《Ode to Freud》Extra Chapter 24: Awareness
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I bowed my head as low as I could.
The almighty being in front of me isn’t a force to be trifled with.
“Raise your head Gnir, former shaman of the Great Orc Tribe. Do you recognize me? I’m the Fair Lady that you served in life.”
I feel as if I’m going to die.
My heart pumps in my chest, even If I don’t have a heart or a chest anymore.
I try to speak, but tears come to my eyes and my throat closes.
I’m afraid.
I’m terrible afraid.
Please, please…
“Calm down Gnir. I will bring you no harm.”
I bite my lip.
I need to at least pledge for the others.
I need to at least get enough mercy for them.
“P-..please… please allow us to remain reincarnating with our memories!”
The weight of what I just did fills my heart with unspeakable horror.
I feel the motions on my throat as if I was throwing up, but I have no more a stomach to throw up.
Such powerful being, such almighty being, and I dared to ask it for mercy.
One shall not ask for mercy in front of such a being.
I should have accepted it.
My eternal death.
The dissolution of my soul and mind. The ripening to pieces.
Maybe then the almighty woman in front of me would have spared the others. If I just hadn’t had the petulance of asking it for mercy!
Please, let me die already, before the guilt of doing such terrible thing destroys me forever!
“Gnir of the Great Orc Tribe, by your reaction I see you remember me. Fear not. Loosen your soul to my touch and let me bring your peace, otherwise you will fall in the Soul Abyss because of your fear.”
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The Almighty desires my soul, so I give it to the almighty.
I gladly release all of my thoughts and emotions.
I’m free. I feel free.
I finally have nothing more to fear.
If all I am is in the hands of the almighty, then the almighty will do whatever it wants with me, and I shall not fail.
If I avoid failure I shall avoid the worst of all.
Thank you, thank you, oh Great Arch-Sorceress, oh Exalted One, for your piety to this foolish being!
“There. You seem to have found a little stability. Now, tell me what you remember.”
I feel control returning to me.
But I have to fear no more.
I’m open to be used by the Almighty as it desires. I can say whatever, and the Almighty will take me and do whatever it wants with me.
I shall be the desire of the Almighty and say all and everything. It’s all for her.
“I remember the times of old, when the Empire was prosperous and the great Arch-Sorceress reigned supreme amongst all magic peoples of the world. It’s my honor to be in the…”
In… what?
The grace?
The presence?
No…
“to be submitted to the will of the Arch-Sorceress. May your Will be done.”
“Ha. Hahah. Oh Gnir, you little fool. You remembered the fear people had of me of all things? Even after I lived such a common life so close you could get to my house on foot if you wanted to? Stop with that. There’s no need for you to treat me like that anymore. The empire is over, I’m no Arch-Sorceress anymore. I’m just me. Marie.”
The respected being desire to be something, so I give myself to the respected being and accept it being something else.
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“Now, raise your head, look me in the eyes.”
Just now I noticed that I was kneeling and looking at the Almighty being’s feet.
Her divine feet, I desire the grace of kissing them, but this would be too much.
“Oh Saint-sama, please do not ask me of such a thing. I cannot bear it.”
A faint hand is touching my hair.
The goddess hand is lightly touching the top of my head.
I cannot think.
This is supreme blessing.
“Quit calling me like that. Not Saint-sama, Arch-Sorceress, Master, Greater and Almighty, Supreme Advisor, Ruler of Magic, Hope of Many or any other title. I’m just Marie. Understood?”
“Yes! Marie! My loyalty to Marie! My undying loyalty and soul to the holy Marie!”
“I guess it’s useless to say I’m not that at all… here, take this.”
I receive the small stone in my hands.
A soul stone.
“Marie, I do not know how to use this gift.”
“Swallow it, and be blessed. With this you shall be able to reincarnate and keep your memories again.”
“Yes! Great mistress, thank you!”
I swallowed the soul stone.
And then my soul scathed in the winds.
It’s time to be reborn again.
“Do your best this time as well.”
The sorceress last words became marked in my heart.
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