At the moment, I couldn't do anything to the parasite, so I focused on what I could change. Extraction of bahion from the faithful was not so difficult. Well, that's if you know what to do. For a start, I need to get a tiny drop of bahion, and then use it to form a special channel of this energy between me and the believer. As a result, I was able to get all bahion which he produced.

However, there was one difficulty that demons faced in the world of spiders. One person could only have a limited number of such initiated followers. Very limited. It was literally as limited as the finger count on one hand. But these followers could become collectors of bahion coming from other believers. That initiation made a person into a priest, and then he organized various religious events on my behalf and initiated his followers, who believed in him as my representative, and therefore part of the energy travelled through him went to me.

In summary, it was a typical network marketing structure and pyramid of influence. As a whole, it was already possible to start using it, but I was not satisfied with the small efficiency of this design. I do not know rules of formation 'spells' from Bahion so I had to optimize the initiation ritual for the priests with ‘fingering’ scientific method, aka trial and error.

For the start, I initiated three priests who had already played a leading role in the cult of my name. My followers were the inhabitants of only one village, that is, a couple of thousand people, but this should have been enough to start with. Then I changed the spell a little bit, watched how these changes affect the result, and most importantly - counted them on the computer of the ancients installed on the ship. I quickly was able to create a reliable simulation, thanks to which I was able to achieve an energy transfer efficiency of 99%. Then there was a similar calculation of the effectiveness of the spell, transferring the energy of a simple believer to the priest.

As a result, I got the perfect technology to create religious cults. It would be possible to further develop the technology of using Bahion, but I thought it is a terrible waste. Magic could do far more, and better, without requiring constant recharging from the faithful.

After the cult began to bring me a profit in the form of Bahion, I began to use accumulated Bahion to initiate one of the embryo tail. Well at least the parasite did not react to Bahion. Also, it did not notice the chakra. So first, I decided to rebuild the chakra tail, generating the energy of shinobi world.

The flow of Bahion was like drops flowing down the stalactite. To increase its production, it was necessary to expand the flock, or... to bring people into a state of religious ecstasy. As it turned out, the state of happiness and awareness of who they owe this happiness, repeatedly increased the production of faith energy.

Of course, human is a tenacious beast , they can adapt to everything when enough time passed. Including something good. So I made a plan to gradually improve the standard of living in the village and among my jaffas. Every day I healed patients, invented household appliances, helped to build houses. Almost every second day was a holiday, and every holiday was something different from all the others. People's lives turned into a fairy tale, which was not difficult because I had a parasite and access to some Ancient technologies.

I became God to the people, and they answered me with sincere faith, worship and praise. They didn't have to flatter me because they had enough of my real achievement that they could sing them in songs and describe them in stories. People were constantly in some kind of trance, thinking about me every second of their life, devoting me in every action, not thinking more of their life without me.

It is in some degree scares me. Such an obsession could not last too long. And so it didn't take long. Just three months later of this celebration of life I've gained enough Bahion to initiate the transfer of structures from one tail to another. Inherited tail from Kyubi, had a somewhat different structure because it was created not by me, but by demon from another world, so the essence of the process is almost not affected.

In just a week I regained control over the source of chakra, and another week was devoted to training in its use. After that, I decided to test a loophole that I thought of.

I sat alone in the Tel'tak and flew to the center of the desert, where there was not a single person. There I landed the ship and moved away from it for a couple of kilometers. After that I sat down in meditation, watching the setting sun. Three hours later, when the surroundings was already late at night, I activated a long prepared fuinjutsu.

During last year, when I was sitting in meditation, the parasite preferred to spend time in its 'shell'. This time was no exception. The fuinjutsu seal placed by me blocked the entrance to the parasite's personal space, closing it with no way to escape.

Literally within seconds, the parasite tried to get out, but after poking the barrier and feeling it, then… it calmed down, silenced. I took a breath and went back to my ha’tak. This seal did not give a full guarantee, but now I was at least partially sure that the parasite would not begin to eat someone against my will.

Now, when a malicious creature has been isolated, I can begin to restore my abilities to magic. To my surprise, after restoring the tail, remained more than 80% of the unused Bahion. Therefore, immediately after returning to the ship, I was able to initiate recovery of the second tail.

I spent the next week as if I’m on pins and needles, the process placing me in the world of pain that comes from the depth of my soul. Finally, the process of energy transfer was completed, and I gained the ability to magic. Hurray!!! I become a magician again, and symbionts is not necessary anymore. Of course, this thing has ability to do a lot that I could not do with the tails, but the combination of magic and chakra gave enough opportunities to be able to solve any problem in a reasonable time.

After playing with magic, I undertook a detailed study of the heritage of the Ancients. Before that, I mostly just copied the information into my brain, and now it's time to carefully study it and improve them on the basis of magic and chakra. And, not combining them, but sole expense of magic, or chakras. This should give me more room to maneuver in the future.

In addition to the scientific knowledge of the Ancients, derived from the brain of Ulrike, I studied the technology of the ascended, derived from the consciousness of Orlin. I was interested in the possibility of existence in the form of pure energy, not burdened by the presence of a physical body. At the same time, if necessary, the body can be created again.

In general, the idea of ascension was a very interesting topic for research, that's just one thing. I was aware of the ascension procedure, which required the presence of an Ancient body. People were degraded descendants of the Ancients, so their bodies were more or less suitable for this, although they required much more effort.

