HOW A LAME LONER'S LIFE IS NOT LIKE NORMAL DUDES

Chapter-8:

My Action Training And Meeting A New Guy

So my action training started. And the training is in a blue background with nothing to detail out. Anyways what the fuck is action training? Maybe the Author came up with this shit. Here the key word is ‘Maybe’.

“Yo shit face stop filling the monologues and fight that shit!” Yo pal you know you’re writing this right?

Oh readers if you wonder what I’m fighting let me tell you what I’m fighting. I’m fighting a macho gorilla that’s a cross breeding of a gorilla and a human gir- I mean woman and a gorilla.

(Seriously the author’s imagination is fucked up. I mean that gorilla is a fucking crossbreed. And from what I know it’s impossible for a woman to bear a gorilla’s child. Someone send this fucked up Author to mental asylum!)

“Oi didn’t I tell you not to fill the monologues. Do you want me to make you fight that shit you fought before or something?”

“Fuck no” is my answer.

“Then fight the macho gorilla you dumbass!” the Author shouted like a strict generic trainer who trains seriously. Seriously this story somehow is getting generic

“Well shit! You’ll fight a shit now.” what? No don’t clap!!!

*Claps* *and a shit appears*

“For not listening, you’ll fight this shit again.” He said strictly.

“Fuck not this shit again!” I sighed because I have to deal with this shit. Again….

What I mean is that the chapter excluded my whole training session because that felt really unnecessary to show. You should know that I was fighting this Shit for 20 minutes before that macho gorilla arrived. And the Author said that I can’t wake up from this dream unless I beat the shit out of this shit. And let me add that the macho gorilla is actually unnecessary.

“Enough of the monologues! Shit of Darkness go attack him!” And with his order the shit whose name reminds me of a retard’s name became a human shit and started to run towards me.

I picked up a gun (1768 six shooter to be precise) which was floating in front of me. And started to shooting that shit.

“Yo Akito mere bullets are not going to hurt him.”

“So give me a weapon which can beat him.”

*Bam*

Ouch! When the fuck did he reached me? And damn that punch hurt!

*Bam*

Shit! Don’t punch m- *Bam*

I dropped being defeated by a shit. (Man the stories grammar and style really dropped with that sentence.)

“YOU LOSER! YOU JUST LOST BY A SHIT!” Okay you sound really happy for letting me lose by a shit.

“Anyways let’s skip this boring training session and proceed to another one”

“You mean I don’t have to deal with this shit anymore?” I asked pointing at the ‘Shit of Darkness’. And he answered me by nodding.

*Claps*

With the Author’s claps we got in a new area. And let me give you the details of the area.

We’re in a glass city in a white-ashy background with broken mirrors, broken glasses and ashes floating. And there’s no floor here. Meaning I look like I’m floating……..I mean everything here is non-transparent glass. What I really mean is that the buildings,trees,cars,…… Everything looks like they’re made with glas-

“I think you got mesmerized with the scene. Even you’re monologues aren’t even right hahahaha” I was brought back to reality by the Author.

“Well anyone will get mesmerized with this scene.”

“Then let me make this place more realistic.” *claps*

“Okay how the place is now?” You’re seriously asking me this!

“Well pretty generic and common. I prefer that glass like fantasy city rather than this bullshit realistic city with no floor. Why don’t you add floors? Do you have fetish with this setting or what? And what’s with the bomb over there!”

“Well let me remind you this is a training chapter and you’re just saying unnecessary things and giving unnecessary monologues. Readers might get really angry if I don’t meet up their expectations of the training…… And the bomb’s not important…….. And before the training starts let me tell you this do not ask me anything and quietly train bitch. So let the real training begin!”

*claps*

Now I’m in a random street in the Ex-glass city. And the background here is generic like a generic destroyed city with some flipped over cars with burned up ones too, Destroyed buildings, messed up and broken streets……. Pretty much everything is generic including the rainy weather.

*claps*

Oh looks like he clapped while I was detailing out the world I mean the background where I am in.

Anyways, with his claps 30 men carrying guns appeared. And somehow I found myself carrying a 9mm…… Wait what the hell? He wants me to shoot all of them with this gun? They’re all carrying SMG’s!!

“Let the fight begin!” He shouted. FUCK!

*tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* X30 men

Holy shit they are shooting! And they look veteran. But I bet they’ll be like those characters whose shot won’t hit me because I’m the ‘Protagonist’.

*tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* what’s the pain in my leg? I looked down. I think I’ve been shot there………..

Oh no, I got shot in my leg! Fuck I got to get out of this place....

But before that, let me shoot few sons of bitches out. I believe I can take all of them out.

*tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* X30.

These men are shooting at me with such a great aim that it’s leading me to take healthy amount of bullets in my abdomen and chest. It fucking hurts (I should be dead by now right? Who cares?)! I’ll shoot one motherfucker before I get knocked out.

*thosh* I shoot that fat mother fucker right beside that slim faggot. He’s dead! Hell yeah!

*tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* Holy shit everything’s black as I got shot in my chest, my head and my abdomen.

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. [A/N: *tak* *tak* *tak* are the sound of any sort of machine guns and *thosh* is the sound of any sort of handgun in this story]

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I’m dead ………….right?

“Of course you are pal!” Oh I’m dead in my dream. And I hear the voice of my Author……Wait shouldn’t I wake up as I got killed?

“No shithead.” Oh it’s your story. Anyways let me get out of this state. I want to shoot a motherfucker out!

“Let’s begin the next round then. And you better should take all 30 of them now! I’ll restart the wave now.”

*claps*

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The fuck just happened? Who the fuck cares? I’m going to kill every last motherfucker!

*tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* before that I need to take cover! I start running and I notice that I’m shot in the head…… Darkness covered my eyes again.

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“Yo pal can’t you just shoot some random dude? At least kill a fag before dying!” I can’t…… Because….. You’re not giving me any chances.

“You want chance? Sure I’ll give you one now.” He

*claps* again

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*tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* Fuck they started to shoot the moment I came. Shit!

I got shot again but in my fingers this time (My left hand’s to be precise). Fuck I lost 3 fingers! Well shit! I got to run! I turned my back and was about to run but I got shot in the nuts by a fat fag. Fuck! I didn’t notice the fat faggot was standing behind me.

“HOLY FUCKING SHIT! YOU SHOT MY BALLS! YOU MOTHE-” I couldn’t finish the sentence because I got shot in my throat (luckily I’m not dead yet). “AGHRAHARA” I’m making weird noises instead of talking (Why the fuck am I checking my voice?).

*tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak**tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* Okay those 29 men excluding the fat fag stopped shooting. Oh! The fat fag shot my both my legs 8 times while he was randomly shooting at my legs (The fuck did I just said?).

Fuck, I can’t even stand now. *tak* he shot me in the head and darkness booms again.

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“Okay how many times will you die without taking any of these shitless motherfuckers?”

Well my answer is give me a gun. Give me a motherfucking gun!

“Shit I gave you a gun but you’re not using it!”

Shit you made me forgot that I had a gun!

“Ugh no….. anyways you should just shoot them. okay?”

R.I.P English

“The fuck do you mean? Get your balls ready and start gets prepared.”

What the fuck? You mean ‘Get your balls ready and get prepared’ right?

“No one cares what I said!”

R.I.P English

*Claps*

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*tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak*

Fuck they started shooting again. But this time I’ll shoot you!

*thosh* Hell yeah I shot that fat faggot!

*tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* But I got shot many times in head after I shot th-.

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“Okay you’re a worthless piece of trash. You should know you died for 4 times.”

What are you getting at? I’m serious you know.

“Well nothing. I think you need a serious break before you train again.”

Absolutely I need a break.

“Okay so let’s visit a cool place.”

*claps*

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Okay we’re waiting on a parking lot in a random empty area. Well this parking lot is similar to America rather than Japan. And woah the Author gave himself such a cool appearance that I’m getting a hard boner. Anyways I’m wearing the same blue SuperHawtGuy T-shirt like the Author including the jeans too. Damn. I bet I look coo-. I got cut off.

“Okay fag I know you got horny because I wanted… I mean wrote you to get horny. But please have self control.” After saying this bullshit he *claps* and I got turned down. The fuck was this all about?

“Okay SuperHawtGuy? Anyways why are we waiting here in this lot? And why is the lot empty?” I asked him. And he answered by saying

“Well my old imaginary childhood friend is going to arrive in his car. He’ll take us to a cool place.” Interesting, I didn’t knew he had an imaginary childhood friend.

“Who might that friend of yours might be? Before that tell me why the fuck are we talking like 7 year old kids?”

“Well I’m lazy you know. And oh, I lied to you about the imaginary childhood friend shit.” Okay I was expecting the answer But didn’t he gave the answer to quickly?

