A/N: After this chapter, it'll start getting more serious, but I won't completely lose the funny anecdotes and slice of life stuff. Just, more of a balance. Please comment/review/follow if you like the story... or even if you don't. So, enjoy!!

Chit

Volume One - Chapter 3: Birth

Nearly fifty years had passed since I’d had that conversation with the psychiatrist. For the first few years, I lost myself in the constant, low-grade war occurring throughout the consciousness. However, I grew bored after a while. It was much like being a little kid, pretending to fight. There were no health bars, damage counters, balancing, anything. It was pure role-playing, since we couldn’t actually hurt each other. No matter how hard Female tried to castrate Fatty, he’d just reform his body. Within a minute or two he’d be back to his usual jolly fat man routine.

When I finally gave up the roleplaying, I wandered around searching for what to do next. As I walked down the wide street that had appeared out of no where, I laughed as I watched Superhero chase Supervillain #1, who I’ve taken to calling Adam, around town while Supervillain #2 (Javier) snuck into the bank and ran out with everything from the safe deposit boxes. As Javier ran past, carrying all the loot, he saw me grinning. Stopping, he took a book out of the loot, and said, “You should read this, then destroy it before Nerdy finds out about it. You’ll like it.” I just chuckled, grabbing the book, and walking towards Bookworm’s library at the end of the street. As if he knew what was going on the entire time, Heroic appeared out of thin air. Carrying Adam by the scruff of his neck, he knocked out Javier in a single blow and threw them in “Jail”. Just like the rest of the roleplayers, they wouldn’t use their powers to break out, instead relying on Javier’s Mcgyver like skills. The entire 150 years I spent in the subconscious before rebirth, I must have seen them break out of jail at least a thousand times. My best guess is that they did it at least once a day, that entire time. But, I was usually too busy to join in. Though, for a few day’s I did follow them around as an “apprentice” supervillain. Man, was it fun... Until, Superhero showed up out of nowhere and started beating the crap out of me. He’d usually just instantly knock out the two supervillains. But, apparently he didn’t want a third one running around; so he decided to make it clear to me. Running with Adam and Javier was a BAD idea. After that, I went back to pretending to be a dragon with Fatty.

Back from memory lane, I finally cracked open the book while leaning back in the recliner I’d conjured up. Bookworm was glaring at me, upset that I’d introduced a foreign element into his library. But, he couldn’t be distracted from his books for long enough to actually deign to yell at me. So, I just relaxed, summoning up a screwdriver, and reading Nerdy’s book. The first few pages were a recounting of the various time’s he’d managed to get Fatty into trouble. While somewhat funny, it wasn’t enough for Javier to tell me I’d like it. Though, there was that one time when Nerdy managed to frame Fatty for kidnapping and eating Baby. Man, I feel bad for that guy sometimes; it’s like everyone is egging Female on purposely. Not that I was any better, watching Female tap-dancing on Fatty was quite enjoyable. Still, not enough for Javier to steal it from the bank, or for Nerdy to need to lock it up. Flipping past more stories, I finally hit the jackpot. Apparently, when he was alive Nerdy had been a game designer, and he had attempted to build his own VRMMO in this world for a long time. Unfortunately, anyone could break the balance just by imagining themselves to be stronger, so he was never able to create an MMO. However, he did come up with some interesting ways of creating a solo RPG, or shooter. Since it was solo, if you cheated then you were just ruining your own gaming experience, not everyone elses. So, for the next 10, well lets be honest, 20 years I spent almost all of my time playing various games from my past. As well as the ones Nerdy had created.

At this point, I’d already been here for 125 years, and I had yet to learn magic. This was one of my greatest dreams in my past life, and I’d allowed myself to get side tracked for over a Hundred freaking years. Hell, I was only 19 when I died. Feeling like a colossal idiot, I made it over to the Magician’s tower that was next to the coliseum. Unfortunately, no one was willing to teach me. The guy sitting in the lobby told me, “You can’t die, and you can fix whatever damage you do to your body with a single thought. So, why bother entering a long, boring, and stupid apprenticeship. Just take a basic magic book and mess around with it. It’ll only take a few “deaths” for you to get it.” So, just like that, I managed to spend the next 25 years killing myself trying to learn magic. For the first five years, I couldn’t do a damned thing. After getting seriously pissed off, I went back to the Magician's’ tower and found the same guy sitting in the lobby reading a book.

