As a side note hands is an actual unit of measurement. It is usually used to measure the height of horses. 1 hand is about 10 cm.

I had gone berserk. Not only that my tree went berserk as well and manifested on its own. It was as if it had a life of its own. Good thing was that i was cultivating on my own. It meant that i would have hurt no one as no one was near me. Bad thing was no one was no one was around to save me. It was only by irony that i was saved. I was saved by my stalkers. They needed to make sure if i was a spirit master or just a fainter. This just proved one thing. I am a fainter. But i was only five and they could not bear to leave me to die. Some of the stalkers managed to get healers while one of those closer to joyce managed get joyce over. It was a horrifying sight to behold. Vines were lashing out all overs. Tears of blood flowing out of my eyes.there were vines big and small all over my body moving and writhing about. They flickered in and out of existence lashing at everything. Only thing that was threatening everyone around was the lone vine the just kept growing longer and longer. It was as if i had become a monster. Everyone had steered clear of the vines but there was nothing much that could be done about that lone vine. It was too long! Then finally it stopped growing at about 80 hands and would just thrash about without warning before fading away.

There was nothing everyone could do other than to watch. There was no saving a guy who has gone berserk. It did not take long but finally it was over. I have finally collapse from exhaustion. The only surprise was that it took too long for me to exhaust myself as compared to those of my age. Too short as compare to those who usually went beserk. Too odd as i was only 5 and could already go berserk. Most who had gone berserk usually have landed in a desperate situation or a traumatic situation. I was in school what kind of these 2 extreme could i be in no one could tell. There was nothing much that could be done. The only thing that could be done was just to wait. Wait for me to wake up and know what caused me to go berserk. The healers rushed to my aid hoping that i would not have died. It was very much often that those who went berserk would die or suffer from some irreparable damage if not treated in time.

Not again. Just barely weeks have passed and my body is in the the same state again. It felt like i have been hit by armored elehogs 10 times over and still counting. I tried moving. I could feel my body but i can’t move at all. Not even a twitch. I was wide awake but my body could not respond to me. The only thing that was different was the sharpness of my mind. That was the big surprise. Everything felt so clear. It was better than ever. The sharpest i have had in ages. Everything was so clear and so sharp. I can’t move my body so my eyes were still closed. However i could hear everything and could feel everything. I could even feel them breath. Wait. them breathe? It felt so familiar. I can tell and recognise one of them. It is Joyce. As for the others i could not tell but i know most of them. How. how can i tell them i was awake there was no way for them to hear me. I am alive but they do not know it. There was no way to tell them that i am awake. There was nothing that could be done.

Hours turn into days. Days turns to months. No one could tell that i was was awake. Too awake. I could not sleep. Day in day out i was awake. My parents came and stayed with me for a month but there was nothing they could do. They went back in the end. The farm had to be taken care of. I stayed in the healer’s ward. It was the only place that could give me the care i needed. At first there were many people who visited me. Classmates and teachers would come and go. Healers would come and say they can help and tried to no avail. They even tried to shock and inflict pain on me to see if i was faking it. I could feel it all. Sharp and clear as day. I was screaming all over in my head but there was no response at all from my body to tell them that i was awake. Slowly the number of people that visited decreased. It got really lonely. I got to know the people around me. The main healer was Phil. He would check on me daily at regular interval to see if i was still alive. He would poke and prick me to check me for response. It seemed as if he enjoy doing it so i hate him for that. The one whom i felt close to was the assistant healer Alice. She is the one who would come and turn me around, feed me clean me and my other needs. She smells good too. Not that i can express it. Joyce would come by almost everyday to visit me as well when time allows. She would cradle me in her arms occasionally. Many others would come into my room for various reasons. To most of them i am in a coma. Dead. invisible. Secrets were exchange, stories were shared and sometimes intimate acts were performed. Good thing i was not watching, but i could hear it all… urggh. Some came to share their worries with me. To them i was the best listener. The quietest best friend that always listens. Everything was fine. I was ok with that. That was part of the charm of being in a coma. Except that there was 2 problems. I was fully aware….. And i could not forget. I now have perfect memory. Forever awake and perfect memory. Every minute detail. From the number of birds that fly by the window to the number of steps a person takes when since opening the door to my room, i could remember it all. It is all there. I can never forget.

My parents came again. It is my birthday. There was a small celebration. They opened my eyes for the day. It is usually closed. They do not want me to end up with dry eyes. I could not even blink. My mother had lost weight. She looks so haggard now. She must have been worried sick. These few months must have been tough on her. At least those shawl that she is wearing look good on her. I did not remember her having it back when i was home though. Dad lost some weight too. But he seemed fitter now. I guess he has been doing more than 2 person’s share of work now. Me staying at the healer’s ward is not free. Joyce paid for most part though. A rural farmer’s pay can only do so much. Joyce wanted to pay for everything but my dad insisted. Joyce has become a family beyond blood ties. She decided to take me as her godson. Even with me like this she still took me as her godson. I am very thankful for that. Amy came in that lovely flame embossed dress that really suited her. Eric and Daniel came about as well. It was a fairly peaceful birthday. No big fanfare. It was rather solemn. My mother made me a quilt. As for my father he did not know what to give. So he gave me a massage. I could feel his worn out hands going about gentle yet firm. I could feel him put his heart and soul into it. It was the only thing that he could think of that he could give. He said as he continued to massage that it would have been odd to bring a plant into the room for me. It was the only thing that he could think of to gift to me. He could not make a quilt. He could make a bow. He could make a chair. He could make a bed. He could build a house. He could grow a tree but there was nothing he could give me that he thought would give me comfort. Everyone just watched and teared. I was crying. I crying really hard deep down. I wanted to reach out but there was no response from my body. There was just no response. I wished, I willed, I hoped. There was just no response. Zilch. Nada. Nothing. There was just no response. It hurts. It really hurt. This powerlessness. I was going into the depths of darkness with no light in sight. It really hurt. Not even a tear flowed out. My 6th birthday ended with everyone leaving with tears still in their eyes. Alice hugged me to sleep. Or at least until the time when everyone else was asleep.

I now have too much time. Everyone needed to spend time to eat, sleep, class, work or fight. I did not have any of that. I did not need to put myself through any of that because there were others doing things all those basic needs for me. I had nothing else to do. In the end, all these free time were spent cultivating. I had nothing else to lose anyway. All 20 hours of a day I would be cultivating. As I cultivated I was still very much aware of everything around me. Can you imagine the amount of work done? Most people would cultivate for 4 hours a day. I do five times of that. 6400 hours a year as compared to the average people who only did 1280 hours a year.

Three years i was in that state for 3 years. I am going nine now. That is 3 years out of the minimal five years that i could stay in the school. My world revolved around those around me. The dreaded head healer who pokes me to no end, Alice who took care of me like i was her younger brother. Amy who would drop by once in a blue moon she still feels guilty that i am in this state. She should have left me back home and never took me to the school. She felt that if she did i would have lived a normal life and not be in this state i am currently in. she still regrets. Joyce, my dear mother hen/godmother, she would come in and tell me stories about the world around. She kept me updated to world news. Not that i really needed it. I have enough stories from all my random ‘visitors’ that drop in for their fancy activities. Plenty of juicy gossips that are very useful should i ‘wake up’.