Caleb had tried to make himself fall straight down into the pit, but his aim was a bit off. He struck the side of the wall on his way down and ping-ponged the rest of the way. At some point, the tube curved and his bouncing fall was turned into a rolling slide. Eventually, the tube became straight enough to slow Caleb's momentum.

He stood and dusted himself off. The tunnel ahead was pitch black and showed no signs of an exit. Caleb was sure there was one, but he didn't know how far ahead it would be. He started walking, making conversation with Bat.

"I wonder what we'll find at the end," Caleb mused. "Maybe some bunker meant to regrow the population. Filled with the sexiest alien women."

Bat was silent.

"What? A man can dream right?"

Bat said nothing.

"Look, all I'm saying is I've only seen these golden robed guys everywhere. You can't even tell their gender. Besides, any good space opera sci-fi needs the sexy aliens. How else would you hook the horny teenagers?"

Bat shook its head. Caleb ignored it.

"Weird how all the sexy aliens are female though," He continued. "Not that I'm complaining of course."

Bat rolled its eyes, or it would if it had them. Instead, the sporting equipment rotated its head in a circle of derision.

"Oh c'mon, you try being serious when nothing can hurt you."

Caleb's voice echoed around the tunnel in the wake of Bat's silence.

"Oh what do you know anyways," Caleb grumbled. He stored Bat back on his belt in a huff.

"I mean I know why there are sexy aliens," Caleb continued to himself. He was trying to replace the silence so it didn't bear down on him in an oppressive wave. "Science fiction is either some nerd's extreme take on the human condition or a power fantasy about one guy."

"I mean sure, I'm generalizing," Caleb argued. "But most fall into either category. It's hard not to, really."

The silence loomed.

"You know, I bet there are sexy aliens of some kind in that bunker." He had decided it was a bunker. If he was wrong he could be surprised and if he was right he could bask in his predictive prowess. The sexy aliens were a bit of a stretch but as he said to Bat, a man could dream.

While imagining blue aliens dressed in skimpy clothing and hanging onto his every word, the rest of Caleb trekked ahead in the dark. At some point, his outstretched hand found a wall and he used it to keep his bearings. He was sure this was the right direction since the tunnel hadn't curved any. Finally, after some indeterminate time, Caleb found the end of the tunnel.

It was blocked by the elevator the aliens had taken earlier. Luckily, there was an emergency escape hatch on top. "Thank god for safety practices," Caleb said. He wouldn't have known what to do if there wasn't one. Probably get stuck in a dark tunnel until something came for him he guessed.

With a quick tug on the handle, Caleb pried open the hatch. A bright light shone forth, illuminating the man and the tunnel behind him. Caleb blinked and turned away to let his eyes adjust. Once ready, he crawled through the hatch and into the elevator.

What greeted him was a cage. Not for him, but the elevator was made up of two parts. The inside was caged in a sort of gyroscope. There was just enough room between it and the outside shell for Caleb to shimmy through. He felt his stomach catch on some of the metal as he squeezed towards the pair of doors on the other side.

The set of large double doors greeted him like an imposing guard. Caleb put his hands on the edges of the door and made to pull them open but his prone position left him little leverage. He was only able to make the doors open enough to stick a hand through before he felt his muscles tire. Grumbling, Caleb reached over for bat but found it awkward to bring it over to the door. With more complaints and a few curses, Caleb rolled around so both arms could stick Bat through the door to pry it open.

With grunts of exertion, Caleb finally opened the door enough for him to slide out. He landed headfirst on a stone road. The rest of his body flopped over him shortly after. Bat rolled onto the floor.

"Yeah yeah laugh it up you stick," Caleb said. He rolled himself onto his front and pushed himself up. Angrily, he grabbed Bat and stuck him back in his belt clip. "I can easily abandon you you know."

Bat smacked his leg.

"Fine, I wouldn't do that. Now let's go see this bunker."

Caleb turned around to head down the road but stopped short. Whistling in amazement, Caleb stared at the building ahead. It was a palace. A palace of gems. The walls were rubies, the floor ahead topaz, and the rood a brilliant diamond. The place where each gem met was cut in such a way as to refract the light of both stones and created rainbow facets of light.