Goa’ulds, oddly enough, also had a predisposition to ascension, although somewhat in different kind. Without a brain of their own, the worm-bound souls were able to become partially aware of their energy nature. And such an experience in itself could greatly simplify the understanding of the technique of ascension. When Goa’uld has possessed the body of a person with active genes of the Ancients, ascension was within reach of hand. If you know where and how to reach it. Exact knowledge in all spiritual science was a key to all.

I could turn myself into a Vritras right now, and get rid of the need to lead the life of a parasitic worm, but it would close the door to ascension for me, because the technique of creating Vritras formed new spiritual shells and changed the existing ones. And I needed to have some 'standard' that could be transformed by following the instructions. After then, I will have a working prototype of my Goa’uld’s body, I will have to think about how to cross the ascension with magic in Vritras body. So now I've decided to focus on the science of Ascension.

The last four months I was engaged not only in gathering of Bahion. Having thought about my conversation with Orlin, I came to the conclusion that I was right, and I should attend to the presence of a harem. And because the local population in this capacity is not satisfied me, then I had to go out to different planets and to seduce five girls with the appropriate parameters.

While I was doing all sorts of meditations, I noticed that my body from such an altitude loses its shape. So I gave Skuli, my current host, a personal time during which he could control my body. His classes were simple, but attractive enough for a mortal like him: training, lunch, sex. We even organized a 'division of labor' - he fucked some slaves, and when the body was controlled by me, then I amused myself with others. In general, I was satisfied with such controlled schizophrenia.

Among other things, I planned to gain even more confidence in the team of SG-1, and therefore decided to appear during the episode with Tok'ra. I had already gained the address of their gate from Samantha Carter's mind, so I placed a 'trap signal for SG-1' on that planet near the gate. In fact, it was a biological scanner of the Ancients, combined with a hyperspace transmitter. It scanned everyone coming out of the gate, and sent a message if they came out with three people without worms in the head and one jaffa in one of their belly. And so, right now I got a message that needed the characters appear on the planet Tok’ra.

Quickly gathering, I boarded my bomber al’kesh, which took me to the gate on my planet. There I opened a portal to the right address and sent the chakra clone out to exploration. Oddly enough, the gates would normally transmit the constructs of chakra, but would oddly deform magic spells.

Shadow clone came out, looked around and put an illusion to the terrain, hiding my appearance. After that, I went through the gate and disappeared into the desert. Searching Tok’ra’s hideout did not cause any problems. They were within walking distance of the gate, so the scanning spells quickly detected living creatures hiding in the dungeons. Among them, I quickly localized four members of SG-1. After waiting until they were locked in a separate room, I went on a mission to release them.

It was a time when the members of SG-1 visited a Goa’uld named Selmak and his dying host, and now pondered their plight, waiting for the decision of the council of Tok’ra about the offer of alliance.

By regaining my magic, I was able to open portals between two points of space. I didn't have enough energy to jump across the galaxy, but it was possible to move between neighboring stars or on the same planet. Now I opened a portal leading from the desert to the corridor adjacent to the room where the SG-1 team was located. Once in the dungeon, I walked lightly to the right place, pushed the guards out of the way and went into the room.

“Hi” I said hello as if we met just yesterday. "How do you like Tok'ra? They're not very kind, really. They want to stick their snake up your ass. Oh, I mean in the head.”

“Imhotep?” The earthlings shouted in surprise.

“Who are you!?” The guards were alarmed, trying to aim their weapon at me. I did not give them such opportunity, forcing the firing head of the spear to be attracted to the ceiling by magic.

“I am Imhotep, God of knowledge and architecture.” I flashed my eyes.

“How did you get here?” The question came from Samantha Carter, but I could see in their eyes that the question they’re most interested in was Tok'ra.

"I learned that you were being held captive by Tok'ra, and I decided to save you.”

“And how did you know that?” Daniel didn't fail to ask, always suspecting me of something.

“Do you have any guesses??”

“You're a God of knowledge, and therefore know everything?” Jack tried.

“Exactly!”

“What nonsense! You're in cahoots with Tok'ra.” Daniel protested.

“I don't think so” Samantha took my side. “They were too surprised to see him.”

“So, if I'm not mistaken, they made an offer to settle the Goa’uld in your head, but that prospect is not happy to you.”

“Did we need to be happy?” Jack asked.

“I don't think so. But if you think about it, this prospect could please someone else.” I looked around at the quiet audience. Space scanning spell showed that around the corner in the hallway stands Garshaw, attentively listening to our conversation. This witch was one of the main snakes in this lair. “Samantha, do you know that your father is literally one foot in the grave?"

“What? Where are you from...?” She was alarmed.

“Heh. That's a question you've already asked. The truth is, if you put a snake in Jacob's head, it could cure him of cancer. As a result, everyone will benefit.”

“What do you get from that?” The silent Teal’c gazes at me suspiciously, trying to drill a hole into me.

“Daniel's promised tour of the Earth.”

In the room was silent again for a moment, and Garshaw chose this time to effectively appear in the company of her fans.

"I'm flattered that you care about Selmak, but who the hell are you?"

“Haven't you been reported yet? I am Imhotep, God of knowledge and architecture.”

