HOW A LAME LONER'S LIFE IS NOT LIKE NORMAL DUDES

Chapter- 1:

How can reading a Light novel got me in this situation?

*DING**DONG**DING**DONG* (Sounds of school bell which happens to ring in a day off. Completely illogical and makes no sense at all.)

*YAWN*

After hearing the bells which is indicating the school is over I immediately started to pack my bags. The classes were not bad at all

I had a strange dream today though. Well I saw it when I was sleeping before the class started...duh.

By the way, the dream was about a teacher beating a student and...And.... ugh I can’t remember it! Wait a delinquent was trying to rape 5 girls… no still can’t remember.

Anyways School time's over. And I just need to wait until this massive crowd of animals- I mean my 'classmates' leave. Huh can’t believe all these Sand monkeys got detention. I can’t believe a far superior sub-human I mean super human like me attends class on the same footing as them.

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Time for me to head back home! Wait!!

What is that book on that bench? I picked it up and whoa the illustration looks badass. Wait this is a Manuscript right?

Yeah it is!

Awesome! I might have to read this one. I mean it’s not going to hurt if I go home late right? Anyways I got to read this NOW! (By the way maybe I can review this).

[[Darkworrior24/7: This is my first attempt to write a light novel and yeah the illustrations are done by Me. and blah blah blah blah.]]

Okay the author's Note looks like blah blah blah in my eyes because he's a total noob (his alias is dumb too). Okay back to reading

[[ Yoguji Gazuke's point of view

Waking up in the morning is pain. Getting ready for school is pain. Eating breakfast is pain. Leaving home for school is pain. I'm not gonna say anything more because I don't want to waste my time thinking about these painful trashes. By the way I'm on the roof of my school. But still I Gotta end my inner monologue quickly. So long story short,

"Why is this world so hard to live in? Why am I alive? Isn't it better to end my life rather than living in this painful world which will give you nothing but pain in the ass?” Did I say that out loud? Yes I guess because a guy who's probably in my class was looking at me in a sad and shocked way. Oi I'm not a depressing Emo - Wait I didn't even noticed that he was here what the hell?

"Yes you're right. I've also been thinking to end up my miserable life." What the hell. "I can't stand to live this lonely painful life. *sob*sob*sob*." What the hell is this guy for real?

Damn I can't even rest in peace in lunch time.

"Hey don't cry I mean, why are you fed up on living?" Is this really what I'm saying? Damn my social skills suck.

"Well from your tone I guess you don't want to die. hehe.." He's laughing? He now looks completely fine.

He is now picking his nose while staring at me in a weird way. Is he gay for me? Or am I too hot that a guy also fell for me?

Wait he is eating his booger? Disgusting

Now he is jumping out of joy.

What the hell?

This guy is fucking retarded. I don't care if he lives or dies. By the way he just wants attention from me I guess.

"On second thought I need to head back to class so bye" I made a dry laugh and quickly began to walk after saying that.

"Wait! Please don't go!" he then held my right arm and started sobbing. Why is this have to happen in my one and only precious moment of being alone in school, by that I mean launch time. And was there any reason for him to sob?

This is too much for me. I get my right hand off of him before he could start sneezing on it or something.

I started walking to get out from here. As I started walking he started sobbing louder or more likely crying and was shouting "Why me".

This doesn't matter because what he did next caught me off guard he pushed me on ground before I could leave the roof. He then started to punch my face.

*Bam* ouch! This is the first time I got hit since middle school.

"Hey why ar-" *Bam* he punched me the second time while I was trying to ask him why- *Bam* He punched me the third time while I was in my inner monolog- *Bam* fourth time this is getti- *Bam*

"Hey sto-" *Bam* after punching me for the sixth time he said something while punching. What the hel-. *Bam*

After getting hit for the seventh time especially in the face, I lost my self. I pushed him away from my body and got up really quick. I then rushed towards him, jumped with my right hand clenched and then *BAM* Punched him in his nose really hard.