Anyways, I see a car arriving and I’m about to skip the details of the car. I mean I’m not a car person and I know zero shits about car. All I know is that this is a convertible Mercedes which can carry 4 people.

*Honk*

“Yo look he just arrived.” Said the Author.

“Seems so” Was my reply.

*Opens the door*

Am I imagining things or what? Let me tell you why I’m thinking this. The person is wearing a White Tank Top, Blue Jeans, Yeezus Sneakers and a gold chain. More like everything a normal gangster attire. Mostly is worn by stereotypical black gangsters in Hollywood Movies. But the only thing which is different is that a cow’s wearing all this. A FUCKING COW IS WEARING A GANGSTER’S ATTIRE!

“Yo Dawg iz’been a while since I met’chya. Ya know.” The fuck they’re talking in English. Means I have to talk in English too. Damn what a pain. And why is the cow talking like a Black teenager who’s trying to sound cool?

“Yo pal it’s been a while too.” They both then hugged. Okay Author please tell me where the fuck will this story is head?

They broke their hug and put their attention to me. “Yo Cow Shady meet Akito. And Akito meet Cow Shady.”

“Yo man iz this the guy you want me’da take with you? He looks like shiet!”

“Okay you’re a talking cow who thinks I’m a shiet?” I asked Cow Shady.

“Well yeah…… Ugh c’mon just forget what I said ‘kay. Be cool man” He then punched me lightly with his hoof.

“Enough talking Akito and Cow Shady let’s just get to the place where we are supposed to go.” Sounds good to me. Even though you sound like an 8 year old kid SuperHawtGuy.

“Yeah Akitao just’op in ma car.” Did he just say Akitao instead of Akito. I don’t mind though.

“Well sure why not” I sound completely Out Of Character here.

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Okay, while we were riding I noticed that we’re in America. I mean America of Author’s imagination (actually the USA). And this world has no humans in it. I mean animals everywhere.

Fuck you do not understand what I’m saying right? Well it’s expected. Okay let me tell you more accurately. I’m in a world where there is cat girls, dog girls, 2 legged cows and cats and dogs, Even crossbreeds too. Basically I’m in a world where no humans exist.

“Yo dawg Akitao stop day dreamin’ and get out of ma car. We need shiet to do.” Okay this Cow I mean Bull is pissing me off because of his accent.

“Yeah Akitao ya should get outta ’his cawr ya know” Yo Author you too?

“Ummm Okay.” I acted like a nerd and got out of the car.

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“Okay, what the fuck are we doing in a disco bar. And who the fuck sings heavy/death metal in a disco bar!”

“MOOOOOOOGH MOOYAAAAAGH YAAAAAGH” A Punk cow rock singer is singing death metal song with more cows playing Heavy metal instruments in the background.

“Well in my imagination all this are possible.”

“MooOOOGHGH COOOOOWS!! WE ROOLLLLLLL MOOOOOGH YAAH!!!”

“Okay but why the fuck is Cow shady is sulking drinking Mwine?” Oh readers Mwine is a new wine which is made by adding milk in a beer. Seriously what the fuck is this shit!

“MoooOOOOGh OHH YAAAAAAAH”

“Well I sort of gave him a tragic back-story.” I see. But let me see if I have the 9mm. Yeah I have it!

“OH WE ROOLLLLLLL MOOOOH YAAAAAH” Now the cow paused singing because he’s sniffing cocaine in the background.

“Oh I see. Don’t care about that back-story but tell me why the fuck is that cow taking drugs in stage?”

“Sorry guys but I got to take it. I mean I got to feel what I’m singing. So yeah let me continue.” Said the punk looking rockstar cow in the background.

“How the fuck should I know? Just kill the cow with your 9mm if he really annoys you.”

“MOOOOOOH OH YEEEAAAAH MOOOOOH” the cow paused and a black and white striped punk cow appeared and started rapping

“We host shows bros

Us cows know shiet bros

How we rocknroll yo

Hoes go shit bros

Our mooos don’t sound like moes

Look at those goats bro

They smell like shit yo

Calls us our rival bro

Our fuckin’ rivals a’int deserves those moes

People loves our milk hoes

More than those goats milk bros

We should get more demand friends

Because our milks make Mwine YOOOOOOO”

The cow rapper stops rapping and the punk cow starts rocking

“MOOOOH OH YEEEEEAAHHH” meanwhile the rapper cow starts smoking weed.

