[Blue Mage has increased to level 11!

[You shall receive an Apprentice level item relevant to your Class and build!]

[You received: 1*Adept Gloves of Distiller]

[Adept Gloves of Distiller. Enchanted Apprentice. Hand

[Durability: 150/150

[Armor: 1

[Bonus: +2Arcane

[Enchantment: Able to store 0/2 Essence Core.]

[You learned the Spell: Beacon of Alacrity!]

I stand in the abyss, hands on my hips, the billowing cloak of Azrael waving before me. "I figure I'm learning enough Abilities with Blue Mage that I don't need to complicate myself any further with another Class."

"True. Blue Mages in the past very rarely multi classed. There are enough monsters in this world for them to learn from." He waves a hand and instead of portals, a phantom gallery of the monsters of Arc flashes briefly, covering the endless blackness.

"And as far as the Spell goes, I can use it for long range supporters or in the midst of a melee." I cast Beacon. A pale yellow orb swirls into existence and pulses light and magic in the form of expanding waves. I immediately feel the effects as my limbs feel charged with energy, like a triple shot of espresso finally kicking in.

Syphon Life Force would have been nice, since my only healing Abilities are the small First Aid thing from Minor Survival Craft and the AoE Spell Healing Breeze, which heals everyone in range including hostiles.

I do a little shadow boxing, practicing the use of my Abilities and melee attacks. I try to mimic Dom, the Goblin Ninja I met in Higo. He just had to mention the obviousness of my lack proper fighting knowledge to me, didn't he?

I should probably ask Vic to teach me something so that I could have a good base. Rarely and randomly, a ghostly blue shadow of my claws trails behind some attacks, like a faster version of Echo Strike, and I understand the bonus of the mask.

"How are you guiding others if you're here with me?" I ask Azrael as he watches me swipe my claws through the air, followed by Roundhouse Kicks.

"This is merely a projection of my true self. This way, I can be anywhere and everywhere I need to be." His tone is patient, probably from answering the same question repeatedly.

"That's cool. I like the company. Is there any way I can get one of those monster ghosts so I can practice on it?" I ask, not really expecting anything. Suddenly, a truly monsterous figure appears before me. It's a giant punching bag in the shape of a Centogre flexing its arms in a threatening manner. My blows make contact with a leg and hoof, claws tearing at the figure, but my damage repairs quickly.

"Very funny," I say wryly, teleporting on it's back and having a seat. "Guess I should've been more specific… How about something my size?"

The figure of a bandit, one wrapped in leather armor, a bandana over his nose and mouth, and wielding two daggers in a threatening pose takes the Centogre's place. The sudden exchange takes me by suprise and I have to Blink Step to the ground. Or… did I? I'm not sure, but I didn't want to find out.

"I can only produce physical figures of Arceans and monsters that you've already killed. And, no. I cannot animate them to fight you."

"Thanks anyway. This is cool. Too bad I never really tried to do this before." I thought the bandit looked familiar. He was one of those attacking Aristeo's wagon. I methodically move my hands around the figure, pretending to block, parry, slash, and stab. I cycle through my Spells and Skills since they don't drain MP or SP during this "dream state." One of the only things I can't do is change my equipment or use items so I can't use my new Essence Core or gloves. I would really like to test out Glorious Dawn Elixir, too, since I'm much too stingy with items to use it any time soon.

I cast Arcane Shield and a six foot magic circle forms into the shape of a lens made from purple energy. It moves through the dark space when I guide it with my hand. Eventually, I'm able to position it with my will. I activate Hellbent Roar and combine it with Beacon of Alacrity, tearing into the bandit like a wood chipper, the amount of power and energy I feel is intoxicating.

When it regenerates, I switch to my next experiment. I activate the last tier Ability of Tempest Fist, Be Like Water. My body turns transluscent and ripples with every slight movement. I feel like I'm underwater, but at the same time I feel like I have complete control over every single inch of my body.