"Fancy place," Caleb said as he went to the gates.

There was no one manning them when Caleb walked up. "Where is everyone?" He said.

Bat had no answer.

Caleb pushed on the doors in front of him and found they swung open easily. Past the front doors sat a garden of gilded plants. The grass was gold and the trees silver. Platinum leaves sprouted from the trees and roses made of gems bloomed in the bushes. Caleb walked over and picked on. It smelled sweet, like syrup.

"There's such a thing as too much finery," He said. The whole garden was too bright for his tastes and nothing contrasted at all. It was all very pretty but none of it popped out at him.

A fish splashed in the pond ahead. Caleb saw its scales glittered like a rainbow. It splashed up again and waved a fin at him. Caleb rolled his eyes at how overdone everything was and made his way into the main hall.

The inside was even worse than the outside if that was possible. The walls had been muraled with hundreds of aliens, all made of platinum. Each one wore a golden robe and bowed to a brilliant light on the domed roof. Below sat pillars of every precious metal and gem, all arranged in symmetry. A set of stairs, made of marble and other fine stones led up to an archway of double doors. Each door held a polished mirror that reflected the majesty of the room.

"Man, I wish I had brought neon paint or something. Give these drawings a purple mustache or something." He said.

He picked up someone speaking on the other side of the doors ahead. "Aha! They're all behind those doors." He strode through the main hall, ignoring the painting of aliens on the floor. Reaching the doors, he shoved both of them open and shouted out, "I object!"

He entered the room and saw the Emoters bowing at the stairs at the end with the two guards on the side. Behind them Sorossa was on the ground, face-first on the ground and arms splayed out. A mahogany red carpet spilled out, running all the way to the doors.

At the end of the room, at the opposite of Caleb, stood a throne. It clashed with the rest of the gilded room as it was made of simple wood. But the one sitting on the throne matched the room. It was a gilded suit of armor, studded with diamonds and other gemstones. Next to the throne sat aliens dressed in skimpy clothing, barely covering anything.

Caleb stared. Then he remembered himself and coughed awkwardly. He looked down at Bat. Bat stared back. "Okay, in all fairness, I didn't expect to be right."

Bat stared back accusatorily.

"What? You think I had something to do with this?"

Bat kept staring.

The others in the room had turned around and were all looking at Caleb arguing with his sports equipment. The guards reacted by drawing their weapons and marching down the steps. The scantily-clad aliens, who might've been female (Caleb couldn't tell), all retreated to cower behind the wooden throne. The three Emoters all stared in horror at Caleb. And Sorossa kept himself splayed on the floor, unwilling to move lest he acquired the Emperor's wrath. The suit of armor on the throne didn't even budge.

"Look, I just got lucky okay," Caleb argued, ignoring the reactions of the aliens. "How was I supposed to know there would actually be sexy aliens here."

Bat shook in argument.

"You know what? I think I'm taking this whole thing too far," Caleb said as the guards reached him. "What do you think?"

The guard responded by swinging his saber across Caleb's chest. Searing light cut through Caleb's shirt and left a gaping hole in the cloth.

"Rude," Caleb said. "All I did was ask a question and you assault me. Talk about bad hospitality."

The second guard followed up with another strike, this one aimed at Caleb's eye. Blinking from the light, the saber struck the eyelid but made no wound. Both guards retreated, weapons up and wary.

"Impossible!" One of the Emoters shouted. "The holy swords are a direct manifestation of the Emperor's will! None can withstand his might!"

"Wow, that is some cliché villain speech right there," Caleb said. He walked forward over to Sorossa, the two guards standing warily.

Caleb poked at Sorossa with Bat. "Hey. Hey, buddy. Hey. Hey, I need to ask you a question."

Bat poked at Sorossa's back, kneading the alien's soft flesh. Then it moved to his legs, then arms. Finally, bat poked at the Exaltor's head. Sorossa moaned in defeat, unable to withstand the assault any longer. "What?" He wailed.

"So are all those aliens up there a harem or something? They're all girls right?"

"What?" Sorossa said again, not understanding.

"A harem. Now I know traditionally Harems were separate parts of a house reserved for women but nowadays they describe one guy getting a fuckton of women who all want him. Also, is that your emperor?"

