Its been a week since I started and already I'm feeling bad. This plan so far has been horrible. I have had many plans to meet Abby. Some were stupid, some were just insane, but this, this plan, was my shining light. It was realistic. It was something that could easily be done by anybody with two brain cells. But It failed.

I spend most of my day with Leslie. Shes always asks for something, or makes me do her dirty work, or tries to get me to dance around for her. It’s horrible.

I walked down the maze of corridors, every step leading me further and further into the unknown. I just wanted to get to the company car.

Now that I’m actually working here my plan seems stupid.

When I first started I thought I would have complete access to Abby. She was going to be someone who I would be able to cross in the hallway everyday and say 'good morning' to. I have yet to cross a hallway with her. The only time I see her is that brief exit she does everyday between 9am-11am (depending on her schedule).

The problem is that I can’t know where she is other then that. It’s not like I can just know where shes walking and happen to walk in the same area! I can’t just magically do stuff like that!

“Aren’t you that fan that told me he loved me?” I looked up. Huh? Abby? “Did you work in this company?”

“Yea! I-I just started here!”

Memories flashed through my head. My voice was cracked. My entire face was beat red. ‘I would like if you loved me as much as I l-l-l-love you?’. Oh god. Its coming back.

She smiled. “Its been a month right?”

“Yea, around a month.” Its been 35 days. “I’m sorry about that I got really excited and b-blurted out something weird….”

“No, its fine. Keep supporting me.” She raised up a fist and shook it. “I could use all the support I can get. Anyway, bye.” She walked away. No I couldn’t let this end. One second too late and I would never get a chance like this again.

I awkwardly turned around and followed her. “Actually I wasn’t really doing anything. Would you mind if I helped you in anything or do you need help with anything?”

“No, I was just going to go home.”

“If you ever need some help then ask me! I’m always excited to help someone who’s inspired me so much.”

“Okay. I’ll ask.” She waved and walked away.

I turned and walked away, but slowly. Once I felt for sure that she was gone I walked back to the spot I met her.

Immediately I noted down the time. 11pm. I looked around. There was a trash can outside a door that said Music room #4 with a strange yellow hue. Does she always leave at this time? Maybe. Give it an hour or two. So in-between 10pm and 1am should be when she leaves.

Maybe she’ll feel awkward seeing me everyday. Will she avoid going this way now that she saw me? I would have to take a look around to see any alternative ways around here. It was too bad that I didn’t see where she was leaving. But this would have to do. From now on this will be were I leave everyday and were I will come in everyday. If she leaves from here she must also come in from here.

My phone rang. “Hello?”

“Where are you? I asked you to get those groceries an hour ago?!”

“Sorry. I’m stuck in traffic.”

“Just make sure you come back with everything I asked. I don’t want you to waste my time today. Tomorrow is a very important day; if I don’t have the type of water my body is used to I won’t be able to focus!”

Agh. “Okay, I’ll try to get back quicker.”

I spent the rest of the day running back from the grocery to Leslie. She was getting so used to ordering me around.

The next day was filled with Leslie. I had to get her in the morning. I had to buy some milk that she forgot to buy. Its something every other second of the day. Until, of course, 11pm when I would quietly sneak out and walk around the yellowed music room #4 with the garbage can outside the door.

Today she left at 1 am. I was going in the same direction as yesterday.

“Hey…Jake, right?”

“Oh, hey Abby. I loved your newest video. It was great!” It felt so good to be able to say her name.

“Thanks you, are you leaving?”

“I’m taking a break.”

“Oh. Have a nice night.”

“Yea, you too! Have a nice night!”

The next day it looks like she left at around 12am. It was interesting to see when she left her room everyday, like I could tell that something important was coming up. I wonder if she ever thought of me? It wasn’t likely.

“Hey Abby.”

She looked up from her phone and stopped “Hey jake. Leaving?”

“No, just taking a break.”

“Who do you work with again? Leslie?”

“Yea. Shes something you know! I can’t believe she keeps me here till 12.”

“Well, people have their reasons for doing things.”

“Yea, you know you are kinda right. Anyway do you have anything planned? Like are you trying to make anymore music?”

“So you really are a fan.” She chuckled. “Maybe. I wouldn’t want to rob you of your surprise though.”

“Well I would love to know. You had such a unique voice when you were in XTOW that I couldn’t believe it when you stopped making music. I would listen to the songs only because your voice would be on it and I couldn’t stop listining. Its such a shame to have somebody like you never sing again.”

“Yea. Well I’ll let you know.”

“Speaking of which are you planning on going on TV? I think you would be-”

“Jake.” Her tone dropped. “Do you like me as a fan?”

“I would say that I do.”

“Then lets keep it that way. I don’t like it when people start assuming that they can just come into my life and treat me like a friend because they’ve watched one or two videos of mine or attended some fanmeets. I don’t know you. You don’t know me. As a fan I would suggest you enjoy watching me at a distance. I don’t think its right for you to come at me just when I’m about to leave work and bombard me with questions. We’re complete strangers Jake. I wouldn’t even say co-workers because we don’t even work together.”

“…okay…”

“I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings. I just don’t think this its healthy for you or me. Goodbye.”

I could hear her feet walking away. But it still felt like she was there.

What did I even think would happen? Did I think she would come to my arms because we meet several times in the hallway? Fuck. Fuck. No this-

Can this be fixed? Whats the point of this. Whats the point. If I can’t have her I might as well quit this stupid job. There is no point.

I felt my eyes water.

How could she say that to me? I loved her.

I opened the door to music room #4. It was cramped and empty.

How dare she say that to me? With all the money, time, effort. I helped her more then anything else in this world. I loved her. No. This was expected. I didn’t think she would just love me like this. I have to think, I have to think.

Oh god.

I just had to keep going. I just had to keep going.

I cried and wept. I felt numb. My eyes were falling out of my head. Sickness whirled in my stomach until it all came out on the wood floor.

This can still work. This will still work.

My apartment door appeared in front of me and I rushed inside. The blue glare of my computer ticked on and blinded me in the complete darkness.

I just had to do more. I just had to drive her harder. There had to be something I could do.

I felt like I had to hurt her. She hurt me. When someone you love hurts you so much, someone who you dedicated your entire life to, hurts you so much, you have to get back at them, you have to fight for their love. She is never going to get away from me. If something as simple as this was going to kill me I would have stopped long ago.

I hit the keys harder and harder.

I would make her regret doing this to me. I will make her love me.