Chapter 9

(Log in)

Kif stretched and looked around. He had moved his lair to Mount Vulcan before logging off yesterday. Having logged back in it was not time for him to train himself and his companions on how to slay a slime. Beside Kif stood Hobgoblin Mu, with Barg and Borg the two goblin brutes. Arrayed around them stood the bne siblings Ibne, Ebne Obne and Ylbne.One of the things Kif had collected from the shadow forest were small straight sticks from the younger forest tree’s. He was taking a page from the Larry Cotter wizard book series on using a solid wood wand with a magic core. Since goblins had no crafting skills beyond (General Crafting) Kif hoped to stumble his way through the magic item creation process. Now he had a ‘Magic’ wood, he needed a fire element magic something to go with it.

Kif started out by retrieving some of the volcanic rocks from the edge of the Volcan lair lava river. Using a club he proceeded to powder the rocks and fill a small leather alchemy pouch with them. This went into his one utility slot for later. Taking the first branch, he carved it into a respectable wand size with a knife. For his first try he carefully cut a line down the wood, reaching the center of the wand, from tip to end. Kif poured the lava dust in, then used a very thin leather strip to wrap the wand closed. He doused the leather causing it to shrink and tighten, closing the cut he made in the wood. Kif handed the wand to Obne, and instructed him to try to cast magic through it. A small jet of flame shot forth from the wand and fizzled into nothing after 3 seconds. The wand itself turned to ash after the first casting.

Obne informed kif that it was easier to use the wand than to cast a fire spell like normal, but seemed to take more of his mana. (Maybe i need to add something to the powder, a paste or solid would concoction to give the wand more strength) Kif thought. He didn’t have any other magic ingredients at the moment so he made 4 “oneshot” wands and handed two each to his two caster companions, Obne and Ylbne. After a quick trip to the goblin market to rearm the entire party with slings and marbles, kif led his companions down to the acid slime pits. His two brutes were armed with the special shadow wolf fang clubs he had crafted. Mu and Kif both had a short sword and dagger. Ibne and Ebne we both armed with 2 long daggers and a small belt satchel full of dirt to attempt to blind enemies with. Finally his two fire mages in training were armed with 2 one shot wands and an emergency small dagger. The entire party was wearing rough leather armor.

Entering the first of the five slime caverns, Kif saw hundreds of green acid slimes, ranging in size from a fist sized slime with a small pearl core, to the size of a small dog with a core the size of an apple.

[Small slime level 3 (travels in packs)]

[Medium slime level 10 (calls for momma)]

Examining the area, in addition to all the slimes there was a large green pool of ooze that new small slimes crawled out of every few minutes.

“Alright, We will start by attacking some of the smaller slimes with slings. Once we reduce them, Obne, Ylbne, we will test your magic vs the middle slimes. I am looking forward to this.” Kif instructed. Loading their slings, all the goblins but the brutes launched attacks at some of the smaller slimes.

-1

-1

-2

-10 (Small slime has been slain +1 Exp)

After the first volley, every small slime in the room started hopping towards kif’s group.

“O hell” He muttered. Kif quickly instructed his companions to move into a new formation. The two casters spammed their (Throw fire) skill onto the floor to the left and right of the group, Shrinking the area the slimes could approach through. Kif an dMu stood in the middle with Borg and BArg to either side of them. The brutes were on their knees swinging their clubs close to the ground in an attempt to slow the slimes down from their approaches.

-8

-3

Kif fought with his short sword and dagger. The sword could slay a slime in a single strike, while the dagger was taking two to do the same. Mu stood beside him doing the same. Ibne and Ebne fired their slings from the back at the slimes that tried to hop through the fire, keeping the wall sustained. For thirty minutes the goblins held off the seemingly unending onslaught of small slimes before it finally petered out and there were no more small slimes in the first room. Kif and the other front line goblins were covered head to toe in slime ooze and hundreds of small pearl sized cores could be seen floating throughout it.

