《A Weird Book #1》45. You Can't Fistbump yourself
Advertisement
Ben stood up and shouted 'Lights On,', immediately the area around his camp was illuminated by high intensity LED floodlights, the kind used by night construction crews. As Ben ran to his tow behind trailer to grab his mana rifle, he shouted;
“Girls, head inside, go right into my room. In the closet you'll find weapons with the a bunch of aim skills attached, grab the guns and come right back out. Now!”
They ran, and Ben reached his gun right at the moment the door shut behind them. Now armed, Ben ran back to his skill bag and grabbed two Aims, breaking one immediately, two good shots, then he put the other in his mouth and keeping it intact. Ben brought the rifle up and aimed conventionally, watching closely as Vaughan's beat up old Jeep got closer and closer, the gap between them and the creature that chased them getting wider and wider, until it stopped in place and hissed. Even from the distance, Ben could hear that hiss. Whatever it was, it looked big, bigger than most of the monsters Ben had seen in Oasis Mountain before. It seemed to notice the campfire and started charging directly at him. With a scowl, Ben took Aim and fired a shot, never really getting a good look at what it was.
The bolt of mana illuminated the night and impacted with a flash, causing a much louder hiss. Ben wasted no time and fired again, another flash, another hiss. The monster turned around and started running back the way it came, screeching in fury. Ben fired off a couple more shots, the bolts lighting up the desert like a spotlight from the sky, giving Ben the brief sight of brush and rocks. Farther away he heard another hiss, a second of the same kind of monster. Ben stood at the ready, listening; another hiss, even farther away, then an answering call farther still. They must have decided we weren't worth the trouble, he thought but still stood at the ready. From the corner of his eye, he saw Vaughan's Jeep approach their camp at a leisurely pace. They parked, and right about the time their headlights went off, the girls came out of the trailer, both armed with mana rifles.
“Dude!” Vaughan shouted as he stepped out of the passenger side of the Jeep wearing a black D.A.R.E (To resist Drugs and Violence) tshirt “What were you shooting?”
“The monsters?
“No, the gun!”
“What,” Ben asked, sounding cocky, then firing a shot into the desert night “you mean this?” Vaughan, rather than say anything in response, began to hold out his hands and make a grasping gesture over and over again. Ben tossed it to him, and he whooped and started shooting, the gun unloading forty shots in four seconds before the crystal in the butt started to glow and smoke.
“Did you already break it?” McCrea asked, getting out of the drivers side, an expression of absolute interest and focus on his face.
Advertisement
“No, it recharges after about a minute when you overheat it like that. If you fire in short bursts with decent breaks, you can keep shooting it pretty much forever. It's drawing some of it's power from you, so be careful you don't exhaust yourself-” Vaughan, having seen the crystal flash and go dark, immediately unloaded the weapon again, firing forty more shots, raining devastation in a roughly cone shaped patch of desert. He quickly handed the spent weapon to McCrea and gestured at Louden, who immediately tossed him the gun, which he immediately fired at the same unlucky patch of ground.
“That's so awesome!” he shouted, then hollered and hooped, grabbing both Ben and McCrea into a shoulder hug, going 'Yeeeeeaaaahhh!', then losing his footing as his legs promptly collapsed out from under him.
“Yeahhhh!” he said again, this time a little quieter, then looked at Polk and started gesturing for her gun.
“No!” she said, giggling “are you crazy, you'll hurt yourself!”
“I need morrrrre,” he said, an enormous smile on his face, completely unable to move on his own.
“Help me set him by the fire,” Ben said to McCrea, and the two of them, who were by the way arguably the worlds foremost experts at moving Vaugahn around when he was incapacitated/piss drunk, flawlessly set him by the fire, where he could warm up and recover. McCrea looked at Vaughan, then at the mana rifle and shrugged.