“So, you just didn’t want competition right? This is freaking impossible, I’ve been trying for the last five years and I can’t even make a tiny little flame.”

Looking up from his book he said, “Of course you haven’t been able to do a damned thing. There was no magic in your world. So you have to create your own affinities to the elements through hard work. Give it another five years and you should be fine.”

“Five fucking years!?!? When was the last time you ever heard of someone taking TEN YEARS to learn basic magic?.”

To which he responded, “Why do you care? You will be living in here for at least another thousand years, what’s five years of increasing your affinities to a you?”

Storming out of there, I resolved to do it in less than a year… of course it didn’t work out like that. It took the requisite five years, and even then all I could do was the most basic of magic. Basically, I could create a flame slightly hotter than room temperature. At this point though, I wasn’t giving up until I could roast that smug fucker alive. So, here we are, 150 years after death, and I finally was able to use advanced magic. I knew that the fucker in the Magician’s tower had to be insanely strong. So I planned to sneak up on him, using the skills I’d learned from the Super Villains, and blowing his ass up before he had the chance to notice me. I’d just managed to sneak through a window on the second floor, when fate decided to destroy all my plans.

Everything just disappeared with a poof. It was exactly as it had been when I first arrived, with every single personality standing in a small area being sucked into a hole in the floor I’d never seen before. I’d always hated dark spaces, especially when what seemed to be a black hole was sucking us all to our dooms I was panicking, and about to start screaming like a little girl. Looking around, I saw that no one else was panicking. Instead, they were all insanely happy. Female was doing a jig, the supervillains were actually chatting happily with Heroic… Never thought I’d see that… Bookworm had turned back into a normal looking version of me, while Nerdy had actually put away his laptop (he hadn’t done that in nearly 50 years). I heard Fatty chatting happily behind me, “To think, it only took 150 years to be reborn. Man, that was a quick one, one of the fastest.” And then, we were all gone, sucked into the giant chasm that’d appeared under our feet suddenly.

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*WAAAAAA*

“He’s gorgeous master.”

“Yes, he certainly is, now go rest Liz, it’s been nearly 20 hours.”

As she bowed and left the room, the middle-aged man with glowing, golden eyes stared at his new son currently sleeping in his wife’s arms. He couldn’t help but be ecstatic, they’d been trying to have a child for nearly 15 years. Nothing would work, modern fertility treatments wouldn’t work; despite the doctor’s assurances that both of them were perfectly healthy, fertile individuals. In fact, they had been amazed at the fitness levels of both himself and his wife. They even went to his crazy Grandmother, who was a self proclaimed “seer”, nearly 10 years ago. She had burned some herbs, chanted in some old language long forgotten, and rolled her eye’s into her head. Stupid woman was going senile, and enjoyed being theatrical far too much. She woke up a few hours later, and said in a dry, creaky voice that sounded like it hadn’t been used in a decade or two, “You will have children, do not fret. It is just not time yet. For the soul of your first child is incredibly powerful, a prodigy, an existence able to choose when and where it is born. When the time comes, you will have a son.” Then she passed out again, and nearly died. Crazy old coot was just being theatrical and nearly killed herself. Of course, he didn’t believe a damned thing she said, this is the age of technology. He left feeling like an idiot, hoping she didn’t really die. He muttered, "She may be crazy, annoying, and a total bitch when she stopped by for Thanksgiving. She’s still my Grandmother". Shouldn’t have allowed his wife to convince him to do this. She, on the other hand, was beaming. Totally convinced that she would give him a son they just had to work hard. Afterwards began the longest, most exhausting, and enjoyable ten years of his life. He couldn’t go for more than 6 hours without his wife visiting me… But, here we are, finally, and it’s a son.

"Great, Grandma’s gonna be so smug next time I see her."