The fatal experiment on Ulrike gave me the necessary information to develop a safety mechanism to protect my brain from destruction. Using this information my symbiote was able to upgrade my carrier’s brain to Ancient’s high standards, while leaving my mental clarity intact. Intellectual clarity can only be checked in practice, so I had to change the brain that I used at the moment.

With the brain developing procedure prolonged, I proceeded with the next experiment after a week. Having prepared everything necessary, I went to the Ancient’s device and gave myself a scan. This time I slightly interfered in the work of the scanner with the help of the symbiote, so I was recognized as a suitable recipient for the knowledge of the Ancients. The device attached to my head and started the data download in express mode. Five seconds later, the process was complete, and I collapsed, barely maintaining consciousness. .

Almost, because at that moment I operated on instinct alone. Taking control over the body, while the symbiote patched my rapidly bruising brain, I stumbled to the side . There I was surrounded by transport rings that moved me to the ship’s hall with the sarcophagus. Jaffa picked up my body and placed it in the sarcophagus. Five minutes later, I was able to stabilize myself. I wasn't going to die immediately, but plan "A" clearly failed, so it was time for plan "Z".

The sarcophagus opened, my body rising from it, floating in the air. I wanted to say something like "lift my eyelids", but I don’t think they would be able to appreciate my humor. Instead, I gave the order to bring Skuli. He was my backup.

A frightened man was placed in front of me, Jaffa holding him tightly by the arms and shoulders. I opened my mouth and with telekinesis I pushed my worm body out into the gaping mouth of my new host. To further impress my true divinity onto the Jaffa that I'm not some kind of simple worm, but the true God, this process was illustrated in the "overflowing" threads of darkness from my old carrier to the new. Behind the darkness, no one noticed my real body. My cheap tricks made an indelible impression on the Jaffa, bringing their faith in me to fanatical worship.

Once I was comfortably settled in this new body, and the old one sent into the sarcophagus I continued the process of installing the archive with the knowledge of the Ancients and adjusted speed of all body processes. However, the speed of this process was so low that the sarcophagus had time to regenerate all the damage.

My estimate is that I'll be able to study about ten percent of the archive before the information overwhelms the victim's brain, and total brain destruction becomes inevitable. But it's better than nothing.

After analyzing the first packages of information, I returned to another urgent task. My last brilliant idea was to capture one of the ascended Ancients, and to pry out of him the way of extracting Bahion from believers. I knew the Ori could do it. It was logical to assume that the ascended of our galaxy also knew about this technology, although were not in a hurry to use it.

I didn't know how to find the ascended, except in one case. In canon this was the first contact of the SG team with creatures with energy based life forms. On one of the planets with the destroyed city there was an ascended Ancient who loved Samantha Carter and decided to copulate with her on the astral level.

I didn't know the address of this planet. There were too many addresses in the database I got that fit the vague description ;however, it was known to the SG team, so it was possible to scan the database of Stargate Team. Although they will still have the opportunity to visit this planet, a list of addresses to calculate it is already compiled. From my vague recollections the planet had a distinct identifier whether it was 663 or 633, I had a place to start my search. All that was left was getting in touch with the SG-1 team, extract the list from Carter's head, then go back there and find this ancient One.

The plan was not adequate enough, but I couldn't think of anything better. The fact that I remembered the last of the planet identifier was a good stroke of luck. Now, to engineer a way to meet the main members of SG-1. I don't know Earth’s address. What I do have is a database of stargate addresses to visit since I even know what kind of planet it will be, cross referencing for the stargate address shouldn’t take long.

After a thorough search I found the right one, and instructed the ship to prepare for departure. After all the Jaffa returned to ha’tak, we ascended into orbit and set course through hyperspace to our target. We came out of the jump in the right system, but at its farthest reaches among the icy rocks of the Oort Cloud. When I scanned the system, I found no signs of another ship.

The next step was the flight to the nearest planet, where the Stargate exists. Here we hung in orbit for a couple of days because I needed to create a compact hyperspace transmitter capable of sending a message to the ship from the surface. The finished artifact was fashioned in the form of a small bracelet.While preparing for the trip to the surface, I took the time, to install and prepare all the guns. Now, if necessary, I could contend in battle, even with Asgardians.

Tel'tak led me to the Stargate. After dialing the newly discovered address ,the first thing I did was throw the camera in. The images loaded on my console slowly revealing an idyllic picture of the pastoral landscape. Well, enough sightseeing, time to go.

I commanded the Jaffa to return to the ship, and I walked through the gate. I stepped out on a wide sand-covered glade bordered by a thick green forest. It was Cimmeria, a planet under the protection of the Asgard. Right in front of the gate was a tall column with a golden hammer at the top. The crystal embedded in the hammer lit up, buzzing, and began scanning me. This technology was similar to Ancient technology, so I easily protected myself from scanning with the symbiote . After several seconds the beam of light went out, and I wandered to a distant village.

While I was walking, my ship was operating according to its program. It went into hyperspace and jumped into the Cimmeria system, where it hid among the meteorites, waiting for my signal.

I walked along a well-trodden path, where I could see the footprints of men and horses. The area around was hilly, overgrown with bushes and trees. After half an hour of leisurely walking I reached the village. There I was noticed by a group under the leadership of a middle-aged woman which proceeded to move forward to me.