“I've heard that before. But that doesn't answer the question of where you came from and what you need?”

“It would be rather silly if the answer to a question of who I am, to be the answer to these two questions. Don't you think so?” I looked at the members of SG-1, looking for support in my dispute.

“Enough of these games!” Garshaw shouted, feeling enraged. "Are you a spy for the System Lords?"

“How could you possibly think of such a stupid thing?” I scolded her severely. “To spy for these narrow-minded and narcissistic lords? If I'm spying, it's only for me. And I am here to prevent the murder of my friends.”

“What? I would never…” Garshaw started to make excuses.

“You're not.” I interrupted. "But there are other forces pulling the strings. And now that I'm here, you'll do as I say. Anyone who disagrees, I will personally extract them from the host and will eat it in front of you.”

Tok'ra's face was twisted with fear and anger. Many of them escaped the fate of being eaten by the System Lords, because they raised them for that.

“So what? Will we negotiate in a good way? Or should I just start mass executions?”

Considering that any Tok'ra could not even point a weapon at me, my threats were particularly impressive.

"We do not cooperate with the System Lords.” Garshaw found the strength to resist.

“Good, I'm not one of them. Otherwise, I would have already ripped you from your host's skull.” I went to headstrong Goa’uld and glared, while saying. “Listen to my instructions. Earthlings, as a gesture of goodwill, will provide you with a new carrier for Selmak. In return, you will provide them with a database of the planets occupied by the System Lords. Questions? Objections? Suicide attempts to attack me? What, none of this is gonna happen?”

Garshaw tried to say something, but the spell of silence did not give her chance to do so.

“Perfect. Silence is a sign of agreement. And don't try to deceive me. It could end badly for you. Better start working on an address database.” I turned to the Earthlings and made an inviting gesture. “Come on, I'll lead you to the gate. We'll talk back on Earth.”

They looked at each other, and silently followed me. The sight of the Tok'ras trying to point a weapon at me and unable to keep it under control impressed even SG-1. We went to the warehouse, where I returned the confiscated weapons to them. After that, I led them to the hall with the transport rings, where we moved to the surface. Tok’ra kept trying to somehow to stop me, but then he just twisted a little away.

“How... how did you do that?” Daniel asked me as we walked to the gate.

“It's magic, Daniel. I've told you a hundred times.”

“But…” He was not satisfied with the return argument.

"Is this all about spells and ritual chants and sacrificing people?" Asked Jack.

“Well... Almost. While the sacrifice of the humans are not effective. Elves in this respect are far better. And the demons are generally too great to be compared.”

"I see." The colonel nodded. “Why do you want to arrive to Earth?”

"I want to meet General Hammond, go to Disney Land, buy myself a computer and a dozen toys. Lots to do.” I replied, counting my fingers. This time my answer tore Jack's common sense. He couldn't think that I had such interests.

“You know so much about us. Have you been on Earth before?” Samantha asked a provocative question.

“Sometimes not knowing the answer to a question is better than knowing it. In many knowledge there are many sorrows.”

"And I have dedicated my heart to know wisdom, to know madness and folly. And I know that all this is also a longing of the spirit. Because in much wisdom there is much sorrow, and who multiplies knowledge multiplies sorrow. The Bible, the book of Ecclesiastes, the words of king Solomon.” Quoted Daniel.

“He was a wonderful man. Only finished badly.” I nodded in comprehension.

“Solomon?”

“Yep.”

All those present were silent, imagining that I personally knew Solomon. That's how the trusting flock is bred to deification himself. In silence we reached the gate, where I dialed the address of the Earth. Members of SG-1 watched my actions with suspicion. Finally, Jack sighed, dialed the code on the communication device, and a minute later we went to the portal.

On Earth we were met by ready-to-fight machine gunners and cheerful siren sound, screwing right into the brain. The siren was even more vile than in the series. Or is it a weapon against Goa’ulds?

“Colonel, who's with you?” General Hammond appealed to us from the aquarium, which was the control center of the gates.

“He is... Imhotep. Remember, we told you about him.”

“What's he doing here?”

“They promised to show me Disney Land.” I blatantly lied “And you have a unique chance to get a postcard with my autograph and in addition a list of the addresses of all the planets controlled by Goa’ulds.”

This time the General asked nothing, as he was busy questioning his common sense.

“General, I think we should discuss the current situation in the conference room.” Colonel O'neill reported.

“... good idea, I'll meet you there in fifteen minutes. And does anyone have an empty postcard?”

The last question, apparently, was intended for all present. I didn't know the answer to it because our group was sent to obligatory medical examination. I did not pass it, agreeing only to the electronic thermometer for temperature measurement.

“How did you get rid of the worms last time?” I asked.

“Yeah.” Jack agreed. “We had diarrhea for two weeks without stopping. Those damn worms almost ate me.”

“How did you diagnose them?” Dr. Fraser asked. “We had to do a high-resolution nuclear tomography to detect these parasites.”

“I'm the God of knowledge. Knowing such simple things is as natural to me as breathing.”

“Wow, another human imagining himself as god.” Janet Fraser took the thermometer from me and looked at the reading on the board. “Exactly one hundred degrees?” She was surprised.

“Just looking at you makes my blood boil.” I laughed. Using magic to heat the thermometer to the desired temperature was a trifling matter.

“Perhaps you should cool off.” She didn't take my joke.

