June 21:

Went to the moovies after drills today. Don't know why I did, I not like the moovies. They always show us the sucky stuff. Warboys gettin' shot. Warboys gettin' killed. Good Guys winnin'. Good Boys cheerin'. Is always the same stuff.

I ax'd moovie guy why there be no moovies of War Boys winning, War boys cheering. He says there be a place called Tinsel Town that make all the moovies, that Tinsel Town be inside Nation of Good Guys and Heroes. They be super friendly with the Good Guys. I ax'd why we be buying moovies from them. Moovie guy tells me that Tinsel Town be the only place where they got super special E-fex for the moovies. I ax'd why we not be making our own moovies. He tells me because we got no special E-fex for moovies. No bright X-plosions. No mega cool lights and colors.

I tell him that it's dumb. Don't matter if we got no cool stuff, would still rather see a story about War Boys winning and killing Good Boys.

June 22:

I got a letter from Lone Ranga! He been sent to fight in the Fight at Zulu Base, where all the Hurt boys got hurt. He is not gonna be back any time soon. Runt feel like cryin' again, Lone Ranga be a good friend...

I also got another letter from a Boss Man, it be super short. It just say “Runt, this be a Boss Man. A war Boy named joker is ax'in if he can see you. Please come by hospital soon.”

Later:

Went to see Joker at the hospital and he was mega glad to see me. I be really surprised, nobody be glad to see Runt before. Ever'body be all like “aw no, it be stupid little Runt again!” But not Joker, not this time. He be super bored in that hospital. There be nothing to do except watch little chickens singing in the trees out the window.

He be sayin' “wanna go to the moovies when I is outta the hospital?” I be like “Nope! Not seein' no moovies, no how.” He wonder why and I tell him all about how I don't like Good Boys winnin' and Good Boys cheering. Not want to see any of that! He all like “whatcha wanna see then?” I say I wanna see War Boys winning! I wanna see War Boys cheering! He ax'd if I told the Moovie Man that. I told him I did. He ax'd what he said. I tell him how Tinsel Town be the only place makin' special E-fex, how Tinsel Town be the only place making moovies.

I ax'd him if he wanna go to the Range. He tell me he don't go to the range all that much. I ax'd why not. He be all like “It be too expensive! When we be all out in the Fight, they make us pay for everything! I got a new scope for ma gun and it be super expensive! Like, it be five whole funds for a scope!” Five Fuunds!? No way! Megacorp never be chargin' that much, they always wantin' to sell more than the Big Union of Fair Treatment! If they be chargin' that much, nobody gonna pay.

I tell him that as soon as he get outta the hospital, I pay for him to go to the range, and we be shootin' downrange together all day!

June 25:

Today Joker is outta the hospital and we went to the range. Joker got this mega big gun he calls the thumper that shoots this big ol' bullet that explodes when it hits stuff. He shoot at a target and target go BOOOM and be all gone, nothin' left. Hold up, Joker be axin' somethin'.

Joker did not know I could write. Joker does not know how to read, but he not thinkin' it be dumb like Gratch or Noog. He says he always be interested in reading ever since he saw a boss man who was lost become not-lost when he read stuff around him. Joker says “I never figured it out. One minute, he be all confused like 'where am I? How did I get here?' The next minute he read stuff from a metal square on a post and he be all like 'Oh! I know exactly where I is. I need to go this way now.' And sure as that, he walks off and he know exactly where he be goin' and I never had to tell him nothing. How does that happen, Runt? How a boss man know exactly where he is just by seeing squiggly lines on a metal square?”

I try to explain that reading and writing is not that different from speaking and listening. Like, if you don't know what any sounds mean, how you gonna know what anybody is saying to you? You just gotta know what each little squiggly means, and you know how to read.” Joker understands now, kinda. “Is it fun?” he ax's? I say reading can be mega fun. Like, it be figuring out a puzzle, and the reward is knowing what all the squiggles mean.

