《The Never-Ending Search for Amusement》Mars

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I walked to the entrance and sat down on a conveniently placed bench that offered a nice view of the surrounding galaxies. Pretty...I waited there for a few days, meditating. That was something useful I learned to do during my visits on Earth, when I wanted to see watch it for a few decades. Basically, I shut down all of my senses except. It’s kind of like sleeping, but I can think about stuff while I do it.

Eventually, someone tapped my shoulder. I opened my eyes to see the deities staring at me. “Hello,” I said. They looked pretty freaked out to find that I had a body now. “Yes, I have a body. Floating around, unable to feel anything was pretty boring.”

“Umm...OK…” -Aqua

“It’s weird, seeing you in a body,” -Primis

“Wait, Magus said to call you Omni…” -Exitium

“Yeah, I figured I should get a name,” -Me

“Omnipotens means all-powerful, ego much?” -Viribus

“Yep,” -Me

This continued for a while, until I got bored again. Seeing as they had just finished learning about the universe, it was time to start the challenge.

“Ok, settle down. Big stuff is happening!” They shut up pretty quickly. “As of this trip, you have finished learning about the Universe, right?” That was followed by a series of yesses. “So...you need something new to do. Luckily for you, I already have something ready; The Challenge!”

“What’s The Challenge?” -Celeritas

“It sounds ominous…” -Ars

“Tell us! What is it? -Exitium

“I’ll tell you when you stop interrupting me,” I said. They calmed down. “...Good. Now, as you all know, there is a planet with life in a small solar system a few billion light years that way. I checked on it right before I came here, and it’s perfect for...what’s wrong?” The deities looked sheepish, like children that just stole some candy.

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“Well…” -Primis

“We kinda…” -Ars

“Kinda what? Just tell me!” -Me

“We kinda...killed it...” -Aqua

“...” -Me

Ok...that sucks. That really sucks. The planet that I spent so long nurturing, growing, is dead.

“What happened?” I asked. It better have been something awesome, like a giant meteor hitting an active volcano, creating an explosion of lava.

“We…” Primis decided to take charge, “we were needed a sample of iron and nickel for the library, so we took some from the core, and the atmosphere...floated away...over the course of a few centuries…”

Let me get this straight; not only is my masterpiece destroyed, it died in the most boring and anticlimactic way possible? Come on!

I got really angry, and was about to break something, when I remembered something; I’m god. I can do literally whatever I want. Why don’t I make a new planet? Yeah, it’ll be even better than the first, because it’s handmade!

I flew away and looked at Earth. It was a ball of red sand now, significantly smaller than before, with nothing living on it. Boring. Let’s see...I want the new planet at the same distance from the sun, because that seemed like a good temperature, and I want it to be bigger, for a bigger population.

I moved Earth about fifty million miles further from the sun, and made a new planet where it used to be. I want to name the new planet Earth, because I really like the name, so the old one will need a new one.

“So, which one of you thought it was a good idea to take away part of the planet’s core?” I’ll name the planet after the idiot who thought of it, as a reminder to never do anything stupid again.

“It...it was m-m-me…” Ars stammered. “Well, seeing as it’s your fault, and because you kept repeating the ‘m’ in ‘me’, the planet will now be known as ‘Mars’! Please, never ruin my stuff again.

And that’s how all life on Mars died, and how Earth was created.

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