“Whatever you say, doctor. Your thermometer can measure the temperature of absolute zero?”

“I don't think so. I suppose, is there any point in further medical examination of you?

“I'd show you something interesting, but I'm afraid we won't have enough time for you to make all the necessary measurements.” This time the woman was a little embarrassed. My rough soldier's sense of humor has shaken her calmness.

I stepped aside and joined the SG-1 team, which had just passed their medical examination.

“Imhotep, come. General Hammond is ready to receive us.” Jack called me.

I nodded and followed the attendants into the conference room, where the most important issues related to the Stargate program were discussed. A great place to install listening bugs based on magic and chakra. We passed the door, took our seats, and a minute later General George Hammond entered the room at a brisk pace.

“Welcome” He said as he looks at me, while sitting at the head of the table. "So, Colonel O'Neill, I'm listening to your mission report.”

“Yes, sir. We passed through the Gate and encounter the rebel forces of Goa’ulds. They surrounded us and took us as a prisoner. Then we were moved to an underground dungeon. There we presented our offer of alliance, but in response they offered to place one of Goa’ulds in our head. We, of course, refused, and we were left in a separate room under protection, they promised to discuss our proposal at the council. After that, Imhotep unexpectedly came into the room, which somehow neutralized the security guards and invited us and the Goa’ulds to conclude a contract with each other. We will provide them with one host, and they will give us a gate address of the worlds controlled by Goa’ulds. Imhotep suggested that the host should be Jacob Carter, Samantha's father. Goa’ulds silently accepted these conditions, Imhotep helped us to pick up our belongings and we left the dungeon. This is the general report.”

The General looked at me thoughtfully.

“What makes you think he's not one of them?”

“Hey! I'm on my own.” I was indignant. “And don't talk about me in the third person POV. I saved the lives of the SG-1 team. And you accuse me of collusion with these filthy Goa’ulds?”

“Hey, you're Goa’uld too!” Daniel protested, breaking every chain of command.

“I'm a good, kind, and huggable Goa’uld. Don't compare me to the stupid System Lords and the cowardly Tok'ra.”

“Tok’ra?” Asked Hammond.

“That’s what those Goa’ulds call themselves, in the lair of imprisonment of which you were fit into.”

“Why did you decide to intervene in this situation?” He continued the interrogation, deciding to switch to me.

“We're friends. Besides, Daniel promised me a tour on the Earth. And if he died, I'd lose the chance to visit Disney Land.”

“How did you get to the planet?”

“Like everyone else, through the Stargate. I'm a God of knowledge, so when I learned that my friends were in danger, I went to Tok'ra’s planet and intervened in the situation.”

“So you're God?”

“Of course.”

“And you know everything?”

“Not all. But a lot of things.”

“What number am I thinking of?”

“Forty-two.” Using a mind-reading spell was a matter of seconds. Especially since it was about reading the upper layers of consciousness.

“And now?”

“One hundred forty-three million two hundred seventeen thousand nine hundred ninety-nine."

“How do you do that?”

“I'm God.”

“Nicely…” The General thought for a moment. “Why are you offering to make Jacob Carter as a carrier?”

“He's dying anyway. So you not only you fulfill the wishes of Tok'ra, but also save his life. Goa’uld can support human life and heal from various diseases.”

“You consider yourself as Goa’uld?” That was a trick question. However, this conclusion could easily be reached by analyzing my speech.

“I consider myself as God.” I answered. “I'm also a magician. Look, magic.” I said the last word in a 'mysterious' whispering voice.

I used the simplest spell, and a shimmering ball of light appeared above my hand.

“You're not a magician, you're a Troll.” Again Daniel could not resist but to retord.

“Shit! I got caught.” I acted alarmed in fun.

“So you've been lying to us all this time?” Jack asked incredulously.

“I am mage-troll of eighties level. I never lie. I prefer to tell the truth, but in a such way that people deceive themselves.”

“Can you help us in the fight against Goa’ulds?” Hammond continued.

“I am God of knowledge. If I were ‘God of fight against Goa’ulds’, then I would have helped you. So, no, I can't. But I can help you from time to time in matters related to Ancient technology. Or if you have a crisis and the whole Earth is in danger, you can call me. Here, look…”

I reached forward and, with a magician's gesture, drew from the seal of fuinjutsu an object resembling a children's radio station.

http://intertoys.com.ua/images/800_1024/%D1%80%D0%B0%D1%86%D0%B8%D1%8F%20205048img.jpg

“This is a special magic artifact for conversing with me. You will need to take it in your hand, press this ledge, and then begin to call me for help, begging for salvation and crying out for my mercy. And then I will definitely come. Take it.”

I handed the device to Hammond. He took the radio and weighed it in his hand.

“Heavy. What is it made of?”

“Clean naquadah! And these stars and call button are made of an alloy of gold and platinum. Works on magic power, does not need recharging.”

“What kind of magic is that?.. Sorry.” The phone rang on the table next to the General. “General Hammond. Connect. Jacob, how are you? We're coming.” After a few more seconds, he hung up.

“What did he say?” I asked.

“I'm dying.” The General replied in confusion.

“Brevity is the sister of talent.” I admired. "You should visit him and offer to stick a snake in his head. In the meantime, Daniel and I will take a walk around the town. I think we can do it in a couple of hours.”

