Ok now seriously new years is over back on track !

======================================================

-I don't know the answer to your question,for me killing someone isn't something I feel bad about,I don't really take anyones life if I don't have to,but in the end I do believe there are people who deserve life more then other my value for people is also very twisted so asking me such a question is unbefitting since I believe that you and I are quite different from each other...

I said,telling her my short opinion while closing my eyes feeling the warmth of the camp fire in front of me.

Scar who sat by my side only shook for a small second hearing my reply,she didn't seem to be all too shocked,but rather disturbed for a small amount.

-Yeah,I figured that you wouldn't be a guy that is very much influenced by feelings..

Scar laughed.

Actually,I am,but I don't usually show it that often.

Is what I thought,but kept silent about it and simply let scar continue talking.

-Well it doesn't really have much to do with feelings if you think about it,it has rather to do with the thought of being a murderer that would haunt you after you kill someone...my father once told me that killing someone the first time is always the hardest milestone with anything that has to do with killing like a soldier,you will need a strong gut for it and when you finally do it,then you will feel as if you are the worst person in this world regardless of the person you killed being good or bad you will still feel pity and regret for it maybe get some nightmares...

Scar suddenly stopped mid-sentence.The sudden stop puzzled for me for a few seconds as I glanced at her to see what was going on,her face seemed awfully pale and a bit green her eyes were swimming and I could hear her heart racing the words she had spoken just now must have made her imagination go wild which is why she was making this hard look on her face shivering slightly.

After a few seconds scar finally recovered and shook her to snap out of it.

-I...I should stop talking...sorry if I disturbed you with my words maybe we should go to sleep already its already midnight..

Scar suggested hastily getting up from her seat as she made her way towards the makeshift shelter she made my tent was not far away from her shelter and looked very extravagant compared to her little wood shelter a bit pitiful,she didn't seem to feel all too well after this conversation even though it was her who had brought it up in the first place,she really has a lot of problems with death itself and just thinks about it too much why it is the case I don't know,maybe she is trying to prepare herself,justify and know her actions such as ending someones life,but poorly ended up this way without even being able to kill a single person,she is too scared of the things that might happen after she kills someone how it will affect her in the end.

I wonder...did I ever change ? Did I ever change through murder ? Maybe,its something not even I can tell anymore,but there are things I know for sure.

I never went astray on my intentions...My ultimate goal was very simple...keep my sister happy and alive,it is only for a very limited time that I had experienced the joy of living myself the things you can do and feel happy about.

-Scar do you think I am strong ? If you first met me without knowing anything about me what would you have thought of who I was ?

Scar momentarily stopped in her tracks,my words seemed to be very odd for her,but she replied anyways turning back towards me with a thoughtful and puzzled look on her face.

-I..I probably would have thought that you were a hill billy country bumpkin because of your weird clothes,but at the same time if I saw you closer up and noticed your appearance,speech and demeanor I would have probably thought that you were someone who came from a foreign country,but that also begs the question...I never saw a human with golden eyes before so it may be that you are from a unique lineage

Scar spoke thoughtfully,her deduction wasn't half bad really,over all she was a very strong person herself someone more fit to be a thief or some kind of informant then a assassin.

-And what do you think now ? After going with me this far what is your opinion on me ?

I asked making scar immediately a bit more thoughtful as she started thinking harder.

-You...you are straight most of the time,honest kind of guy,but not always,you avoid talking if you don't want anything to be found out,stubborn and sometimes mean or rude,but you don't have the viciousness to be a bad person,but rather you are tender hearted you seem to have quite a lot on your mind sometimes it even seems to make you frustrated,but that seems to be rare too,you are generally clear minded so you do things more rationally then impulsively,other then this I can't say much...

Scar replied,hearing her describe me like this made me very surprised,I really do seem mysterious like this don't I ? Not being able to help myself I smiled and started laughing all of a sudden.

Scar was confused and a bit surprised that I would start to laugh like this out of nowhere either way she didn't ask why I was laughing and instead waited for me to stop.

-And I think that you are pretty good yourself scar,I won't ask you why you became like this,but I will say that you can do much better don't think about the consequences of killing someone if you can't even decided to do it or not,its true that it is easier to preach then to practice maybe your just not meant to kill anyone in the first place why dwell on it if nothing is going to be solved anyways...or do you have a reason why you dwell on it so much ?

Confronted with the question,scar gritted her teeth for a moment she was in need of huge amount of money,but she refused to take handouts and instead wanted to earn the money herself in any way possible that wouldn't breach her morals that was taught to her by her parents...yes her parents this is the huge turning point of the question...where are her parents ?

Scar shut her eyes it seemed like she had enough of the conversation and decided to show me her back instead.

-It doesn't concern you forget that I ever asked...

Hearing her words was like a drop of water falling down my clear lake,it rippled,but I didn't care enough to know what caused the ripple in the first place,but at the same time I still felt a bit annoyed...she talks when she doesn't want to talk and doesn't talk when she does want to talk...crazy indeed..or just woman.I am a guy not a woman we are strangers too how could I possibly understand her or how could she understand me ?