“Collect all the cores” Kif tiredly instructed. Kif scraped some of the ooze he was covered in off of his face and poured it into his alchemy pouch full of volcanic dust. using a dagger kif stirred it together and it formed a greyish substance with the consistency of clay.

“Lets take another stab at those wands. “ he muttered as he went back to his lair. Kif left his companions collecting slime cores while he crafted.

Back at his chest, Kif carved out more of the wood. In one wand to be, he cut it down the center and packed the clay into it before again using the leather as a finish. In a second, he whittled a hole in the base and filled only the hole with clay before capping it. In a third he powdered some small slime cores and added the powder to the clay like substance before filling the center of a wand. In a final one he coated a slime core in the clay substance before fitting it to the base of an above average thickness wand.

[Global announcement. Player Kif has crafted the first player made rare+ magical equipment]

(+1 to general crafting level)

“Success” Kif cried. Unfortunately goblins did not have access to the identify skill so he had no way of knowing what his wand would do without testing it. Kif spent the next hour making 8 more of the thick slime core wants & storing them into his chest. It was time to test out the others & revisit his companions. At the slime pools, Mu had a bulging bag of small slime cores. Kif sent him off to deliver them to his lairs chest and passed out the test wands to his two fire mages.

The clay filled wand exploded, killing it’s caster and injuring the other goblins. Kif re summoned Ylbne and handed out the next one. The clay base wand caught on fire and burned Ebne badly. The powdered slime core fired off 5 small balls of fire, It looked like it was a roman candle firework going off. It stopped working after the 5 shot volley so Kif concluded it was another consumable wand. Two of the fireballs hit the same medium sized slime and killed it.

(Medium slime has been slain. +15 exp)

Kif retrieved the apple sized core and handed out the unknown rare+ wand. Upon activation a complicated magic circle appeared on the floor. After two seconds a small red slime appeared.

“Boss, i gained a slime companion.” Ylbne stated as he picked up the small red slime.

“I made a pet summoning wand.” Kif celebrated. “I am rich. The only negative is all my wands are still consumables. Ok team, lets get back to practicing. We are luring the medium slimes now.

-1

-2

-2

-4

Striking the core did more damage than hitting the body. The medium slime jumped towards the goblins and started Humming. Two more volleys of sling stones finished it. Kif retrieved the core and the goblins continued sling shotting the slimes down. Each medium slime started humming as soon as the goblins attacked it. When only one was left kif sent Mu on a run to drop off the loot and retrieve 2 more of the roman candle wands. That “Calls momma” text in the slimes name was worrying enough he wanted to be extra prepared.

“I don’t know who momma is but if she appears make sure you aim for her core with these wands.” Kif instructed his mages. Having received their instructions the goblins slew the last slime visible in the first cavern.

(Acid slime has awoke)

The entire ooze pool that had originated all the small slimes started pulling itself together. and a core the size of a basketball with 2 apple sized cores orbiting it appeared.

(Acid slime level 35)

The slime was as big as a couch and stood almost 5 feet tall. “Attack” Kif yelled and the goblins attacked with their slings and 2 candle wands.

-1

-1

-1

-1

-15*5

-15*5

None of their marbles were able to reach the slimes core and the slime lost only 1/3rd of it’s total health form the two wand attacks. It’s entire surface trembled for a moment and then 16 tentacles launched outwards towards the ceiling before curving down towards kiffs group.

“Dodge it.” He yelled.

The attack was slow enough all the goblins dodged it successfully. Only to notice more ooze flowing into the grounded tentacles. Quickly they filed out and 4 medium slimes alongside 12 small slimes appeared surrounding the goblins.

“Take them out quickly.” He cried. During the fight with the spawned slimes, the acid slime slowly rolled forward and the goblins were forced to scatter out of it’s way. It re-absorbed the small and medium cores gaining 1% hp back for each small core and 3% for each medium. After the exchange, the acid slime sat at a pretty 94% hp. It trembled and launched it’s 16 tentacle at the goblins again.

“Grab the core’s when you kill them. Barg, You are on holding duty, use your shirt to hold all the cores.” Kif ordered. The tentacle attack seemed to have a 30 second cooldown. If they could keep it’s healing they could whittle it down.

