HOW A LAME LONER'S LIFE IS NOT LIKE NORMAL DUDES

Chapter-11:

Grill Before The Grand Arc?

*ring* *ring*

Damn I have to wait till someone opens the door.

*opens the door*

“WaahAkito-kun you arrived. Well come in.” Tsugumi-san insisted me to enter her house.

“Well thank you Tsugumi-san” After saying that I entered.

“Oh Akito you’re here. You better should head to Nozomi’s room because we adults are talking now.” Mom said that. So it looks like these 2 (mom and Tsugumi-san) are going to bad talk about their husbands. Well I’m out of here.

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*Knock* *Knock*

“The door’s open” It’s Kyo’s voice.

*Opens the door*

“Yo it’s me” I said that with a thumbs up. Well thumbs up pose was an excuse to check out three girls here. I mean where they are sitting. I mean Nozomi’s sitting on her bed.Kyo’s using Nozomi’s computer and is watching cat videos. And Yumiko is watching the cat videos along with Yumiko.

“Oh look Onii-chan. Oh my God its Onii-chan.” Kyo said it lamely. Well the purpose was to make me angry. Too bad I won’t get anry at silly things like this.

“Yeah a weird creepy loser is here. He even made a thumbs up pose. Yuck. And did you see how he was checking us out?” Do I have to tell you who said that?

“Hey you two don’t have to be mean. And Akito-kun come sit.” She showed an empty mat as if they knew I will arrive. Well why the hell won’t she know I well arrive at her house.

I sat at the mat and said “Well I was pranked in a YouTube Video today. And I think ChickaChicka was the YouTuber who made a prank on me.”

“What a liar.” Nozomi said that. “You in ChickaChicka’s video. hahaha” It’s Yumiko. “Onii-chan do you want our attention that bad?” Kyo asked me.

“You three don’t believe me then check ChickaChicka’s latest video.”

“Okay. Well it’s not because you said me to. I just wanted to watch his videos.” Wahh my darling sister is checking his video.

“Yeah Kyo-chan this guy’s video are so good that you can’t stop watching him.” Somehow it seems that Yumiko and Kyo are talking.

“You’re right Yumiko-chan. And don’t you agree Nozomi-nee?” KyoakedNozomi.

“Yes. He has a charm on him.” Answered Nozomi. Is this ChickaChicka guy a YouTube sensation or something?

“I wish Kyo-chan’s brother was ChickaChicka instead of that weird creep.” I’m not going to comment on this one. (Even though she’s pissing the hell out of me.)

“Don’t be so rude.” Nozomi to my rescue.

“Nozomi-nee actually I will prefer ChickaChicka to be my brother rather than this so called Onii-chan of mine.” Wait you’re talk like I’m a worthless piece of shit! Fuck you Kyo.

“See Nee-chan. Even Kyo-chan doesn’t want him as his brother.” I’m gonna kill this bitch.

“Look he’s staring at me like a rapist. Kyaa~ he’s going to make a rampage.” Calm down Akito. You don’t have to kill Yumiko today. Even though she’s pissing the hell out of me.

“Yumiko don’t be rude. He got feelings too. He can go in rampage you kno- pffft- hahahaha” Can’t believe my girlfriend is laughing too.

“Kyo did you searched for the ChickaChicka guy’s latest video?” I asked her because……Out of instinct? (What does it even mean? And why the fuck am I now talking with myself in my monologue) And Kyo was typing when I asked her.

“Okay today ChickaChicka sent two videos and he sent them few minutes ago. KYAAAAAA! Excuse me.” Why is she so excited about this guy’s video?

“One video’s name is ‘Toilet prank’ and the other one’s name is ‘Strange and an unexpected event’. So, Onii-chan you mean to say you are in one of his video?” Kyo asked me.

“Well I’m in both of his videos I guess. Enough talking and start watching.” I told her to that.

“Yeah Kyo-chan let’s watch it.” Yumiko said that.

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Okay they started to laugh like an ass when they finished both videos. And umm it feels kind of good to show this three this. Anyways I’m now in the table having dinner with my and Nozomi’s family.Kyo and Yumiko are still watching ChickChicka’s video even though they learned he’s a loser (Fuck that ChickChicka guy!). Anyways,my and her parents were talking about their highschool life which doesn’t even matter to me. Fuck! I don’t care if mom was dad’s first love. And I don’t care if Sakamoto-san was a playboy before meeting Tsugumi-san.