"Aaaargh"

"I don't care how much you scream I'm gonna beat the hell out of you LOSER" I said in a cold threatening tone.

*BAM* X 6. I punched him six times on his nose with all of my strength. He started bleeding after that. I didn't knew that I had this much power.

"You think punching me in the nose can knock me out eh?" he said after getting up. I can't believe he got up. I mean I punched him six times especially on his nose. And getting up after getting hit on the nose is impossible.

After he got up he had a fiery aura which you can see in shounen battle animes and mangas. Woah he looks badass now. "Wait what the fuck is happening" I said that out loud. He paused I mean everything beside me or more like the world stopped except me. Nah its just my imagination.

"HAWT GUYZ HAWT ATTACK" He screamed and pointed his thumbs down at me. Is he booing me? I think it's one of his powers. But seriously who would name his power hot guys hot attack I mean is he retarded or something. Wait why does he have power? Wait why is he attacking me? Wait how is this fat guy who was talking about ending his life got so badass?

"HAWT GUYZ HAWT ATTACK" I also shouted as I don't know what I should do. After seeing that, I saw my whole life was flashing. I think this is the end. Wait I'm getting auras. Blue auras I have to say. WOW I'm getting hotter. By getting hot I mean feeling warm. So that would be warmer instead of hotter.. Never mind.

Woah I can't believe I'm getting powers like him after chanting that shit.

"How can you?" he looks shocked. He then proceeded to attack me while looking shocked. I can tell as it was written all over his face. "I don't care how can you do this but I'm gonna kill you"

"Punch me if you can" wait why did I said that? He is too close now. Without thinking I punched him in his nose. *BOOM* his head exploded.

"What the hell." I was shocked. And eww I can see his brains and stuffs. Also too much blood covered the roof though.

Still I killed him with one punch. I win. "Yeah"

"Hell yeah"

More importantly I got powers. But why did I get them? For what shall I use them? As I was having these thoughts I heard a poof sound. Now all the blood which was spilled got cleansed. What? The corpse is still here though.

"Well well as expected from husband-san" wait who is this girl and why is she calling me her husband? "You killed him with one punch."

"By 'husband-san' what do you mean" I questioned her instead of asking how she saw me killing him because the one I asked her is relevant. Is it? Maybe I should've asked her the one which I thought would be 'irrelevant'.

By the way she answered me by saying "The guy you just fought was a monster who my father spawned her to find his rightful Son-in-Law-Kun. As you defeated it you're now my fiancé" she then smiled. Holy heavens she's gorgeous.

I think it's about time to ask cheesy line like 'Why me? Why am I the chosen one?' Or something like 'What if I died?'

Hell no.

I'll ask "When is our wedding then darling." I said that out loud again. I didn't mean to. Now she'll think I'm a perverted psycho who wants to bang her....... Fuck my life. And wait that guy was a monster..... What the fuck?

Anyways my response caught her off guard and she started to blush. I think she didn't expect that I'll say that and I didn't expect to say that out loud. I mean a guy like me marrying a girl like her wow it's like a dream. Wait, I mean me calling asking about our wedding dat- Wait why is she blushing? Its not like she used to like me....... Love at first sight I guess? Didn't know I had these charms. By the way were they keeping tabs of me as she mentioned that they sent a monster to test me?

I don’t give a shit! Why should I? I mean I found my Waaifu.

"Now" said she who's standing right in front of me. Suddenly poof sound surrounded the whole roof. There were many people with weird outfits there. I can see some other girls hugging my supposed to be wife. I guess they are congratulating her. (The awkward moment when, no one gives a shit about the corpse of a monster lying dead beside them even when it looks like a human. Wow!)

From what I see those who poofed here are mostly girls and there are 7 guys. A guy with blue clothes approached me and said "I accept you as my son-in-law. I mean you were totally badass and cool there." he then got close and whispered "Punch my daughter or else you can't ge-." in my ears. He got cut off by a guy who was wearing green clothes.

