It is wide and open, plain and flat grass stretched in a perfect rectangle with squared bushes to the side. There was stained glass clarity to the sunbeam. And the scent of baked apples lingered in the air.

Emilia loved the palace gardens, it was a place that soothed her into calmness. But the once peaceful and tranquil scenery of hers had now become a little playground filled with overflowing happiness. And the reason for that was…

“Mom! Mom! Look!” A young child, looking as if he might stumble, raced to her with a flower he held in his hand. His black hair swayed in the wind with each step, his serene blue eyes sparkled like the skies of summer. The child wore a simple white long sleeved T-shirt with a cute red bow tie in his neck and had black jumpers on.

“Lazarus dear, don’t run. You might trip.”

Instead of heeding her words, the boy jumped and hugged her. Feeling a sense of elation, Emilia full-on bear hugged him. Smooshing him in her bosom.

“I told you not to run right?” Emilia said in a scolding tone, but the happiness in seeing her son’s smile is still evident in her gentle voice. The boy struggled a bit, before she let him go.

“Mom, you were suffocating me!”

“Oh really? I didn’t notice...”

“Yes really! Anyway, look at this flower.”

Lazarus practically shoved it in her face and she caught it, studying it closely. It was just a regular four petaled white flower with a blue glow emanating from its center. A seiren flower.

“It’s glowing!”

“Ohh… then this might be a special flower.” She beamed and returned it to him. It was just a regular seiren flower but it did glow from time to time if it had accumulated a bit of nature mana, nothing unusual but since it was the first time that Lazarus had seen this phenomenon then it must’ve been exotic to him.

As Lazarus went on a wild tangent about the backstories of this flower, Emilia happily just nodded and went along. And although the flower was nothing special, this moment is, at least to Emilia.

With every mundane thing that made Lazarus smile, made her happier even more. With every moment she had to impart her knowledge of these mundane things and impress Lazarus, she felt the surge of excitement as if she was all knowing.

“Mana is the lifeblood of magic. To create magic, you must shape your mana with your heart and mind. And this flower is using the mana it has to make this glow.” Emilia said as she patted Lazarus' head.

For a moment, the young boy just kept furrowing his brows. Probably confused. But that was alright, he didn’t need to understand all of it now. He will begin to learn these things as he grows.

Eventually, the boy nodded happily and their discussion became a wild tangent of magic related things. And Emilia just kept on happily answering his constant ‘Why’s’

What would his next question be? Would it perhaps be about why the sky is blue? Or would he ask why he was a prince?

Lazarus had been quiet after his last question was answered. Emilia simply waited, and was ready to answer at a moment's notice.

He looked up to her and asked,

“Mom, when can I start learning to cast magic?”

Emilia froze.

“Big brother Clovis is already taking magic lessons, and Big sister Ana said in a few years that she’ll also be taking those lessons. When can I start?” Lazarus asked.

Emilia felt her heart tighten uncomfortably, then her back felt a cold touch and her mind felt numb.

What should she say?

Children typically started learning magic at the age of eight. And Lazarus was still five, it would still be far off into the future but the fact that she had to tell him of his condition soon was only a matter of time.

What kind of face would he make when he’d learn such a thing?

Just imagining him in tears, and curling into a ball made Emilia’s stomach drop. The feeling of trying to hold down the lump she felt in her throat was an almost impossible feat.

But she had to answer soon. Lazarus was still looking at her, excited to hear her answer.

“Well...” Emilia hesitated for a moment, before forcing out her reply. “Soon...”

“How soon?”

“I’ll tell you when you’re ready. Because you have to be prepared, because if you aren’t then this-!” Emilia thrusted her hands to Lazarus and began tickling him.

“Uwaahahahahahha!”

This worked for now. But not for long… Emilia dreaded the day when she would have to tell him. Even if she’s forcing him to laugh by tickling him, just seeing him like this, Emilia thought that

-’A child’s smile is a mother’s treasure.’

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Walking along the castle corridors.

Lazarus wondered.

King’s were kind, benevolent but strong.

Father’s were loving, hardworking but protective of their offsprings.

His father was the King, and his mother the Queen.

Lazarus turned a corner, and stood still as he was pondering.

His mother was kind.

But his father…

“Move.”

Lazarus flinched at the deep commanding tone. He looked frantically from side to side then just jumped wherever it was he wasn’t standing.

The sounds of heavy footsteps could be heard but Lazarus kept his eye on the ground. He couldn’t meet the King’s gaze.