“So Akito-kun, tell us something about your school. Will you?” Okay Sakamoto-san my answer is “No, why don’t you ask Nozomi”.

“I asked you the question but I’ll stop pestering you since you answered me no.” He’s acting really out of character today. What’s wrong with the Author! But seeing me act like that made me open up.

“Fine I’m telling you. I sit in class, check out your daughter and do nothing.”

“Hey Genji look, your son is all over my daughter.” He said that making a playful smile. My dad smiled at him and turned his head to Nozomi’s direction and asked her, “So are you pregnant or something?” Wait he asked her that?

“Genji” both my mom and hers shouted looking disgusted at my dad’s comment. “Genji-san I never expected you to say that.” Nozomi said that to dad. “Nozomi answer him! Are you pregnant!!?” Woah calm Sakamoto-san…… Wait! Why are you looking at me with that face? I got to say something because the Author made them retarded enough to act like that. “Oi do you think I’m a pervert who’s ready to bang any girl? And do you think I’m crazy enough to make any girl pregnant”.

“Akito watch your words!” Mom you don’t have to say that with that look. “You mean my daughter’s not worth banging?” And why the fuck did you asked that Sakamoto-san? “I never said I’m not ready to bang her.” I answered him that. And I bet my answer was pretty smart. And for some reason my mom, Tsugumi-san and Nozomi stared at me with a look of disgust.

Man I have enough of this useless shit!

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After dinner and random chatting (while eating dinner) I got out of that house making an excuse which was “I’m really tired”. Actually I’m really tired of that shit which happened today.

Being in my bed and thinking about this is best. Hope I’ll get to fuck Nozomi here one da- what the hell am I thinking abou- wait its completely normal for me to bang my girlfriend here and thinking about is normal right?…… Anyways I got to turn my phone off because I know Nozomi will call me today to have ‘Lovers chat’. And I also need to sleep.

Am I forgetting something? I mean I found a really important thing in the toile-…..

Agh my head hurts!...... Wait I bet did put something in the bag! I need to check it!

I got up from my bed and headed to my desk where I kept my bag. I hope I didn’t put a dildo there…… Why did I thought of that!

*Opens the zip*

FUCK IT’S A GUN! IT’S A FUCKING GUN! IT ALSO HAS SILENCER ATTACHED TO IT! WHY THE FUCK DID I FORGOT THAT I HAD A GUN IN MY BAG!

“It’s because of me. Oh I’m SuperHawtGuy and I’m right behind you.” I quickly turned my head behind *Krak*.

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Damn! I’m in the author’s zone again! Fuck him! Fuck his brain! Fuck his Computer!I mean Why the fuck do he keep coming here in my story again and again? I mean is he a main character or something?

“What the fuck! Why are you here again?” I asked SuperHawtGuy like an angry nerdy manwhore. Fuck! Why do he like to keep changing my voice like that?

“Well I wanted to talk” There goes a fucking mind blowing answer which blown my mind in pieces.

“Talk with your friends then.”

“Well I don’t have any…..Technically you’re my friend because I wrote you to be my friend. You got what I said?” Well he’s right about me being his friend. And I’m glad he didn’t made me a tsundere character who’s gonna go ‘No you’re not my friend.’

“Well you’re right about me being your friend. This aside, why are you here in this chapter and what the fuck am I doing here in the author’s zone again?” I asked him the reason. And he *clapped*.

*Head blown* and that clap blew my mind I mean brain. Readers if you ask me why I’m not pissed well it’s because the author is too lazy to use (!) but too active to write all this shit. Wait this doesn’t have any connection for me not being pissed!

“So your mind’s blown right?” He asked me *queech* and purposely stepped my FUCKING EYEBALL. FUCK MY EYEBALL! IT GOT SQUISHED!

“Don’t worry I’ll can clap and regenerate you anyway. So stop acting like a bitch and also stop your bitchy inner monologue. Are you a fucking cocksucker who keeps monolouging about how his mouth gets the taste of other guys dic- wait look what you made me do! You made me write a fucking Yaoi porn scene!” You’re bashing my monologues? Are you fucking kidding me? Aren’t you the one who’s writing my monolou- wait why did I forgot that he’s a retard?

“Well I got you about squishing my eyeball and bashing my monologue. But why the fuck did you wrote a fucking cocksucker’s feeling? That’s not a gay porn scene by the way. And why the hell are you calling it yaoi porn scene? Do you think writing a cocksucker’s feelingis like writing a cocksucker’s cock sucking scene?”