“I can't let you out of here.” Said Hammond. “This is high secure facility. You're an alien from another planet.”

“Don't make me do this the bad way. You might not like it very much.” I frowned.

There was an unpleasant pause in the conversation.

“General, I think we should let him go.” Jack said. “Under my responsibility. I will personally accompany him and make sure that there are no problems.”

Hmm... I stared in surprise to the commander of SG-1. Honestly, I did not expect such a reaction from him.

“All right, Colonel. I will give my orders. Samantha, will you come with me to your father and try to convince him to become the host of Goa’uld as it’s a much better prospect than to die of cancer. Although I confess, I am not sure which option is better.”

"Well, these Tok'ras aren't bad slave owners at all. Sometimes they even allow their hosts to act on their own. Here, for example, I'm too lazy to engage in physical training to maintain my ideal physical shape.” I showed the audience my bicep. “So I trust this thing to the host, for whom such activities only they enjoy. You could even call it a symbiosis, because without me he would have dragged a miserable existence in one of the wild worlds. However, time does not wait. We can talk about this after you get Jacob to base. Let’s go. Disney Land is waiting for me!”

Accompanied by Jack and Daniel, I got out of the base and drove to the city of Colorado Springs, the center of which we reached in fifteen minutes. There I was taken to the store with Disney toys. This, of course, was not Disney Land, but I did not focus on this. Instead, five minutes later I decided to go to a computer store, where I bought the full capacity of Jack O'Neill’s credit card.

The next point of our trip was the electrical shop, where I bought a voltage tester, transformer, battery and so on.

“Why do you need all this equipment?” Jack surprised, once again paying for my purchases.

“You would not believe how difficult it is to connect the computer to the power from the ZPM.”

“ZPM? What's it?”

“Zero Point Module. This Ancient technology is still unknown to you. Think of it as a big battery that could blow a planet to pieces in the event of a short circuit.”

“Clearly... how many of these do you have?”

“Like shit in waste house. Okay, well, we're done with the iron shopping. I bought fifty toys. CDs with music for another hundred. Now it remains only to collect a bundle of comics, and I would finally fulfill my life goals!”

All purchases are immediately sealed to fuinjutsu seal so I can carry it with ease. However, I did it inside the Jeep, to not create a stir among the ordinary townspeople. I was in my usual Goa’uld clothes and people are staring at my not-quite-standard clothes.

We returned to the Stargate base just two hours later. Hammond and Carter’s family were already there. I ran into Jacob in the hallway outside of the gate hall.

“So, are you ready to make the most exciting one-way trip in your life?” I turned to Jacob.

“Why one way? They promised that I could be cured.”

“But you're not going back to Earth. Except as a guest.”

“What are you talking about? Nobody explained anything to me.”

“Then I suggest you to sit down. For such news are not for long.”

“Okay.” We sat down on some boxes. Samantha ran past us, eyes bulging, not even paying attention to me. “By the way, will you introduce yourself?”

“Oh, sorry. I am Imhotep, God of knowledge and architecture.”

“The Imhotep who built the pyramid of Djoser?"

“We can discuss this story next time. Now we are talking about you.”

“There you are!” Samantha found us. “Dad, are you ready to go?”

"I'm just telling him what he is going to have to face.”

“Imhotep…” The favourite daughter of my interlocutor could not find the words in response.

“Samantha, let him talk.” Jacob stopped her objections.

“So. You have cancer in the terminal stage. Earth medicine here is powerless, but it is possible to cure you, by giving your head a giant worm that enslaves the mind.”

“Is this some kind of joke?”

“This is not a joke. I have one in my head. Or I could say I'm the one who's sitting in the head of this dumbass and lustful savage.”

“This ... is somewhat discouraging.” Jacob muttered. “What's the benefit to me??”

“You will stay alive, and sometimes the worm will let you walk. I mean, he'll still be in your head, but you'll be in control of the body. Plus, you will be able to communicate with him, penetrate into the secret plans of these worms and make sure that they do not threaten the Earth.”

“What are the secret plans?”

“These worms are the representatives of civilized Goa’ulds that call themselves Tok’ra. They are rebels and renegades who fight against the true lords of this galaxy - the System Lords. They are parasitic worms too, but regard their hosts as property, and all other people as slaves. In general, I think the Tok’ra will present the politically correct version to you. My task is to explain to you the pros and cons of the new state.”

“What's it like to have a worm in your head?”

“Really? I don’t know. I'm on the other side of the coin. I can say that being a worm in someone else's head is pretty funny. You can ask your daughter about her feelings. Let her share experience.”

“She has a worm in her head?”

“Now for the most part I would answer in the negative. But it was occupied before. All right, you two share your experience of keeping worms in your heads, and I'll go say goodbye to the General.”

I got up and went to the 'aquarium', where Hammond had just leaked through another entrance, accompanied by three other team members. As soon as I entered, I noticed that Teal'c, who was explaining something to Jack, gave me a suspicious look and stopped. I looked through my memories and saw that I had only heard one phrase from him today. This jaffa is concealing something.

“Imhotep, you promised to sign the card.” Hammond spoke to me before I could open my mouth.

He handed me a postcard with views of Los Angeles. I examined it, took the outstretched pen and sat down at a small folding table, wondering what to write.