I take a few steps. I wobble a bit, my senses are perceiving my surroundings as if I'm a little drunk and it takes a bit more concentration to do more than walk. I expend two more charges, bringing my timer to 2minutes, 27seconds. I drop to the floor, flattening completely into a puddle. I'm looking up at the Bandit at such an extreme angle that it's a little disorienting. I stand back up, stretch up a little taller, thinning myself out and looking down at the figure. I wrap myself around the figure and forcing myself up into a sort of bubble on its head. 1minute, 19seconds.

I cast Manipulate Water on myself, heating up to the highest 103F temp. Then I make myself cloudy with a shadowy, magical silt. The only thing I can't do is freeze my watery self. The system probably sees the water as me and I can't freeze water if living creatures are in it. I will myself to the floor and combine together to make sure every drop is put back before I return to normal.

"Interesting use of Manipulate Water," Azrael says. "You'll be waking soon, so I'll take my leave. Thank you for entertaining me."

I laugh, "My pleasure, as always. Oh! Any words of advice for a Ritual Candle of Magic?"

His voice echoes as his robe fades away, "None of it is real…"

"Thanks. Ominous." I'm alone in the darkness with my Bandit practice dummy, the desire to fight it drains from me and I knock its head with the back of my fist. I sigh to myself and look around.

Usually, when I've slept in game, my mind goes into a kind of stasis. It's like it pauses until a certain time when an inner alarm would go off and I would resume mental activity. Sometimes I would practice in the darkness, but since I didn't know I could summon a target to play with it got really boring really quickly. Azrael didn't always visit me, either, making my practice a much lonelier event.

After breakfast, Dawn came up with a division of duties. When I asked her if I could take some time to use the candle, all of the NPC's gasped and recoiled in horror. They all poured out arguements and questions as to why anyone in their right mind would do something like use a Fourth Hell Contract. Kona even slapped at Victoria, blaming her for turning me into a masochist. Vic just rolled her eyes at her, but gave me a knowing smirk when she turned away from the angry kitty. I'm a little concerned, however, since Kona's slap didn't look all that harmless.

"It's just a way to gain another Spell," Vic says. "Aren't you a Warlock? Didn't you have to take up a patron?"

Kona's face screws up in indignation, "It's not the same at all! But, if he's willing to go through four hours of pain and suffering, I don't wanna hear any complaints from him."

"Um..." From my seat I raise my hand to her as she walks past, "I'm right here. You don't have to talk about me like I'm not here."

"Oh. You keep dying so it's hard to remember if you're around or not." At first I thought she was just being playfully mean, but when her anguished face turns to me, it tells me all I need to know. "Those things are dangerous. How do you think I lost my original master?"

My thoughts go back to her necklace, the small mana battery, and her master giving it to her before he died. She never said how, though I believe now is the time for us to find out.

"He was very kind to me, but he was getting so old. He learned of a Spell… one that could give him a little more time. But he was too old to go adventuring." She plops down next to Serenity, ears back and curling up in her lap. She stares off into space.

"He was able to obtain a Master ranked Ritual Candle of Magic. Do you know how long they last? How fucking crazy it was for a man his age to attempt?" She's sobbing and gripping Serenity's robes. The Infernus is focusing all of her attention on her, removing her hat and stroking her hair. "You wanna be a Blue Mage? Light a hundred fucking candles? Take stupid fucking risks in battle and die over and over again? You go ahead! We'll keep waiting for you. Keep hoping that you'll come back to life and that you'll come back to us!"

I look around the room. All of the NPC's are averting their gazes from me, Kona's words still ringing in the vardo. Richter and Rachel are also looking away, mostly from embarassment. They've yet to die in game so this might not be the first time they've heard this speech. They've probably heard a lot more than this while I was gone. My eyes meet Dawn's and hers is a look of sympathy. She knows I don't die on purpose, though it's only been twice so far. I say twice as if it isn't enough times to merit her feelings. Dawn motions with her eyes to say something to her, but Kona isn't finished.

"We know you're immortal… And that dying is only a bump in the road for you…" Her voice is a little muffled with her face buried in Serenity's lap and she sniffs hard to clear her runny nose. "But we still have to see your mangled corpse every single time you do. It's not easy, Ardacen."

