Lucas hasn't said a word as we walked, just stuck beside me as he silently watched our surroundings. We're literally outside of my apartment at the moment and he still hasn't spoken since we left the diner. I don't mind the company and added protection, but it's confusing me why he said he wanted to talk, then didn't. Right now, he seems like he wants to say something but isn't sure.

"Want to come in for a minute?" I ask, and he jumps a little, as if he'd gotten lost in thought and my words reminded him he wasn't alone. "Or was saying you wanted to talk just something to make me be more willing to go with the escort…"

"Oh, uh, yeah," his face reddens a little. "Let's… let's talk inside."

I unlock my apartment and let him in, then slip the door closed and pull off my sneakers and drop the bag down, before pushing back my hood and moving to the couch, plopping onto it.

Lucas is quiet for a few moments, sticking by the door. Sighing, I pat the couch next to me. He hesitates for a moment before walking over and sitting down, a little close but not enough that we'd be touching.

"What did you want to talk about?"

"Did I misread you?" He asks.

So he realized it? Did Zane say something? If so, that makes Tabitha's and Betty's reactions to them at the desk make more sense. The conversation they had was probably best left for somewhere private.

"Are you asking if I'm into guys?" I ask.

"Yeah."

"Yeah," I answer. "I appreciate the twink more than anything. Actually, that's the only type of guy I find attractive. Everyone else is just normal or bleh."

"Oh," he quiet for a few moments. "Am I really that obvious?"

"What tipped me off," I tell him. "Was you picking the scariest movie right after I commented saying I'd watch a horror one with you if you were okay with me using you to avoid seeing it, Lucas. And then you wrapping your arm around me and holding me with your hand on my shoulder…"

"Oh," his face flushes a little. "I, uh, didn't realize I did that. The hand thing."

"Yeah, but you did it."

"I guess that'd make it a bit more obvious," he takes a deep breath, then lets it out. "Zane told me you were conflicted. And why. Before you get angry at him, do you know how long you'd be 'waiting to see if it faded'?"

I'm not too angry at Zane. He comes from a different upbringing than me, and just the little bit of interaction I've had with him has told me he's more of an immediate-moment guy. There's a bit of upset that he went and told Lucas, but I can understand that he's bothered by my delay and wanted to kick things into motion. But for Lucas?

"I don't know," I answer. "Maybe a few weeks? I don't really know how long to wait to see that sort of thing, though…"

"So you might have kept pushing it back?" He asks.

"Um… probably a few times."

"You can never really know," he sighs. "My ex and I dated for a little more than a year. We'd known each other… about four years when we started dating, I think? I'd crushed on him from the start, and his crush developed over time. My feelings for him never wavered. After we'd been dating for about a year, he dumped me. Right after sex. Said he didn't feel the spark anymore and so was moving on. My feelings for him hadn't decreased at all."

The hurt in his eyes and tone tells me that he still hasn't fully gotten past his ex and that what happened still pains him.

"Wait, he did that after sex?"

"Yeah," he mutters. "I told you it didn't end well. That's part of why. Apparently, he was just using me after awhile to get some because we were both power users, so, well… y'know. Sort of."

"Oh."

His ex is an asshole who deserves to be dropped off a building. What kind of decent person does that? Even if I'm ignorant when it comes to romance, I know that doing that is inappropriate and bad form.

"So you never know," Lucas tells me. "How long or how short the flames will last. All you can really do, I guess, is give it a try and see where it goes. I mean, the crush is still there despite us having pretty strong differences of opinion on something important and two different arguments that started turning heated regarding it. In eleven days. Sure, it could be a flash flame that's pushing through that, but it could also mean there's something there."

Lucas goes quiet there, giving me a few minutes to think.

"So you're saying," I say. "That I should throw caution to the wind and give it a try?"

"Sometimes, a crush stays only until the relationship starts," he tells me. "Then you start dating and realize you're better off as friends. Sometimes, you get into a relationship just to get into one either to be with someone or for their sake, and a flame develops."