‘Imhotep, the God of Knowledge and Architecture, the King of Kings, Good Goa’uld, the Killer of Worlds, the Mage-Troll-eighties level, the Lord of All Russia, the Progenitor of the Nerubians, an Evil Cheater'. I wrote it in a neat handwriting. I think nothing is forgotten. 'For General George Hammond and his two charming granddaughters.'

After that, I concentrated and put a simple spell on the card. All ready.

“Take it.” I handed the postcard to the addressee. “Talking postcard.”

“In terms of?” The General was surprised, reading my writings.

“Say my name.”

“Imhotep.”

“Bow down before me, worms! BWA-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!” Postcard talked.

“What? Imhotep.” Hammond repeated.

“Believe in me and you will be saved. BWA-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!”

“Okay, you can play with it later.” I smiled. All the people in the area crowded around the General, considering my gift.

“Imhotep.” Teal'c said.

I immediately intervened a little in the work of the spell, adjusting it so that using the voice of Teal'c would always work only on one specific phrase out of a hundred laid in it.

"Reject the false gods and bow to the true God! Bow before me!! BWA-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!”

I could see the stunned face of the jaffa and then urged all those present.

“Don't delay. It's time for Jacob to go to the other world. If he’s late then he will have to go to a completely different world, and then you will not see the alliance with Tok'ra in the near future.”

Everyone was rushing back to their business, and Hammond carefully put the card in the folder and ran to hide it in the safe.

Ten minutes later, we finally opened the gate and went to the right planet. There we were met by the bustling Tok'ra preparing to evacuate. Almost unnoticed, we passed to the transport rings, came down to underground floor and collided with Garshaw.

“What's happening?” Jack asked her. They have already tortured me with this question, because in response I was only smiling mysteriously.

"System Lords' ships are flying here. Did you give them our location?” She snapped at me.

“I do not need that. You'd better watch your spies. I can tell you who betrayed you, of course, but that knowledge will cost you dearly.”

“I have an idea.” Said Jack.

“What? Say.” Garshaw was on edge. How could she not have bitten anyone.

“I saw Cardash playing with his balls and his baton. Well, you know... 'these' balls.”

“What?” Garshaw’s facial expression expressed full dumbness.

“He is referring to the telecommunication device of Goa’ulds.” Teal’c translated the speech of his commander.

“Yeah, a ball in size of a fist.”

The Tok’ra leader's face contorted with anger.

“Tok'ra, kree! Cardash, krja!” She screamed and rushed off down the corridor, accompanied by five guards.

“Stay here.” Jack gave the command and run off after her.

“Yeah, sure.” Daniel answered in dissatisfaction towards the now empty space.

“We are going to see Salmak.” I put in my offer. “Jacob, Samantha?”

The three of us headed through the winding corridors of the base and soon came to a hall where the host of a Goa’uld lay on a table - ancient old woman of two hundred years old. Then there was a half-hour sentimental conversation, the results of which Jacob agreed to become a host. He laid next to the old woman face to face, after which the worm quickly moved from one cozy mouth cave to another. The previous host immediately stopped breathing, and Jacob fell into unconsciousness while the worm subdue his brain.

After a couple of minutes of silence in the room, came a tok’ra.

“Our perimeter security was broken by Goa’ulds ships. They’re attacking from the air and through the gate. Garshaw ordered that we must destroy the complex. You must evacuate immediately.”

“We need time.” Said Samantha. “Can we reschedule it?” She pointed to her father.

“No, procedure is very dangerous, it'll kill him.” Objected Martouf, one of the leaders of tok’ra.

“I can speed up the merging process. After all, I am God. For me it's a piece of cake.” I suggested. Because of my shopping on Earth, the sequence of events had shifted somewhat, so I had to correct it.

“Are you going to use some kind of Goa’uld device?” Martouf was alarmed.

“Of course not. I told you, I'm God. I use divine magic. Watch and admire my immense power.”

I reached a hand out in front of me, formed a healing spell, and pointed it to the old woman and man. The old woman was already in a state of clinical death, but for the magic of spiders it was not a significant obstacle. Glowing lines of optical illusion surrounded the spell's targets. For the sake of the audience and to make the process of healing more 'divine'.

In that moment, Garshaw and the other members of SG-1 rushed into this room. They stared in awe at the illusion that concealed the not-so-appetizing healing process.

“What's going on here?” Asked Garshaw.

“This is my divine magic. Almost done.” I answered.

The radiance vanished, revealing a view of the two young human. The guy and the girl were almost in an embrace.

“Who's that?” Exclaimed Jack in surprise. Samantha and Martouf stood speechless.

“They are Saroosh and Jacob. They are slightly younger and healed of all diseases.”

“A little?” Surprised Jack. “They look like underages.”

“Samantha?” Jacob woke up. “You won't believe it, I feel great. Like I'm twenty again” He jumped off the table and began to warm up.

“W-Why not. I believe now.” She looked from me to her relative. Now he looked not like her father, but as a younger brother or even a son.

“These symbionts work wonders. I sense Selmak's presence, but he's not talking.”

“Selmak did not do this miracle. It's Imhotep's magic.” Samantha explained.

“How could that be?” Jacob said in a different voice. This time his symbiont spoke. “Even a sarcophagus can't do that. My host's body is completely healed.”