-1

-1

It was just too big. All the slings were only able to do one damage, being unable to penetrate all the ooze protecting it’s core. Mu moved up close and slashed it for 4 damage but was unable to dodge it’s tentacle attack and received a hit in return.

“We need magic to fight this.” Kif realized.

“Fall back, retreat,” He called out. The goblins ran back to the safety of the Vulcan lair.

(The candle wands did decent damage. Maybe an elemental weapon would help. I don’t know a darned thing about making a magic blades though and there isn’t a blacksmith in the entire mountain.) Kif thought.

Coming to a decision Kif powdered most of the small slime cores and spent some time making 30 candle wands and 15 slime pet summoning wands. He reasoned that if 2 wands were able to do 30% of the slimes hp in damage, then 8 should be overkill. Kif explained his new plan to his companions.

Obne and Ylbne would focus on the acid slime with the wands. The rest of them would fight the small and medium slimes it spawned. Re Entering the cave, the goblins quickly slaughtered the small and medium slimes that had respawned in the time they had been away. The acid slime woke up and they engaged it.

-15*5

-15*5

The fight was on. The magest unloaded their wands into it one after another and before it had sent out it’s second attack it was down to 10% hp. The two small cores orbiting the large one changed from a milky white to a bright purple, then moved into the center core.

(Acid slime has evolved into queen slime)

[(Queen slime level 50) 10% hp remaining]

(Area message. Warning. Slay the queen slime or it shall damage the local lair)

“What?” Kif cried. “ It just gained 15 levels. This game is so unfair sometimes.” Obne and Ylbne unloaded their last 2 wands into the slime.

-15*5

-15*5

(Queen slime level 50 %2 hp left)

“We can do this.” Kif cried and ordered all the goblins to attack.

-0

-0

(Queen slime has resisted the attack)

The slings were useless, not having the penetration needed to injure the slime through it’s reinforced membrane. Barg raised his club and with a yell charged it. The club bounced off the slime and smacked the brute in the face. In anger he continued swinging uselessly at it. Kif watched helplessly as all their physical attacks bounced off of it. All he had left was the pouch full of volcanic ooze clay. Desperately he pulled it out and had Ylbne light the outside of the pouch. He then attempted to throw the burning concoction only to have it stick to his hand.

[you have been burned. -7 hp per second]

The queen slime, in this time, shot out an AOE attack of tentacles spawning far more slimes than it had as an acid slime. Kif came to a sobering decision and , with a running leap, jumped into the queen slime burning hand first.

[You are being digested. -14 hp per second]

He grabbed the core and held his still burning hand against it as long as he could.

[Queen slime has died][You have died. Remaining safe respawns, 5]

[Would you like to respawn?]

(Yes)

Kif stretched as he respawned. Slaying all the small and medium slimes had net him 4 levels. Killing the queen slime granted him 2 more. He returned to his companions and went about recovering the queen slimes core. “So apparently the clay stuff burns like napalm’” He said, talking to himself. (This can be useful) He thought happily. After several trips to drop of cores in his chest Kif’s party entered the second cavern.

(acid slime level 35)

There were hundreds of acid slimes moving about the cavern with 2 large level 40 acid slimes mixed in.

“Even with all the loot i have i couldn’t make enough wands to handle half of this.”

“ Let’s go ask old goblin Bu if he has any ideas.” Hobgoblin Mu suggested.

Agreeing, Kif headed up through the caverns to Bu’s new home.

“Kif, Just the idiot i was looking for.” Bu cried happily.

“Hey old man i need.”

“Exactly,” Bu interrupted,” You need to run over to my old clan and recruit them.” Bu went on to describe exactly what he wanted kif to do. “I knew you were right for the job.”

[Racial advancement quest; Old Goblin Bu was once the Goblin King of the Blood Reaver tribe. He wants you to follow in his footsteps. Find the tribe, Become king, and attack the council of light to complete. Quest can not be denied. Quest fails if the Blood reavers or Goblin Bu die off. Quest difficulty 3 skulls]

(I have heard of f rank all the way up through SSS rank. what does 3 skulls mean i wonder.)

