“Nope, not happening.” Murong Yingyue told him. “I can give you some rare artifacts though. I have a really nice shield type formation scroll you can look over. It’s from the Qilin Steel Universe. Of course, the only material you can inscribe it on is Qilin Steel, but Master has plenty of that.” Why can’t we calmly talk things out? No need for overly dramatic “I hate you you’re annoying” situations. Money solves all!

“What else do you have?” Di Jinming looked intrigued. “Master discovered more universes while I was away, so I need to see if there’s anything fitting for me.” See! None of this “I’m an insistent pervert” bullshit. Looks like he hasn’t lost too much IQ after all. Must be a natural sadist/pervert.

“Depends on what attribute you have. If you’re a fire master, I have a Phoenix Ash Bead. Good for attracting fire type spiritual energy and helping to comprehend fire laws. It’d be more effective in a volcano, so ask Master about that if you can’t find one. He found this bead in a volcanic universe.”

“I’m a mind attribute.” Yingyue froze. He shouldn’t be able to read minds yet, should he? They’re already pretty rare, and he would need a really good teacher if he’s as young as I think he is. No... he shouldn’t be a mind reader. He also seems to specialize in formations, so the chances of him having enough time to devote to mind techniques to be able to read minds are slim.

(If Yingyue knew that he was just playing along with her and reading her mind, she would flip a table.)

“I have some Clear Bluebell bulbs. Do you know how to use them?” He shook his head.

“You need to soak them in water to work, and it’ll release a mist that you need to absorb. It helps you enter a deep meditative state, and it makes it at least twice as easy to comprehend laws. Imported from the Flowering Vine realm in the Third Tier Primeval Universe. I’ll even give you a discount and give you six of them. They’ll last you about a week. ”

Hm? Why does it feel like I’m some street merchant?

“Really? Master’s found a lot of nice things, huh?”

“Of course. There’s an item for every need.” She replied automatically. Fuck, I really do sound like some shopkeeper.

“You know, you’re not as useless as I thought.” Murong Yingyue’s cheek twitched. “You’ve learned the names and uses of so many things.” Of course, Master forced me to memorize everything so he would have an assistant when he went to scam - cough - I mean help out future main character types. “I’ll be easy on you instead. Just identify this.” Di Jinming waved his hand. A thin gray sheet with strange black markings appeared on the table he had set up in her room.

She peered closer at it, and when she finally identified it, her eyes went wide in shock. Holy fuck! That’s someone’s skin! This dude just skinned someone! That’s pretty badass, but also gross... think about all that blood if you’re not careful! Yingyue looked up questioningly at him.

“How did you get this?”

“Some arrogant person decided to challenge me saying that I killed his family, so I decided to skin him alive for talking to me. I didn’t think he would actually still be alive after that, but this was glowing so I thought it was keeping him alive. I cut it out.” Ew, nasty! Oh shit, what would he do to me, then? He didn’t even hold back when it came to Second Senior Brother and Third Senior Sister, so my identity as his fellow disciple is useless. But then again, he seems like the type to just torture me and get it over with, but since he hasn’t, I guess I’m safe?

“It turns out that it was just him being too stubborn to die.” He grinned. “He spewed some bullshit about his will to live and for revenge. I made sure he died by crushing his body into pieces and burning it into ashes since he was so eager.” What? Shit, this dude just killed a main character. I swear, that guy’s probably going to magically come back alive to take revenge! I’ll probably be next and then- “ I also took his true soul and ripped it apart.” Phew! I thought we were going to die! This guy’s pretty far-sighted! Yingyue looked at him with more respect.

“I even finished off the annoying girls screaming at his death and his master who came running after. I killed his friends as well.” Her eyes shone.

This is how a real villain acts! You’re actually amazing! Other antagonists, take notes!

(Di Jinming: What do you mean, “actually amazing?”)

“And this here” he pointed an elegant finger towards the dried out skin on the table. “Started to show signs of spiritual energy when I killed the first person. I’ve never seen anything like it before, so I was wondering if I could get it identified. Perhaps it’s some sort of merging artifact?”

“Hah! You’ve come to the right person. This isn’t just any artifact, it’s almost certainly a spacial treasure.” I know a cheat when I see one. This is either an infinite space, a “sealed a legendary demon/monster/beast in here,” or a “main character mentally/physical enters this special space with abundant spiritual energy and/or accelerated time.”