“Greetings, stranger. Who are you?”

“I am Imhotep, God of knowledge and architecture”

“My name is Gairwyn, I'm in charge here. Thor sent you?”

“No. I have heard that the God Thor is worshiped in your world, so I thought I would come and study your philosophy and beliefs. Will you tell me about Thor?”

“Undoubtedly. You came through the forbidden path?”

“Yeah.”

“Surprising. For thousands of years people have not come through it. Only Jotuns showed up here. Last year, people from Midgard came here, and now you're here.”

“It's a sign from God.” I made an irrefutable argument. "What did you do when the Jotuns came here?"”

“Nothing. Thor’s hammer protected us from them.”

“Was that the funny buzzing hammer thing? I noticed it.”

“Let's go inside.” Invited me Gairwyn.

“Certainly.” We went to the center of the village. I noticed the hanging decorations and the colorful outfits of the people. “Are you celebrating something?”

“Yeah.” One of the men answered. “Yesterday our tribe returned from a raid with honor.”

“Raid? You kill anyone over there?”

“Ehh, only in history context. Everyone, whom we could kill, died a long time ago.”

“Really?” I was surprised. "Then what do you do in these raids?"

“We hunt for honor.” My interlocutor proudly answered, bowing out his chest. “If you rape a girl from another village, it's called dishonoring her. So we take her honor, and when we return home, during sex we bestow the abducted honor to our wives. After that, they raid to us to take the honor from us. If they can.”

“It's like ... the cycle of honor in nature.”

“Aha. So bequeathed to us the great Thor. He also said something about some gene drift, selection of positive features and a closed population, but none of us understood what he meant. But we all liked this tradition.”

“You betcha.” I chuckled. "Thor is wise, and his instructions are filled with good.”

“That's true.”

I joined the life of the village, listening to the wisdom of Thor and sharing bits of his wisdom. For example, I taught the tribe to sculpt dumplings, to make vodka, play the balalaika and swearing. A week later I was surrounded by my native Russian spirit and great Russian culture. And then the Forester came and dispersed all.

First, through the gates passed jaffa squads that’s running from the superior forces of the enemy. Apparently, they hoped that the enemies won't follow them, and they were right. All arrivals are immediately teleported by Asgard’s device. But Jaffas ran through the dungeon, got out through the broken exit and went to the gate. There they were again teleported, after which the cycle repeated. After about the fifth time, the Jaffas guessed to shoot the Asgard’s device from the maximum distance, after which they freely went through the gate.

And the next day here came a whole crowd of jaffas under the leadership of three Goa’ulds. They examined the broken Hammer of Thor, from which I had already extracted out all the valuables, walked around the neighborhood, looked at the village, and then went back, even without killing anyone.

But a week later the night sky lit up, in the lights a ha’taks became visible, leading a sneak attack between them. An hour later, the illumination stopped, and the ships went to land. At dawn, jaffa's troops descended upon the village, killing, pillaging and raping men, women, old men and children. I watched it from a safe distance, not wanting to interfere. After all, I need the SG-1 team to come here.

At noon Goa’ulds’ forces retreated, leaving the village a smoking ruin. In the forest where I was hiding, I found a group of natives, among whom were Gairwyn.

“Imhotep, what should we do?” A woman addressed me. “You're a God! Can you help us?”

“I am the God of knowledge, war is not my specialization.” I said. “Thor is the God of war. It is better to refer to him. I can only help you a little by healing your wounds.”

I used the symbiote to cure several people wounded by Goa’ulds’ weapons.

“Thor is mad at us.” One of the soldiers expressed his expert opinion. “We should follow his precepts and give battle by destroying the enemy even at the cost of our lives. For the Motherland, for Thor, we will die to the last!”

The crowd supported the speaker with cheering shouts.

"Perhaps you should consult Kendra? In past she used to be a Jotun. Maybe she knows their weaknesses.”

“Yeah, we'll find Kendra and ask her for advice.” Decided Gairwyn. "While you hide in a secret hideout in the woods.”

The survivors split up. A large part went to hide in the woods, and a minority, including me, went to find Kendra. She was once a Goa’uld, but then she fell into the trap of Asgard and was killed while trying to get out, leaving the carrier unattended. Kendra dislikes me, but didn't show open hatred.

We got to her house only to find the destroyed forest farm. Looks like Goa’ulds had visited here before us. Kendra was dying, and before she dies, bequeathed us to dial Earth’s code on the Stargate and throw the box. I did not heal her, so as not to disrupt the plot. I got off with just saying that I'm powerless.

In half an hour our small group reached the Gate. There stood a couple of jaffas guarding the passage. In our group except me and Gairwyn, we had four battle ready guys, so we had good chances of winning. Kamikazes quickly jumped forward and with the cost of their lives, killed two careless guards. If the local Vikings had not yelled during the attack, and tried to ambush, it would’ve been possible to win without loss.

While Gairwyn is opening the Gate, I start to heal injured Vikings, but did not heal them completely. So my image looked much more heroic. Just by showing myself look haggard, and everyone believed that I had saved their lives with incredible effort.

Ten minutes later, the Gate opened again, and the Earth's robot on wheel came out. Gairwyn began to beg for help, and I stood behind her with sparkling eyes.Common sense breaking of Earthlings were provided.

