《A Weird Book #1》35. Oil and Water do not mix

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Ch 35

“Look, I'm telling you,” Melmat said, genuine frustration in his voice “There's something bigger than a cat vampire serial killer going on. Have you even looked at the data I've collected from Nevada? Have you been paying attention to the internet lately?”

“As far as I'm concerned,” Ronnie said “There's nothing bigger that the deaths I've unintentionally caused. If you want to go so bad, then go by yourself, I won't stop you. Once we figure this out,”

“There is no figuring this out!” Melmat finally, after months of patience, felt the cracks in his composure widen and unleash something real “You've conjured that evil spirit up over and over, against my advice and better judgment. You're obsessed with killing something that can't be killed, not without hunting down every stupid ashva who watched any of those movies and slitting their throats, including our own, by the way.”

“What,” Ronnie began.

“It's something my grandpa used to say, it means someone so stupid they might as well be a farm animal, pulling the plow for someone else,” Melmat spat, his anger now directed both outwardly and inwardly “Sometimes, you fuck up in life and things are fine, and sometimes you fuck up so bad someone ends up dead because of it. If it wouldn't unbalance your mind so badly that you ended up a broken wreck on the side of the road, I'd bury you so deep in hypnosis you'd forget all about fucking sarah and Satan's fucking pussy!” Melmat screamed, grabbing him by the hair and shaking Ronnie, spitting on his face.

Melmat paused, then sighed, Ronnie frozen in place.

“Get what you needed?” Librorum said, appearing as a woman made of book pages, a sympathetic expression on her face.

“No,” Melmat said as he wiped the spit from Ronnie's face with a conjured towel, whispered an apology, then banished both the Ronnie, and the towel.

“Why don't we just leave then?” Librorum said, a note of pleading in her voice “You've set up a reasonable enough research history here, more than enough academic work to cover yourself when you discover the Vortex of Hope.”

“We aren't calling it that,” Melmat said reflexively “and going in alone is stupid. By myself, I'm a tough son of a bitch, but I can be taken down. In a group. . . well, you know better than anyone.”

“In a group, we're invincible,” she said, sounding tired.

“Yes we are,” Melmat said, also sounding tired.

“It was never this hard before!” Librorum suddenly said, a petulant tone in her voice, her body morphing into a book with the title 'Life just isn't fair, by Librorum', and then falling apart into a cascade of pages falling to the ground.

“I know you want me to say 'oh pull yourself together',” Melmat said “But I won't. Things were easier before because we had the master around.”

“If he were still around,” Librorum said, still a pile of pages on the ground.

“If he were still around, we'd have a different name, we wouldn't be in college, and none of this would be even remotely relevant. He's gone, because he succeeded. He pulled off a high miracle, and I'm honored to continue his legacy.”

“Pfff,” the pile of pages on the ground said, rustling with the rude noise “Miracle is a strong word for what we did. More like a high abomination, or a major blasphemy, or -”

“Oh pull yourself together,” Melmat finally said, growing tired of her bad attitude “nobody's pulled off anything like this since. . .”

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“Atlantis?” Librorum said, voice snappy.

“They didn't summon a dungeon,” Melmat said, voice not as strong as it could have been.

“You're right, nobody has any idea what they summoned, or if they ever existed in the first place, because that's how bad it got. They were destroyed so thoroughly that people aren't even sure if they ever existed in the first place.”

“Stop,” Melmat said suddenly, and Librorum froze in place. “I've vented it all out of my system, anything more would just be wallowing in negative emotion. Thank you for playing along, Librorum.” There was an immediate change in Melmat's companion, she morphed back into a large, leather bound book and spoke in an even, calm tone.

“You are welcome, my master. Has this little fantasy helped you find balance in yourself once again?”

“Yes, I'm ready to wake up now.”

Melmat opened his eyes, the only part of him that could move at the moment, his body having been in an induced state of sleep paralysis. With an extreme effort of will, he moved his index fingers in tiny, rythmic twitches that grew stronger, until they were flexing entirely, bringing more of his fingers into play. Following a methodology, he woke his body up one piece at a time, until he was able to sit up.

His legs still numb, he grabbed them and gently put them over the side of the bed, letting them rest on the ground, his flesh totally numb, only his bones registering weight and sensation. It was a funny feeling, even after having had years to get used to it, and Melmat cracked a smile. He stood up, and immediately stumbled and fell back on the bed, prompting a laugh.

