I've been walking for a good hour now. Just going forward, forward, over and over, step after step. The bird on my head is taking a nap and I am exhausted. Turns out, Constitution determines how much Stamina you have. Since I only have one, I am very frail. My HP is fine, because it seems Strength increases it too to some extent, but my status here says:

Stamina- 1/20

So yeah, I'm screwed. I'm gonna sit down and take a break.

"Urgh, this is awful. I need better stats soon. I made a mistake going Strength-only."

Wisdom has increased by 1!

"...What? There's that kind of attribute growth in this game? Then if all my stats are at one, do they grow faster? They do, right? Oh, yeah! That was a great idea! It was luck, sure, but I essentially gave myself free stats!"

I took my newfound avian friend off my head and lied down in the grass, hoping a relaxing lie-down would help me catch my breath. It did. I was back to half my Stamina in what felt like a few seconds and back to full in just a few more. I could physically feel myself getting refreshed. What a fucking rush! It was way better than any adrenaline release!

"I refuse to get used to that. Holy hell my dude..."

I stood up and put the little bird on my shoulder.

"Okay, guy. I made sure to lie down facing the way we're going, so you better hang on tight. Now, let's figure out how awful a Dexterity 1 player is at running."

Turns out, it's awful. It felt like I was sprinting at an Olympic level, with all of the strain and none of the speed. I feel like my awkward, rapid stumbling was clocking in at a whopping eight or nine kilometers an hour. After a few seconds, I was winded, gasping for air and I had lost 13 Stamina.

"More..."

I needed to work on my stats if I was going to get out of this eternal meadow alive. I pushed on and "ran" the rest of my Stamina out. When I hit zero, it was like my whole body was paralyzed, but without tension. Is this what being roofied feels like? I hit the ground.

Constitution has increased by 1! Maximum Stamina has increased by 1!

You have taken 2 damage! HP: 53/55

Oh hey, at least I got something out of that. After another, slightly longer rest, I was ready to go again. I resumed my "running" and exactly ten seconds later, another flop, another two damage, one more maximum Stamina. I did this whole process for an entire in-game hour. I got to 5 Constitution, 3 Dexterity, and 9 extra Stamina capacity.

"Enough. I'm not getting anywhere with this. Why am I still fucking LOST?! WHERE IS ANYONE? WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!!"

"Hey, what's wrong, man?"

"Huh?"

There was someone behind me.

"Where the fuck did you come from? Where is this, and why can't I get out of this eternal peaceful meadow?"

"What? Dunburg is right there!"

"What the fuck is Dunburg? There's nothing there!"

"What? The fuck d'you-- oh. You only have 1 Intelligence, don't you?"

"Yeah, so?"

"Did you read the guide at all before entering the game?"

"No, I did not. I just wanted to be buff, do silly poses and punch things really hard. Figured I wouldn't need to solve world hunger to do so."

"Yeah, well you fucked yourself over. An intelligence of 1 makes you about as smart as that bird on your head. That makes you dumb enough for the protective spells cast on the city to affect you. Of course, if you had a willpower over 1, you'd be able to resist the illusion as well. You are literally too weak-minded to go into a city."

"The fuck? How... Why would they put that into the game?"

"To dissuade people like you from putting points into only one stat."

"If I wanna make a Strength-only build, I fucking will! What the fuck? I thought this game was meant to be open to all kinds of shit?"

Willpower has increased by 1!

Suddenly, behind the stranger, a huge city appeared.

"WHAT THE--"

I fell on my ass. He wasn't lying! There really was a city! Plus , we were surrounded by curious players and... uh, slimes? Neat.

"Still, what kind of fucking mechanic is this? You have to be smart to play a game? Have those dipshits never heard of grinding? That shit's awful!"

"Dude, one is the absolute minimum for this game. You literally only have to put one point there."

"Yeah, well strength build wins anyway, 'cuz I can gain stats by doing random shit! I mean, my Intelligence is still one. Check this out! 2 plus 2 is 4!"

Intelligence has increased by 1!

"Oh my God, it actually worked. See? I'm the smart boy now! Can't bully me now, can you, you loser?"

The small crowd we'd amassed burst into a roar of laughter.

"See? Even stupid people can be fun. VIABLE BUILD, EVERYONE!"

Then I dabbed, because why not.

"Hey, did you somehow tame that bird?" someone from the crowd asked.

"No, it's just been real friendly to me for a while. Why?"

"That thing says Field Boss when I analyse it."

The atmosphere changed real quick when they said that. I could feel the hostile, greedy stares of a hundred gamers on me. I was holding the little guy, like a little pet. Because that's how small it is. A little smaller than a baseball.

"This? A Field Boss? Hey, lad. Are you a boss?"

*chirp*

...I don't know what I expected.

"Wait, no, hang on. How'd you get something like Analysis so quickly?"

"I picked it as a starting skill."

"Really? I picked punching and kicking."

"Only two?"

"No, I got a third one. It's Show-Off! YEAH!" I said, pulling a power pose out of nowhere.

Show-Off has leveled up!

"Oh, it went up."

"So are you gonna give us the boss or do we have to take it from you?" Some guy in the crowd, real arrogant-looking guy with a nose that could cut steel beams and very shiny green hair, came out and asked me that.

"If you want to hurt something so adorable, that looks so defenseless, I'm going to have to hurt you. This bird is a lovely little ball of feathery fluff and if you try that, I'm gonna beat you up."

"Yeah? You and what combat experience? How are you gonna beat a sword, dumbass?"

He moved to draw his sword, slowly and arrogantly. Good lord, this guy is smug. Fortunately, he thought his smirk would disarm me. That was a bad move. With a light toss, I got my feathery friend into the air. Distracted by this, he reached out to it with both hands even as it rose way out of arms' reach.

I took advantage of that, and kicked him in the dick. Really hard.

I saw his name turn red, but his face almost became the same, and just as fast at that. He crumbled into a ball, in pain. Even simulated and toned way down, that pain can take down a lot of people.

"Dex build. Bad match."

I soccer kicked him in the head, twice. He managed to dodge the third kick somehow, and scrambled away while whimpering "I yield! Stop!"

"Why should I? Would you have stopped if you'd been the one in my position? Not to count it's like fifty to one, because I'm still protecting the bird."

I got lucky. It actually surprised him! What a great plan, for a last-minute one. Gambling isn't quite what I'd like, though.

"Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be going to town. I've apparently been missing out."

I felt it land on my head. Surprisingly enough, the circle dispersed. I heard murmurs, stuff like "too late" and "not doing that". I better be prepared, that guy's definitely going to want to avenge himself.

First things first, though, the city.