It didn’t take me long to find Volt and Blake’s cryopods. Especially since Sky was able to home in onto their signals. To my great relief, when I did find them, their vitals were still strong. I admit, while I was walking through this forest, yeah, I’m going with forest, I did have a hint of worry that they could have died on impact. It was a stupid thought since the cryopods can withstand a nuclear explosion. How? I have no fucking idea. I fell asleep during that class and after spending all night with this bombshell of a girl. No idea what her name was. Lily? Sara? I seriously cannot remember. But she did have wicked boobs. And a mole on each one. I remember mentally giving her the nickname, "Moletits." Don't judge me. I know I'm an ass but I'm an ass to everyone that I enjoy the company of. She was great girl. Too bad she pretty much only used me for a one-night stand. Never saw her again. Oh well. You can’t win at everything.

“Captain Lindsey, I need authorization to awaken Mr. Crane and Creator Blake,” Sky’s two voices snaps me back to reality. Damnit. That was a good flashback too. Fuck you Sky. Right, I should probably get Volt and Blake out so we can figure out where we are and what to do.

“Sky, initialize Protocol Wake Up Assholes.”

“Acknowledged. Protocol initialized.”

Blake will probably yell at me for changing the protocol name again. I stand by my decision. I can’t remember the “official” names for these protocols! They’re always something like Protocol 66 or Protocol Alpha Kappa Gamma Point 534 or some shit like that. Seriously, who bothers to take time to actually memorize that?

As I’m mulling all this over, the cryopods begin to hiss as they thaw. Some condensation starts to build up and a puddle of water forms at the bases of each pod. I take a peek inside each pod and confirm that both Volt and Blake are breathing, and wearing clothes. Damn bastards didn’t even let me put on my clothes before freezing me. All I wanted was to moon the entire planet and now they have forever robbed me of that. Unless we are able to find a way back home. Doubtful though considering the shit storm of a situation we are in. I raise both of my hands and knock on their doors.

“Yo! Wake up sleepyheads! This is your Captain speaking! The time is who-the-fuck-knows and we have reached our destination of no-fucking-clue! Rise and shine!”

“Lindsey, what the fuck are you yammering about?” Volt groggily asks me as he opens his eyes.

“Hun, you know we’re on Europa right?” Blake chimes in as she stretches inside her pod before opening her pod with her voice phrase: “Open.” Psh. How boring.

“Actually, sis, we’re not…” I start before Blake pushes me out of the way and gasps as she looks around.

“Babe! Get up! Get out! Something is wrong!”

“I’m up! I’m coming!” Volt suddenly jolts awake and comes rushing out of his pod with two pistols drawn. Wait, pistols? Did he seriously go in his pod with his pistols? That military maniac.

“Wait…there shouldn’t be any trees on Europa! Hell, we shouldn’t even be able to breath! What’s going on Linds?” Volt asks me while scanning the surroundings. His pistols never lowering as he points them in various directions. I decide to be serious now and approach them.

“So, all I know is Protocol We’re Fucked, yeah, I changed it, hush Blake, was initiated by Sky. It hasn’t told me yet exactly what happened since well, I was naked and 60 feet up in a tree a mile or so from here. As far as I can tell, we are on an alien planet with breathable air. I haven’t seen any signs of civilizations and I’m fairly certain this isn’t Earth.”

“How do you know this isn’t Earth? We could be in Yosemite with all these trees towering over us,” Blake points as she studies the trees.

“There are two suns, babe,” Volts states before I could have pointed that out. “They’re smaller than the sun back on Earth but there are two suns.”

Yup. I probably should have mentioned that there were two suns. I just forgot. Sorry. But yeah, there are two suns. They’re situated next to each other. One is yellowish orange whereas the other is bluish. This is definitely not something you would see on our planet. Hell, you definitely would not see something like this in our solar system. No question about it, we are on an alien planet. Sky better have some answers.

Blake, calmly turns to me and asks, “I’m going to assume that Alpha Prime is that bird on your shoulder?” Heh, she absolutely refuses to call it Sky huh?

“Yes, Creator. I had to transfer myself into the metquid backup system we placed in the Captain’s cryopod. 28 days, 17 hours, 48 minutes and 37 seconds after the crew had all gone into cryosleep, a solar flare burst out of the sun and shot straight for the ship. I could not maneuver the ship out of way in time and we were struck. Fortunately, shields were able to maintain the safety of the cryopods but the ship was destroyed. Before I could signal a distress beacon, a strange phenomenon occurred,” Sky explained.

“Strange phenomenon? Can you explain, Alpha?” Volt asked. Oh, he lowered his guns. Good for him. Guess that means there is no danger here then… I hope. I SWEAR I can feel a pair of eyes watching me.