It sounds like he's speaking from experience there.

"You've done that?"

"A few times," he nods. "First one was when I was fifteen, and we were both just not wanting to be single. Ended up deeply in love within the first few months, and mostly involved us snuggling or training together. Lots of kissing, nothing else."

His tone suggests it ended badly, but not for the same reason as his latest ex.

"What happened?"

"He was mugged walking home one night, wounded pretty badly, and ended up dying on the street."

"Oh."

He's quiet for a few moments, and it makes me wonder if there was more to it than that. Was the boyfriend a power user? Or a normal person? If he was a power user, then how much more powerful was the person who jumped him? Or how bad in a fight was his ability?

"The second one," he says. "Was when I was sixteen. He liked me, I just saw him as a friend. I don't know, I think I just didn't like being lonely, it wasn't all that long after my first boyfriend died that I realized the guy had been crushing on me. He knew I wasn't into him, so he was pretty surprised when I asked him out. I just wanted to hold someone and not feel alone. That one turned into a pretty heavy crush within a week. His feelings for me faded within a month, though. I could tell he was pulling away, but before we talked about it…"

"He dumped you?"

"He was killed walking home from work."

His first two boyfriends were both murdered, and it looks like he still hasn't fully gotten past that.

"How-how many of your relationships ended like that?"

"All except the last one," his voice is quiet. "There were seven of them."

No wonder he has pretty strong feelings about the Patron's lack of action. He must feel like the Patron is responsible for that for not doing more. To lose seven boyfriends over the course of only three or four years, it's got to have left an impact. Then for his relationship that lasted to have ended the way it did…

How can he still be interested in dating?

"So, um," I decide to switch the topic a little. "When did you first do it?"

"A little after I turned eighteen," he answers. "Was between boyfriends at the moment. One particularly horny day after training and work, one pretty good opportunity, and we were doing it."

"Shortly after you turned eighteen?" I ask. "Sandy's son?"

"Nah, he was a few days later," Lucas tells me. "The first guy was, uh, a blur."

"A blur?"

"We had a bit more interest in doing it than looking at each other too much," he tells me. "Alcohol may have been involved."

So Lucas is the type of guy to get pretty drunk, too? I'm kind of wondering what kind of drunk he becomes. If what he said is any indication, then it's a pretty interesting one. That one time doesn't speak for all, though.

"Oh."

We're quiet for a few minutes as I try to figure out how to continue the conversation. This started off about him crushing on me and me crushing on him, then turned to his exes all being killed except the last one.

"So in regards to your concerns," Lucas breaks the silence. "Let's, uh. Yeah. With the concern about entering into a relationship with the expectation that you might die, Kieran? That's kind of how things go. I'd rather date with that risk than give up something just because I might die. Though I do always check to make sure they're okay with it, since I am a bodyguard, and so do run the higher risk of dying.

"Regarding how, um, how long you've known someone," he says. "Well that's up to you. If you want to keep waiting to see if it fades, or if you want to throw yourself into a relationship and see how things go. Some people want to know each other for months, others won't hesitate to start the same day they meet. We've interacted enough over the last week and a half that I know I want to give being with you a try. I'd only not said anything because I'd thought you were straight. But I know you might want to wait a month or two, and that's fine for you."

There's the confession. He's now officially stated that he's into me. I'm about to say something when he continues on.

"With me being a trainer," he says. "As long as we keep it professional at the center, they don't care. Relationships there aren't uncommon, actually. Tabitha met her husband because he was a client there. Most of the staff met their significant others through the center.

"Finally," he says. "With the whole paying thing… I mean, I always offered to pay for the things I asked, Kieran. That's my choice and my money. I'll never let someone take advantage of me, and from what I can tell, you're the kind of guy who wouldn't.

"I guess what I'm saying, Kieran," he meets my gaze, his blue eyes bright and hopeful. "Is that if you're willing to start dating someone you've only known for a week and a half… I'd be interested."

