Lucas just stares as the two ends of the necklace snaps toward me, hitting my hoodie before hanging down from my hand. I briefly notice that it seems like the clasp came undone and that it didn't actually snap, but that's not important. What's important is Lucas's attitude and what I just said.

He seems about as stunned as I feel at my outburst, and the two of us just stare at each other in shocked silence. For several moments, I just try to calm myself down, but the more I do, the more I hate myself. I know that once we calm down and get past this argument, I'm going to find myself drawn to him again. Even now, he's still irresistibly attractive.

"A relationship between us won't work out unless you resolve this stupidity of yours," I finally tell him, my voice a little bit calmer than a few moments ago. "No matter how attracted to each other we are, it can't work out if every mention of the Patron sends us into an argument. It can't work out if you're going to hold onto this gift from the Patron that would make it so easy for you to do the things you're complaining about him not doing, yet not use it for that very same thing."

Casting his gaze down in shame, Lucas doesn't say a word. He knows I'm right. At the moment, Zane really would be the better choice for me, but he'd given up the chance to let me get with someone he knew I had a disagreement on something major with. While I could try to say that Zane was just trying to get me to come running to him, I think he wanted me to try to work this out with Lucas because he's right, my feelings for Lucas are stronger than my feelings for him.

"This is part of why I wanted to wait," I say. "To see if there are things that would make it not work out, in addition to the possibility of the crush just being because you were nice, hot, and helpful, Lucas.

"The Patron," I'm on a roll now and I don't think there's any stopping me, and I think Lucas knows this. "Wouldn't let people keep these tokens after their service ended, wouldn't let them be passed on to descendants, if he didn't do it in the hopes that work would continue without his instructions, Lucas. I'm pretty sure that he wants these tokens to be used for helping people still, for doing the very thing you're expecting him to send people to do.

"And before you try to say that he could just tell people where the people needing dealt with are," I continue. "Ever consider that his ability to communicate might be limited? Yeah, it could be that he doesn't want to walk us through everything, but he may not be able to talk as much as you're expecting him to.

"Nobody even knows who or what the Patron is, Lucas," I point out. "We don't even know if he is a god! He could be some sort of magical construct for all we know! You've talked about the myths from the Old Society before – weren't some of their gods more powerful based on how many people worshiped them?

"You talk about how you're worried about your brother's safety because of the Blond Boy Basher," I shake the token for emphasis. "Yet you sit on your ass and do nothing to find the killer yourself while expecting a mysterious and unknown being to handle the situation.

"You lost seven boyfriends to murders?" I laugh. "And you're using that as an excuse for hating the Patron? Don't deny it, either, because I know you are. Guess what, you spoiled brat! I lost my parents to a targeted attack in a bank robbery. I lost my brothers to the plague. I lost every damn friend I ever had to a collapsing building. All before you had your first damn date. All at a younger age than you. Yet I have never, not once, put the blame on the Patron because it's not his duty to deal with mankind's issues, you hypocrite."

Finished for the moment, I just stare at Lucas, breathing heavily in my anger and from the tirade I just finished. For his part, he at least looks ashamed of himself now, unable to meet my gaze. Several long moments pass before he speaks.

"You… had brothers?"

Lucas hasn't looked back up, instead continuing to avoid my gaze. There's not just shame in his eyes, but guilt.

I feel bad for making him feel so guilty at angering me.

I hate myself for feeling bad for that.

He's probably not wanting to change topics, but at the same time, doesn't know what to say in response to my rant. Picking at an unknown factor that's unrelated might be a way of giving himself time to think over what I said.

"Twins, six years older than me," I confirm. "Died when I was nine. I'm surprised you didn't find that out when you looked me up."

"I didn't look that far," he mutters. "They died in the plague?"

There's a plague that runs around all the time. It's worse in the lower districts than the upper because we can't afford the medicines needed to treat it. It's probably the number one cause of death in the city regardless of where someone lives, though.

With everyone so packed together, it can be difficult to avoid those who have it. If someone catches it and doesn't realize right away, it can spread pretty fast, too. A lot of people have a cough or runny nose because of the weather and air quality, allowing some symptoms to hide. It wasn't uncommon to hear about an entire school needing to shut down because half the staff and students had the plague and they wanted to stem its spread as best they could.

That's why it wasn't really a surprise when my brothers and I caught it when I was nine. I don't actually know what happened to my brothers, but my parents told me they'd died from it. That whole time was a weird one for me, and I don't remember much of what happened while I was sick.

Since I survived it, I'm unlikely to catch it again unless it mutates too much again.

I let my arm drop into my lap as I look at the necklace gripped tightly in my first. My arm is sore from holding my hand up like that for so long, but that doesn't really matter.

"Yeah."

"I-I'm sorry, Kieran," Lucas says.

We fall silent again, and I'm not sure I want a peek at what he's thinking. There's the obvious discomfort on his face after hearing what I've lost. His family is still alive. Most of his friends are still alive. He blames the Patron for his losses, yet I don't blame them when I've lost more.

Death should be expected here, especially in the lower districts, and we're considered to be living in a safer place than on the continents. They don't even have Patrons on the continents, they're only for the cities on the backs of the great beasts. Lucas is one of the types of people I hate, with his attitude towards the Patron.