“Of course not! I wrote all this piece of cocksucking crap because I was out of idea. I mean why the fuck did I add this scene in this chapter?” Why the fuck are you asking me? And please stop writing cocksucker and cocksucking! Fuck you made me think of cocksucker and cocksucking again! Fuck you wrote cocksucker again! Again, What The Fuck!

“Can you please tell me and the readers why the fuck I’m here?” I asked him politely.

“Okay.” He made a loser like smile and proceed “I made you come here to tell you and the readers that I’m making you retarded.” What the fuck

“Didn’t you said that in the last chapter? I mean how many times do you have to say it?” What the fuck is wrong with him? I mean why the fuck is he making me question him all this? And why the fuck didn’t I ever thought of this…… And why is he writing this now?

“Well I said that in the last chapter but I bet the readers forgot I said that. And by the way see how retarded you get!”

*Claps*

“Okay why did you clapped to regenerate me?” I completely forgot that I was looking like a zombie when I was talking with him.

“Well to tell you how you got here.” Seriously he regenerated my head to say that?

“Okay, so how did I get here?” I asked him.

“You looked behind so fast that your neck made a crack sound. Well I guess it had an impact on your neck which made you unconscious.”

“Well this made like zero sense!”

“I know!”

*Clap*

. (While Akito is getting back to his world)

. (Between this dots)

. (The gun magically)

. (Got inside Akito’s bag)

. (And for now Akito completely forgets)

. (That he has a gun in his bag)

. (But he will remember it tomorrow)

. (When he wakes up from his sleep)

. (And then he’ll lose his mind and will do something stupid)

. (But will come to sense after he’s in school)

. (So be ready and see what happens now)

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“Huh! Why the hell am I lying on the floor?”

*Gets up*

Fuck! Did I slept here? I looked at the clock and see its 11:47 PM. And *beep beep* why the fuck is my phone ringin- Fuck I completely forgot to shut my phone off! Damn now I need to talk to her.

I picked my phone up and said “Hey Nozomi what’s up” lamely. I bet I sound like a lazy ass tired freak.

“Who’s Nozomi and what the fuck’s with your tone?” Oi who the fuck are you? And who the fuck is this guy (Yes, I’m talking to a dude) I’m talking to I quickly checked my phone to see who I’m talking with.

It’s a number which I don’t know about.

“Okay who the fuck are you and why the fuck are you talking to me like you know me? Do I know you shit?” I asked rudely like a boss. I mean I asked him that.

“I know you, you know me so let’s get married and make a family!” What the fuck? Did a guy asked me to marry him? Is this a prank call or somethig?

“What the fuck! Are you gay or something?”

“I’m bisexual………… And I think anyone will know who I am as I said my YouTube signature.” Wait I heard the signature today at Nozomi’s house if I recall.And what’s with the laughing sound?

“Okay you mean you’re ChickaChicka.”

“Yes! And I called you to tell you that you caught my eye.”

“What the fuck!?”

“You caught my interest.”

“What the fuck?”

“I Love you”

What the fuck!? Is a gay guy confessing or is he just goofing around? Anyway I got to record this chat.

Yeah now I’m recording it.

“Say that again.” I asked

“I love you!” Wow, I think you’re just wasting my time here about telling me that you love me. I mean why the fuck is he pranking……Pranking? That explains why he was laughing. Fuck why didn’t I thought of that......But wait why the fuck will he prank call me? I mean what’s the point? But I definitely know that I heard him laughing. Okay I’ll think of all those later and I should probably concentrate on recording the call. (But why the fuck am I doing this shit?)

“So what do you expect from me?”

“Well a blow job. I want to give you a blowee!” Disgusting.

“Okay are you really ChickaChicka?”

“Yes I am. And you know I got really pissed and horny when you punched my face at the mall.”

“Excuse me?”

“Can I ask you out on a date?” Okay I’m 100% sure that it’s a prank call. He’s recording the call as I am. This guy is a fucking retard for prank calling me, SunekawaAkito the great loner! Fuck I’m gonnadiss you so hard. And I should also act cool because this video will be uploaded in YouTube.

“Hell no.”

“Why? Do you hate me?” This guy is so retarded. I mean why the fuck will anyone ask this if this is a prank call.

“Yes I hate you and plus I have a girlfriend. And I also am not interested in guys.”

“So you mean to say you’re homophobic?”

“Well it’s for you to guess.”

“HUH YOU’RE HOMOPHOBIC! YOU’RE DISGUSTING” Woah man what the fuck? Do you really want people to hate me that much with that lie of yours?