The Gate opened again an hour later. One of them cautiously got command of SG-1. After looking around, they pointed their weapons at me.

“Release the hostages.” Commanded Jack O'Neill.

“What hostages?” I turned on the fool mode.

“Them” He pointed to the Vikings lying on the ground.

“Don't you have any brains? I am healing them. If you stop me, they'll die.”

“You're threatening us with their lives?” Tilk, who had mastered the American style of negotiating of peace, asked grimly.

“Wait! He is friend!” Gairwyn interfered in our conversation immediately emerging from behind the bushes. “He saved us.”

“Gairwyn, what happened here?” Samantha Carter usually took the speech when it was necessary not to threaten, but to understand a situation.

“You came. Kendra said you will come. She had no doubt.”

“Hey, I didn't doubt it either.” I put in my word.

“What happened?” Samantha asked again.

“We think it's Ragnarok. The sky burned. The lightning in the sky was silent. Kendra knew from the beginning that they were Jotuns. And then they came to our village. There was a battle. Many people died. They burned down our settlement and many farms. Before Kendra died, she gave me your box and said if I threw it at the gate, you will come.”

“Clear. Who's that?” Said Daniel, pointing to me.

“This is Imhotep, God of knowledge and architecture.” Gairwyn introduced me. I flashed my eyes in confirmation.

“He is a Goa’uld.” Teal'c said while aiming me with weapon.

“What?” Gairwyn asked confusedly.

“He's a Jotun.” Translated Daniel.

“How?” The native's mind was torn to pieces.

“Hey! I'm a good Goa’uld. I saved their lives.”

“A good Goa’uld is dead Goa’uld.” Teal'c did not agree with me.

“Just a minute.” Jack stopped the impending bloodshed. “Did I understand correctly? Your world was attacked by the "bad" Goa’ulds.” He made a hand sign for quotation marks. “And here a " good" Goa’uld is protecting you.”

“He saved our lives.” Answered one of the healed Vikings. “I had a hole in my side the size of a fist.”

“All right, Teal'c, put the gun down. I think we need to talk.”

Then took place an hour and a half negotiating, the results of which was that I have the right to continue to live. During this time, I finally resuscitated the Vikings, and it is possible that it is their arguments in the form of knives and axes allowed to solve the problem in positive ending.

“So, how much good Goa’ulds similar to you exist?” Jack asked me when we finally went to Kendra's house.

“Any. I'm one of a kind and unique. There are some Tok'ra, of course, but I would not call them good. Rather, they are slightly kindl.”

“Slightly kind? Is there such a word in language?” Our linguist was surprised.

“Yes. Anyway, I'm a lone God. I mostly study different things, collect secret knowledges and so on.”

“But you're not God?” Jack don’t let up.

“How am I not God?”

“Well ... you have this ... worm in your head.”

“So what? I have a worm in my head, and you have worms in your guts. Is it so important where a man has his worms?”

“We don't have worms in our guts.” Samantha was indignant.

“You have!” I objected. “You gained them up a couple of episodes ago.”

“A couple what?” Asked Jack.

“Oh, never mind. In general, I as God of knowledge know better. If you do not believe me, then go through a full examination for the presence of parasites and all sorts of symbionts. Judging from the metabolism of these things, you ate some slime a couple of weeks ago. Didn't they Jack?”

“Yes, there was” Agreed Jack, looking a bit nauseated.

“That's what I mean.”

A few moments we walked in silence, while the team SG-1 digested the idea that they’re are living with ideological relatives of Goa’ulds in their guts.

“But you're not God.” Jack continued his heretical sermon.

“If not me, then who? Did you meet the real God to claim that I'm not real?”

“No, but…”

"Then you don't know who the gods are."

“According to our beliefs” Daniel decided to support his comrade, “God has created the entire world, the Universe.”

“What nonsense.” I rejected this assumption. “Do you have any idea about the size of our world? Trillions of light-years of space are filled with an infinite number of galaxies. The one who created all this simply cannot focus his attention on such a trivial thing as you. If God of such level slightly look at you, then the whole galaxy will be immediately shatter to dust. Gods are different. For you, the gods are beings one step higher. You are not able to realize the greatness of those who are at least a couple of levels higher than you. For you, everything that happens there, merges into one gray incomprehensible something about which you can only guess that there is someone exists.”

“So you're one level above us?” Samantha made a logical conclusion.

“Exactly. On the one hand, I am not so far from you, but on the other, there is a gap between us.”

"I think you're just a Goa’uld who likes to tell lies." Teal'c expressed his dissenting opinion.

“One does not prevent other.” I agreed. “I have a magic that you, mere mortals will never understand.”

“Of course it's magic. It's just technology of Goa’ulds. You have a couple of devices that you use to do magic tricks.” Daniel protested.

"I will not prove anything to primitive creatures like you. You can believe in your religion called ‘science’, but it doesn't give you an understanding of how the world works. Anyway, we have arrived.”

We stood on the edge of a small clearing where Kendra and her family had just been buried. The SG-1 had looted the post-mortem offerings and took the device of Goa’ulds owned by Kendra. It turned out that Samantha Carter has the ability to control these devices.

“Jack, can you imagine, what that means?” Daniel asked his commander.

“What?”

“We can use this technique of Goa’ulds in battle. We can send Samantha forward, and she will destroy enemies by the hundreds and thousands.”