It was a threat. I'm 100% sure. He meant to say 'Punch my daughter or else you can't get to see another day'. He seriously wants me to punch her so that this wedding will be canceled. He'll kill me if I didn't. So I did what he said out of fear. Because bangi- Yeah banging a pretty girl for one night and get strangled the next day is not my sort of thing. I don't know why my heart is feeling heavy as I started to approach her. I.... Loved her? But would've I able to love her if I died?

*Bam* there goes my wife more likely my Ex- supposed to be wife. The people there were surprised and shocked. The girl who I was supposed to marry me was also shocked and looked at me with a surprised face. Well it's expected as what just happened now. I think this is what happens when you try to marry a girl you like but don't know anything about her and her family. By the way what is her name?

"Woah that punch was awesome. I was expecting things will turn out like this." said my Ex-supposed to be father-in-law. Fuck you. Fucking cunt! Fuck you!

"It was unexpected even I didn't thought that he was going to punch right away but still Congratulations on your wedding" Wait what the hell?

"You mean we're married" I said as I was surprised of hearing that. And my Father-in-Law answered, he by saying "Yes". I think he was trying to whisper me by saying 'Punch my daughter or you can't get married' instead of 'Punch my daughter or you can't get to see another day'.......

No vows, No kissing but punching to get married..... What sort of marriage is this? Abusing my wife on her wedding day? What the fuck? What? Fuck? The (What the hell)?

Now I don't care anymore because today I'm gonna bang this pretty girl.... Not just today more like every day. Hell yeah!

I don't know why but my wife whose name I still don't know and whom I'm gonna bang tonight pulled my arm and jumped off the roof and I see flowers which are thrown in my direction. I guess they are congratulating us genuinely.... By throwing flowers!

Who guessed a launch time which I'll spent in this shitty school's roof turned out to be my wedding. I guess this is how I'll start journey with my Wife whose name I don't know. Maybe I should ask her.

"Honey what's your name?" I asked

"It's Boobkasa Jerkerman" She said.

To Be Continued

Darkworrior24/7: blah blah blah blah blah blah]]

The Fucking Fuck did I just read? I mean I found this Manuscript chapter of a fucking moron in my class but seriously what the fuck is this shit? This fucking fuck faced noob thought that this'll be made into a Light Novel after he publishes it........ Laugh my ass out.

*Slide* *Open*

(Still happened to be better story than the real one)

*Slide* *Close*

I must dump this manuscript in the trashcan over there because this deserves to be dumped.

*Throws*.

*Step* *Step* *Step*

I just wasted unknown amount of time reading that shit. Why was I reading that........?

Maybe I was curious because the illustrations were badass. Learnt a lesson, never Judge a Light Novel story/manga book/anything by its illustration and cover. It had a cover? He wasted his time to draw something cool for that shitty story. Well even though the story is shitty he'll get a lot of readers for his art and if he adds fan service scenes like banging (which I know he will add and I bet it'll be on the second chapter which I can predict due to the first chapter's starting). Because Light Novel readers are all for fan service scenes (even I know why LOL). I take back what I said about him/her not getting this published. It's going to be the greatest light novel of all time where husband will bang her wife all day.......... Laugh My Ass out........

I really should stop thinking about these pointless shits.

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Man going back to home is pain. I wish I had a car or something which wouldn't let me waste my energy for this crazily stupid task like walking home. Wait I have a bicycl- fuck riding that would be more tiring than walking.

Even though I said all that shit about walking and riding dick.....Fuck... I mean bicycle, I was on my way to the park instead of going home. I know that I'm a lazy guy but I need to have exercise too. Plus I don't wanna get a heart attack (Some random YouTube video which I saw informed me that young introverted people gets heart attack sooner than the young extroverts because their heart gets blocked for the lack of exercise. So doing cardio exercise helps to pump blood faster which helps the heart to clean the blocked area by pumping fast. Thank me because I informed you readers about thi- wait what the fuck).