“Soo, where exactly are the blood reavers?” he asked.

“North of us, beyond the bleeding cliffs and the crying canyons.”

This can wait a bit right? I don’t know if i am strong enough yet to become a goblin king.”

Bah, you're an elite. Best goblin i can send, besides i only have like 2 weeks left to live.” Bu responded.

Bu was likely going to vanish with the games release. From what Kif had read on the forums during work, Several races had already completed some racial advancement quests. The shadow elves had added 3 noble houses to their main coven and were said to be trying to expand. The orcs had gained 2 High warlord's leading their armies. Even the Demon tribes had managed to summon an Original devil lord of some kind. Kif figured his goblin race was behind so, despite the foreboding 3 skulls difficulty he decided to focus on this quest before retrieving the dwarven axe from Dredmonte.

“Do you have anything to make the job easier?” He asked.

“Sure, when i was a wee boy i created the Greatest skill ever. Hold still and close your eyes and i’ll pass it on to ya. “Bu answered.

Kif closed his eyes.

(Whap -30 hp dazed 10 seconds)

(You have a concussion, receive double damage the next 48 hours.)

(Through much error and a little trial, Bu has taught you Superior Identify)

[Superior identify: Only works on being 10 levels higher than your own and greater. FAils and turns hostile all monsters of equal or lower level when used. Costs 20 mana to use.]

“Th- Thanks I think.” Kif said while he held his aching head. “I’ll be going now”

“You sure you got the skill? I can give it to ya again to make sure ya got it.” Bu called.

“No I got it. Thanks.” Kif quickly answered and hurried away. Kif staggered back to his companions and lead them out of the Volcan Lair.

“First we need more thick sticks from the shadow forest, after that we are heading north to track down the Blood Reavers.”

“I am out” All of his companions declared at those words.

“The blood Reavers eat other goblins. I like breathing.”

“Fine. Borg, Barg, Obne and Ylbne, You gather shadow wood while i am gone. Mu, Take Ebne and Ibne and gather more small and medium slime cores. I will deal with the reavers myself somehow.” Kif sized.

“I shall miss ye.” Mu replied and all his companions quickly left.

Kif returned to his chest and spent some time preparing for the trip north. He prepared 3 short swords, 2 daggers, 1 alchemy pouch of clay went into his utility slot and 2 more went onto his belt. He stuck his flint and steel into the pouch in his utility slot. HE hung a bag of marbles around his neck and wrapped his left arm with his sling. Ready, he logged off to go to work.

Monday

[Log in]

Kif left mount Vulcan and headed out north west around the mountain. After twenty minutes of hiking he switched to heading straight north. Kif kept himself busy by killing the wolves and other low level monsters he encountered. After a few minutes more he reached the Bleeding cliffs. So named because of the red material coming out of them. Large amounts of iron and rust caused the water to be both red, and highly toxic. Several rust elementals and sand golems were milling about the area. Kif steered clear as he had no idea how to kill a monster made of sand. Could physical attacks even injure it? none of the elementals or golems had obvious core’s like the slimes. Leaving the cliffs Kif entered the Crying canyons.

(Groupon OOOooh)

The bane came from the local harpy tribe that inhabited the entire area and liked to nail their still living prey to the walls. Kif cautiously passed his way through them and was well on his way to moving through without issue when he encountered a young harby girl. She had the face and upper body of a human with the wings and feet of a bird. All of her body except her face was covered in small green and gold feathers. She stood only 6 inches taller than Kif and the reason she did not take flight immediately was apparent. There was a tear in her left wing about 6 inches wide.

[Identify

[Injured harpy youngling Aria level 75->65

2000 hp

1500 mp

skills

claw swipe

shriek

childs call

nail slash

disabled skills

flight

dive]

The two watched each other for a few moments before Aria let out a piercing shriek.