Like, I look at writing, and I think about it hard, and I get to understand that it means stuff like 'diner' or 'Maple street' or 'barber'. Or I get to read Lone Ranga's letter and I can find out what he is trying to tell me because Lone Ranga be a good friend and I wanna know what he is sayin'. So reading be like this secret that only you know, and you feel mega smart when doing it. You say “I can read that, and Lone Ranga can read that. But Gratch can't. Noog can't. Gumms and Ruckuss can't.” And so you feel super cool.

Joker tell me all about a big house where you can read lotsa writing. It be all in books! I be like “You know a place with books?” Runt almost never gets to see any book besides his own little writing book. He only gets to read the metal squares which Boss Men call 'street signs'. Runt see some Boss Men run around with books, but Runt never ever get to read any of them. Boss men be all like “That's not for you, don't look at it!”

Joker says he know a place where you get to read as many books as you want! It be called a Liberry. Tomorrow, me and Joker gonna go down to the Liberry. Joker prolly gonna just show me and leave. He not know how to read after all, so a Liberry be no fun for him.

THIS IS RUNT.

I BE AT A LIBERRY.

I CAN TOO WRITE!

June 26:

Runt is in the Liberry and it is sooo cool in here! Sooo many books. I come into the liberry and a Boss Man at the desk think I am lost. He says “this is a liberry.” I say “it is a really cool Liberry you got here Boss Man! I come to read books!” He look at me like I be crazy and say “I don't think you would like books”. I tell him I love books. He tell me books are only good if you know how to read them. I be all like “Duh! Of course they only good if you can read them! What else books be good for?” He asks me if I know how to read. I say of course I know how to read! And I show him my book. And he asks me who wrote my book. And I say “Duh! You be reading Runt's only book! Runt wrote it!” And he tells me “No you didn't! You lying!” And I have to grab a pen and show him that I can too write. He look at me really weird then, and tell me that I am a really smart War Boy. I asks if I can read a book. And he says “You can have one book, and can take it home with you. But you only get to keep it for seven days. After seven days, you gotta come back and show me the book be alright. And then you can either give it back, or take it home for another seven days.” I ax him if he really mean it, I ax if he not just let me look inside a book, but let me keep it for seven whole says. And he says yes. I was so happy I started shouting and doing the Happy Dance! He ax me what be wrong with me and I hug him and say he is the bestest Boss Man who ever lived besides Raspy. He not just letting Runt take little peeks at books, Runt can take a whole book home with him for seven days! Runt is mega excited!

Liberry Man ax's what kind of book I would want. I tell him I want a book that has War Boys winning, War Boys cheering. Liberry Man say that kinda book would be really hard to find. He is off looking for a book right now!

Later:

Back with a book! Went to a liberry and they let me keep a book for a little while! Runt is so happy! Book has lotsa pages, each page full of squiggles! More than any street sign ever be! And Runt gets to sit here with this cool book and see what all the squiggles mean and what they are trying to tell me!

June 30:

Just met a mega-cool Zombie today named Rotface. Me and Joker be wandering around and be all bored 'cuz there be nothing to do at all! So we just be walking around town, bored as bored could be. But this zombie be shufflin' around and he see us and he just come up and thanks us. We ax him why he be thanking us. He say that Warboys help fight in the Fight, and if we didn't help, Fight would go ultra bad. He be all kinds of nicety nice to us, so we sit and talk with him. He tells us he work at a factory. We ax him what kind of factory he works at. He say he work at a factory building gunz! Joker then ax's if he can buy a new scope for his gun. A scope that don't cost no 5 fuunds! Zombie tells us of course we can get a scope! “Just come by the factory tomorrow, and we getcha all set up!” he say. So tomorrow we go and check out the factory.

I also be readin' the big book the Boss Man at the Liberry gave me. It be called The Best Bad Guys I Ever Knew. Liberry man says that there are no books 'bout War Boys cheerin', War Boys winnin', so this the closest book he could get. Book is all about this Boss Man who be one of the Good Guys (Yuck!), but soon he gets thrown out and they call him Evil. (Hurray!)

