Millie took me to a healer, hidden away in a building that was more of a rundown hovel then a livable building. Why a healer had taken residence in such a place I soon found out.

“Coming in!” Millie rudely expressed as she slammed open the door which instantly fell apart into several pieces, spreading dust and dried mold through the air. I had doubts about entering such a place but Millie was already barging in without concern.

“What are you doing to my door?” The voice of a man came from further within. His voice was not angry, not even annoyed more like he was calm, curious and genuinely wanted to know. A door that seemed to lead down in to a basement opened and a man come up dressed in a once upon-a-time white robe, now gray or brownish from innumerable stains.

“Please tell me he is not the healer you were talking about…” I mutter to Millie.

“Why? He is good I promise, helped me several times in the past. And he is really cheap too, only wanting to pray for you and stuff like that. It’s kind of his thing.”

“So, he is a priest or something like that?”

“Yes, I am something like that.” The man interrupts us and approaches.

“Danny, good to see you again.” Millie smiles and clasps hands with Danny.

“Ah, Millie is it. I see you have had some problems again, yes? The goddess will not be happy.”

“When is she ever happy? Anyway me and… my friend here would like to make use of your services if that is alright.”

“Of course. Please follow me.” He says and leads us down into the basement.

Millie grabs my arm and more or less drags me with her as she descends. The basement is brighter than I expected it. At some point in time the roof had collapsed and let in some sunlight. In the brightness of the morning sky there was a type of altar. It was a simple altar, merely a wooden symbol on a table covered with a white cloth. The symbol was that of a single stalk of wheat growing from a human hand.

After we entered man went toward the altar and bent his head in prayer for a short time before asking us to kneel in front of the altar of his god. Following Millie’s lead I kneel and Danny places his hands unto our heads.

“Oh goddess Mira. Of birth, harvest and life. Turn thy gaze upon these of us less fortunate. Let them bask in thy light and feel thy warmth. Grant them relief from that which ails them. For thee is the graze of all life. Life to live.” And as he finishes his prayer the light seem to intensify and a very warm and comfortable feeling spreads throughout my body. What surprised me was not only how big of an effect there was but also how quickly it was over. In less than a minute my wounds were healed, my body returning to normal and all pains and aches left me. As the light returned to normal I could not help myself from looking around in amazement.

“Wow, if this is how a miracle is like then, even I would become a true believer…”

“Ha, this is nothing! A true miracle would be terrain altering or bringing life to a dead person and stuff like that. Curing some minor blemishes is not even worth mentioning haha!” Millie laughs at me and stands up.

“Heh, you don’t understand Millie. Where I am from there is no influence of any type of god. You could say that in my world ‘god’ is forever asleep.”

“Then how do you know they exist?”

“Hehe, that’s the question isn’t it? Plenty of people believe in the words of ancient testaments and stories of dead people who claim that either a single god or several gods once upon a time walked on the earth or spoke to them or some shit like that. Plenty of women have, over the ages, claimed that their child was conceived by a god and stuff like that but let’s be honest, they were most likely full of shit.”

“…Your world is rather strange isn’t it? If the gods don’t show themselves then how can they gain believers?”

“Let’s just say that where I come from people are idiots and do stupid things for stupid reasons and leave it at that, ok?”

“If you say so…”

During our conversation Danny has turned his back on us and is silently praying to himself. He really doesn’t seem to mind that I think the way I think. He didn’t even react when I said I was from another world.

“So what do we do now?” I ask Millie as a few minutes pass.

“Just wait for him to finish his thing and then we deal with the payment.”

“…payment? I’m broke…”

“Ah don’t worry about it. It’s not gold or anything like that, it’s just a reading and a prayer thing.”

“What’s a reading?”

“It’s something like looking back and seeing what you have done and looking forward to see what you will probably do, or something like that. Then he prays and Mira does stuff. It’s nothing bad really, just…”

She did not get the chance to continue further as Danny finally turned around.

“Now then, let’s do a reading. Millie, let’s have you do it first, to show your friend that it’s nothing to worry about.”

“Sure.” She responds and kneels in front of him once more.

He places his hand on top of her head and turns his head toward the open sky. The light grows brighter around them and he starts to mumble a prayer in a language I do not know. It sounded like a chanting gibberish to me and if it wasn’t for the fluctuations in the light around them I would have regarded it to be the same religious nonsense from my world. However with such a simple thing I had no doubt that his god was a real one. I look a little awestruck for a moment until I snap out of it and curse myself for being too easily swayed into believing such crap.

How do I know it’s the so called God who is creating the light? For all I know it could be a simple light spell or something like that. As if the god’s would use their power so easily, hah! Its fine to have an open mind but you should not be swayed too easily into believing in gods and such. That is how fanatics are created and I sure as hell don’t want to be a fanatic.