(Diaooooooh)

[Childs call used]

(Flap, Flap , Flap)

The sounds of wings flapping filled the air and Kif watched as the sky went dark from the flock all taking wing. Several streaks descended from the circling flock and Kif was soon surrounded by 3 Big male harpies. Their feet and claws covered in nasty blades.

[Ronta 1st born level 120]

Plugal the swift level 110]

Avant Harpy champion level 330]

(Why is everything i encounter so much higher level than me) Kif thought

Behind the three, a female landed next to the youngling and started crooning to her. Kif quietly put his weapons away and sat down, certain he was about to die.

“Who did this?” The female asked.

“Reavers.” The child replied crying. Reavers struck my wing and i ran.”

“Then lets kill the reaver scout here and wipe out the entire damned tribe.” Ronta declared.

“I ‘m not a reaver.” Kif through in. “I am a Vulcan. I was sent to”

“Silence” Avant thundered.

The circling tribe plummeted to the ground and surrounded the group.

Avante continued, “The reavers are becoming a scourge. you say you are from the Volcan tribe? You have one week to fix the problem and rid us of the Reavers, or we hunt both tribes to the ground.”

[Quest; The Quix harpy tribe is tired of being attacked by the blood reaver goblins, remove the goblin threat or the tribe will attack the Vulcan tribe. Rewards; Potential allies; Difficulty 3 skulls]

(Again with the weird skulls) Kif thought.

“I was sent to handle the blood reavers, I will fix this problem as soon as i can.” He answered.

“One week.” Avant repeated and then the tribe took off back into the air.

Kif quickly hurried out of the area before the harpies changed their mind. Beyond the canyons Kif entered a lightly wooded area. He hoped to find a cave or some other place the Blood reaver lair could be hidden without being found. Kif searched for ten minutes when. Bang

-10

[You have been knocked unconscious, should you survive you may log in in 20 minutes.]

20 minutes later

[Log in]

Kif woke up inside a cage. Surrounding the cage were three shadow elf cursed swordsmen. One of them was speaking with a 4th hooded elf. “Welcome back.” Elora spoke.

“Whats going on?” Kif asked, trying to figure out why he was captured.

“we are trying to remove a nuisance from the area of our Covens latest expansion. Once i eradicate the Blood Reaver goblins my household will have it’s own area separate from the starter zone. Players will be able to choose to start as my house. Elora said, dreaming about it.

“By the way, what are you doing so far north?” She asked.

“um.” Kif said, stalling, “Just walking as far north as i can go?”

“He is lying mistress.” One of the swordsmen said. “O i know he is lying, i just needed to ask for politeness sake. We can kill him with a clear conscious now.” She replied.

“The hike wasn’t that bad!” Kif cried.

“It was bad enough.” She smiled. then her eyes rolled up and she slumped to the ground.

“Food” a loud cry went up and the ground began trembling. with a roar, hundreds of bright red goblins ran into the camp and swarmed the 3 cursed swordsmen. Elora had been felled by a slingstone to the temple. After subduing the elves, the goblins broke Kif out of the cage and headed back off towards their lair. He quickly recovered his equipment and joined them. The goblin war party traveled to a small hole in the ground and Kif saw that the lair was in a natural underground cavern. The goblins drug the unconscious elves to a pit and tossed them in before moving a wooden lattice over the hole to cover it. Kif spent the next few minutes exploring the lair and noted that it was comprised of 2 caverns. The first entrance cavern was large and open. It contained fire pits with spits upon them, the prison hole, and a small cleared area with logs encircling it. The log circled area reminded Kif of a rooster fight coliseum. The second cavern contained sleeping areas and some goblin craftsmen making leather and wood products. Mostly slings and clubs.

One last thing kif notices about the Blood Reaver tribe was that they were starving. The tribe only amounted to about 5000 in total. The Vulcan tribe ont he other hand, numbered almost 2 million depending on how many young goblins had decided to go bath in the lava river on that particular day.As kif moved about a short, bright red and well dressed gobin left the sleeping area and went to the colluseum.