Her fist weakly pounds on Serenity's knee as she speaks in a weak tone, "We can't just forget things like you do. Ramona…" I may not have forgotten our Saurean friend, but the system did help me skip the grieving that comes with such a loss. The system helps us with a lot of the trauma we should normally feel. Dismemberment, disembowlment, decapitation, drowning, and a whole list of painful things that don't begin with the letter D, but usually ending with our deaths.

The last person I want to face right now is literally the last person I affix my gaze. She's looking at Kona with an air of pity and then her eyes look over to me. The emotion on her face changes. I can't get a fix on it. It's like all of my secrets were laid out in front of her and she's asking me if they were all true. My bony face must not be as hard for her to read as I had originally believed and her expression softens. Her lips turn up slightly, a sad smile that says, "You really stuck your foot in it, didn't you?"

"I'm sorry, everyone. I… I know I'm reckless at times. Everything for me is just fun and adventure. But for most of you, everything's a matter of survival. Of life and death." While I speak, I slowly make my way towards Kona, kneeling next to her, and placing my hand on her shoulder. She flinches at first, looking to see who had the nerve to touch her besides the Infernus. When she sees me, her puffy, red eyes well up again.

She grits her teeth and shoves an accusatory finger into my chest, "Just because you're immortals doesn't mean your deaths don't have consequences." She glances sharply at Victoria and then back to me, "Do you even know about the nightmares some of us had when that spider lady evaporated, revealing your crushed and bloody body in that crater? Your head. Your chest. The awful way your legs bent. It took Taymin several talks to get me to stop having them."

Her eyes are wild as they search my face for answers, "And then- and then- we didn't know what happened to you at the lake! You just disappeared! It was magic! It could've been anything!"

She launches from her chair, grabbing me by the collar with both hands and tackling me to the floor. Her head is buried in my chest and she's crying, a growl in her throat, "And then your last death! Showing off like that? You were so stupid! We were so worried about you! Vic was--"

Kona interrupts herself. Everything is quiet and still. I'm sure the rest of the vardo can hear Kona's outbursts, but I push the thought out. This isn't something out of the blue. It's been buried for a while, festering and growing after each event. Each disappearence.

I know what she was going to say about Vic. I saw it in her eyes and sad smile when she met me in the lobby. I felt it in the dance. In the way she held my hand the whole time. The way she let me lead, even though I'm probably the last person who should do so. And when her feelings manifested into a new Feat that involves my death, her inner self was telling me the truth. It told me about the rage and fury she would feel every time I died. The anger and need for vengence that would swell like a hurricane. She would have to take out on something. Anything.

And then…

When those around her have suffered as she had suffered…

When those feeling subsided…

The feelings of utter helplessness would emerge. How that feeling would consume her. How that shadowy, draining feeling would last so much longer than the hate. How weak I made her feel. I did that to her.

And I had no right to.

That's what the crying Half-Faunus meant to say. That's what the crying Valkyrie meant after the dance. That's what the sad, embarrassed faces of my friends are saying.

My level of Reputation with her is not just a series of ones and zeros that I can manipulate for my advantage. It's another example of how this world isn't just a game.

For Richter, it's an escape from a world of paperwork, a place where he can relax and have fun with people he's become friends with. For Rachel, it's a second chance to live a life that was cruelly and untimely taken from her. I'm not as close to Dawn in the game, but in real life I know she's working hard to become more than just an object of desire.

"I… I really am sorry, Kona. Everyone. I'm going to try harder now. I can't promise not to die, but… I will try to treat my life with more care. I will try to protect it, as I would yours. Though, I will always give mine to save any of yours." Kona eases up on my coat, the points of her claws still pressing into me as she pushes herself up. Everyone gathers around to help us both to our feet.

Kona wordlessly embraces me and she is joined from behind by Serenity. Then Rachel. Richter. Victoria hugs me from the back. Dawn. Sonny, who heard everything along with everyone else. Our whole little community is together for this.

We will not take death lightly in our group, Traveler or Arcean. We will grow stronger for the sake of the person to our right and to our left. We are family. One bound not by blood, but by destiny.