“You should bring it to Master to find out what kind it is. You said you killed his family, right? Any spacial masters you killed recently?” She inquired.

“Hmm... I may have accidentally wiped out a clan. Someone got dirt on my robes so I killed them. And then some people started going after me, and I killed them too. And then more people we-”

“Okay, okay, I get it. You’re super amazing and managed to accidentally wipe out an entire clan.” Accidentally? You call that an accident? I thought you were going to say that you unleashed a amazing hidden skill technique of doom and destruction that levelled the surrounding area and destroyed a clan. How hard is it to destroy a clan, anyways? I mean I guess you just really only need one idiot to stage a coup, like that dumbass Murong Chang or whatever his name was again.

Wait.

Shit, I really did leave a stove running!

I forgot about the Murong Clan! It’s been a week already! I need to go back and fix everything.

“Okay, that’s nice. Here are the Clear Bluebells. I just remembered that I have to go somewhere. Bye!” Murong Yingyue strode over to a cabinet and took out a ring. She waved her hand and glassy bulbs appeared in her hand. She tossed them over to Di Jinming and grabbed a blood red wooden staff and began to make her way out. “Close and lock the door and windows on your way out, thanks!” She called out the Di Jinming.

Once she was outside her cottage, she walked over to the main entrance and stopped just at the entrance. She let out some of her spiritual energy, activating a formation. A large, dark shadowy figure appeared, towering over Yingyue. It was (yet another) very attractive man, with black eyes and hair. His skin was very pale, bordering on translucent, and black veins were clearly seen. He emitted an aura of bloodlust and violence, and he was wearing a vicious expression on his face. His pure black robes added on to his evil impression.

It was the formation spirit of the entrance, Qie. He tilted his head down, looking down at her.

In an instant, the spirit’s entire demeanor changed. The cruel expression was replaced by a wide, joyful grin, and the dark aura earlier had become bright sparkles.

Ahhh, too bright!

“Yueyue! Are you going out again? I thought you were injured, don’t you still need more time to recuperate? I was so worried about you when I felt you teleport in. Are you better now?”

“I’m fine. Actually, I ended up wasting that talisman on getting away from my First Senior Brother. I didn’t know it was him at the time, but he was being creepy.”

“Oh! That’s right! That First Senior Brother of yours is pretty scary. I can’t believe he assaulted you!” The figure’s cheeks puffed up. “Don’t worry, the next time he comes within twenty feet of you, I can notify you and transport you away.”

“It’s fine now. We’ve cleared up any future misunderstandings. Anyways, I need you to hook me up. Can you send me to the Murong Clan compound? I need to finish my mission.”

The spirit perked up. “I can, but it’ll take a while to prepare the array. I’ll get right to it!” Qie disappeared in a shower of illusory glitter.

“The Murong Clan compound? What are you going there for?” An increasingly familiar voice spoke.

“Did you lock my doors and windows?” She asked, not bothering to look back.

“Yes. Answer my question.” Di Jinming continued to press the subject.

“Mission.”

“What kind of mission? And why?” So nosy. Shut the hell up already, I’ve more than exceeded my quota for tolerating people like you for the next decade.

“Need to help this girl out. And Master.” Murong Yingyue replied curtly.

“Why did Master give you this mission?” Argh! Just leave me alone! Stop reminding me of why I even ended up meeting you in the first place!

“Someone told him to.” She bit out. Her patience was wearing thin, and she didn’t think she could take it if he kept asking.

“Oh,” He nodded understandingly. “He’s fallen for another scammer’s lies, hasn’t he? What was it this time?” Murong Yingyue felt a brief connection with him for a moment.

Who knows how many times he’s had to deal with Master’s utter idiocy as his first disciple? It would justify him dragging Master out of his house in April to get revenge on him.

“It was a prophecy,” Yingyue said, feeling a kindred spirit. “A fake monk told him that there was an ancient prophecy regarding his disciples. I never heard the whole thing, but it was something along the lines of one of your disciples will have bad luck if they don’t help someone with the same name as them.” Way too specific for a goddammed prophecy, if you ask me. Aren’t they supposed to be shrouded in mystery and difficult to comprehend with double meanings in every line? Why was it so easy to figure out then? Fuck, if you can’t follow the first rule of basic counterfeit prophecy making, then go back to Prophecy Bullshitting 101, you noob!