He had once met his father’s gaze, but all he received was a glare. When he first didn’t understand what it was and dared to venture closer, he was sent flying with a smack. The feeling of being weightless, then followed by the sensation of hard ground was not at all pleasant.

Ever since then, Lazarus felt a suffocating feeling when the King was around. He would be on high alert and would stay clear of him. But when his back was turned, Lazarus would gaze at him from a corner and observe.

His father, the King, was neither kind nor loving.

But that was fine. After all, there was someone who was there for him.

Lazarus walked around the castle corridors, often peeking into the rooms as he was bored.

“Mother should be...”

Lazarus began running, turning a corner then going down some very wide stairs, eventually arriving on the second floor where a large white door decorated by golden ornaments was.

“Ana’s room.”

He slowly turned the knob and peeked inside.

There he saw Anastasia sitting on Emilia’s lap, while Emilia read her a story. From the cover of the book, it seems to be a story about a princess being rescued by a handsome young prince.

Wanting to join, Lazarus headed inside but stopped dead on his tracks upon seeing the viscous glare from Anastasia.

“You! Get out!”

“B-but big sister Ana...” He pleaded, but Ana just screamed. “Get out!”

“Stop it!” Emilia intervened, she then looked at Lazarus, “Lazarus, it is rude to enter without permission.”

Lazarus lowered his head, “Y-yes… I’m sorry mother.”

“However-... Anastasia. That is NOT how you should treat your younger brother. You understand?”

Anastasia continued to glare at Lazarus, it was his fault that she was getting scolded even though she did nothing wrong. “This is your faul- yeaocchh!”

“What did I say?” Emilia tightened her pinch on Anastasia’s sides.

“I-I’m, sorry...I’m sorry...” She pleaded to which Emilia loosened her pinch and asked, “Sorry for what?”

“For treating that thing badly...OOowwwhhh!! I mean, Lazarus, I meant Lazarus! I’m sorry for treating Lazarus badly!”

Emilia turned to look at Lazarus whose head was still lowered, clearly feeling bad. Somehow scolding him when he only wanted to join made her heart sink. But as a mother, she had to discipline the both of them.

“And Lazarus, it is not I who you should be asking for forgiveness from, is it?”

“Yes… I’m sorry big sister Anastasia….”

“There, now that the both of you apologized. I want to see you hug and make up.”

Lazarus was hesitant, seeing the burning glare from Anastasia. And of course, mother couldn’t discipline her because she was behind Ana and couldn’t see her expression.

“Anastasia?”

“Y-yes mother...” Left with no other choice, she jumped down from Emilia’s lap and slowly approached Lazarus with her teeth clenched.

Seeing a bit of willingness from her, Lazarus also approached and opened his arms. Anastasia embraced him, then pinched his back. It was painful indeed for Lazarus, but he felt like it was his fault she was getting scolded so he let it slide. With this, he hoped that Anastasia would truly forgive him so he kept a straight face.

However, seeing no reaction from him, Anastasia twisted harder and made it seem like she was embracing Lazarus tighter to Emilia’s delight and Lazarus horror.

“That’s good! I’m glad you two made up!”

“Y-yeah...” Responded Lazarus, still feeling the pain on his back but avoided touching it in fear that Emilia would find out about it and scold Ana, making her hate him even more. While Anastasia seemed to alleviate a bit of her anger.

“Now Lazarus, head back to your room and remember, always knock and ask for permission before you enter, understand?”

“Yes mom… and sorry Ana” Said Lazarus, looking back at her sister as he was half way out the door before heading off to his room.

Emilia turned to look at Anastasia and asked, “Why do you always treat Lazarus that way?”

“Why can’t I?”

“Because he's your brother. You should love him, and protect him. He’s family.”

“But father does it all the time doesn’t he?! Why am I getting scolded when I do it! It’s unfair!”

Emilia went quiet.

That was right. Veyron would always ignore Lazarus and even shout when he was in his way.

Emilia’s heart tightened painfully. She’d remember when she faced Veyron after the previdere. All he asked was “Is it true? Is he manaless?”

To which Emilia admitted, and Veyron’s face soured immediately and said, “I have no manaless son. Get him away from me!”

“He’s our son!” Screamed Emilia, but Veyron simply huffed and walked off.

“Your son. Not mine. Remember this”

As Veyron disappeared from her sight, she thought to herself

-’Why? Just why did this happen?’-

Veyron was a good man, a good King. And yet, why was he like this to Lazarus?

Since then, whenever she’d bring-up Lazarus, Veyron would switch the topic and would visibly show he was irritated. Sometimes his mana would fluctuate and Emilia could feel the pressure from him.