"How dare you!" An Emoter shouted. Caleb assumed it was the angry one but he wasn't looking. "These attendants train their whole lives in order to serve the emperor and you demean them by making them all paramours? They have a higher calling than that!"

Caleb stared concerned at Sorossa. He bent down and whispered in the alien's ear. "He does know that all those women are dressed in nothing but their underwear right?"

Sorossa couldn't take it any longer. He stood and yelled at Caleb. "Stop it! I am not your friend! Or your buddy! Or whatever you want to call it! I was your escort, that was all!"

Caleb frowned with mock sadness. "But I thought we had something together! You know, after you propositioned my sister and all."

"I did no such thing! I did my duty as an Exaltor and you--"

"Enough." A voice echoed. It was strong and it reverberated throughout the entire room. Instantly, all the aliens dropped to the floor, face first and arms splayed outward. The suit of armor on the throne shifted.

"I tire of this," The emperor said. It pointed a gilded finger at Caleb. "Begone."

Radiant light poured forth from the finger, rainbow-hued and broiling. It struck Caleb in the chest and tore a hole right through his shirt. Caleb felt the atoms of his chest disassemble and break away. The light burst through the other side of Caleb and through the double doors, searing a perfect hole in both man and building.

Caleb tried to speak but no air came through his lungs. He frowned and lifted Bat up, trying to ask it a question. Bat shook its head and Caleb slumped. Bat followed, striking the ground with a clang.

And then Caleb's chest reformed. The ribcage came first, followed by the lungs and the heart. Organs repaired or outright formed inside the boney protection of the ribs and blood vessels wrapped around every corner. Finally, muscle and skin reformed, leaving a holey shirt as the only evidence of the attack.

"Yeeh," Caleb said, shuddering. "Atomizer attacks always tingle a bit."

"Interesting," The emperor boomed. Another beam of light appeared, this one the size of the emperor's hands. The atomizing cone shot out, heading at Caleb.

"Oh shit!" Caleb said, quickly throwing Bat away. "I'm not losing you again buddy!"

Bat sailed away as the atomizing cone enveloped Caleb. Rainbow light disassembled flesh atom by atom as Caleb's entire being was eaten away. The entire main hall of the palace followed, then the garden, then the palace walls. Not even a speck of Caleb was left.

And then Caleb just popped back into existence, naked. He quickly covered up with his hands. "Kyaah! Don't look!" he screamed.

Another blast struck him. He was gone again. Then he was there again. "Pervert!" He shrilled at the emperor.

Another blast. Again Caleb appeared. This time he rolled his eyes. "Dude--"

Another blast. Caleb reformed again. "Seriousl--"

Another blast. Caleb appeared. Another blast. And again he appeared. The emperor tried again, and again, and again. Yet each time Caleb appeared, trying to get a word in. Finally, after an uncountable number of blasts, the emperor stopped. The armor fell down into the seat in a heap. The gloves and leggings clattered to the ground, showing empty holes in the chest plate.

"Jesus finally," Caleb complained. "Do you know how annoying it is to get atomized? It's not like getting eaten by a hive mind. Sure, those atomize me too, sometimes. But I still get to control it a bit. This stuff is just like lag. I'm there, then I'm not for a second until the universe realizes its mistake and puts me back."

No one else spoke. All they could do was quiver in fear. Finally, one of the attendants whispered. "The Emperor's protection, it is gone. His power is drained."

Another attendant started to wail. Another followed and soon all the skimpy attendants were wailing and moaning about the emperor. The guards and Emoters were more stoic, they stood defiantly at Caleb. Sorossa was on the ground, curled in a ball again.

"Now where is Bat," Caleb said. He walked over to where he threw his companion. Bat had landed propped up on the stairs ahead, smiley face up. As Caleb reached down, it rolled around.

"Yes, I don't want to see me like this either," Caleb complained. "Lucky you that you don't actually have eyes."

He then turned to the throne and marched up. "Right then mister, you owe me a new set of clothes."

He reached the throne and looked down at the broken armor. Shining gauntlets lay on the floor next to glittering boots. The gemstone pauldrons on the chest plate slumped down and then slid off. The chest plate followed, exposing the contents inside to the air.

"What the shit?" Caleb said.