“Between this and that giant lizard? I'm convinced. I came up with a plan for the gold on the drive over; I figured you didn't know what to do with it when I heard you were burying it. Can I see it?”
“I've got some under the tarp, here, I'll show you.”
As they walked over, it struck Ben that even though it had been almost a year since he'd seen them, it was as though no time had passed at all, and they just picked right up where they had left off.
“It's good to see you guys again,” Ben said, then gave McCrea a side arm hug.
“You two man, we were all starting to get worried. Send a text next time you discover a dungeon, all right?” They got to the trailer and Ben threw back the tarp. The gold, rough textured and pure, shone like liquid in the orange light of the fire.
“Woah.”
–
The five of them sat around the endlessly burning fire, the first time they had all been together in almost a year; since the ecstasy incident. McCrea had been working as an anti-cheating agent down in one of the Vegas casinos; Vaughan had gotten a job as a bouncer at a highly successful club thanks to his, and by extension Ben's, connection to the mob. Louden had continued her work as an unlicensed party pharmacologist, a drug dealer, and was also benefiting from using her connection to organized crime. Polk was in the middle of sharing what she'd been up to since Ben vanished off the grid.
Advertisement
“I'm back in school,” she said, sounding proud of the fact “and with a little bit of effort and studying, I'll be able to be a nurse. I'm working in an old folks home,” the group groaned in a friendly way, Polk's reputation as a goodie two-shoes forever cemented in their minds “Shut up,” she said with a smile and a blush “I'm doing really good work there, and it pays for most of my classes.”
The conversation lulled, and Ben realized it was his turn. He coughed, suddenly self conscious, the self knowledge that he was terrible at this sort of thing rising to the surface.
“How to even begin,” he said, stalling for time “I've been like a sort of, uh, mercenary for an otherworldly entity? Well, less of a mercenary and more of a servant? No, wait, it's more like a friendship with a cancer patient, or a five year old with the mind of an adult. Hmmm. I've got lots of gold, so none of you will ever need to work again. I never forgot about you guys, I just got really swept up in all of it, and time just flew by me.”
“So the dungeon,” McCrea said when he saw a natural break in Ben's speech “What genre is it? Are we talking like Castlevania? Are they ruins? Is it like the dungeon in Diablo? MMO style instance? Sex dungeon?” From the background, Louden could be seen to get closer to Polk and whisper 'what does any of that even mean?', and Polk started whispering back; Vaughan, for his part, crossed his fingers, closed his eyes and started whispering 'sex dungeon' over and over again.
“I'm pretty sure I know what you're saying, but lets all get on the same page. What do you mean by all that?” Ben asked.
“Sure, that's fair. So in a game, there's a gradient of how permanent a dungeon is; on the farthest end of impermanence you have something like a ruin, which only has a set amount of monsters and treasure, and none of it regenerates, it's literally just a ruin with valuable stuff in it. On the other end of the spectrum, you've got an MMO dungeon, which does not change and constantly regenerates it's resources. That's the x axis,” he said, and Louden groaned and put her head on Polk's shoulder, loudly whispering 'Nerd!'
“The other factor to consider is what the purpose of the dungeon is. Is it a lair of a terrible monster? Is it a prison for some terrible monster?”
Ben was about to launch into a lengthy monolouge detailing everything he knew about the dungeon, when Polk surprised everyone and shouted 'Nerd!'. Ben, McCrea and Vaughan all gave their attention to Polk and Louden. Polk was the one who spoke.
“I'm sure those questions are relevant, but right now, since we're all here, we really need to talk about something. What are we going to do about this?” it was so obvious to the group what 'this' referred to “I mean, no offense meant, but Ben, you've been sitting around for almost a year on top of this, burying gold in your backyard and hoarding trinkets in your trailer, fighting horrible monsters every single day.” From the background, Vaughan could be heard to whisper 'living the dream,' and the sound of their loudly bumping his own fists together.