June 31:

We at the factory and it be super cool in here! A Robot who owns the factory meet us at the front door and as soon as we get here he be all thanking us just like Rotface did! He be all super nice to us and shows us all around the factory. We even get to see Rotface hard at work.

All the zombies be working on gunz! Did you know that a factory can turn super-mega hot metal into a gun in less time than it takes go to combat drills? Runt did not know that! And so many guns are here! Megacorp not just makin' gunz for warboys, they make gunz for ever'body in the whole Dark Evil Empire! The Robot says he thinks that it is his job to make sure ever'body in the Dark Evil Empire gets a gun, and not just little stupid gunz either. They want ever'body to have big, loud gunz that shoot lotsa bullets. Ain't nobody ever think they can mess with us if every single zombie and robot and boss man have a big mean gun.

I show the Robot my gun because I think it is super swell even if it be small, even if it be wimpy. Runt paid for his gun and Runt is proud of it! But the robot, he see it and be all like “where your bigger gun at?”. I tell him that Runt never got no big gun because big gunz only go to big Warboys like Gratch. He ax's me if I got a bigger gun than this, if I got one big gun and one little gun when I get to the big box of gunz on that first day outta training. I say “Nope, Runt get smaller gun! Small gun for small Runt! Runt bought this one himself!”

Robot get sooo mad! He grabs a pipe, rips it out from the wall and smashes it into the floor! Steam be risin' from his shoulders and his eyes go all glowy red and he starts shakin' and shudderin' and beepin' and boopin' and yelling. He starts yelling “THIEFS! NUMSKULLS! RATS!” and he walks away. Some other zombie come over real quick, and tell us everything be all right, we just gotta let him calm down. Tells us over and over again that Robot not be yellin' at us, that we is A-ok.

We is still at the factory, and Runt is gonna try and help Rotface with his work.

Later:

Joker just got his brand new scope, and it cost him less then a fund! Runt ax'd Rotface why ever'thing be so cheap here, but cost so much out in the Fight. Rotface says it because the Fight is so hard to get to. We be fightin' out in a place called the Borderlands. Borderlands has swamps with muck soooo deep even Big-tracks get stuck in them. Borderlands got mountains soooo steep that not even four-wheels can climb them. That means we can only get supplies in usin' Whoppa Choppas. Whoppa Choppas need lotsa fuel, and fuel be expensive. Even getting food and bullets to the fight cost mega much.

Megacorp be holding a big old game to make it better. See, you come to the game, and the game be that whoever comes up with the bestest fix to megacorp's big problem gets a prize!

BONUS CONTENT:

Log of Austeja Darkflower #1.

The first inkling I got that the Lair even existed was in correspondence with my father. Once upon a time, when I was younger, I had been very fond of going to the beach. I always went with my nanny, but I never understood why my father couldn't be there. He was always busy with work.

When Clarice Appleby started getting really popular in the media, business started going down hill. Motions were passed saying that Megacorp needed to keep a minimum of 60% dwarven workforce. Father thought this was absolute garbage, as most of them belonged to the Fair Union of Equal Labor. To the surprise of exactly no one, the Dwarves walked out on strike within hours of working in the factories. They said that it was "Slavery all over again". Of course, Tinsel Town gobbled it all up, telling the public that Father was a ruthless cutthroat. They conveniently forgot to mention that Father had to fire most of his zombies just to bring in the Dwarves, and that the zombies had found the factory conditions just fine.

Back to the matter at hand, in our telephone calls, Father began to bring up his regrets over being too busy when I was younger. He had not a single photo of myself and he building a sandcastle. Apparently, when I was about seven years old, I had been distraught that he couldn't find the time to come to the beach with me and build a sandcastle, because building sandcastles was one of my favorite activities at the beach (swimming be hanged).