--

Once his body had fully recovered from the effects of his lucid dreaming, Melmat got up and began to walk around campus. It was summer, and the weather was hot, a humid haze hung in the air making everything droop and everyone wish for a good breeze. The campus was mostly empty, though that would rapidly change once people returned from break and the new semester began.

Today, he and Ronnie were supposed to interview grad students who wanted into the program. This year, there was quite a list of people, most of whom were very curious as to why their research project had gone from zero security, to key cards and alarm systems inside of nine months. The faculty were curious as well, but a massive bribe given to the school board by Melmat, in addition to some enhanced persuasion, had allowed for special privileges to be granted and exercised by their team. He, in truth, wasn't very excited about it.

From across the way, a haggard looking man in his mid twenties caught his attention. The man looked like someone who had been living on the streets, but living very well. His body was lean, his clothing was clean, and he hunched on a walking stick, a well maintained backpack on his back. He had long hair and a long, homeless style beard, and his eyes were so intense they would make someone uncomfortable to see them. The eyes were locked on Melmat, and he purposefully made his way towards him.

A quick glance at the man's walking stick, which had little hand hammered tin charms on chains of copper, one of which had a star, another which had a rabbit, told Melmat everything he needed to know.

“Well met, seeker!” Melmat said, unafraid to speak openly.

“Are you him?” The man asked, his voice containing the weight of his journey thus far “Are you The Master, Melmat?”

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“I am simply Melmat,” he replied “Welmet, traveler. What might I call you?”

“I am that which I am,”

“No need for that, you've come far enough. What is your name?”

“I don't want one anymore,” he said, and suddenly he sounded tired, very, very tired.

“That's all right. Tell me why you have come to me?”

“I have come for my reward,” he said “I have brought what your quest required, I have brought it all,” he reached back and patted his pack.

“That remains to be seen. Come, seeker. Come inside.”

The man had indeed brought everything, every code broken, every song completed, every picture drawn, every riddle solved. It was not an easy thing this man had done, and Melmat treated him with the respect he deserved. The man lay on a long table, a collapsible piece of furniture Melmat kept for this sort of thing, and his intense eyes were closed, his lean body in a state of total relaxation. It had been easy to bring him down, the man had been very cooperative.

“Listen to the sound of my voice,” Melmat said “Listen, and see my words as I speak them. Can you see them?”

“Yes,” the man said, his voice quiet.

“I will tell you a story,” Melmat said.

He spoke for a long time, telling the story of a long forgotten love. First, he spoke of when they were children, of the joy they had shared and the games they played. He spoke of picking fruit, of chasing cats and of the adventures of children. Next, he spoke of their stormy teenage years, when their love for one another changed, became deeper.

“They spoke honest, embarrassing words to one another, calling a kiss 'Gentle Rain', and a stronger kiss 'A raging storm'. Words they would never regret saying to one another, yet would never speak about to another.”

Melmat spoke of their endless conversations on the phone, he spoke of the growth of their characters, of their perfect memories in the snow, sun and rain. He spoke of their longing for one another, of their discipline and sacrifice, denying their lusts till they could be married.

Then, he spoke of the boy's foolishness, leaving for an adventure, leaving his woman alone to prove himself as a man. He spoke of the boy's successes and failures, of a grave and life altering event which ended his adventure and sent him home in failure.

“And when the man came home, when he spoke of what happened, his woman stayed by his side, despite his failures, despite the wounds to his soul. Through raging storms of dark emotion, she weathered the pain of the man, never wavering, always standing by his side.”

He spoke of their growth as young adults, of foolish mistakes made by the two as they grew up, of their promise they made to one another, of where their souls would meet on the way out of this hard and terrible world.

“A woods, a woods, lit by golden sun, upon two stumps carved for sitting, that is where they said they would meet, with a carpet of moss upon the ground and the music of chimes upon the breeze.”

Then, Melmat spoke of their many fights and trials. Of the times they were pushed so far they must leave one another, yet held on tight, gripped in an embrace against the storm of the world that tried desperately to tear them apart. He spoke at length of their love and sacrifice for one another, of their failures to understand, and of their deep sense of obligation.

“Understand, and know my words are true,” Melmat said “For you are the boy from the story, and your love has long left this world behind.”

The man, deep in trance, body paralyzed, began to weep, deep, racking sobs.

“Up until her death, she remained faithful and true to you, and even now, her soul waits for you in that promised place, that land of trees and wind. Your Land, seeker.”

“I can see it,” he said, voice raspy with grief and awe “I can see the land.”