“These children's toys are hardly capable of such.” I cooled his ardor. “It's not a weapon at all. This thing can heal people, and another is kind of a shocker. It can slightly push a man or brainwash him, but almost zero benefit in battle from such trinkets.”

“Are you... can you help us... with weapons?” Asked Jack.

“I'm the God of knowledge. I can help you invent a cure for stupidity. With the issues of getting weapons you need to contact someone else. For example, there's Thor. By the way, do you acknowledge Thor as God?

Aboriginals curiously stared at Jack waiting for an answer.

“Well... uh... er …” Jack tried to speak, but in the face of my tricky question, he could not say anything. But at least his intelligence was enough to understand that they should not so openly reject the divine origin of Thor.

“We recognize that your teaching considers Thor a God. We ourselves can not give an exact answer to this question, because we have not personally met with Thor.” Daniel as always was able to come up with a version acceptable to the wild natives.

"Then I suggest we meet with him and find out the answer to that question. And for one, you can ask for his help in the fight against Goa’ulds.” I pointed our company to the right idea.

"If we could enter to the hall of Thor’s Power, he would help us.” Gairwen made a suggestion.

"What is hall of Thor's Power?" Daniel asked.

"Ancient legends tells of the hall where Thor left his power to help us. To protect us.”

“It could mean some kind of Asgard’s weapon.” Samantha Carter suggested.

“Or it could be a place where prayers to God will be heard." I did not fail to contribute my share of religious nonsense.

"Where is this hall of Thor’s Power?" Asked Daniel.

“I'll show you.” Replied Gairwyn.

“But we need to help your people.” I disagreed. “They're panicked and terrified. Without the light of hope, they would not have the courage to throw themselves into battle against the Jotuns and die for the name of Thor.”

“Let's split up.” Jack suggested to Daniel. “I, Teal’c and these soldiers go on reconnaissance to find out how much Goa’ulds have soldiers. You and Carter will help Gairwyn to get to this room and find out... well, find something.”

“Understood.” Each of the soldiers replied respectively.

Our squad split up. I stayed on Samantha's team, of course. The most interesting to me was her memory. After all, she was one of those scientists who were engaged in the study of the Stargate. I already did a little digging in her brain, but I needed more time, plus the victim should have been unconscious at the time.

An hour later we reached a stone in the forest with the image of a hammer. At the top of it was a glued gem of the color of blood.

“It's here.” Showed Gairwyn.

"Is this the hall of Thor's Power? Daniel was surprised.

“Yeah. What's wrong?”

“Well, I thought it would be more like a... hall.”

“We need to activate the teleportation device.” I made my proposal, studying the artifact. This device’s function was only a teleportation, so now I saw that Asgards used a slightly different approach to teleportation than Goa’ulds.

“No one can't touch the stone.” Warned Gairwyn.

“I can.” I shrugged. “I'm God.”

The device activated, and we were teleported into a dark room. I immediately stunned my companions, and shielded them from Asgard’s scanner, which was to activate the test. For the next two hours, I scanned Samantha Carter's brain. I was interested in not only her memory, but the memory Goa’uld who lived in her. It seems, after Goa’uld’s death part of Goa’ulds astral body are left to Samantha, after which she received access to his memory and psi-capacities.

Having found out all the interesting questions, I brought people to consciousness. The total darkness hid the fact that they were losing consciousness, and a little mental suggestion should have affected their sense of time, so they just didn't pay attention to the missing couple of hours.

Tomb robbers went ahead, got under the working scanners and activated the first task in the quest chain. The floor and walls shook. Daniel, Samantha and Gairwyn in fear pulled back and then a large part of the floor fell down. They were at the entrance on a small patch of untouched floor.

“Imhotep!” Gairwyn cried in horror, looking at the collapsing plate under my feet.

“Do not worry. I'm God.” I replied, floating in the air. "This test is for you, not for me.”

“You ... how are you flying there?” Samantha was astonished.

“It's simple just for someone who is God.” I continued my trolling. “Don't pay any attention to me. Better be engaged in passing the test.”

Now the whole floor fell into the abyss. A thin strip of the bridge remained hanging in the center of the room. It would be obvious to anyone here that they need to move to the other side. Samantha went off without a hitch. after her, went Gairwyn. The floor shook again, and she fell flat, barely holding back from falling down.

“Thor wants to kill me.” She screamed.

“Heresy!” I objected. “If Thor wanted to kill you, he would have done it already. I think he just likes to watch you suffer. You must Conquer! Proudly and mercilessly!” I stopped for a second. That phrase sounded familiar. It doesn't matter. “I think you will succeed.”

“I'll help.” Daniel said.

He went forward, tried to help and naturally fell off the bridge with the ballast. But he did not fall into the abyss, because the floor instantly came back, emerging from the depths of the abyss. To someone, this might even seem, that all of this was illusion.

“Well, as you see, there is nothing to afraid of.” I concluded.

“So it was all an illusion.” Daniel confirmed my guess about his mental abilities. "You were standing on the floor all the time, mocking us.”

“You're incorrigible. Reality is right in front of your eyes, but you refuse to accept it. It's called fanatical faith, religion. But rather than believe in any heresy, like science, it is better to believe in God. Like me.”

“And what? Belief that you will help me?”

“Of course not. But it will give you clarity of thought and peace of mind.”