“I, great King Wax!” it declared, “ I kill goblin challenger and stay king.”

(becoming king seriously can't be this easy) Kif thought.

“You, come die please!” King Wax declared and pointed at Kif.

Kif stared at the short goblin, stunned at how simple becoming king seemed to be for a few seconds before casting identify on him.

[King Wax level 130 Master Goblin Mage]

(He didn’t need to see any more as a straight up fight would end in his death.

“I'd fight you. I is Kif Super Great Unkillable Elite warriors of Vulcan tribe. Best of Bests.” He declared, speaking in the broken goblin speak. “First i Eats my super unstoppable potion and then I’s fight.” He said and pulled out the alchemy pouch from his utility slot. As kif opened it a whip of fire wrapped around the pouch and it was pulled from his hand. King Wax stole the pouch of magical napalm.

“King taste’s all food before tribe.” Wax declared before eating the pouch, leather and all.

(I feel sorry for doing this) Kif thought. “Fine, Then i do super unstoppable fire eating dance before we fight.”

“I eat more fire.” Wax declared and swallowed a magical fireball.

[Bang]

[Identify]

[King Wax level 130 master goblin mage

10 hp remaining

20000 mp

skills

Fire hand

Disabled skills

Flame breath

Fire ball

Fire whip

Burn them all

Fire wall

Light roast

Crispify]

Kif immediately launched himself at the ailing goblin king. Wax coughed up a bunch of smoke and did not notice until kif struck him across the chest with his short sword.

-2 hp

[8 remained]

“Couch Couch Hack” Wax gasped as he struggled to cast.

-2

-2

-30 hp [light burn -7hp per second for 2 seconds]

Waxes hand flamed up and he slapped kif in the chest pushing him away.

Identify updated showing that the skill Firewall was no longer disabled.

(Whoosh)

a wall of flames appeared between the two goblins. Kif loaded his sling and launched several shots at Wax only to notice the marbles melt to nothing in the heat of the fire wall. Wax smiled evilly and started walking forward. The wall moved with him. Kif calmly pulled one of his 2 spare alchemy pouches off his belt and threw it into the wall. With a bang it exploded and blew a brief hole in the flames.

-2

Kif struck Wax in the head with a sling marble. Wax clutched his head angrily and continued pushing the fire wall.

Kif launched his last pouch and fired off one more marble.

-1

Wax had dodged it and only received a nick in the arm. Kif desperately threw his short swords and one dagger at Wax, only to watch as the fire ate them all. In a last ditch effort to win he dropped to the ground.

“Argh the fire, I is dieing, I has died.” He cried.

“Hah, *couch*” Wax cried and dropped the wall. With a lunge Kif slammed his last dagger into Wax’s chest, Killing him.

[King wax of the Blood Reaver tribe has been slain. The title of Goblin King has been unlocked.

[Title; Goblin King

A goblin crazy enough to prefer leading other goblins. Good luck surviving the year]

[+1 level]

[+1 level]

Kif leveled up all the way to level 42 from slaying Wax and receiving the title. He managed this despite his companions sucking off enough exp to all reach level 40.

‘(This is great, but i need to act fast.) He thought and moved first to the elf cage.

“i’m sorry please let me out.” Elora called from the pit. Kif silently tossed his rusty dagger into the pit then turned to the awaiting, starving reaver tribe.

“Kif is New King, Puny elvses be stringy and taste bad. Kif know where fat juicy foods be. Follow King Kif to easy meats!!” With the rallying cry of Fat Easy Meat Kif led the screaming tribe of goblins out of the cave and south towards the border. As he started up his marching song he couldn't help but think, (I should write a book. From goblin to king in a day, A Kif Biography)

With a growing smile Kif led his new tribe on.

{Author's rant. Is he op? Or not. When building my world i took most of my knowledge of monsters from fantasy books and the magic the gathering playing cards I was into in my younger life. Goblins are Stupid. It is one of those big tenets of my story, along with dragons being almost unkillable save for god crafted weapons (See the angels city killer beam). }