I observe the two once more with a critical eye. Danny is clearly concentrating, probably on a spell rather than a prayer. The chant might be needed to cast the spell itself and have nothing at all to do with any god. The more I think about it, this guy is clearly just a healer using magic. Not some miracle worker in service of a god.

Good now that I have confirmed my suspicions I feel much better. This is just magic. Nothing to worry about. I bet even I can learn it eventually. In fact the healing is something that all heroes will need sooner or later so learning that is a priority.

“Oh benevolent Mira, hear my prayer. Take this child in your hands and guide her towards the right path. Grant her the will to travel upon the treacherous road that leads towards happiness. Welcome her with warmth and kindness as she ends her arduous work. Give on to her the strength she needs in moments of exhaustion. Your light shall show her the way.” As Danny finishes his prayer the light flashes and disappears. I can’t help but think that the sfx in this world is a bit lacking.

Millie stands up and Danny whispers some words in her ear before she walks to me.

“Your turn. Don’t worry it’s easy, just kneel and he will do the rest.” Her voice sounds almost a little choked up. As if she is holding back tears.

Looking at her with slight suspicion I take a deep breath and do as I am told, not really expecting anything at all to happen. I kneel in front of Danny and he places his warm hand on my head. Contrary to my expectation something really did happen.

As Danny starts his chant once more my mind wanders to my past.

How I, in my childhood, moved around a bunch, preventing me from forming solid friendship with anyone. Getting used to spending my time alone until that was all I knew how to do.

How tried to fit in as a joker, only to realize that people looked down on me.

How my studies never went above average and how I gave up on everything many, many times.

How I started to read, and found enjoyment in the books. How I found acceptance with in the world of nerds and gamers.

I saw all those times when my family ignored my interests, thinking they were below them. When I lost my job, time and time again. When I wondered why life is so hard.

How I got angry at myself and how I could not simply find my place in the world. How I got angry at that world for not making room for me. I saw myself sitting for long hours doing nothing but thinking about all the whys. Why am I here? Why have I no friends? Why doesn’t anyone understand me? Why can’t I find my place? I thought about a lot of things back then. Now I once more remember the answer is found. The reason why I am the way I am.

The answer was that I had become lazy, unmotivated and afraid.

Simply doing nothing was easier than making an effort to change so I did nothing. The worst part about it was that people accepted the fact that I did nothing, as if it was normal. And so I became lazy.

I was unmotivated, because I had failed at everything, or at least never succeeded in anything. Why try when you know you will never succeed? And so I became unmotivated to do anything that was not required of me.

And I became afraid. Fearing that people would look away from me, and for them to look at me, I found myself in some sort of limbo where all I wanted to do was to hide myself away. And when the chance came for me to do that, I embraced it. Like a freezing man putting his hands in to a fire.

Thinking about it I was always aware of the fact that all I needed was to open up. Rather than to hide away who I was. I should have, from the beginning, showed them what I really liked and that all I really wanted was to share it with them. Even if they never wanted to join me I still should have been open about it instead of hiding it away as if it was something to be ashamed of.

As I had flashbacks to my life I started to think about all those times when I could have done things differently. All the times when I chose to be alone rather than to join others. I found that the reason I am the way I am, is not because my family moving around when I was a kid. Not because I was bullied in school and frozen out. It was not because my family did not accept me. The reason I am who I am is because I chose it. I made the choice to push others away. To be alone rather than seeking companionship. No wonder my greatest wish was to start over. And look at me now, doing it all over again. I realize that I am judging everyone around me, thinking that they are not worth my attention. As if I was someone special I look down on everyone else.

And just like that my mind went blank for a moment before it looked to the future. To whom I probably will become. Pushing everyone away will make me alone. Unable to get the courage to seek employment I will become poor. I will lose all my possessions in order to get food. Soon enough I will become a beggar, not willing to work I will simply fade away…

But then I felt as if a hand on my shoulder directed me to a different path. A path where I would give up on who I am and my dreams in favor for that which I need. One where I would find work. I would work harder than anyone else, longer than the rest. I would be appreciated and loved by others. I would find my place in life. No longer would I be alone and helpless. No longer would I feel ashamed over who I am. All I needed to do was to change…

In the world I came from I was on my last straw. Never ending days and nights of trying to forget all the things I needed, all that I wanted. In that world a change that would make me a hard worker would be the best…

But not here. This world is not the one I came from. Here there are all kinds of possibilities. Here there are paths I can take without giving up on who I am and what I dream about. In fact, here my dreams can all be realized. How? Because here there is Magic!

With that thought I pushed away from Danny and fell backwards. He looks down on me with surprise.