I'm still a hypocrite though for not being lazy. By the way I'm not a hypocrite as I'm not riding my bicycl- Fuck I'm still wasting my time on this topic.....

Better work hard to control my monologue unlike my dreams. I'll call it 'Lucid Monologue' (This joke is lame).

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This park is going to get demolished after right after 2 weeks. The thought of it is really sad. Because I wanted to make this park my wife after getting the blessings of my parents (my sibling’s doesn't count).

What I just thought of is no different than that shit I just read few moments ago.

Oh I'm over exaggerating things. It’s (the novel which I just threw in the trashcan) actually not that bad because it managed to make me laugh and I don't laugh easily......... I threw it in the trashcan that means its not gonna get published. That means the writer of the story can't publish that shit. Nooooooo! I wanted to know what's the second chapter gonna be about. Wait it can get published if he had a copy of that shit. By the way I should stop thinking about that shit.

I better should learn writing stories. Wait why am I suddenly thinking about this park getting demolished and learning to write stories? And why am I overusing 'Wait' in my monologue for no reason?

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Now I'm in front of the park. My love sorry I couldn't protect you. But you're too old and a cool big mall will open here after you get demolished...... Get destroyed bitch I won't marry you.....

I'm getting retarded after reading that so called 'LIGHT NOVEL'. And boy I’m really regretting reading that shit.

As I entered the park I saw a girl of my age (wearing casual clothes. By the way she's wearing a red girly shirt where one shoulder isn't covered.... what do they call these?? Oh she's also wearing blue jeans. She has long brown hair, nice assets on chest and Dat as- I mean she's gorgeous. What's the color of her eyes though?) in front of me increasing her pace while looking at me (Dat ass movement though..... Holy shit!).

Does she think I'm following her? And was she in front of me the whole tim- oh yeah because I felt a girl's presence while I was in deep monologue meditation (while walking too).

To confirm the reason why she increased her pace I also increased my pace (Wasn't necessary but I still did).

As I increased my pace she started running (looking terrified).

So she thought I was stalking her. Its to be expected because of my fucking creepy dead fish eyes (I was staring with this eyes at her while increasing my pace. Bet any girl would've been terrified LOL). I then started running (not following her I mean I am exercising to increase my stamina and keeping my body fit. She just happens to be in my path of exercising!!....This joke is lame and made no sense). She now looks a lot more terrified then before hah. But I think she should learn a lesson by this creepy stalker (you know what I mean).

"HAHAHAHAHAHA" I laughed maniacally while running to creep her off (It was on purpose). I'm now checking if there's anyone watching me.

*Turning head sideways like a rapist who's checking out if there's any people here*

I'm lucky as there's no one here (btw its evening). I'm now exactly right beside her. She looks like she was about to lose her chastity by a rapist (maybe because the reaction on her face is priceless. Woah olive green eyes. First time I'm seeing this.). She now looks sideways and I know why she was.

And then-

"Kyaaaaaaaaaa" she shouted. So I quickly placed my right hand on her mouth so that she can't scream (If I didn't people here they might get the wrong idea about me tailing her or something like that. I know none other than us are here. But still I got to be safe because I don't want to end up in police station to hear lectures for shit like me tailing her which I wasn't or worse end up in jail for a misunderstanding.).

"Mmmmmmph" She can't scream but she can make these noises huh. After grabbing her mouth perfectly (Yup it's the right way to hold a mouth) I pushed her down on the ground with me being above her. (Its my first time being above a girl. Feels great like I'm gonna lose my virginity. Wait a 17 year old lonely kiss less virgin ass like me shouldn't think about serious deep shits like raping!!)

She is now in tears and "mmmmph mmmmph"-ing (as I'm above her). I think she was trying to say 'help me' or 'don't take my chastity I beg you' or 'don't rape me'. Huh? Like I'm going to rape you?

But wait aren't rapists supposed do things like this? It means I really do look like a rapist..........