“Go there now. Go deep into your land and find her, find the woman who has sacrificed all for you, for whom you have sacrificed so much to find once again. Go and speak to her, and answer her questions with the honesty she deserves. There is no one else more deserving of the truth, none who have more of a right, not even yourself. Tear past the veil of this world and give her the truth which is so important, so secret, that it has been concealed from even you.”

Melmat, knowing this would take a while, turned on a small fan, kicking up a small breeze and causing the many sets of chimes in the room to softly play an occasional note. With a small dropper, he placed several doses of a gentle psychedelic much like LSD on the mans eye lids, the clear liquid rolling down and mingling with his tears, giving him a little help. Taking out a small drum, about the size of a gallon jug of water, with tight cow leather over the top as the striking surface, Melmat played a simple, endlessly repeating rhythm. He played softly, for at least an hour and a half he played, allowing himself to fall into a trance as he did so, eyes falling to a half lid, Librorum monitoring the man to ensure he did not fall so deep in trance he died.

Suddenly, with savage intake of air, the man shot straight up, grabbed the pen and paper next to the table, and began furiously writing. He wrote page after page, Melmat playing the drum all throughout, never speaking. The pages turned from words to drawings, strange diagrams and animals, each with their own explanation. First five, then fifteen, then fifty and more. Pages upon pages of revealed knowledge, recorded while it was still fresh.

Finally, weeping, and with the greatest of reverence and care, the man drew a woman. To anyone else, the woman would have been merely pretty, a little above average in beauty. The man wept openly as he drew her, careful lines and shading filling in small details, a mole on her neck, a small scar on her chin, the love in her eyes. He looked at Melmat when he was finished.

“I am. . . I am not the man I thought I was. Thank you,” he said, and Melmat finally stopped playing the drum.

“I've only done my duty seeker. Find the man Molwes, he will be a stern and purposeful teacher. Now that you know yourself, he will be able to instruct you in the higher teachings.”

“How shall I find him?”

Melmat smiled, and it was only a little unkind.

“The same way you found me, Seeker. Hunt him down.”

When the man left, he seemed to have visibly shaved years from his age, and had also shaved his head and beard down to the skin. Melmat gave him some food, a little advice for finding his peer, and some traveling money.

Once he was gone, Melmat took a moment to groan in discomfort, stretching his body and complaining bitterly about 'fucking neophytes and their timing', before deciding that his day was entirely shot and going to take a nice, freezing ice bath. He spent the entire time trying to devise a way to get Ronnie to want to go to Vegas without entirely compromising whatever shreds of morality he still had a valid claim to; there weren't many left.

Upon leaving the bath, Melmat felt refreshed and took the time to feel good about the assistance he had given to the man. Molwes was no 'The Master', but he was none the less an excellent teacher of the true basics of magic, the discipline of the mind.

He got dressed and headed to the lab for a second time that day, still not really that excited about any of it. He arrived to find Ronnie, who was in good spirits. Melmat explained that he would have liked to come, but he had suffered a powerful bout of food poisoning, and had been unable to leave his restroom. He would have called, but he didn't have a phone. He explained that he felt fine now, though.

“That's all right,” Ronnie said, excited. Melmat hadn't seen him this excited since he had arrived on campus nearly a year ago. “Melmat, we've got some really bright talent coming into the program this year. Most of them are still here, getting to know one another in the break room. Come on, let me introduce them!”

Melmat smiled and followed, Ronnie's excitement being somewhat infections. A little bit before the door, Librorum appeared in his mind, slowing time for just a moment.

“No time to explain, Melmat. Put on a game face and keep it on.”

Melmat, having long ago learned to trust his inner guide, to trust her completely, immediately composed his features and tightly regulated his emotions.

The door was opened by Ronnie, and a group of six people sat on a couch, speaking in animated tones, looking over some research material Ronnie had left in the room after they signed the Non-Disclosure Agreement equivalent of a loaded gun to the head.

Nobody would have noticed, Melmat had far too much self control for that sort of thing to happen, but he had eyes for only one person in the room, and she had eyes only for him.

Lisa, now a blonde with a perfect light touch of makeup, a stunning girl, stared at him, and the light of victory was clearly evident in her eyes.

Melmat was in the lab making small talk with his new colleagues when he felt it, like all the hairs on his body stood up at once. In the secure room, the room which required multiple keycards, an actual key, and a complicated tile puzzle lock, Melmat heard the hum of a machine acting of it's own accord.