Everything else I know about him isn't, though, which makes me really conflicted about him. The rest of his personality, how kind he is, how willing he is to help out… all of it wars against that one major aspect of him in my head.

"If you really want to get into a relationship with me," I fix my gaze on him. "Despite this massive disagreement between us, then you really need to rethink your stance on the Patron because I will not change my mind regarding him. It's not his job to protect us."

He only lowers his head further.

"Look," I reach over and press my hand against his, and he opens his so that I can put the token into it. I pull my hand back. "It's late and I want to get to sleep. Either leave right now or stay and keep me from feeling so alone. The choice is yours, but know that if you choose the latter and don't intend on doing something about things yourself, then I'll talk with Zane and see if it's okay if I try training my ability in one of the conference rooms after my shifts there."

The only reason I'm even considering letting him stay with me tonight is because I know that as soon as I calm down, I'm going to still want to be with him. I also know that bringing up my family and the friends that I've lost is going to make me feel extremely alone once he leaves and I calm down.

Rising from the couch, I empty out my pockets onto my dresser, then walk to my mattress and lie on it, pulling the blankets over me. For several moments, Lucas doesn't move from his position on the couch.

Eventually, though, he rises from the couch, and I can hear the soft sounds of his shoes against the carpet on his way to the door. When he reaches it, though, he doesn't leave. The light switches off, then I hear a slight rustling as he pulls off his sneakers before approaching me on my mattress.

Looking over, I make out the outline of his form in the darkness, him beginning to bend down…

Only for everything lurch again, and Lucas is thrown onto me as I slide up slightly on the bed, only my pillows keeping me from slamming into the wall. Lucas quickly pulls off of me as I groan from having someone forty pounds heavier land on me. Especially when that weight is compacted down into lean muscle.

The smaller the package the weight is contained within, the worse any impacts with it are. The heavier it feels when lifting or moving, too. Both of those are things I've learned from my various jobs over the last four years. Not that it really matters right now, other than ow.

Sivalshi has the oddest yet most consistent timing for his sudden lurches.

"Are you okay?" Lucas asks, crouching beside me. "I didn't mean to fall on you."

"Sivalshi just likes throwing us together," I mutter, and he chuckles. "Though considering it was you getting thrown onto me this time, unlike the last three times…"

I trail off, not sure if I should say it.

"Unlike the last three times?" He asks.

"You were going to lie down the same way as last time, right?" I ask. "Back to me, spaced apart?"

"Yeah," he answers.

"Not… not tonight," I tell him. "I don't want to feel alone. This lurch, the timing… I know it means nothing and Sivalshi was dealing with something, but maybe it's the universe at work."

"What are you saying?"

"Please hold me," I turn back onto my side, facing the wall. "Really make me feel like someone's here, Lucas. Please? I'm probably pathetic for asking this, but please?"

Lucas pulls the blankets back, then lies down and pulls them over us as he scoots against me, draping an arm across me as I feel the pillows shift from his other sliding under them. His breath is warm against my neck, and I feel my heart pounding in my chest. This is both uncomfortable and comfortable.

Feeling myself starting to drift off, all I can think is that as stupid as his belief in the Patron is, he's a good snuggler. He's so cozy, even if we're both fully-dressed and wearing hoodies to keep warm. I snuggle up a little more, then let myself relax.

As exhausted as I am, though, I can't fall asleep. My anger at Lucas has subsided, and that's let the rest of my feelings for him back in. That gives me a lot to think about, too. I don't mind cuddling with him, having him against me as I sleep, even with his mindset regarding the Patron. He's strong, confident, knowledgeable, kind, and sexy.

At the same time, though, he finds it easier to blame a big, faceless entity for what's wrong with things. He lost some people dear to him and decided to put the blame on something other than the cause, on something that might possess the ability to have stopped it. Lucas finds it easy to believe people have a responsibility to use their abilities to help others.

Even while ignoring that he could, too.

These thoughts swirl through my head as I try to fall asleep, and just as I start to manage it, I feel Lucas pulling away from me. I was nearly sweating under these blankets with him here, and as soon as he's gone, I'm cold again.

Did he think I fell asleep? Did he think that he should only stay for as long as I was awake, just to sate me? Or what?

Lucas makes his way over to the door, then I hear him slipping on his shoes before quietly opening the door and leaving, softly shutting the door behind him. Just like that, I'm in here alone again, and I curl up under my blankets, trying not to let out the tears that so desperately want to come out. He made me think that he'd try to look at things from my view, and then he just leaves once he thinks I'm asleep.

What does he expect my reaction to be, once I 'wake up' and find myself alone? I'm already feeling so alone, missing my parents and my brothers. And now missing the first guy I had a crush on.

I wish I had Zane's number. If I told him that things aren't going to work out between Lucas and me, he'd probably be here as soon as he could. Or he'd let me come over and snuggle him there. I bet his place is warmer. Lucas probably light-walked himself home, to his warm, cozy apartment as soon as he was out in the hall.

At least he was considerate enough to try not to wake me.

With a new reason for me to be upset, it takes me even longer to fall asleep.