandits got away with my cart and my horse. You might have to go a little slower with me holding you back." Her voice was still raspy and tired.

"Here drink this we will make an early camp tonight and get a good meal in you." I handed her my water skin that Hawk had made from one of our previous kills.

"You two are a real blessing! What are we having for dinner?" She asked after several minutes of taking short quick pulls of the skin.

Just then I heard a crashing limb followed by a loud shriek and then silence. "Wild boar?" I asked Hawk.

"You eat pork?" I asked her, to which she just smiled and nodded.

We all sat around the fire as Hawk and I took turns rotating the large chunks of meat over the flame. We knew that the fire would attract the attention of the bandits if they stuck around, but when I asked Andrea to keep an eye out she assured me that there were no bandits anywhere near us.

"That is the best meal I have had in a long time! How lucky that those spices were so close to our campsite! Those vegetables were a real treat as well, just off the path like that must be our lucky day!" Her voice was sounding much better.

"I am Zanthos, and this is Hawk I didn't catch your name." I passed the wine skin to her, but she was disappointed when it was just fruit juice.

"Oh, my name? It isn't important," She started, but we both gave her a look, like we weren't asking. "but if you must know, it is Denabla." She wiped her mouth with her filthy sleeve and passed the skin to Hawk.

"That is an interesting name." I told her thinking that it sounded familiar although I had never heard it before.

"Thank you it is a family name!" she was still nibbling on a small piece of pork, and sopping up the fat with the last of the hard bread Hawk had brought with him.

"You need a change of clothes and we are about a week out from Hawk's village. You can't wear mine, but maybe Hawk has something like a shirt that you can wear as a dress." I eyed Hawk, who gave me a glare in return.

"Maybe I could get a bath first, the road has really left its mark on these old bones." She lifted the hem of her dress to indicate the filth, as if we couldn't smell it from across the fire, and over the heavy seasoning that we had used on the boar.

"That won't be a problem, there was a stream just up ahead that we used to fill our skins on the way out. We can stop there and all of us can get cleaned up." Hawk interjected, clearly hoping to not soil any of his clothes with her stench.

We all laid down to sleep and Andrea promised to wake us if anything was going to attack.

Around midnight the fire died and I could hear Denabla's breathing start to change. We didn't have a fur for her to sleep under, but she had snuggled up next to the fire. It seemed cruel to allow her to shiver, so I got up and laid down next to her covering her with my furs and whispering to her.

"No funny business!" In a serious voice.

She replied in a less than fully asleep whisper, "I didn't have any business planned." Then she pushed her back against me and shuddered once, before falling into a deep sleep. Her hair smelled like a dead animal and her body was bonnie and uncomfortable, but it was comforting knowing that she would sleep well with my body heat to keep her warm.

Then she started to snore! Not like a cute old lady snore, like a bear with sleep apnea snore! I didn't sleep even a little bit all night, until she got up at some point apparently to go to the bathroom. I was asleep before she let the furs fall back down on me.

"Wake up sleepy head!" Andrea said smacking me in the face with her tail.

"What time is it? Five more minutes!" I pleaded with the alarm clock that didn't appreciate my attempts to snooze it and retorted by biting my hand.

"Oww! What was that for?" I shrieked now fully awake.

"You tried to smash my head!" She replied.

"Sorry force of habit!" I apologized and was glad my real alarm clock didn't have teeth.

"Don't let it happen again or it won't be your finger that I bite!" She threatened puffing out her spines growing to twice her diminutive size.

I stumbled around and found a nice bush to water and then looked around for Hawk. Who was fertilizing a different bush a little further off of the path.

"Hey pinch it off! Let's get going!" I yelled and he just waved me down.

"You seen Denabla anywhere?"

"No! Leave me alone I am busy!" He yelled and threw a stick at me, which I luckily dodged because it had enough momentum to take out a small tank.

Guess she ran off, couldn't have gotten too far, she moves like a sloth with a bum leg.