The thought drifted a few seconds in my brain as I finally decided and opened my eyes.

I stood up,getting up I walked towards scar and swiftly grabbed onto her shoulder,she wasn't able to react in time my speed and nimble movement was just too unreal for her to perceive on top of that confusion was also an issue that set on her making her movement flimsy and panicked,I didn't do much and just turned scar around raising her leg I proceeded to lightly put her to the ground on her back while simultaneously pressing both of her hands to the ground while mounting her.

-Ehh..what..why ?!

Scar cried out very confused and shocked for a moment as she couldn't escape from my grip entirely nailed by me with no way to escape or struggle,my eyes were pinned on her almost working as bindings in itself as the golden light that shined through my eyes entranced the scar that was laying under me.

Her eyes had a small trace of fear them,she was also starting to blush furiously looking at me with disdain,but also self regret and irony.

-What...what are you going to do with me ?

Her voice was pleasant shy and a bit fearful her lips quivered with a tempting luster her chest heaving up and down from her breathing,but in the end it wasn't what I was after.

-You want to cry right ?

I asked,my questioned seemed to have directly shattered the intense mood as scar who was laying underneath helplessly looked at me as if I was ludicrous.

-Wha...no,no I don't why do think that...rather if you aren't intending on doing anything to me let me go already...arghhh !...you scum !

Scar cried out once again this time it was because of pain,I had pulled her arms a bit further to make her feel a bit more agitated and talkative...it worked.

-You jerk...you dare hitting a woman what kind of gentleman is that !

She shouted at me now getting a bit more teary then before,I only smiled with a cold attitude and replied to her.

-I never said I am a gentleman and I can't really call you a lady either can I ? On top of that I don't feel like this is wrong since I believe in gender equality

Scar gritted her teeth,she would never imagined to have gotten in such bizarre situation as this me out of all people who never showed any interest towards her body she felt helpless under my reign,but she was also strong and stubborn and refused to give up like this.

-Why...why are you doing this ? You just want me to cry ? For what?

She growled at me,but I replied in a indifferent manner.

-I don't want you to cry you want to cry instead and the reason I am doing this is because...

I blanked out my eyes were still lingering towards scar as my thought process accelerated trying to reaffirm my real intention towards this out of place action of mine...At the end I could only smile bitterly as I spoke.

-I already spent way too much time with you to consider a stranger anymore,even though I didn't want to admit it,you are my friend and because you are my friend I can't stand having you feel this downcast it isn't because of a stupid self sacrifice policy no,you should already know that I don't do thinks just because I can,but I still have feelings of my own which you are wrong at one point when describing me I am still human and I can feel and I get influenced sometimes which is why I am doing this which is why I know that you are very sad and bitter which is why I know you want to cry,but refuse to since you want to be strong to be able to kill which is why I want to help you because you are my friend

-(Hic)...

Scar cried,her tears flowed down without a stop as she sniffed her nose trying to look the other way to hide her unsightly image of herself in front of me so she wouldn't feel ashamed,but still couldn't since I was holding her down my golden eyes never leaving her face.

-You...(hic)...I take back everything I said about you...you are brain damaged instead (Sniff)...calling a stranger like me a friend ? We only know each other for 2 days...maybe even less your standards for friends a pretty low you most probably don't even have that many am I right ? you sociopath....(Hic)

She sniffed her face was already very red like a tomato from embarrassment,her words also sort of hurt,but I didn't mind at all since some the things she said were right...I don't have many friends,but I still have a good amount of them to able to trust them properly like hestia,leraje,christina,cecilia and also sera who is the whole reason why I am here right now,even though I didn't fully intent on coming here the disc still brought me here which was enough for me to decide on helping her right now since she was my friend and the sociopath thing...

Funnily this is the reason why I laughed in the first place...All of my acts up until now were that of a sociopath I am not crazy or cruel which was good,but I am still very isolated sometimes trouble having to open to people sometimes random outbursts that can be described as unhealthy...I know that the sky prison had already dealt enough damage to my mind for me to feel this way isolated and alone,sometimes the books and the ingredients of my chemistry set were the only thing that kept me company it messed with my mind and I truly that it was okay that I didn't need to think about it anymore since I was out into the open.

How wrong I was...

-Its true,but scar I am glad that you aren't sad anymore

I said smiling at scar as I finally loosened the grip on her hands and let her free,scar was very lost right now she was still crying and quickly tried to wipe off her eyes while stepping away from me,the way she looked at me afterwards was a bit angry and resentful,but at the same time thankful and sorry.

-I...I am not saying anything anymore you weirdo...

She said growling at me in a very ashamed and embarrassed manner not even able to look at me straight anymore as she scurried away into her makeshift shelter.

-Haha...

I laughed seeing her run away like this,she was still visible actually she was only hiding her head from me inside her shelter trying to avoid me which I found to be incredibly cute in a way which is why I was laughing.

The rest of the night went on without a problem I didn't sleep anymore and instead just guarded the fire at some point when I was sure that scar was already asleep,I carried her gently into my own tent and let her sleep there in comfort and warmth until morning

=================================================

I edit and write other stories !

https://kakemonoko.wordpress.com/