“And what about the mob? Do they know about this place? About the gold,” she said, saying the word gold as a whisper, eye wide.
“Doug and Lou, my handlers, they know about. . . some things. They advised me to keep my damn mouth shut and told me they were doing the same thing. So far,” Ben said “They seem to have stuck with that strategy. They're. . . well, they're pretty good dudes. They come and visit every once and a while, I've got a job coming up for them in a little while. To be honest, I think they're afraid to tell anyone about this. They've never gone in, not after the first time.”
"A job?"
"They usually have me analyze things for them, I can help tell if the drugs are pure and if somebody's a cop or not. It's really not a big deal."
“That's one less thing to worry about, at least. But that still brings us back to the most important question; What are we going to do about this? We can't just sit on something like this, I'm honestly shocked nobody's noticed this gigantic mountain on satellite, or even from the road.”
“Casimer's aware of satellites, and he's taken precautions against discovery.”
“That's-ok, but what are we doing about this? I mean, are we even in America anymore?” She said, half frustrated and adopting an absurdist tone. Vaughan seemed to get more from her words than she ever could have intended. He stood straight up and looked over to the mountain, body locked in focus. He had a joint in his mouth, and took a sharp pull.
“George Washington,” he whispered, smoke coming from his mouth in a thick white cloud, suddenly grabbing McCrea's shirt around his shoulders and shaking him a little, breathless with excitement. "GEORGE WASHINGTON!"
“What,” Louden said, eyebrows raised and clearly enjoying the abrupt left turn the conversation was about to take.
“High school, the founding of America, George Washington, the pirate who stole a country.” He looked around, making eye contact with each of them “Lets be George Fucking Washington.” The educational perspective in Hope, Nevada was signifigantly 'off curriculum'.
“Ambition! A fine idea!” Melchsee shouted from the distance, startling everyone. Ben recovered fastest though, and muttered.
“Great. Everyone, this is Melchsee, Casimer's wife or whatever.”
Advertisement
- In Serial543 Chapters
A Dragon Idol's Reincarnation Tale
Note: Sorry, the discord got nuked. New Server: https://discord.gg/sDf7qDr8QS Sorry about that, everybody! "Survival of the fittest is easier said than done...why couldn't I have been reborn a bit bigger, huh?" If waking up in a new world wasn't bad enough, an idealistic teen starts her new life as a newborn dragon not by being embraced by a loving family, but having to escape two hungry kobolds wanting some grilled lizard for breakfast. Now, status screens obscure her vision in a hostile forest filled with vicious magical monsters, as two concerning Titles welcome her to her new life. Equipped with fragmented memories from her past life and the game-like mechanics of her new reality, the young dragon must face trials and tribulation, undeterred by the reaper's scythe inches from her neck. Despite her challenges, she is determined to find civilization. For nothing will stop her from fulfilling her one true desire: to become an Idol. Author Notes: I'll update the story every 2-3 day, if nothing major in my life happens. The story is mostly inspired by Japanese Light Novels, specifically "I'm a spider, so what?". New Discord after the old was nuked: Rawr Cover art was created by dinal06: Rawr Please credit the artist and me, the author, if you were to use it. Also, please don't modify and photoshop it.
8 1371 - In Serial97 Chapters
Saga of the Great Wolf
In the Dragon Seal Universe, humans worship the Celestial Court of the Dragon Gods. As per the edicts of the Celestial Court, humans Cultivate the Dao to seek strength and rise above their common roots. If they rise to one day serve the Dragon Gods directly, they have the chance to be initiated into the Greater Secrets of the Daos, which can allow them to live for millions of years. Coalescence, the Path to Transcendence, is considered a Heretical Art of the Demonic War Masters, whose evil empire was said to have been overthrown hundreds of millennia in the past by the Celestial Court. Wolves, a species that are said to have once served the War Masters, are listed by the Temple of the Celestial Court as one of the most corrupt of Demonic Beasts. They are killed on sight. Surrounded by the Demonic Wildlands and protected by the ancient Watch Towers, a number of human nations and empires thrive atop the Great Plateau. Cultivators rule over the general populace and the Temple of the Celestial Court rules over the Cultivators. Anyone caught practicing Coalescence is sentenced to death by torture. I am half human and half Wolf. Since I am already under a death sentence for my Bloodline, there is nothing to stop me from setting out on the Path of Coalescence. As I promised my mother, I will grow strong. When I am strong enough, I will destroy the Dragons and Dragon Gods. I will set this world, once known as Sirius, free from their chains. Releases will be on Tuesdays & Fridays.