That’s why she avoided the discussion with Veyron entirely and simply decided to love Lazarus more to make up for the lack of affection from Veyron. Perhaps with time, Veyron would grow to love him. She hoped.

Perhaps because Anastasia would always see Veyron treating Lazarus badly that Anastasia thought it was okay to do the same? She did idolize her father after all.

“So why can’t I do what father is doing? Lazarus is weak! We played tag with him and he was always it and the other nobles would make fun of him. I don’t want to be associated with the likes of him!”

Emilia’s heart sank at her words, but this only strengthened her resolve to discipline Ana.

“Lazarus loves you...and just because your father doesn’t treat Lazarus with kindness doesn’t mean you should do the same as well. How would you feel if I did that to you?”

“But mom!”

“No buts! As punishment I won’t be reading this story to you anymore.”

With that Emilia got up and left.

Now that she was alone, a burning sensation rose from the pit of Anastasia’s stomach,

“This is his fault! This is his fault! Arrghh!!” Anastasia jumped in the bed and began smacking it as hard as she could.

After leaving Ana by herself, Emilia went to Lazarus’ room, only to see him hugging his knees and curled to a ball on the bed.

“Lazarus dear?” She called out ever so softly, then gently, she sat beside him.

“Why does Big sister Anastasia hate me..?” He sobbed, which only made Emilia’s chest tighten.

“Don’t worry, my child. Mother will always be here for you.” Emilia lied down with the balled up Lazarus and brought him to her embrace.

Lazarus had managed to hold it in. That was until Emilia’s warmth permeated throughout his body and it surprised him. He couldn’t hold it in and his eyes became watery.

He clenched his stomach in an attempt to push the rising sensation down but instead it pushed through and he began crying.

“No matter what happens.” Emilia whispered, tightening her embrace on Lazarus as his muffled sobs echoed through the room.

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Months had passed --

The sky was a billion pure eyes of light, it was as if night and day had become one beautiful moment.

There was a chill of the early morning wind, ruffling the dark hair of a young child that looked to be around five years of age. He felt the prickly grass behind his head and his arms as he was sprawled out in the palace gardens.

His sky blue eyes stared at the dawn sky. There was a strange hollowness in his chest, and yet at the same time it felt like there was a sort of heaviness.

Heaving a sigh, the child closed his eyes and curled like a ball to ease the pain.

“You're here yet again. Isn’t it cold for you, Lazarus?” Said a gentle and concerned feminine voice.

The child did not open his eyes. Like the frequent encounters they’ve had before, he answered.

“I’m fine…” Said Lazarus, smiling bitterly to himself.

There was a brief silence. Like always.

“...?”

Lazarus shot his eyes open upon feeling his head being lifted. What was supposed to be the prickly grass beneath his head, changed into a soft fluffy feeling. Gazing at the woman who gave him a lap pillow he was surprised to see the look on her face.

Lips curved slightly down, crystal blue eyes that were like the distant ocean and an expression that gave away the hurt in her heart. Her pristine long black hair flowed down to Lazarus’ face, covering the scenery. A soothing warmth permeated from his heart to his whole chest at her kind gesture, but

“Mom, why do you look sad?”

Upon hearing his words, Emilia’s face twisted further, a painful vice gripping her heart. As a mother she should not have made him see the sadness in her, especially not when she wanted to comfort him.

“I-... I apologize, Lazarus.” Emilia muttered softly.

“Why?”

“I don’t want to leave you alone again… but-”

“It’s alright mom. You always leave every year around this time don’t you?”

It was true, and no matter the frequency of her departure it still hurt to leave the one she held dearest in her heart the most. Yet, she had to. As someone who was also important to her needed her.

“I’m used to it.” He said softly, almost like a whisper before looking away.

Then why was he curled like a ball here? Just seeing him like this, it was as if there was a vice in her aching heart clenching tighter, breathing was almost painful.

No child should be ‘used to it’. Especially not the sadness. And clearly, he wasn’t.

She wanted to tell him that he should never be used to it. And that it was her fault he was lonely. But the moment she would, she might break and cry, something she definitely didn’t want to do to a child she wanted to comfort.

“I’ll be back soon.” Emilia said softly but firmly almost in a whisper. A promise.

“How soon? In six months?”

Emilia gently ran her fingers on Lazarus' hair in hopes to comfort the boy, but the look he gave her seemed unconcerned. Still she continued to stroke his hair, perhaps in an attempt to calm her guilty heart.

She was his mother; it was her duty to be beside him to be there for him. And yet… she had other things she had to attend to.