While I've interacted with him and done more with him than I have with Zane, I'm still torn between the two of them. There are still feelings for Zane, and… he said he'd pass for now. Was Zane referring to this?

"Wait," I say. "You and Zane talked about this, didn't you? You mentioned he mentioned my conflicts to you. And he told me he was going to pass for now, but still wanted to be friends."

"Y-yeah," he says. "Zane said he thinks your feelings for me are a little stronger than the ones you have for him. But also that as long as he has feelings for you, then if I do anything to lose you… he'd be there for you."

In other words, Zane wants to be my second choice? A sort of backup plan in case things go wrong with Lucas? I'm a bit confused by that, but… okay.

"You don't," Lucas hesitates for a moment, then lets out an aggravated breath. "Jeez, I'm so much more confident with this with other guys, sorry for fumbling so much, Kieran. I'm not asking you to make a choice right now. But I would like to go out with you, despite knowing you as little as I have. I'm not expecting sex or anything, so don't feel pressured to do that even when your libido hits the norm for a power user. I just really want to be with you, hug you, hold you, snuggle you, take you out on dates, and just do things with you."

"But not kiss me?"

"I definitely want to kiss you," he smiles. "You have no idea how much I want to right now, Kieran. Jeez, just being in here, I want to sit closer to you."

So all I have to do is tell him that I want to date him, and it becomes official? Do I really want to do that right now? Especially with the one big flaw he has…

"Lucas," I begin.

"Uh," he frowns. "Judging by that tone, I might not like what you're about to say, am I?"

"You and I do see pretty differently," I tell him. "On something that's pretty important to me. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be okay with it right now."

"The Patron," he sighs.

"We've already had two arguments that heated up over him," I say. "You even mentioned that a little bit ago. This is… it's a rather big thing, Lucas. You feel like the Patron needs to help us more than he is. I feel like he's already doing so much for us that to expect him to handle the small-scale stuff on top of the large-scale stuff is stupid."

"He's only half-assing his protection, though," Lucas protests. "If he's going to perform protection, why only go part way? He's a freaking god, Kieran. Why doesn't he increase the number of guardians and have them do patrols, too? It's obvious he can see everything going on in Sivalshi City, why doesn't he send them after people like the Blond Boys Basher?"

"Is it really that obvious?" I ask. "Everyone assumes that he can, Lucas. But what if his sight is limited? Every Patron acts differently, which lends credence to this theory. None of them have the absolute protection and enforcement that you suggest. If they really were all-seeing when it came to the backs of their pets, if they really did have that sort of power, then why doesn't a single one act that way? And even if they could handle everything, Lucas? Why should a god care about mortals at all? He wants us to handles ourselves, and this is exactly what I was talking about."

"Sure, he wants us to handle ourselves," he says. "That's why there's so much crime running rampant, why so many people go hungry, why so many people live in poverty and there's so little power. It's so obvious that we can't. It's like he's toying with us, Kieran. Is it really that much effort to create the magic spellsuits that he can't employ more guardians to help deal with crime?"

More than a little pissed at this point, I reach out and reach under his hoodie, feeling for the chain of his necklace and pulling it out, holding up the shield token on it.

"Yeah, why doesn't he?" I ask. "Last I heard, this is one of his magic spellsuits. How many Sivalshi Guardians have left these for their descendants? How many of those descendants are like you, Lucas? Keeping the tokens that he graced your family with but not using them to keep the legacy going? Ever think that maybe the Patron wants to hire more, but only finds people like you instead? If he wanted, I'm betting he could take these tokens back. Instead, he lets them be kept, even after the service is done, even after the original owner dies. How many of these tokens are out there, being used for little things rather than big things? You decided to work as a personal bodyguard for someone once or twice a week. Do you ever think to protect everyone? All you seem to do is expect the Patron to do that for you. You have the power to, don't you? Why aren't you a vigilante, you ungrateful brat?"

Without thinking, I jerk my arm towards me, snapping the chain and pulling the necklace away from him.