“What's happening?” Saroosh got up from her bed. Loose clothes slipped from her, revealing a perfect figure.

“I gave you a new life, and now you belong to me.” I put my arm around her waist and kissed her. “I am Imhotep, God of knowledge and architecture.”

“It... it's impossible!” Garshaw whispered.

"So you could heal my father all this time?" It finally came to Samantha.

“Of course. But why would I do that? There are so many sick, crippled, and unhappy people in the world that even if I healed a thousand a day, it would not reduce their number. Garshaw, you have already prepared a database of Goa’uld’s gate addresses?

“What? Ah... Yes. We need to evacuate immediately.” In confirmation of her words there came the twin explosion, and the walls of the dungeon began to tremble.

“Then run for the database, and we'll go to the transport rings.” I ordered to Garshaw. "And don't tell me you weren't going to do your part of the deal. In this case, the captivity by system lord Goa’ulds will be considered as salvation to you! Now, quickly!!”

They ran away all flustered. Beside transport rings, we caught up by Garshaw and she give a storage device of tok’ra to Jack.

At the surface, we were able to witness dozens of Goa’uld fighter planes, filling the sky. Looks like we're running late. I unrolled the shield spell around me. I never let Saroosh go far from me. When you are pressed by naked beautiful girl, it motivates you to commit heroic deeds.

The plasma blasts powerlessly crashed against my shield. In response, I occasionally snapped with different types of attacking spells, testing them in combat. Most of all I liked the effect of 'Decay'. When it hit the fighter, plane fell apart in the air to black dust, which gave the impression of a swirling black fog.

When we reached the gate, we found that it was already open, and crowds of jaffas were running out.

“We're late.” Garshaw sadly cried. “Now we can't escape through the gate.”

“Calm down, God is with you. Believe in me and you will be saved.”

"Ah, Imhotep, I believe in you. You are my God.” Saroosh snuggled up to me. No matter what the tok'ra say, the host gets used to obeying her master, and the miracle demonstrated by me made this woman believe in me without a trace. Perhaps this was my aura from Bahion. After all, in my village, such undivided faith in me was an ordinary phenomenon.

I calmly sparkled my eyes and held out my hand forward. Dozens of the attacking spells rushed from me, and struck the jaffas. This time it was a 'Rot' spell that decomposed organic matter to a state of mucus in a second.

After clearing the area, I focused on the address dialing device. I already had some knowledge of the Ancients, which steadily supplied by Ulric to me. Among them were the basics of controlling the Stargate. I still did not understand the principles of their work, but was already familiar with the instructions for their use. With magic I directly introduced into the DHD a special combination of symbols, after which the portal immediately closed, cutting another jaffa in half. Then I quickly dialed the address of the Earth and turned to the Colonel.

“Jack, your turn. Push the buttons” I nodded at the identification device.

He squinted at me and began to enter the code. Meanwhile, a ha’tak appeared in the sky, descending from orbit. Now that's serious. My shield and spells are unlikely to do much damage to this thing. It's over a kilometer wide. I was not sure that I will be able to reflect the shot from the main gun of ha’tak, and therefore created a couple of dozen spells with homing function, which was to get to the ship and temporarily disable its weapons.

“Faster!” I hurried them. The people began to jump into the gate.

Finally, I decided to charge the ship with a biju bomb. Magic, too, could boast of its lethal force, but for this I need some time for preparation. But chakra is in this sense, was much more suitable for doing fast paced fighting. Having formed a sphere from the chakra, I sent it to the ha’tak and immediately dived into the gate. I left my clone to check the result.

Alas, the result was not very good. Biju bomb penetrated shields, but the hull did not suffer so strongly. Of course, it would require repairs, but the destruction of ships of this type with my forces was problematic.

Much more interesting was the experience of moving through the gate while my clone remained outside. Normally, I'd let the clone through the gate, stay in this world, and then cross myself. In this case, the clone lost consciousness for a few seconds until clone arrive to the point of destination. Now I have experienced an unforgettable feeling that there is only my clone of the Chakra, and everything else, including the soul, disappeared without a trace. In a few seconds I appeared on Earth, returning my perception of the world back to normal.

“Close the diaphragm.” I shouted, moving away. ha’tak started bombing the gate from the other side. The doors closed, forming a characteristic rose, and after a couple of seconds the portal closed.

Then I witnessed a short conversation between a tok’ra and General Hammond, the results of which Goa’ulds demanded to immediately send them to another planet.

Before going, Garshaw delivered a patriotic speech.

"The time will come when the tok'ra and the tauri destroy the System Lords.”

“Or they'll piss me off, and I'll do it myself.” I did not fail to pour a barrel of tar in this spoon of honey.

Garshaw with fear looked at me and went to the gate. For her, my abilities were far more mysterious than the humans. Humans think, I used technology of Goa’ulds, and Ancient, but she knew that neither one nor the other has nothing to do with the incident. And she hasn't seen biju bomb yet.

“Selmak says, don't call us, we'll call.” Jacob Said

Exchanging fake smiles with the team of SG-1, tok'ra walked into the open portal.

"And I say, if anything happens, call me." I said the opposite. “Jack, this is for you. Personal communication device to communicate with me. Works only in your hands.”

I gave to the Colonel another radio in the style of 'Fairy Girl' - pink with ruffles and a gold star on the antenna.