8 218 - In Serial26 Chapters
2450 - Age of Corporations
Cover: https://i.imgur.com/GhGrA2d.png - 400 Years into the future -Humans have ventured beyond the confines of Planet Earth, spreading across the Milky Way Galaxy.Governments and archaic societal structures have all collapsed, and unrestrained capitalism has found firm footing in human civilisation. In this dog-eat-dog society, where value of human life can be assigned a monetary value, we follow our protagonists:- a group of unassuming orphans with a dark secret,- a bastard scion of a massive multi-system corporation,- and a 'garage start-up' comprising of optimistic and starry-eyed inventors setting out in the unforgiving free-market,in their adventures and exploits across the galaxy! AUTHOR'S NOTE:Hi guys! This novel is just a pet project of mine, to exercise my imagination and vocabulary. The regularity of uploads will depend on how well this catches on (but nonetheless, expect at least 1-2 ch/wk).I proofread my own work before uploading it, so there may be grammatical errors or misused vocabulary. Please let me know in the comments and I'll fix it. I found inspiration for this novel from various sources (Cyberpunk 2077, The Mech Touch, etc.) so in some places you may find some similarities. Please note that it is just an inspiration and I'm not trying to blatantly copy those works. While I do have a general plot line in mind, the various volumes (or arcs) will be quite fluid and susceptible to influence from reader suggestions. This is so that my creativity doesn't stagnate. I hope you guys like my work. If not, please leave reviews! I appreciate any and all constructive criticism, and opportunities to improve myself. Scribblehub: Scribblehub_AoCWebnovel: Webnovel_AoC
8 203 - In Serial8 Chapters
The Saga of a Reincarnator
Life is not fair...That's what I thought ever since I was born and raised in my family. I was never good enough for them, my efforts all flushed down the drain from the start because of mediocrity. In their eyes, my life and existence were worthless...Even my classmates, all of them looked at me like I was some kind of filth hanging around their blessed school. My heterochromia a petty reason to bully me to the ground.Life sucks...I just hope in this new life I was given, I can finally wash away all my past regrets... Yes, I crossposted this in webnovel and Scribblehub.
8 115 - In Serial36 Chapters
Daddy's feminine prince (kinda bXb)
Sam is 17 still in high school while Eric is 25 and is the boss of a big organization with construction!Eric is richSam is poorDDLBA little smutHalf way mature :PWhat will happen when these two boys cross paths?
8 99 - In Serial91 Chapters
You're the guy my dad never shut up about? | S. Rogers [1]
"Why aren't you worshipping me, mortal?" "Not interested. Thanks" ------------Superpowers acquired after a horrible lab accident?... Check. Annoying, pain in the ass, but lovable, big brother?... Check. Joining a superhero team called the Avengers?... Alright. Fighting an alien army led by a rebellious, green color loving, mischievous God?... Sure. Falling for the guy your dad never shut up about?... Unexpected. The past coming back to haunt you?... Oh shit. ----"Can you hit him with your knife?" "I believe the technical term is 'stab'." ------"Yeah, that's what drew me in" Galilea smiled brightly as she stared into Steve's baby blue eyes "your natural awkward anxiety ridden charm" [First book] [Ohana. Book two] Completed 12/26/17
8 199