“When did I ever said that?”

“I was just trolling ha ha~” Fuck I planned to act cool then why the fuck I’m acting like a pussy?

“Yo man Fuck you! You fucking wasted my time for this shit! For trolling? Motherfucking asshole I’m gonna butcher your cock and will feed them to dickless bisexuals!”

“That was sooooo homophobic! …My gosh you are really a horrible person.” What the fuck?

“You mean I’m horrible because I want to feed your useless dick to hungry dickless bisexuals? Are you fucking retarded!?” I don’t even know what the fuck I’m talking about…… Oh wait it’s to piss him off!(But why the fuck am I sounding like someone who hates gays?

“My gosh! I can’t believe you said that to someone…… I hope your girlfriend breaks up with a horrible person like you.” Okay he’s being really careful for not swearing. I can tell it from his tone. I can tell he wants to say “I hope you get fucked by a fucking gorilla in front of your girlfriend! I also wish you to die bleeding from your ass!”…… Wow, why do I think that guy can curse like that!

“Yo pal curse me all you want. I mean I don’t give a shit about a fucking YouTuber whom I believe to be a loser to call me and confesses his love to me!....... Wait how the fuck did you get my number!” I should’ve asked him that in the beginning.

“You think I stalked you to get your number eh?” Of course not!

“Yes, I bet you tried to rape my as- I mean suck my dick really hard when I was walking on my way home.” Wow I just made the most lamest insult in my whole fucking life!...... Why the fuck are my insults good in my monologue only!

“Never ever in my whole lifetime. And what does it got to do with me getting your phone number?”

“Everything! I’m scared to think how the fuck you got my phone number. I’m going to call the police now.”

“Wait you’re not serious ar-” I didn’t let him finish as I cut off this shitty ass prank call.

Why the fuck people gets so low that they have to do this shit to get attention. And how the fuck is this attention whore even popular? Anyway I got to block his number…… (Holy shit Nozomi called me for like 11 times.)

By the way I got to block his number……Blocked it.

*Beep* *Beep*

Who the fuck is calli- oh it’s Nozomi. Okay what time is it now……12:21 AM. Great!

“Yoyoyoyo Nigga what’s up? Do you wanna fuck?” I intentionally said that in English (Black accent). Well it’s because she can’t understand this accent.:

“What are you blabbering about Akito?”

“I just expressed my love for you in French. Didn’t that sound romantic?” Why am I saying weird stuffs to her?

“You know Fre- I mean do you know how many times I called you!”

“Yo babe I ignored your calls.”

“You ignored my calls!!? And why are you mocking me with the weird dialect! ARE YOU PERHAPS CHEATING ON ME” What the fuck does it have to do with cheating? And why do I feel stupid to hear this? And why the fuck am I feeling of being a cheater (which I’m not)?

“………………………..” I answered her with silence.

“ARE YOU CHEATING ON ME!?” Oi stop shouting

“………………………..”

“I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS!”

“And I can’t believe you’re ranting me about this. I mean I can’t believe you assumed that.”

“CHEATER!” Fucking Shit?

“Hey I’m no ch-” Wow she just cut my call off. What a bitch! And what a fucking retard to assume that I cheated on her. I mean who the fuck except this retard will even date me?

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. [The next day]

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Damn Thursday mornings are such a pain in the ass. But I have to seat here and wait for like hours and 23 minutes (23 minutes because I arrived school 13 minutes earlier) to finish all the classes. Anyway I got to tell Nozom-

“Akito-kun I’m sorry for ranting on you.” Oi where did she came fro- I mean she interrupted my inner monologue. By the way I got to act tough and tell her what I want.

“What?” I asked in a crude manner…. Wait why is she so upset? (And what’s with the weird teenage romcom drama vibe)

“Don’t be angry please.” Why do you look like you’ll regret what you’ll say now? I mean you’re going to break up with me or something? Huh! It can’t be! Did she found a hot looking guy whom she thinks is better than me!......

“Akito-kun I want to see your phone.”

WAIT! That explains those suspicious behavior of yesterday! But she might talk to me about something else…..right? But did she said something to me just now?

“Did you asked me something?” I asked her that.

“Don’t ignore me and show me your phone!” She ordered me with her cheeks puffed up. How can I ignore her when she acts like that!

“Well it’s in my bag so you go ahead and take it out.” I told her that because I’m feeling too lazy for some reason.

