I spent a couple centuries in my epic castle of relaxation. I got tired of making whatever I wanted, so I made a butler, some maids and a few chefs who never get tired, didn’t need to eat and were essentially immortal. You heard me right; I made a bunch of deities, super powerful immortal beings, to help me reach new depths of laziness.

Nothing lasts forever, though, and I eventually got tired of gorging myself on endless feasts of every food imaginable, all the while getting a full massage from three separate masseuses. I told my faithful servants that I would be gone for a while and they could do whatever they wanted until my return. Even my stoic butler’s expression cracked for a moment, and I could see tears of joy in everyone’s eyes. Finally, the lazy glutton that had made them work for centuries was leaving. Finally, they could get some peace and quiet.

The first thing I did once I stepped through the portal was say “Wow!”. I’d spent so long in my pocket dimension that I’d forgotten how beautiful the Universe was! With beauty on my mind, I decided to visit Earth. It was doing pretty well. The animals were getting smarter, and a couple primates were using sticks to catch insects and rocks to smash nuts. They were a lot smaller than most predators, though, and hid in the trees whenever one came around. Maybe one day they’d learn how to make a club. Whatever. On to the deities!

Well, that’s cool. To help them record everything about the universe, they made a giant library in the safest part of the universe; a black hole. No, think about it! If you could make something that a black hole couldn’t destroy and put it in one, nothing natural could ever touch it. Pretty smart. To enter the library, you go through a special tunnel made of- hey, singularities! That’s what I used to make my portal! They just copied what I did, didn’t they?

I entered the library, and boy, is it big! It’s a giant room full of...everything. Every atom, every molecule, every substance possible is contained in little singularity boxes. Well, not everything. They’re missing a couple. But who keeps track of it all? Oh, there’s the librarian!

“Hello, Magus,” I said. He whirled around. Man, I love startling people. Also, props to him for condensing himself into a humanoid shape. That’s not easy for something with as many atoms as a small galaxy.

“G-god? You have a body now!” What, so he gets one and I don’t? That’s not fair. “Of course. How else could I enjoy food and massages?” Logic at it’s finest.

“Also, don’t call me god. I need a real name. Call me...Omnipotens, or Omni for short,” There. A proper name. How have I forgotten to get one for so long? Oh, right. I’ve been a real Jabba for the past few decades. Yes, ‘Jabba’ is a real word. I’m god, and I say so!

“I like what you’ve done here. Looking at your holographic map (yes, they made one), you’ve explored most of the Universe. Good job,”. He laughed nervously. I’m not that scary, am I? “Thanks, Omni…The other deities will be here soon. You could wait for them at the entrance…” He really wants to get rid of me. Ok. Bye!