“The fuck am I watching SuperHawt guy?”

“MOOOOOOH OH YEEEAAAAAAH” The punk pauses for a while and the rapper cow threw the weed away and started rapping loudly.

“WE BANG HOE BROES

WE SHIT DUNG BROES!

WE NEED DRUGS YO

WE COW RAP AND ROCKnROLL YO!” The

“MOOOOOOH OH YEAAAAAAAH”

“Who the fuck knows? Just kill this bullshitting losers!” The Author said being astonished by the scene. Well I’m amazed too you know.

The Cow rapper punches the rockstar cow and starts rapping

“WE KNOW SHIT BRO

2+2 EQUEALS 4 BRO

WE CAN COUNT YO

WE ARE AMAZING YO

THAT’S MATHEMATICS YO

WE COWS ARE MATHEMATICIANS BROOOOOOOOOOO

WE ARE MA’FUCKIN’ MATHEMATICIANS YOOOOOOOOO”

I aimed at the punk cow first and *thosh* *thosh* shot him in his head 2 times. And hearing my gunshots all the cows including few dogs, cats, donkeys, zebras, horses ran their asses away.

“AAAAAARG THE MAD MAN KILLED COW NORRIS NOOOOOO”

“NOOOOO NOT COW NORRIS. WE LOST PITTBULL LAST WEEK!”

What the fuck? This cow had fans? More reason for me to kill the next one now!

“Why the hell’d you done that dawg?” Oh man Cow Shady’ really pissed at me.

Ignoring Cow Shady I aimed at the rapper cow. Because he’s really annoying and his rap is shit!

“Yo bro don’t shoot me yo. For hoes sake yo. I’ll pay you millions yo” The fuck are you blabbering wannabe rapper?

*Thosh* *Thosh*

“NOOOOOO NOT CRAKE TOO” Does he mean Drake?

“SHIT HE KILLED CRAKE!”

“FUCK THAT GUY”

“Yo dawg ya killed Crake too” Cow Shady’s sounding really upset now.

What the fuck?

“Cow Shady just stop being a prick. I know you always wanted to kill these two.” Said the Author.

“Yeah man. Ya know all shiets about me! Haaaa and tell that shiet kid I’m sowy.”

“Anyways just get the hell out of here” *Claps*

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“Ya dawg we’re in da goats area! I mean territory…. I mean Shiet!” Oh so the rivalry of cow and goats really exists in this part of the Author’s imagination.

“Well you’ll find love here yo” The Author replied him.

“NO shiet dawg.”

“Yo look a hot smoking big titted cow’s over there” I said pointing at the black and white striped cow. Actually I don’t know if she’s hot or not on cow’s eyes.

“Yo dawg she’s really hot. That ass though. I wanna taste it!” Wow never expected you to be like that.

“Yo Shady just ask her out then”

“No Akitao. I don’t know how I will make her go out with me.”

“No you should bang her……. Because I saw you sulking….. I mean you should bang her and get happy mate.” Man talking like this is really a pain in the ass.

“Yo dawg I can’t bang her ’cus a bitch bit my dick off. Meaning I don’t have a dick shiet.” At his answer I looked at the author and mouthed “Was this the tragic back-story” And he nodded. Yo pal you’re really fucked up.

“So what will you do?” I asked Cow Shady.

“I just wanna lick her ass and titties that’s all

“Ummmm okay. Then just go ask her out.”

“Okay man” Well I bet the Author somehow changed his mind set by ummm imagining. Anyways, he got up and approached the cow meanwhile I asked the Author to give me an ability to hear them from here. He granted that.

“Ugh Miss ya look totally beautiful. Mind if I get your number or something?”

“Free Free Free Sex Sex To-night!” Holy shit! Asking that gets you laid?

“Wait seriously. You mean I’ll get t-” Cow Shady got cut off by the so called hot cow’s friend.

“She means Three Three Three Six Six Two Nine. Her accent’s bad because she’s Chinese.” Wait isn’t this a joke I saw in the internet…?

“Ya mean I got your number!” Wow he still looks happy. I thought he was sulking again.

“Hey Akito lets skip this part because it’s boooooooring!” Yeah why don’t we skip to my training?

“I’m feeling the same too.”

*Claps*

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After skipping the part where he (Cow Shady) gets her (The so called hot Chinese cow’s) number we three rolled the city in the Mercedes he brought. And now we’re heading to my training grounds. Oh forgot to tell you readers that Cow Shady’s my Sensei now.