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. *Sudden realization*

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What the fuck did I just got myself into? If someone sees me now they'll think this is a rape attempt......

Fuck what should I do? If I let the girl go now she'll probably go to the police. Which means that I'm gonna be in jail. Not only that they'll treat me like shit (even though they treat me like one too) and my family will disown me. Which means I'm gonna rot in jail...... I don't want to be in jail! So the only option I have left is to hold her like this but someone will probably come here I mean its still a possibility......

And possibility of me raping her?...............................

(Seriously what the fuck am I thinking about? I'm such a shitty fucked up human for thinking about deep shit like raping!)

Fuck..... This means I have no option left!

"I'm not going to rape you!" I said that. But it looks like she won't believe a word I say. I again said that she and she still look disbelieved. I'm worrying about someone might see us. So with one hand (left hand) I picked her up (I'm surprised but hell yeah 30 push-ups everyday in free time pays off) and held her mouth with the other (right hand).

"mmmmmph" She started screaming."MMMMMPH" As she's up she's trying to run I quickly picked her up in bridal style way while holding her mouth and started checking if someone was watching this. "MMMMPH" Fortunately luck is on my side. So it’s time to show it to someone other than me. By the way I can't believe I can pick someone up like this.

I started running (btw I was running really fast) while holding her in bridal style (Suspicious style though). She was kicking her legs as expected and "mmmmmmmp"-ing. She maybe is surprised like I am because there's like no one in this park (more like on the way of my secret place).

By the way the secret place is a forest type place (not a forest though. Its just that there are many trees there). I call it secret because people don’t take a walk there. I mean the park has few visitors because there's a new park which is like 3 block away from here and people visits that park which made this park kind of abandoned (Wait this isn't making any sense. Like I care about it?). And if you're asking me why that park is getting more attention than this park my answer is 'I have only 1 idea other than that I have none'.

I think its because new things get more attention than the old ones (Yup its my so called 'IDEA').

Like people gives more shit to LPhone6 than LPhone5. And if you compare this park with that new one then it'll be like comparing LPhone3 with LPhone6 (Why am I thinking about LPhones now?).

This so called secret place is a perfect rape spot. But will be for 2 weeks only. Because the park will be demolished soon!

Wait I'm not gonna rape her! But will I.....? What the fuck? What's wrong with me?

As we arrived I quickly pushed her down on the ground. I also put one hand (right hand) on her mouth and used the other (left hand) to hold both of her hands. I look like a rapist who's about to rape a girl. (But if this is a fiction readers know what I'm trying to do..... Fuck why am I thinking that I'm a Fictional character?)

"MMMMMMMMMPH" she's bawling her eyes out and making noises or like 'mmmmmphing'. She's also kicking her legs.

Unfortunately this isn't gonna let her escape from me (this really sounded like something which a rapist would say).

But seriously how can an evening exercise (Cardio exercise) in park turn out like this.

"Quiet" I shouted as she was making those noises. She didn't stopped instead she was making more noises now.

"Just shut the hell up" I shouted again. She then starts to move more while making more noises.

Fuck I'm a complete retard for shouting at a girl who was making weird noises (don't get the wrong idea). I mean rapists scream on their prey when they make noises which led to more noise as the prey starts thinking its in danger...... Fuck I'm brain-dead and why am I calling the victim a prey...?

Anyways how can I explain her now that I'm not gonna defile her. I think I should hold her like this until she gets really tired. But before that, let me say something to her.

"I'm not going to rape you believe me."

And hold her for a couple of minutes or even hours until she tires out.

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To Be Continued

A/N (The author of the story which by the way happens to be the main character of other story): Man this was a tough chapter to write and oh yeah the second chapter is ready to get published soon. BTW it’s just a slice of life, Rom-com, Drama story with few angst moments and will try to add few action later. I wrote this because there's too many action/fantasy in royalroadl. So if you want to take break from action/fantasy stories... read this. And please review your thoughts about this story.

P.S: The story will not be romance oriented… Nah it will have romance.