“Don’t push away from the goddess, let her guide you to the right path.” He says in haste and extends his hand towards me.

“Goddess my ass! You want to take away who I am, change me to some mindless drone of society? Fuck you! I will go my own path in this world, so you can take your “guidance” and shove it up your ass!” I scream at him and scramble to my feet. It is clear to me that this priest was just about to do something to me that is unforgivable. He was about to brainwash me in to becoming something I am not.

While I might not like who I am that doesn’t give him the right to change me. Brainwashing bastard! By changing who I am you might as well kill me and replace me with someone else.

He made me furious and if Millie hadn’t put a hand on my shoulder as I was screaming at Danny then who knows what I would have done.

“Let go of me Millie.” I shrug her off and turn to leave. After saying a quick goodbye and thanks to Danny she hurried after me.

“What’s with you all of a sudden? Did something happen?” She asks me as we leave up the stairs.

“That fucker and his god not only poked around in my head but then they tried to brainwash me! Like I was some fucking robot that didn’t do what I was supposed to! Bastard.” I swear and stomp my way out of the building. Millie was confused over my behavior and why I was so angry. Maybe to her it was normal to have priests poke around inside your head. If that is the case then this world is fucked up, and I refuse to be a part of that shit.

After leaving the building I looked around thinking about what to do next. The answer came, as it often does, from my stomach.

“You know where we can get something to eat?” I ask Millie.

“Yea, this way.” She says and leads the way.

After eating we went our separate ways. She had duties to deal with, what I don’t know, while I wanted to go back to the castle and speak with the mage. After I left so suddenly last time I probably missed a bunch of things I needed to know and it’s time to find out what.

Thanks to the clear design of the city it was surprisingly easy for me to make it back to the castle on my own. As I had been deep in thoughts about events that took place this morning and the day before I had not been paying much attention to them and as such I was really surprised as the guards of the castle gate stepped in front of me, stopping me from entering.

“Halt!” They told me while signaling me to stop. A little confused I blinked and looked around to see what was going on.

“This is no place for you! Go back to where you came from.” They firmly told me.

…No place for me? What are they talking about...? Oh!

I look down on myself. My clothes are all dirty and stinks of dried ale, beer, wine and sweat from the night before and there are still pieces of straw stuck here and there from sleeping in the hay. Over all I look like a homeless drunk. Not really the hero they expected to see I suppose. While I in hindsight could understand why they stopped me, at the time I was still in a horrible mood. Normally I would have been humble towards authority, thinking that even if they misunderstood it is always better to give in at first and clear it all up at a later time. But right now I was angry and I had all right to enter the castle. In fact the only reason I was even in this world was their will. So I got mad.

“Oh I see, so now I am not even allowed inside the castle huh? Well then maybe you could send a message for me then? Tell, what’s his face… Uhh… Hank? Yes Hank! Give hank a message for me. Tell him this, word for word:

‘I’m in desperate need of your help, Hank. You see I made a terrible mistake and stopped one of the heroes from entering the castle, and now I fear that he will talk to the knight commander or perhaps even his majesty himself about having me removed from my position. I fear that not only may I lose my job but I will probably be punished on top of it all. Perhaps I will be thrown in prison or maybe even whipped in public as a warning for other not to repeat my mistake. The hero looked really angry; I think I will be lucky if it ends with just a few whiplashes. Depending on the hero’s words I might actually be executed for this. So I beg you Hank, please have a word with the hero and beg for his forgiveness in my stead!’”

The more I talked the paler the guards became. It was rather satisfying to see the proud guards of the castle shrink before me like that. I had never felt so overwhelming before and I reveled in the feeling. As the guards had become white as sheets and stared at me with fear and desperation I had the feeling that they might do something silly if I didn’t show them a way out of the situation. Not wanting to know how desperate, highly armed men with combat training would act in order to avoid execution, I decided to throw them a bone.

“Did you get all that? Perhaps the message is a bit long to repeat the whole thing word for word now that I think about it. Are you sure I can’t just go in and tell him myself?”

“Eh… I think we might as well let you inside to give your message…” They hesitantly said while looking at each other. Surly they feared I would act upon the threat anyway but they were smart enough to realize that this was their only choice.

“Excellent! Well then gentlemen, let’s forget about this incident and get on with our day shall we?” I say in my most aristocratic tone and stride past them in to the castle. Not long after passing them I could hear them collapsing with deep sigh of relief. Smiling to myself I make my way to my room, asking a passing maid if I could have a bath brought and readied. Even if it was fun to mess with the guards I had no intention of doing that again.