“Yo Akitao ma man you’re a cool guy ta hang out with!”

“Same goes for you Shades hahahaah”

“Ya know you’re the only friend I have except SuperHawtGuy.”

“I didn’t know that.”

“Well do you think I’m a cool guy Akitao?”

“Well yeah…… I think you’re a pretty cool guy to hang out with. And when I say you’re cool you’re 100% cool because I’m a loner and I don’t call people cool hahaha”

“What about me!” The Author out of nowhere interrupted our frinedly bonding. *BAM* WOAH COW SHADY JUST KICKED HIM OUT OF HIS CAR!

“Wow you just kicked your Author away?”

“Well Shiet yeah dawg! HAAAAA”

“Finally someone had the balls to kick him out.”

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“Okay aren’t we supposed to head to the training grounds? If so, then why the fuck are we back in the parking lot!!”

“Yo Akitao have ya gone retarded? I mean I drove us here ya know.” Author you can make me retarded but just don’t make Cow Shady act rude to me! Please!!

“Well yeah Akitao are you retarded!”

“Well yeah because you made me ask that anyways just clap so that we can head back to the glass city.” Wow I just remembered he had to clap to return there.

“Yeah we should Akito.” He was about to clap but then I stopped him by saying “Couldn’t you have clapped at the goat bar where Cow Shady was hitting on the Chinese cow?”

“Umm Akito you know a reader wants to know how deep friendships of character and side characters are. So the time skip indicated that your friendship got strong. Why the fuck am I rambling this bull shits?” He stopped and

*Claps*

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“Yo dawg this place ain’t glass city! This place is trash! Look at those flipped over cars and broken buildings and roads. Damn its worse than a retard’s house! And dayum its raining hard like shiet! ughhh are we floating!?” Cow Shady said right after exiting his car.

“Well it was a magnificent glass city once Shades. It became like this after that shitty ass Author fucking clapped!” I said that after exiting the car like Cow Shady. You know I always wonder if the Author have fetish in floorless places.

“Enough rambling and start training” *Claps*

After clapping he suddenly disappeared and 30 men with guns app- Hey the fat fag is back! I’m gonna kill you now shit!

“You shades you see that fat guy over there right?”

“Yeah man. I ain’t blind ya know! Anyways da hell did he did to you dawg?”

“Looks like saying anyways is a trend here”

“Excuse me dawg?”

“I mean will you kill that guy for me?”

“Ugh…. Sure why not mate”

“Thanks Shades”

“No probs bro”

*Claps*

*tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak*

“Holy shit those niggas started shooting!”

“Hell yeah mate! What fuck should we do now!?”

“Take cover inside ma car its bullet proof!”

We both then quickly got inside the car which was beside us and quickly started making a strategy to kill those bastards.

*tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* Shit they’re still shooting!

“Yo Akitao you should check your weapon.”

*tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak*

“Hey the car is bullet proof!”

“We’ll keep shooting on the windows because it will shatter if you shoot there!”

“Okay pal!”

*tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak*

“Yo retard you got to shoot getting close up to the window to break it! It’s bulletproof and you can’t break it from this distance!”

“Shit my bad”

*Step* Step* X30

Fuck! I heard what they said, so did Cow Shady.

I checked that I have the 9 mm and umm ugh how do you check bullets?

“Yo Shades how the fuck do you check your ammo!”

“Man they’re breaking my car. Shiet dawg it cost me 30 million dollars!” His brain is not working. Shit!

I patted his horn and said “Snap out and teach me how the fuck you check your AMMO YOU BULLSHITTING FAGGOT!”

“Oh! You check it like this.” He then showed me how to check Ammo. Damn I have only six bullets left out of twelve! When the fuck did I used thi- oh yeah I used this six times.

“Yo Akitao do you have any clips?”

I checked my pockets and stuffs.

“None! Maybe the Author wants us to die this time yo. I’m going to bash his brains out after I die! You should join me too.”

*tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak*

“Yo dawg I’m not gonna die. I’m gonna kill all these sons of bitches!” Cow shady pushed a button in his car and a box came out of his back seat. He opened the box and picked out a Mini gun.

*tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak*

“I’m going to roll with this shiet!” Cow Shady said that and

*tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak* *tak*

*Glass Breaks and Shatters*

“Hell Yeah the glass broke! Let’s shoot these motherfuckers!”

Fuck it’s up to cow shady to keep us alive. Fuck!

To be Continued