"A prophecy?" His face darkened. "Master... is really impressive. His best friend is a seer, yet he trusts every vaguely spiritual person on the street." Di Jinming glanced at her. "You need to keep track of him. He blew over two hundred top tier artifacts on gambling because he was told he had good luck for a day."

"Mmn." Yingyue responded, lost in thought. What the fuck is taking so long? Qie should've prepared the teleportation formation by now.

Seeing that she wasn't really listening, he decided to weasel more information out of her.

"How long have you been on this mission?"

"Three weeks." Murong Yingyue snapped out of her daze. She side-eyed Di Jinming. Was he trying to fish for information? Fine then, she'll give him what he wants!

"Did you know that apparently that clan heiresses aren't allowed to talk too loud? It's fucking ridiculous! I had to force myself to whisper everything I said. The stupid clan elders looked like I just dug up their ancestor's graves and pissed on their dead bodies when I told them to shut the hell up! It's fucking oppressive. Also, I had to wear a veil the entire time I was there because apparently, it's 'tradition' for only the husband to see the bride's face when they become of age. It started because an old man took a liking to one of their women, but they were already betrothed and they couldn't marry her off to him. And then that dumb old man got mad and started to oppose the Murong family because out their 'insult' to his fragile male ego. Why the fuck should they have to blind themselves so some crotchety old men don't get any funny ideas and rob a cradle?" Murong Yingyue continued to rant to Di Jinming, who had instantly regretted trying to learn more about her mission once she went on to mention how clan heiresses had to use burnt tree bark as pads when they were on their periods since it was supposed to boost fertility, and looked sick at the thought of drinking mashed up lizard skin to improve the chances of giving birth to a male baby.

Murong Yingyue continued her barrage of sensitive subjects regarding the female body, making him as uncomfortable as possible as payback for the sexual harassment earlier.

"And did you know that they aren't allowed to touch men not related to them, because that'll suck away the yin energy in our bodies and make us contract STDs?" She was grinning widely at his discomfort now, watching gleefully as he shifted slightly away from her and avoided eye-contact. Hah! That'll teach you to mess with me! It'd be even better if I had this universe's equivalent of a tampon so I can throw it at him to make him go away!

"Also, clan heiresses have to-"

“Yueyue!” The formation spirit popped up again, Di Jinming relaxing in relief at the reprieve he just received. “The Murong Clan set up an interference formation around their compound, so it might take me even longer.” The figure scowled. “Dumb humans, if it weren’t for the distance between us, they would never be able to stop me in the slightest!”

“That’s right. You’re the best damn formation spirit there is.” Murong Yingyue praised carelessly, still giddy from making her First Senior Brother suffer. “You’re made of such high-quality materials and infused with the best spiritual energy a formation spirit could have.”

“Yueyue!” The spirit cried, “You’re so kind and good to me! Don’t worry, I’ll break through their stupid formation as soon as possible!” In another puff of sparkles, the figure disappeared.

Di Jinming, who had been completely ignored, stared in confusion at the spot where the formation spirit had appeared. After some silence, he finally spoke, although he was still wary due to the earlier one-sided conversation.

“Who was that?”

“That’s Qie. He’s our formation spirit.”

“Yes, I know that, but why was he created?” He asked.

“Master made him so we would stop pestering him to travel everywhere.” Are you done now? So many damn questions. I would've thought that you would be scared of me for life with all that new information I gave you.

Di Jinming stayed silent, and Murong Yingyue let out a mental sigh of relief. Great, now that the obscene amount of dialogue is done, let’s get down to business!

“Yueyue!” Qie appeared again. “I’m sending you now!” Yingyue nodded.

“Alright. Bye.” She told Di Jiming. Later, bitch!

She felt the familiar pull of the spacial energy, and in another blink, she was sent to the Murong compound.

Di Jinming turned to the formation spirit.

“So... you’re Qie.” He smiled sharply. Qie took one look at his evil grin and tried to disappear, but was grabbed onto by Di Jinming.

“Why don’t you tell me why you’re here?” The poor spirit started to tremble in his grip. Di Jinming pulled him closer, leaning in.

“Tell. The. Truth.” He whispered maliciously.

A tear ran down Qie's face.