He had the strange sensation that he was drifting through the air, if the air were some sort of dark, viscous fluid, at least. Sight, sound, every one of his senses were non-existent and yet somehow he knew that his entire being was slowly moving in one direction. The destination and how long he'd been floating toward it were a mystery, but he definitely felt that arriving would spell the end of what little existence he had left.

While clinging to the last speck of life with all his might, the current swept him along and with every inch of distance what was left of his mind faded a tiny bit more. Just as he resigned himself to accept eternal sleep, a sudden flash of pain yanked him back into the world of consciousness. Once more aware of what was happening, the first thing to enter his mind was confusion. Hadn't his senses abandoned him a long time ago?

Where did this pain come from and what does it mean? The brainstorming was cut short as he sensed that he was now moving in a different direction and after a few moments he felt light as a feather. That suffocating force that had been surrounding him for who knows how long was gone.

This freedom was a foreign sensation after all that time spent adjusting to the constricting liquid being the norm. For the first time in what felt like his entire life inside this place, he tasted hope. How could he have let himself forget such a wonderful feeling? It was at that moment that a voice broke the silence, the first sound he'd heard in ages.

"Oooh, the best catch I've had in a long while! Please tell me you can put two words together or at least form simple thoughts." Whoever spoke was clearly male, with a voice that sounded like someone had recorded a whisper and then turned up the volume until it could be easily heard. It was kind of creepy... and for some reason sounded excited.

'I really wish I could see this guy or at least speak, what does it matter that I'm no longer alone if I can't even interact with anyone' he thought silently.

It seemed as though his wish was granted, because he could feel himself expanding and twisting until a shadowy figure in a vague humanoid shape stood in his place. He looked around and found himself in what appeared to be a barren wasteland consisting of dull gray earth under his feet and large, charred rock formations off in the distance. The sky above him was just a colorless film that lacked a single star and he could hear what sounded like running water behind him.

While processing all of that in the back of his mind, the majority of his attention was focused on the man sitting across from him.

"Ah, excellent! You can even remember the general shape of your old physical form. I must say that I'm quite impressed, I can count the number of souls that have been able to do that on one foot!"

Laid back on a flat chunk of one of the darkened boulders which littered the area, using it as a makeshift recliner, was an older gentleman whose most prominent features were a long gray beard that reached all the way to his belly and a wide grin that caused the childish excitement in his deep brown eyes to shine brightly.

A wide-brimmed hat sat upon his balding head, tilted back at an angle that made it seem like it could fall off with even a slight breeze. He wore a red tank top covered in a ridiculous floral pattern and a pair of plain blue trunks which made it so that this guy could not possibly look more out of place against the dreary backdrop. He nonchalantly propped one leg up over the other and wiggled the toes of a sandal-clad foot to emphasize his point.

The shadowy man-shaped figure could only gawk at the eccentric old man for several seconds before finally pulling itself together and deciding to try to answer him.

"This doesn't feel like a dream. Who are you and how did I get here?"

"They all ask the same questions, it gets so old but I suppose I shouldn't expect anything else. I am currently acting as the substitute god of death for your world and you are here because you died and I fished you out of the river of souls over there."

The old man points past the dark outline in the form of a person to where a long stream of blackened goop made its way across the landscape.

After turning around and watching the molasses-like substance flow for some time, he noticed that once in a while small white lights would float up close to the surface, to the point where he could just barely catch a glimpse of them. Lost in thought, he didn't notice that the old man was now standing to his right until he heard a cheerful whisper in his ear.

"Kind of nasty looking, isn't it? By the time those souls reach the end of the river they're usually wiped clean and ready to be stuck into new life without any hint of their previous selves left over. Sometimes a particularly strong-willed soul makes it all the way there while still having a few memories, I have to pluck those ones out and ship them off to another world since the gods of Earth are really adamant about trying to hide anything about the afterlife from you guys. They want to see what happens to a world with minimal divine involvement, I guess."

A lengthy, exasperated sigh parts his lips, but he continues speaking soon after.

"That damn god of death went on vacation so now I'm stuck doing his work until he gets back. I've been bored out of my mind, I mean, have you seen this place?! No wonder he needed a vacation, this shit hole has me so stir crazy that I'm risking getting in trouble for fishing you out of there before you got to the end, just so that I'd have someone to talk to!"

"You pulled me out of there due to boredom? Don't get me wrong, I am thankful for it but this is a pretty anticlimactic way for me to learn the mystery of the afterlife that has haunted every human being since forever. You're not what I expected a god to be like at all, even if you are only a substitute." Hopefully he hadn't hurt the old man's feelings or anything. He contemplates giving him a reassuring smile, only to realize that his current form doesn't even have a face.

It seems his suspicions were correct because he is answered with a dejected grumble.

"I knew I should have gotten fireworks... maybe a few balloons too. I can always throw you back in there if you aren't satisfied with my company." The bearded substitute death god turns away from the river and back to him, the big smile from before returning to his lips, except this time there was a dangerous glint in his eyes.

"No no no, that won't be necessary. I was just..." The shadowy form flickers and loses some of its shape for a split second and can't help but take a step back in fear. Hopefully he hadn't screwed up and caused his own doom by angering the old guy. Thoughts of being stuck in that void once again make him shudder but his worries are put to rest when he realizes that the old man is now laughing.

"Bahahahaha! If you had a face I bet the look on it would have been priceless. I was just messing with you, if I threw you back then who would I talk to? Anyway, how much of your memory remains intact? I pulled you out early but you were still in there for quite some time." That cheerful smile loses its form, replaced by a serious expression.

Instead of answering, he goes very quiet and begins to think hard about anything and everything he can remember. He had a name, if only he could remember what it was. It started with the letter J... it was on the tip of his tongue!

"My name is Jed, I think I am a little over twenty years old, I lived somewhere out in the country, all I remember about my death is a pain in the head... Oh and I hate Brussels sprouts. That's everything that first came to mind, there's a lot more but some things are foggy. I guess I should be happy that I even have this much, thanks again mister.... wait, do you have a name or shall I just call you Death Junior?"

"Call me whatever you like, Jed. I don't mind, I'm a pretty laid back guy unlike a certain god with a massive scythe up his a-... Oh shit, speak of the devil, he's coming home! I can feel it and normally I'd be really happy but if he sees that I've been screwing around and breaking rules I'll get a bad report sent to the other gods and they'll all hate me and it will be SUPER awkward at parties. There isn't enough time for me to give you a proper reincarnation so we'll just have to make do! I'm going to send you straight to another world and you'll have to find a body yourself. I don't know where you'll end up but take solace in the fact that it's a world with magic and dragons and shit. Everyone likes those, right? Good luck!"

Before he has the chance to voice his opinion on the subject, a bright light envelops Jed and his vision begins to blur.