“In seven months perhaps, when all is ready.” Emilia finally answered after the long silence.

Lazarus furrowed his brows. He wondered what she meant by ‘when all is ready?’, he wanted to ask but whenever he had done so in the past, Emilia wouldn’t give him an answer when it was about why she had to leave. So now probably shouldn’t be any different so he didn’t bother and simply accepted it as is.

“It’s later than usual. but, okay mom.” Lazarus replied, closing his eyes once more and letting himself relax, feeling the softness of his Mother’s lap.

“Lazarus, this time it will be different.” Said Emilia, gently holding Lazarus’ soft cheeks and looking at him with slightly furrowed brows.

The boy’s brow creased with ‘huh?’ look as he once again opened his eyes to see the firm and hopeful look that Emilia was giving him.

“This time will be the last time I’ll leave, I’ll no longer have to leave and we can be together and play lots of games!”

Lazarus looked away for a moment, then looked back at her.

“Really?” he asked, the uncertainty clear in his voice.

“Yes, really. So let’s play again when I get back, okay?”

For the first time, there was a bit of light in his eyes as he smiled and said happily.

“Alright! Let’s play lots and lots mom”

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Lazarus waved goodbye to the pristine white carriage that carried his beloved mother. It slowly became smaller, and smaller and he watched every second of it fade over the horizon. How he wished the carriage would just turn back and Emilia would bring him with her.

He imagined the scene when his mother would no longer have to leave, and he’d never have to wave to that carriage again, but his thoughts were cut short when he heard a shout.

“Bye Mom!!!” A girl with a golden blond bun with ringlets on her hair shouted. She waved wildly and because she didn’t want to be outdone, she made sure to stand on a stool. Lazarus knew her tendencies so he had stood behind her.

Anastasia Valheart, his older sister. While still only seven years of age and looked cute, clearly one could see she would grow up to be a beauty. It suited her, the image of purity with her soft golden blond hair, and her green eyes gave off the feeling of the gentle bloom of spring.

After having her fill of saying her farewells to their mother, Anastasia patted down her pink frilly dress and left. It was as if Lazarus was never there.

He was used to it. He simply kept his mouth shut as Anastasia was accompanied back by a group of maids.

After he was left alone, he waited a few minutes before walking back alone. He didn’t want to irritate Ana. After all, she had mentioned that as much as possible, he should stay out of her way. And perhaps, just perhaps she might like him and let him join in their games with Clovis.

Unlike her, he didn’t have any personal maids assigned to him yet, he was told he’d have one when he was five, but only one. Unlike Anastasia who had an entire entourage.

Time and time again he wondered why Emilia would leave for eight months or more but never less than that.

And like every single time that she left, the hole in his heart threatened to tear wider.

Lazarus clenched his fist in an attempt to suppress the rising sorrow. Just a little more and he’d be back to his room. After turning a corner he arrived at a corridor with a couple of maids washing the glass windows and a few sweeping the floor.

Ana was walking past them and as she did, one of the maids turned to her and bowed deeply.

“Hello your highness, you’re lovely as ever.” Then she smiled.

Ana seemed pleased and smiled. The rest of the maids also stopped what they were doing, trying to engage Ana in small talks and showering her with compliments before she went on her way.

Lazarus was just peeking by the corner and waited…

He waited for a good while and the maids chatted a bit before going back to what they were doing.

Lazarus gulped, clenched his teeth and began walking forward.

The maids gave him a quick glance before going back to what they were doing. No words were uttered. No compliments made. Just the sound of the rug squeaking as it was being rubbed on a vase.

As he walked past the maids, it felt like his feet were getting heavier as if he was tied down by rocks. With each step it became harder. Sometimes it felt like he might trip. His heart throbbed and throbbed with hope. He glanced at some of the maids in hopes that maybe…. just maybe they would talk to him…

He was at the end of the corridor and about to turn a corner. He stopped for a bit, looked back and the maids were still focused on their tasks.

Lazarus felt as if something was stuck in his throat. When he felt that his eyes were becoming watery, he turned and continued to walk away.

Faster...faster…

It was only a few seconds before he could reach his room, but it felt like hours.

As Lazarus arrived back to his room, he quickly closed the door shut.

He made it.

It was quiet and a bit dark. It wasn’t lonely, but peaceful. Yes, he wasn’t lonely.

Now it was alright.

No one can see him.

There was one saving grace though… he will turn six in just four months. He will finally get his own personal maid. He will no longer be lonely. And when Emilia comes back from her seven month trip, he’ll have two people to celebrate his birthday for the first time!

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