“Excuse me a moment,” he said to an energetic young asian man, recently graduated and very excited to be on board with this revolutionary project, and quickly made his way over to Ronnie, putting a hand on his shoulder and leaning in close to his ear.

“The Uke's acting up. Get everyone out of here,” Melmat said. Ronnie went several shades paler, then whispered back.

“Who the hell turned the damn thing on?”

“Not who, what,” Melmat practically spat “I'm telling you, and I've been telling you, my research clearly predicts that whatever is powering the Uke and giving us all that free energy is somewhere in Nevada.” He squeezed Ronnies shoulder very hard and gave a strained smile “But that's not the point right now. We wouldn't want the cat to get out of the bag, now would we?”

As if listening in to their conversation, a massive crash came from the Uke room, stopping all conversation. Ronnie, kicked into high gear by the event, clapped his hands together and gathered the scattered attention of the group.

“All right everyone,” he said, giving Chad a significant look that told him everything he needed to know “We're going to take this outside. Please refrain from discussing classified material,” there was another crash from the Uke room, followed by the sound of a feline roar, a cross between a lion and a cougar with the volume and pitch of a high speed heavy saw blade.

“Outside, right now,” Ronnie said, louder this time, walking towards the exit, and the fading sunlight of the day. Once he was alone, Melmat rushed to the control room and turned on the camera. Inside was an anthropomorphic Jaguar man with gigantic sabertooth fangs, his body covered in sleek, short black fur. It looked up at the camera, and Melmat could feel it's mind press against his like feverish flesh against a healthy body, and it tapped it's wrist where a watch would normally be worn.

Melmat swore, and a quick mental calculation of when the sun would set told him he had very little time.

“Anything I can do to help?” Lisa said, and it was a testament to how focused Melmat was on his task that he did not detect her approach at all.

“You need to get out of here,” Melmat growled, a pain in his chest he couldn't identify “You need to get out right now.”

Instead of leaving, she grabbed his face, a gentle gesture that none the less froze his entire body. All she did was stare into his eyes, more deeply than Melmat normally allowed for fear of the truth rising to the surface. Her eyes were clear, without fear or darkness, and Melmat involuntarily longed for the days he first felt that way.

“It is you,” she whispered, caressing a cheek “I can't remember, but I know it has to be you. You're the angel from my dreams.”

Melmat's face turned red, and to his horror, he realized he was blushing. He'd been caught!

“I knew it!” she said, voice triumphant “That's not important right now, what can I do to help?” Melmat growled.

“Do you know the Meow Mix jingle?”

“Yeah?” she said, a completely baffled expression on her face.

Just then, the door to the safe room opened, and the Monster emerged, stretching and grunting the grunts of big cats across Africa. It moved as though amused, a sort of relaxed, self aware posture that seemed to indicate it knew what it was, and gamely accepted the fact. More than anything, though, Satan's Pussy seemed hungry.

“Now! Start humming it now!”

“Meow meow meow meow,” Lisa said, body shaking, doing her best to keep in tune with the song. The beast yowled and ran back into the safe room “Meow meow meow meow,” she shot a questioning look at Melmat, who was walking several steps behind her as they approached the safe room the vampire cat was holed up in “Meow meow, Meow meow, Meow meow meow meow.”

“Good,” Melmat whispered, “This should function like a crucifix and drive him away from us, it was a big plot point in the third movie.”

Melmat had always found their 'research sessions' of watching the admittedly terrible 'b' movie franchise dubious at best. Still, it seemed to be working, the Cat-pyre having immediately yowled in fear and retreated when started to sing. Melmat, for his part, was glad he wasn't the one singing.

There was a feline hiss from the other room, and rather than pausing, Lisa picked up volume, prompting a shriek of rage. At that moment, Ronnie peaked into the room and saw what was happening.

“Oh good, it works. Here, let me help,” he said, and began singing along with Lisa. The monster in the other room began to howl like a man in pain.

“Ronnie, I'm blowing up the UKE,” Melmat said after several more moments, now sure that the Satan's pussy was totally suppressed by their singing. Ronnie didn't miss a beat, but began furiously shaking his head from side to side. “No, I'm doing it. This is out of control, and you know what? I think I've just figured you out.” From the containment room, the monster began shouting;

“Why is it always college students? Why are they always able to summon me, and why do they always know that damnable jingle! AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!” Melmat paused to listen, then continued.