My birthday was coming up and the sandcastle incident began to pop up more frequently in our conversations. I wasn't daft. I knew he was hinting at something, because Father could never keep a secret to himself when he was really excited about it. So I figured that I would be getting a house on the beach for my birthday.

Sandcastle. Birthday. Grown woman. I was adding it all together and I figured it could only mean that he was going to buy me a nice house on a beach somewhere. So I was expecting a nice cabana in the tropics.

What I wasn't expecting was a nuclear command center burrowed into a mountainside, bought from surplus government stock at rock-bottom prices. The Lair was MNBC (Magical, Nuclear, Biological, Chemical) hardened structure complete with an underground aerodrome, warehouse, small factory, and barracks fit to garrison a maximum of 1,500 nonessential personnel.

Nor was I aware that Father was housing his own team of researchers to build cybernetic prosthetic limbs. And a group of very pissed off disabled veteran soldiers, led by a man named Hughard. Veterans that Clarice Appleby had called "murderers and rapists, the most vile specimens of mankind and a petulant stain upon the honor of our Philanthropic nation". And another team of researchers led by Giles Consus hired to breed vat-grown thralls to serve as battle-fodder.

The whole team recognized me instantly, and upon entering the structure I was greeted enthusiastically. Apparently they were all looking forward to “My leadership”. Before I could get a word out, I was met with a dozen different plans and different opinions on how to go about those plans. Plans on housing a mass influx of refugees, plans on feeding those refugees, plans on sorting those refugees based on their skills in various trades. I was so confused.

I had to shout and scream in order to get them to all shut up. “What refugees!?” I asked, “What happened? What disaster has happened that I am not aware of? Why is my father housing thousands of refugees?”

They all looked at me like I had gone mad. A GX-4 model android came forward and hesitantly explained to me. He said something like “Well, ma'am, there aren't any refugees yet. But they're coming.” This confused me even more. So I asked for details on who the refugees were. What were they running from?

They all stood there, shocked and horrified. The android asked me “Don't you know?” I screamed at him in sheer frustration. “DOES IT LOOK LIKE I KNOW!?! WOULD I BE ASKING YOU TO EXPLAIN IT TO ME IF I KNEW!?! OF COURSE I DON'T KNOW, YOU DIMWIT!!!”

The next thing out of his mouth was some absurd scenario out of a film from Tinsel Town. They claimed that everything was going to collapse, and that a state of National Emergency would be declared. In such event of a national emergency, the Prime Minister would be given sweeping powers to stabilize the economy. They claimed that very soon, everything was going to be nationalized. The Fair Union of Equal Labor had lobbyists in Parliament, passing laws that would lead to the eventual liquidation of Megacorp. The liquidation of Megacorp would destroy the economy, as billions would be out of work and the only goods being produced would come from the Fair Union of Equal Labor, who's inefficient business practices would inflate costs to absurd levels. As panic over the economic crisis spread, people would turn to the only source of aid the People ever know. The Capital could usher in it's “New System” that Clarice Appleby was raving about. The Capital would be able to seize land on a whim, imprison anybody they wanted with no questions asked, and absorb the media into a state-run “Business”.

The entire idea was just insane. Completely insane. The idea that Clarice Appleby would ever garner enough popular support to dissolve free trade as we knew it was simply irrational at the lowest levels of cognitive thinking. An entire nation would have to engage in some sort of-of-of...collective delusion to believe that abolishing employers would somehow liberate the employees. Liberate them from what? From contributing to society? To liberate them from their wages? To liberate them from practicing the only form of interaction that two complete strangers can engage in with some faith that the other one is somehow trustworthy?

And to top it off....-to top it off was this notion that I was to lead this movement of....Resistance? Survival? That I was to be some sort of figurehead. That I could somehow arbitrate write from wrong, wise and unwise. That I was supposed to be this Princess of the Apocalypse, riding through the collapse of society with a steed made of wealth and the knowledge of law practice to save a people from completely dissolving into barbarism.