“Thank You.” At first, the commander of SG-1 feared even to take such a thing, to not be infected by the kawaii. But, having overcome himself, took the gift.

“Saroosh, come.” I gave order to my new concubine, which all present men were staring her all time.

I held out my hand, and in a second dialed the address of a neutral planet on the gate. For all, such a trick was a surprise. None of the earthlings did not suspect that I can open the gate without DHD. I picked up the girl in my arms and flew into the gate using a telekinesis spell.

After this epic display, I spent three days connecting the computer. The matter was complicated by the fact that Ancient technologies and Goa’uld’s did not use electricity for transmitting energy. And after I got a steady AC current of 220 volts, 50 Hz and a maximum current of 25 amps, I connected the computer and plunged into the worlds of virtual reality. I haven't been playing games in long time.

Jaffas brought me out of this 'rest', reporting unexpected deaths in my village. Although I already got my desired amount of Bahion, but the cult of me did not think to subside. Even my personal presence was not required, because the 'promotion of the crowd' engaged priests, and the object of worship were my statues and photographs.

And so, just a couple of days ago, began an unexplained death among my hottest fans. Everything was as usual, but in the first morning, three people did not wake up. This was written off to normal mortality, but on the second day two dozen people have not woken up. Then the jaffas raised the alarm and reported to me.

I immediately flew to the village and examined the corpses. No apparent cause of death could be found. People just stopped breathing, and their heart stopped at the same time. It was doubly weird, because usually when people die it stops the heart, or breathing, or unless they were beheaded. The head was in place and no brain damage was observed.

I arranged a lavish funeral, and stayed the night in the village. I did not go to bed, but instead spread out over the village a diagnostic spell that registers heart failure. The first victim I found just an hour after sunset, when the folk drinking is not even over. Instantly moving to the dying with Hiraishin, I found the process of disintegration of the energy shells. After that, there was no resurrection. The soul literally left the body and disappeared in an unknown direction.

After the twentieth death in a row, I realized my powerlessness in this matter. The last incident happened right before my eyes. A woman in her forties, who was showing signs of death, looked at me, smiled happily, and then her consciousness was freed from the shackles of flesh and dispersed into the fog. I didn't even know what had happened before my eyes and why.

In order not to plunge the people into the abyss of fear, I gave these deaths as the transition of souls 'to another world', where they get into the 'heaven’ and there enjoy my company for the rest of eternity. The story was so-so, but the practice of religion in the world has shown that people can eat such nonsense.

Over the next month, the number of inhabitants of my village decreased from two thousand to five dozen. And there remained only seven from hundred Jaffa. If before I had a question 'what to do with my cult', now it was irrelevant. The cult stalled by itself. Only people not suffering from excessive religiosity survived. They were grateful to me for the improvement of life, but it was not faith in God.

In parallel with all this mysticism I continued to study the technology of ascension and to pump out the remains of information from Ulrik's brain. The latter was already in quite a bad condition. The process of unpacking knowledge damaged his brain and eventually erased the information in the cells. As a result, new knowledge could not be unpacked without being tied to the old, and the whole process was slowed down more and more. I needed a real Ancient’s brain or something to replace it. And then one suitable opportunity was planned.

After another month of unhurried self-improvement, I received the long-awaited signal from the 'walkie-talkie', which I gave to Jack O'neill. No, he never dared to call me for help, but he took the radio in his hands, and the spell in it considered the state of his body and gave me a conditional signal.

Just a couple of days ago, Jack experienced the recording of ancient knowledge in his brain. Now his subconscious was frantically trying to escape from death, organizing a passage to the Asgard galaxy, and I should at least watch this process. So I can visit the Asgards while doing it.

I moved to the gate on my planet by Hiraishin and dialed Earth's address. I knew that passage on the other side usually overlaps the damper, and therefore sent my chakra clone. I had not enough research to complete this jutsu, so it was still non-material. But in this case, it played into my hands. The clone easily leaked through the gate and inspected the destination. Now clone was visible as a transparent humanoid shadow. Naturally, this alarmed the Earthlings, and now my clone was aimed by two dozen gunmen.

“People of earth…” I decided to play a bit on the nerves, using clone as the mouthpiece. “Oh ...you dare disturb my peace.” The commandos got nervous and tightened their grip on the machine guns, waiting for the command to open fire. “By the way, at that time, I managed in beating the final boss at level eight in Dungeon Keeper.”

'Dungeon Keeper' was one of the best games I bought at the Colorado springs store.

“Who are you?” General Hammond's voice came from the speakers.

“Don't you recognize? I am Imhotep, God of knowledge and architecture.”

“I thought so.” George nodded at me through the glass.

“Yeah? How did you know?”

"My granddaughters used to tell me stories about how they beat that boss. So I thought that among the alien creatures you are the only one who could play this game.”

“Hahaha! You are right! So, will you open the flap? ... okay, I'll do it myself.”

The clone waved his hand, and the diaphragm petals parted. All I had to do was apply voltage to the right connectors of the device. That is easier to use chakra or magic to produce electricity than using a reactor of an Ancient ship. I realized that after the deed was done.

My 'original' went through the gate and appeared on Earth. Dispelling the clone, I started going down the ramp.

“General, why didn't you use the radio?” I turned to Hammond, who was already entering the gate room. "I told you I could help you with your problems with the Ancient devices.”