“You're afraid that all of this is a fluke. That there's something special about this particular location, and this particular device in these particular circumstances,” Melmat paused, finger over the panic button “You don't really believe in all of this yet, even with everything you've seen. Lisa,” he said suddenly “If I asked you to come to Nevada with me, to pack your bags and join me, would you do it right now?”

She immediately nodded her head.

“Good. As of right now, I quit this project.” Melmat pressed the button, and thermite packets spread across the experiment room ignited, burning the equipment to slag. From the camera, as the UKE burned, Satan's pussy could be seen to be fading away.

“No!” Ronnie shouted, coughing as the smoke from burning plastic and metal hit him “What have you done!”

“Feel free to join me, but I doubt you will. My master was right, scientists are idiots, and trying to teach them anything of value is a waste of time; for all I know this outrageous larp he sent me on was meant to remind me of that. This is now a matter of Religion, and I'm the high priest.”

Lisa immediately went to her knees and bowed. Melmat hadn't been expecting that, but it really played into what he was doing, so he went with it.

“Lisa, I want you to convince as many of those grad students out there as possible to come with us within the next twelve hours. After that, pack your bags. We're all going to Vegas.”

Intermission Part 1

The thread was created on a board notorious for role-playing, tom-foolery, and outright trickery. Anons would have described it as a case of moderation being a bunch of lazy faggots, while the volunteer unpaid moderation would have described it as an exceptionally good hack-job and were secretly relieved that the only thing the hacker had done was grant their thread ban-immunity and pin it to the top of the board.

It was a heavily encoded message, requiring several feats of logic, and some information which was frankly impossible for anyone to know, like the name of a certain Tibetan monk. It was the internet, however, and months after the intended target had received the message, it was eventually cracked by an Anon in Tibet who had just started running common Tibetan names through the problem until he got it.

>Brute force, ftw. Finally hacked the internet and solved that riddle someone posted a couple of months ago, the one that was pinned up top for about a week?

>Solved it. Turns out the answer to the Tibet question was 'Monk Karma'.

>Whoever made this is a real genius, and also I hate them, because it's fucking nothing, as you can see from the attached picture.

>Some white girl with pretending to be Hindu with an opal glued between her eyes, two brothers, one of which has a rock glued to his collarbone, and a shirtless cowboy with a handgun, all posing for a picture in the desert. Why isn't anybody but the girl wearing a shirt? Why are they all smiling so much? I don't care anymore, it's probably just another fucking code, and I'm sick of it.

>There was some text as well, though it too was fucking nothing.

>'Where are u? Things are getting crazy! I hope you haven't forgotten about us : ('

>So thanks for that, I spent weeks thinking I was getting the clue to something amazing, but as usual

>op's a faggot, move along people.

>nothing to see here.

Attached to the thread was the picture in question. Ben, Casimer, Ahr and Melchsee had their arms around one another, shoulder to shoulder. As astute Anons would point out, Ahr and Melchsee had a transparent, ethereal quality to them. Ben and Casimer looked almost like identical twins, with the exception of their eyes. Ben had eyes that conveyed a genuine kind of joy, the kind that can't be faked.

Casimer's eyes, they were a bit darker. They had a tightness to them, the kind of look that only comes from a constant, unending discomfort. Once someone pointed it out, it was unmistakable, and couldn't be unseen.

The man with the dark eyes looked Hungry.

Intermission Part II

When Ronnie returned to the lab, after having sent what remained of the new recruits home, he looked around at the devastation wrought by his absolute weirdo savant, former stoner of a friend. His head briefly poked around a corner, and a brief visual flash and the sudden smell of a large predator on the prowl had clenched his heart in fear, pushing him to hide. But there was nothing there, not anymore. Ronnie walked around, kicking at things, thinking about everything that had happened since Melmat arrived. His eyes wandering, he saw the work station Melmat had been using, and remembered the insane paper he'd written to justify a move down to Nevada.

Ronnie sat down and booted the computer up, then navigated to Melmat's research folder. There was a shocking amount of work done, much more than Ronnie had ever noticed. Had he been working that whole time? Ronnie could have sworn that he was always goofing around, yet. . .

With the feeling of someone who had missed some obvious, basic truth, Ronnie began reading the entire body of research produced by Melmat during his time in their project. As the hours flew by, and Ronnie blew through each and every paper, he started to realize something.

Melmat might be right.

And Melmat wasn't who he thought he was.

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This is the end of Part 1 of The Science of Advancement: Summoning the Dungeon.

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