“Uff why are you always like this! hmmph, give me your bag.” Sounds reasonable. I mean she’s standing there and I’m right beside the bag so I can give it to he- wait I can bring out the phone myself rather than handing the bag to her!

“No I won’t because I’m feeling too lazy. Look my hands are not working” That’s the lamest excuse I ever gave to her and I bet I look like a creep for you know shaking my hands.

“Why are you always like this?” She asked and approached me to take my dic- I mean bag out of the desk.

“Well you got to endure it because I’m going to be your ‘future husband’.” I said that with a playful smile.

She looked at my direction and said “That’s like a curse. But I’m going to embrace it.” And also made a wink. WOW, this is like the coolest thing she ever said to me. Woah I’m blushing at this comment. Fuck!

“Look who’s blushing.” When did she get so sly? I mean she’s hella attractive when she’s like this. I also should add a cool comment too. (I’m not a shy blushing romcom MC you know)

“Well look who made me blush.” Seriously that was like the lamest cool line ever. Is this even a cool line? And why do she look satisfied on my comment?

“I did.” After saying that she unzipped the bags chain and put her hand inside without looking at it.

“Akito-kun what did you in the plastic bag?” What? I didn’t brought a plastic bag. I looked at my bag and am seeing a plastic bag. Did someone put that in?

“Yes I did put something but don’t check it.”

“That makes me want to check it mo-”

“Found your phone!” Okay?

“Now you got my phone you’re going to…….. On second thought what doyou want to do with it?”

“To check few things.” Oh I get it. You’re……. actually do you think I would cheat on you? I mean I know you waited a long time for me to answer and you called hell of a time but you should also know why I didn’t answered your phone. (Wait didn’t I planned to switch it off before)

“Okay but what will you do by checking?” I asked.

“Insert my nude pics so that you can masturbate on them.”

“Holy shit! Are you serious?” I asked her to confirm.Oh my gosh, I can finally masturbate on her tits YAAAY!

“Of course not! Do you think I’m that shameless!......... I expected you to say ‘no don’t give me this. I want to protect your chastity’.” Am I a shounen manga MC? And why the hell are you looking disappointed at me. Real life boys are not like shoujo manga you know!

“………………” I didn’t answered her so in the meantime she checked out few things from my phone bringing out her phone and started typing on hers. What the fuck is she doing? (Plus I don’t know what sort of function you can do with cell phones)

“Done! I added my pics in bikini. I wore that yesterday as Miura-san and others visited.” Okay? Wait!

“Didn’t the whole class except m-” She cut me off by saying “I know what you’re getting on but the boys were spending their time on arcade which was right beside the swimsuit store. Woah you got jealous for a second for no reason haha”

“No reason! I mean a guy looking at your skin before me is no reason to you?”

“That topic aside, how do I look in this?” She shoved my phone right before my eyes. “I can see the pixels not the picture.”

“Oops sorry teehee” Yeah if I imagine the red tops off and add nipple I can masturbate easi- I mean it feels nostalgic

“Oi you did that on the first day we met. You remember?”

“Of course yeah. And how do I look in this?” Wow why are you so excited?

“Beau- No you look Sexaaay” I answered her and she’s like “waaaah I’m totally gonna buy it!”

“Anyways I had an interesting chat with an interesting fella and oh that’s the reason I wasn’t able to chat with you last night.”

“So who might that interesting fella of yours might be”

“ChickaChicka” After I said that she looked at me with disgust. I’m not lying!

I then pulled out my headphones and told her “I recorded the whole chat so listen with it.”

“Okay?” She put the headphones on and started to hear what we were chatting about.

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“hahahaha” She’s laughing like a moron but I don’t care anymore. Well it’s because I just found a FUCKING GUN INSIDE MY BAG! AND IT HAD A SILENCER ATTATCHED WITH IT! I also got the memory of what the Author said about me getting retarded for some reason. Do he mean me brining the gun in school without me knowing? Well how the fuck is this retarded when I don’t know there’s a fucking gun inside!

*Slide to open the door*

Now the homeroom class is about to start. Fuck the Author for putting me in this situation! Okay who the fuck is entering? I see a minigun? Tank-top?

It can’t be!

“Akitao wassup! It’s been a long time since we met.”

“Arnold Shwer-” I got cut off.

“Hell naw I’m Cow Shady in human form yo. And I don’t look like Arno-“I cut him off with a punch in his face.

“This is what you get for lying.”

“Nigga fuck!”

“Aki-Akito-kun do you know him”

I forgot that I wasn’t in the Author’s zone fuck!

To be Continued!!