“Oh, come on, man”

“Haha. Believe and be saved!”

After a short speech performed by the hologram of Thor, we were teleported to the next room. There were runes on one wall, children's scribbles on the other, and four geometric shapes on the third. The assignment sounded like ‘read the runes’.

While Daniel was trying to make sense of the puzzle, Samantha came to me.

“Imhotep, do you know the answer to this puzzle?”

“I know.”

“Can you tell us the answer?”

“I can.”

“So?”

“But, aren't you interested in passing this test by yourself? You seek meeting with one God but rely on the help of another? It's adultery.”

“Don't listen to his chatter. He doesn't know the answer.” Daniel snapped, peering at the runes.

“Do you want to bet?”

The great connoisseur looked away from the child's puzzle and stared at me.

“What do you want?” Samantha asked.

“Well ... there are two options. First, if I know the answer, you'll strip naked. And two, you will invite me to your planet.”

“What? How... how you dare to suggest such a thing?

“What is wrong? Is your planet forbidden?”

“No! I do not mean that. I meant your offer for us to undress.”

“Apparently, the option to invite me to visit is not considered wrong at all?

“I... you…”

"Well, if you tell me the correct answer, I'll arrange for you a visit to the Earth. Under my responsibility.” Daniel said boldly.

“Okay. Look, and don't dare go back on your words.”

I went to the geometric shapes and drew a circle radius from the center to the edge. The sand inside the circle "soaked" into the wall in spite of all the laws of gravity, and there seemed a glass sphere with images of the hammer. I touched it, and a holographic image of Asgard appeared at the far end of the room. It was Thor himself.

“Voila. This is kindergarten level. Well, for a God, of course.”

“I'm the one whom you know as Thor.” Says hologram, surveying our motley crew.

“Oh, my God.” Daniel whispered.

“I'm here. What do you want?” I asked him, but he ignored my taunt, trying to collect the torn pattern.

“How could that be?” Gairwyn said in astonishment, considering the disgusting alien creature remarkably similar to the ‘grey aliens’ from cheap earth comics.

"Since I created this world, you are the first who are able reach this level of contact.” Thor replied. "You have finally become so wise that you can see me."

“They're wise. I would never have gone this far without their help.”

“To be honest, I solved the puzzle.” I interrupted the conversation. “Let me introduce myself, Imhotep, God of knowledge and architecture.” I flashed my eyes mockingly.

“You are a Goa’uld. How could that be?” Thor mumbles in surprise, repeating the same phrase as Gairwyn minutes ago.

“It's not a recording?” The Earthlings blurted out surprised.

"The people of Midgard came to this planet and broke your protective device.” I began to state my version of events. “As a result, evil Goa’ulds take over the planet and are now actively mining your naquadah. I brought these two pests here to be punished by the name of the moon.”

“What?” Simultaneously exclaimed the pests, angrily staring at me.

“Of course, we are guilty for the destruction of the device, but we saved our friend.” Daniel began to defend himself. “We came here to meet with you and arrange an alliance against Goa’ulds. In our team was a jaffa, who fell into your trap.”

“The jaffas serve Goa’uld.” Said Thor.

“That one's a good jaffa.” Said Gairwyn. “Just like Imhotep. Now he's fighting with us against the Jotuns.”

"We had no choice but to destroy the hammer to free our friend.” Daniel continued.

“And you opened Cimmeria for the troops of Goa’ulds.” Projection of Captain Obvious uttered in frustration.

“Apparently so.” Daniel apologized.

“And if you have a weapon that can kill all of them, I need it right now.” Samantha expressed her idea, already mentally trying to control the ‘Planetary Ripper’ class gun.

“Weapon?” Thor was surprised.

"These savages measure everything by the destructive power of their weapons.” I explained. “Give them power, and they will destroy the galaxy. Pay attention, they asked not to save them from the invaders, but give them the opportunity to kill anyone they dislike. Typical barbaric thinking of the lower races.”

“How did you come here?” Thor turned his attention to me. “The teleportation device at the entrance shouldn't have let you go through.”

"These primitive technologies are useless against me.” I shrugged. “Actually, I wanted to talk to you. I think I have something to offer the Asgard race. For example, I can help you to solve two of your biggest problems.”

Thor waved his hand, and everyone except me teleported away.

“What do you know about our problems, Goa’uld?”

"Three words will suffice: replicators and DNA degeneration, Asgard.”

“How did you know about that?”

“I'm the God of knowledge. I know a lot of things. Including how to help you.”

There was a pause during which we played the game ‘who will reconsider whom’.

“What do you want in exchange for your help?” Finally, Thor finally gave birth to awaited words.

“I'm not ready to discuss it now. I can only help you in a few years. But I would like to have some kind of device to communicate with you. When I'm ready, I'll give the signal, and we'll agree on a time and place to meet.”

“I agree.”

The beams of the teleporter focused on me, but they couldn't get a millimeter closer.

“You know, it's not very polite to try to teleport someone without telling them.” I was angry. “Try again.”

This time I did not block the teleportation, and moved to the woods next to the stone, which began our journey through the catacombs.

“Where is Gairwyn?” Asked Daniel.

“Thor used her for experiment. Don't worry. In the end he will make her clone, which will be indistinguishable from the original. It is guaranteed.”

“What? Experiments? Clone?” Samantha asked blankly.