“I do not have all the data to come to a complete conclusion but the best I can figure, Mr. Crane, is that a wormhole formed.”

Silence. Complete silence as we all stared at Sky. Wormholes should be impossible. Well, a theory really. Scientists have been trying for ages to artificially create a wormhole but so far, they have not even gotten close. But a naturally forming wormhole? That has not even been properly theorized yet! Wait, if a wormhole could form in our own solar system and bring us here, maybe we could go home?

“The wormhole pulled in the fragments of the ship along with your cryopods. In an emergency, I initiated Protocol We’re Fucked and downloaded myself into the metquid block. I calculate that we travelled in wormhole for approximate 100 seconds before emerging just outside of orbit of this planet. A quick scan showed that this planet is inhabited and comprised of 70% nitrogen, 28% oxygen, and other gases similar to Earth.”

“A 7% increase in oxygen as compared to Earth would explain why the plants here are bigger. Wait, did you say inhabited?” Blake asks with her eyes shining. “Inhabited as in signs of civilization or inhabited as in non-sentient life?!?!”

“Inhabited as in signs of civilization, Creator.”

The three of us look at each other. This is huge. This was the focus of our mission after all. Find signs of life. Yet, here we are, on an alien planet and our AI just declared that not only are there signs of life, but they are sentient! Maybe there is a chance to get home after all!

I put my hand on my chin as I think carefully and talk out loud, “Sky, what would it take for us to get back home? Is the wormhole still opened?”

“….”

“Sky?” I inquire. Its silence cannot be good. Volt and Blake both look at Sky but before it even spoke, I am pretty sure we all know the answer it was going to give us.

“The wormhole disappeared immediately after our departure from it. I do not have sufficient data to predict when the wormhole will open again. As of this moment, I do not believe a return trip is possible.”

We knew it but we did not want to hear it. I think there was still a part of us that wanted to hold onto that belief that we could go back home. But now that it was said, reality sunk in. Well, it was funt o believe for a few seonds. Guess we are stuck on this planet. Blake fell to her knees and started crying. Volt immediately runs over and put his arms around his wife. Hell, I want to cry and I’m sure Volt wants to cry too. Yet, reality set in. We will not be able to see our friends and family again. I probably would not be able to see a human girl again except for Blake. Oh shit, I just realized something.

“I won’t be able to find Moletits now…”

SLAP. Blake just slapped me! What the fuck! I look up at her as she towers over me with fury in her tear filled eyes. Man I hate being short. I’m only 5’5”. Life sure isn’t fair sometimes.

“Moletits. We’re stuck on an alien planet who knows how far away from home and all you think about is that girl you had a one night stand with?!?! The fuck is wrong with you?!” Blake exclaims as she raises her hand up to slap me again.

“Wait! Sis! I’m sorry! Don’t hit me! I’m supposed to be in charge!” I cry as cover my head with my arms. I expect the inevitable smack but instead I feel a gentle embrace of a hug? I’m so confused now.

“Thank you,” Blake whispers to me. I look at her and she’s smiling. Well, crying smiling. Oh good, she’s back to normal. I guess it worked. See, sometimes, you have to change the topic wildly to help someone get out of their cry session or depression. Other times, well, you just have to be there for them and just let them let it all out. This was the former.

Volt seeing his wife calm down raises a question that we have all been thinking for awhile, “Alpha, what is the level of advancement of the inhabitants?”

“Processing. The inhabitants of this planet have discovered firearms and I would calculate they are in just beginning their industrial age. But, there is an anomaly that I cannot comprehend.”

“An anomaly?” We all ask at the same time.

“Affirmative. While the preliminary data shows the inhabitants are in their industrial age, they also demonstrate possessing technology of the Medieval Times as well as the 21st century. I also have scanned lifeforms as an energy source.”

Energy source? Don’t tell me Sky is seriously thinking of converting these people into a living battery. I joke about it taking over the world but I don’t actually want it to do that!

“Sky, what do you me….” I start to ask when all of a sudden a stream of water hits me in the face. “What the fuck?! What was that?!” I exclaim as I spat out the water. Wait, this water doesn’t taste right. There is also a certain smell to it… But before I could wrap my head around it, the puddle that had formed under me rose again and this time hits me in the groin.

“Not…cool….” I gasp as I collapse on the ground, grabbing my tenders. I look around and see Volt has drawn his pistols again and Blake has reached her pod is holding what looks like a rifle and scanning the surroundings. Okay seriously? They BOTH went into their pods with guns? Before I could think another thought, we clearly hear a roar of anger that I can only surmise was directed at me.

“CONTAGION!!! HAVE YOU NO SHAME?!”