When I get to my room I find a pleasant surprise awaiting me. First are several shirts, pants and shoes that have been readied. I am really happy that while they are in excellent material they don’t look overly decorated nor do they have any of the idiotic “puffs”. The clothes are all nice and well but what really got me excited was the manikin that had been placed in front of the balcony. The armor I had ordered had finally been finished. I say finally but let’s be honest here; it was probably done way faster than it normally would have been. However I have no knowledge of such things so for me it was a long few days of waiting.

The armorer had listened to my wishes and colored it with bland and earthy colors. All the leather was left as such while the metal had been made mate and as for decorations they mostly involved some fancy line work rather than flashy colors. Under the leather were plates of metal to stop things like crossbow bolts and such. The design was a lot more practical than any of the armors I had seen displayed when I visited the armorer. While it looked like simple light leather it was rather hefty and gave good support, with it being padded at the back and knee area.

Just like I wanted, it would be easy to move around in and I would not have to worry about my environment hindering my movements much. Even if the ground was covered in class shards I could more or less roll around on it as if it was a field of flowers as long as I took care of my face.

It might sound silly but you would be surprised of the amount of inconveniences this will eliminate. Things like: getting knocked on my back, kneeling, rolling, throwing myself away from danger, climbing, grabbing and punching will no problem from here on out. Although I wanted to put it all on right away and test it out I had no use of it at the moment. Instead I waited for the bath to be readied while reading a bit in the poem book. It didn’t make much sense but poems rarely do. It was something about the sun becoming two and the water getting filled with mud. Nonsense in my mind but I had nothing better to do while I waited.

Soon enough though the servants knocked on my door and brought in a wooden tub and started to fill it. When I was asked if I required assistance in washing myself, from one of the maids, I promptly chased them out of the room and made sure to lock it.

Shameless maids and their ideas…

I think to myself as I get in and start to wash of all the dirt. Once I finished I put on a new pair of leather pants and shoes along with a silk shirt, the one with least amount of embroidery.

“I really have to have a chat with the tailor before the end of the day.” I mutter and leave the room to find the mage from before.

When I found the old mage he was, much like last time I met him, sleeping on a bench with a book over his head. And much like last time I smiled to myself and tipped the bench over resulting in some satisfying panicked screaming and waving of his arms as he fell to the floor.

“God’s damn you boy!” He cursed me as he scrambled to his feet. “Can’t you wake an old man with some care? Think of my old bones!”

“If you wanted to take care of your bones then go sleep in your bed! Not on a bench in the hall.”

“I would love to but my room is a bit… well let’s just say it’s not for sleeping in right now. So I sleep wherever I want to, know if you are done bothering me I’d like to get back to it.” He said and once again lies down on the bench.

“Ohy! I thought you were supposed to teach me! I had to run off before but now I got most of the day to spend so…”

“So what? You think just because you have time to learn I have time to teach? Lousy brat waking me in my free time when I have been…” And he goes off rambling for a while.

This guy… Here I thought people summoned us because it was their hour of need, their last hope and stuff like that, and here he stands, well lies, and tells me he is not going to teach me? What is wrong with these people!?

As I stand there listening to the old mage grumbling about this and that I feel the anger from before surfacing once more. Eventually I cracked.

“SHUT UP ALREADY! You ignorant, idiotic shit! Do you think I fucking chose to be here? Was it not YOU who summoned me here? Was it not YOU who told me to learn how to fight? And now you are telling me that you will not teach me because you are sleepy? FUCK YOU! Since that is the case I no longer want to learn your damn magic! In fact I no longer want to help you guys out at all. Hell you seem to be unconcerned over the so called sea of demons that is on the way to destroy mankind and all that, so why should I give a shit? Maybe I should have a chat with the rest of us heroes and we will simply leave you all to fend for your own damn lives. Stupid fucking shitty …” And I turn around a leaves while cursing loudly. The old mage stares after me, regret filling his eyes.

Fuming with anger I traversed the castle looking for something to vent it out on. The maids and servants had experience enough to stay out of my way and unfortunately there was no sky nosed noble around. As I eventually ran out of steam I found myself heading for the castle garden. There I went to my favorite spot and finally lay down with a sigh.

This day suck…

I thought to myself. Taking some deep breaths I found myself thinking of other days that have sucked in my life. Days when I was alone and everything around me went wrong. Days when I was blamed for others mistake. Days when wrath and anger made me make mistakes and got me in trouble.

Calming down I found myself whistling a tune from a game I once played in my past. It was the main theme for a game that I really enjoyed. ‘A place to return to someday’ I believe the title was. It is a rather sad tune but I have always liked whistling it for some reason. And so I lay there in the grass, a slight wind brought the fragrance of herbs and flowers that surrounded me.

The clouds in the sky formed their abstract shapes and I found myself relaxing. Unfortunately it was not to last. Not long after laying down I heard a woman’s voice called out to me.

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