“I think we should go to the secret hideout of the local farmers. I'll show the path. O'Neill and Teal'c should be there.”

I led the Earthlings by the shortest route through the swamp, carefully letting the fog in the answers to their questions.

When we got to the woodland dugout, Samantha and Daniel were smeared from head to toe in swamp mud. While I walked on the water, like Christ, they walked in the water that went up to their chest. So, our journey took not an hour and a half, but only twenty minutes. Real depth of the swamp on the route was not up to their chest, but ten metres. I was tactfully silent, and just organized telekinetic support for the legs of humans.”

“What swamp did you get out of?” Was the first thing the mud frog travellers heard from their commander when they came in.

“Imhotep turned us in. Susanin, damned.” Daniel poured out the accumulated irritation. Susanin is Russian hero. He misled Polish soldiers to swamp and saved the royal family.

“He led you through the swamp?” One of the Vikings was surprised. “But it's not passable and very deep”

“With God's help, the impossible is possible.” I explained modestly.

“You found something?” Jack turned the conversation to the subject. “Is this some kind of superweapon? Megabomb?”

“No, it was a test of intelligence, and they failed it.” I snitched my companions. “Instead of trying to solve the puzzle given by Thor, they asked the answer from me”

“We met the real Thor.” Samantha provided a brief report.

“Really? Is he a cool guy? And then what happened?”

“And then ... he teleported us back without saying anything.” Carter's voice was despondent.

There was a sound of explosion, and dust fell from the walls of the dugout.

“Goa’ulds are here.” Teal'c enlightened us. “They found out the hideout and now, countless hordes of enemies are coming to kill us.

“Let me guess. Did you bring a tail? Really…” there was another explosion, have muted my words, and fell about kilogram of dust to my head. “Fuu, Tfuu, Ugh! Well, how annoying!!! My temper is filled. Give me a gun and I'll shoot them all.” I looked on Jack, whose expression of face expressed skepticism of the universal scale. “What?”

“There are much more than bullets in the gun.”

“It is not problem, I'll kill ten with one shot. You don't believe in my power? Can't believe we are protected by the power of Thor?”

“Thor's with us! For the Motherland, for Thor, we will die to the last!” The Vikings shouted and rushed to the exit.

“Ok, take this.” Jack handed me his gun.

I took it, turned off gun’s safety mode and went to the exit, tightening the song:

“We boldly go into battle for the cause of light where how one will die in the fight for it.”

When I got out, I found a crowd of jaffas nearby, armed with shooting spears. They even bring with them a stationary blaster, shots from which were used to ‘knock the doors’. The Vikings huddled near the exit of the shelter, slowly running to the enemy. The bravest died during the battle for the village. I pushed through the crowd and came forward, and the members of SG-1 squeezed behind me.

“Aliens from the Stargate!” One of the jaffas shouted when he saw us “Drop your weapons. Surrender, and the slaves of this world will be allowed to live and serve Her'ur.”

"What is that name so perverted, Her'ur?" I shouted back. “It sounds like some kind of hentai. What an unexpected change of genre!” The answer was a puzzled silence. “I am Imhotep, God of knowledge and architecture.” I flashed my eyes, rising into the sky and enveloping in streams of darkness. "On your knees, mortals, and I will let you live."

“We only serve Her'ur.” Shouted the commander of the jaffa. “You can't intimidate us.” Despite these words, his knees were shaking so that it was visible to the naked eye.

"I haven't yet started to scare anyone. I'll start now. Behold my power.”

I stretched out my hand with the gun, took aim and fired. Parallelly I climbed with the tentacles of my symbiote to the energy source of the gun. I have a good knowledge of Goa’uld’s technology, so I knew not only how their weapons work, but how to disable it. From my intervention, impatient jaffas have their blasters explode, sweeping down the crowd of jaffa.

“Strike!” I shouted. “I am the best, and have no equal in bowling!”

The jaffa survivors tried to get to their feet, but I fired two more times, detonating their handguns. Where the source of energy was less, but the detonation I made was strong enough, so after three explosions, none of the enemies was left alive. In fact, I had to be especially careful because the total energy of naquadah in weapons would be enough to get the local nuclear armageddon.

"Learn from this.” I said to the Earthlings, who were standing with their jaws hanging open. “Knowledge is power. If you know where to shoot, these farts are much more dangerous for their owners than for enemies.”

I went down from sky to earth and handed the gun to Jack.

“Imhotep saved us! Thank the Gods! Thank Thor!!!” The natives shouted, shaking their axes.

“Go and get their weapons.” I commanded. “Against the Jotuns, we need to fight with their weapons. So you can show the superiority of your faith in the Thor over their filthy heresy.”

“Yes!!! Kill! Death to the evil Jotuns!”

People rushed forward to do the favorite thing of soldiers - looting. The few survivors they killed with swords and axes, shouting slogans, remembering Thor and Imhotep.

Jack finally came to his sense and took the gun.

"It... was..." he said, not finding the right words.

“Epic?” I suggested. “Awesome? Divine?”

“ ...surprisingly easy.” He broke off my attempts at self-praise.

“Ha! Without me, you would have raised your legs and surrendered to the mercy of the victor, after which you would have been tortured, humiliated and then tortured again to death.” Earthlings are awkwardly silent, acknowledging my point. “Okay, let's get closer to the pyramids of Goa’ulds that they've built. Thor will show us a trick.”

We have moved in the right direction. About fifteen minutes later, the ha'tak landing pads appeared over the hill. I took a good observation spot and checked my wristband.

“It will start in a few minutes.” I notified my companions.

“What will start?” Daniel asked.

“That. Would you like to see a superweapon? If you do, you'll see them soon.”

Soon the sky darkened, its clouds turned into black clouds. There was a sound of thunder, and a huge spaceship descended from the clouds. It’s size was about three ha’tak and the form vaguely resembled a hammer.”

There was a high-pitched squeal, and the ship began to radiate rays, scouring the surroundings. It was a transmat beams from the Asgard, who gathered all the jaffas and Goa’ulds in the area. One of such ray, enlightened me too, but it couldn't do anything else to me. After a few seconds, the rays kidnapped even three pyramids, leaving no Foundation. Now I know who ruined the USSR, Asgards visited us.

When the evacuation of the invading forces ended, Gairwyn materialized next to us.

“The Jotuns are gone.” She announced. "Thor sends his thanks, Imhotep. He also gave me this.”

The woman handed me a strange device resembling a flat egg made from plastic. I took it, examined it and put it in my pocket, having previously shielded it with the symbiont's forces.

http://i.ebayimg.com/00/s/MjgyWDUwNg==/$(KGrHqRHJCoFBzbJ!CTMBQp,FL)czQ~~60_1.JPG

“Thanks.”

“Did he give us anything?” Asked Jack.

"Thor sent a message to satisfy your curiosity. He is a member of a race that visits your world to collect biological samples. They are friends to all, except the evil Goa’ulds with whom they are fighting.”

“Neat.” Jack smiled fakely. "Did he offer to give us any weapons? We could use a couple of ships like his.”

"He said that, like us, you are still very young, and it would be a mistake to trust you with a weapon. And now I have to go. We have a lot of work to do. Thor had promised to return the dead Vikings to life, by creating their clones. My people will soon return from Valhalla and will begin rebuilding the village. And he promised to restore the hammer near the gate. His power will make an exception for someone called Teal'c. You're welcome here anytime, our black friend with the big dick.” Gairwyn smiled and looked down, staring at the ground.

There was a distant rumble. We turned around and enjoyed the spectacle of the Asgard ship disappearing in the skies. I waited until the cruiser was gone by jumping, then gave the command to my ship, that’s currently ‘cutting circles’ around the planet in hyperspace. Appearing, it immediately began to decline, approaching the place of our location.

“Well, it was nice to meet you.” I started saying goodbye when everyone else started staring at my ha’tak. “Daniel, you promised me a tour of your planet. And do not think that you will be able to refuse.”

“What?” Surprised Jack. “You promised a Goa’uld to let him on the Earth?

“Well ... that's the way things are. I think we can deal with him.” He justified.

“Goodbye. I will contact you when I decide to come to visit.”

I stepped aside and around me appeared transportation rings that transported me to the ship. Here, the first thing I did was put the Asgard device in a special safe created with the help of the symbiont's techno-forces. This storage facility shielded any kind of radiation and perturbations of space. I didn't need aliens spying on me. This device did not even have a power button, and it constantly scanned the surrounding space and was connected to another hyperspace transmitter.

Having given command to the ship to come back to my planet, I went to wash myself after three weeks of life in rural conditions. Then I came to the sarcophagus where Ulrik was languishing. His memory has already accumulated enough knowledge of the Ancients to study them that completely absorbed my attention. By the time I had absorbed all the wisdom of an extinguished civilization, we had been standing in the usual parking place for a couple of days.

Having dealt with the simple task flow, I turned to study the information extracted from the brain of Samantha Carter. She did not remember addresses of planets, but her subconscious mind had "screenshots" of what she had seen in her lifetime. By matching the addresses and description of the worlds in my database, I was able to calculate the world where the ascended Ancient lived. Mentally prepared, I overtook ha’tak closer to the Stargate and went alone to the right address.

Coming out of the portal, I looked around. Yes, this is the place. Around were the ruins of the city and a lifeless world in which not even grass grew. The gates were on the edge... well you can say the buildings that towered over the rest of the city. It would be more correct to call it a hill with man-made walls. On the opposite side of this rectangular elevation was a structure made in the style of the Ancients.

So, where is the ascended one? I decided not to disband the tentacles of the symbiont, so as not to frighten off the prey. Who knows what this spiritual entity can notice? Instead of active scanning, I turned to passive scanning, straining all my senses in search of anything unusual.

“Kitty, kitty, kitty, where are you?” I called, passing by the half-ruined columns.

“Are you looking for someone?” A voice came from behind.

I lazily turned around and saw a familiar face of Orlin. That's the name of this pepper in the movie.

“Yes, kitten. He's black and furry, with teeth like that. Have you seen him?”

“No.”

Orlen paused, staring blankly at me. I stared at him, not less blankly, trying to understand why I didn't feel anything from where he was. Maybe it's affecting my mind. So it's a glitch, and the real Orlen is somewhere else?

“Are you alone?” I asked the Ancient. “It's a bit deserted here.”

“This city was destroyed by Goa’ulds five hundred years ago. They used an Ancient device to destroy all kinds of life. I've lived here ever since.”

“Very sad.” I nodded. “You don't even have germs in the neighborhood. Have you thought about visiting some other planet? Have fun, get a girlfriend?”

On last phrase, my symbiont grasp a weak emotional spike. Aha! This ascended in the series has the desire to have intercourse. I need to get him to show more emotion.

“I find it extremely difficult to find a girl who meets my requirements.” Orlin replied, swallowing the bait.

"There are thousands of planets in the galaxy, where billions of people live. There should be many suitable candidates. And besides, you can grow them by yourself.”

“You make it sound like people are some kind of cattle.”

“What are you talking about? I'm talking about creating the right conditions for the kind of people you like. Gather good people in one place, arrange their lives, create a school for young people, and then sit there as a student or teacher. If everything is properly organized, the girls will hang themselves on your neck.” Finally, his emotions have manifested more vividly. “In the end, it will be their personal free choice. Some believes that love should be a wild flower, one of millions. I propose to arrange a flower garden and enjoy the beautiful flowers, not relying on the chance of fate.”

I found the source of the emotion above my head and immediately darted the greedy tentacles of my symbiont. They instantly felt the purpose and swaddled him, preventing escape. The image of Orlin was gone, and in my head there was a mental scream of panic:

“What are you doing? Stop!”

“Quiet.” I replied, pulling the defenseless victim closer. “I just need to get some answers from you.”

“What are the answers? Who are you?”

"Let's just say I'm interested in some aspects of the life of the ascended.”

“You want to ascend? I'm not going to tell you anything.”

“Too bad. However, this is not necessary. I can figure it out on my own.”

The tentacles of my symbiont were able to reach the areas of Orlin’s energy body that were responsible for storing memory. First of all, I began to look for information on the organization of worship.

“No. Stop! Stop it!!!” Orlin screamed.

“Do not worry. After I figure out what I need to know, I'll let you go.”

After finding the required information, I started to download his memory of information about cults, rapture, and existence as energy beings. After going over everything important, I decided to look through the memories of Orlin before the ascension, but did not find anything interesting there. He was an Ancient. But he was born after the Plague that destroyed this civilization. He had little knowledge of Ancient technology. A large part of the earthly life he has was spent on the preparation for the ascension. Then happened an event, memories of which have been removed. And the result of this event was a reference to this planet. The hypnotic program required him to be here, and he could not overcome it on his own. In general, boredom.

Pulling out of the consciousness of this being is all interesting, I said to him telepathically to him:

“That's all you were afraid of. Even the skirt wasn't wrinkled.”

Pushing Orlin to the side, I commanded the symbiote to let him go. But the result was a complete surprise to me. The symbiont voluntarily dug tentacles into the tender body of light, tore him to pieces, and then grabbed and took him to the ‘cave’ in my soul, where he was hiding when I did not need him. Orlin only had time to cry out in short agony, after which he did not left even a scratch.

What was that? I stood dumbfounded in the middle of the square, trying to understand what had happened. For a few seconds, the symbiont was completely out of my control. That is all the mental control, filling with Will and the rest were complete nonsense. If that thing wants to do something to me, I can't resist it. Cold sweat drenched on my back.

This is not a symbiont. It's a parasite. He just ate the soul of an ascended man. It did what I thought was, if not impossible, at least unlikely. In that brief moment, I felt that the parasite’s abilities were far stronger than anything I could do. All this required careful thought.

The parasite slipped out of his hiding place, spreading a feeling of satiety and gratitude for the delicious dinner. I habitually seized control of his tentacles, lifting up a stone and throwing it away. Everything was as it always was ... except for the fact that I didn't trust the parasite anymore.

After another look around, I headed for the gate. I needed to get back to the ship and analyze my relationship with the parasite.

After about a week I was able to come to a very disappointing conclusions: I was fucked!!! The symbiont, as I suspected, was a parasite. It usually hook into the souls of powerful mages, and serve them, allowing them to use its abilities. Simultaneously, it blocked the abilities for magic that I have managed to verify by myself. Parasitic by devouring the souls of mages. It was spiritually developed beings that interested him most. Common people to for him taste like the husk of the seeds.

Some time later, if the parasite has decided that the host doesn't need him anymore, and then devoured him and will be hooked to the next. "Settlement" was due to the creation of a special dimensional pocket, getting rid of which was almost impossible. It tightly welded in the structure of my soul, and to remove I need Bahion, a lot of Bahion.

My parasite had order to serve me for a thousand years. So I was safe in the near future. But this did not solve the problem cardinally. It was not going to leave me, and at the end of the allotted time it planned to eat me and did not see anything wrong with it.

The most funny thing is, parasite openly told me all this, when I asked it. When its ancestor served me in the world of the Worm, it had a order that forbade the disclosure of such information. This same copy had only one order - ‘to serve me for a thousand years’. At the same time, it had the clock for the countdown of this period its own, so that for the service it also counted on the time when I was hanging unconscious between incarnations. So by the way, I learned that between Worm world and the subsequent birth in the body of Goa’uld, a month has passed.

Also, I found out that, theoretically, the parasite can cure my defective tails. But for this it needs to sink its tentacles into my soul, and how it would end I don’t know. While poking around in its memories I saw how the parasite carefully tasted Orlin before it ate him. And I wasn't sure that if it could taste me, it would be able to resist the temptation. After all, it was just a brainless animal