For those of you reading this chapter, I encourage you to not be eating while you read... LOL

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“Ugghhh….” Richard hurt all over. He had muscle cramps and aches in places he didn’t even know existed in his body. To say his arms and legs felt like jelly wasn’t an understatement either. The worst part… well… the worst part was that this was the fourth damn day he felt like this. As he trudged towards the far back of the yard, where the manure piles were located, he couldn’t help but think about the almost mind numbing, tedious, and… back breaking hours he had spent shoveling shit.

At first, he had dry heaved a few times before he had been able to handle the smell from the animal shit. Of course, the job had been easy to understand: shovel shit, toss shit into wagon, and repeat. Pretty simple right?

Wrong! Dead, f#$%@#g wrong!

Other that his body hurting like some psychotic masseuse had experimented on him, he had literally smelled like shit every, god forsaken day. The first day, when he had stumbled into the stable’s outdoor, chow line, he had been given very nasty looks and had been advised to stay the hell away. Thankfully, he had still been delivered some food… or at least something that looked like food by a stable boy, who had held his nose the entire time. By the end of the day, Richard had been too tired to care and had literally collapsed in the horse stall that he had been provided as his sleeping quarters.

When he had woken up, the stable master had finally told him that there were bathing facilities in the guard complex. That led to an embarrassing walk through the rest of the guard facilities and a very annoying argument with the pinch-faced man, who managed the baths. However, when Richard finally managed to secure access to the facilities, he was told to show up after everyone else had finished up to avoid stinking up the place. Thankfully, there wasn’t a shortage of water since there was supposedly an aqueduct running through the city.

He knew the city existed and that he could technically go look any time he wanted. However, the threat of losing his free meals and sleeping place kind of limited his choices. So, he mostly took a few peeks at the city and asked the stable hands a lot of questions, learning a lot about the city in the process: like where to go for work, where to go to learn about the World Labyrinth, and where the best deals were for food and other necessities. However, being penniless kind of made everything seem hopeless. Still, he figured he could go explore at the end of today, at least to get a lay of the land so to say.

One good thing had occurred though. After his first disastrous day, the stable master had actually taken pity on him and given him two old sets of patched up clothing. The linen tunic and wool pants were a big baggy on him, but it was better than wearing his only set of decent clothes. It had taken a dozen or more washes to actually get the smell of shit out of his slacks and collared t-shirt. As for his boxers… some things shouldn’t be asked.

So, scratching himself, no doubt because of the lice he had picked up somewhere, he made his way to the manure piles behind the dilapidated buildings at the far back corner of the yard. Supposedly, the elf... Captain Finovin had been saving up all the shit, wanting to sell it to some farmers from the countryside. However, the deal had fallen through, and the mounds of manure couldn’t be left there anymore, stinking up the place. Of course, no one really wanted to deal with it… hence, Richard’s first job in the new world.

Sighing, Richard stared at the remaining pile. It was the larger of the two, with the other one having already been cleared away by him. Richard was frustrated. He felt like he was getting nowhere. If this was his new life, he wondered if he should have just chosen to completely die back in that large white space. Then again… dying like that was shitty too… killed by some random druggie who probably wanted some cash for a quick fix. Looking at this blistered hands, he decided he at least had a second chance to exist and decided he would make the best of it, even if took him years to figure things out.

Shaking his head to clear out the melancholy thoughts, he focused on the large pile of manure that was literally twice his height. “Where to start... hmm….” He was afraid to start near the bottom somewhere, not wanting the damn thing to collapse on him.

However… the pile looked a little weird today. Richard had a decent eye for remembering how things generally looked or were arranged, so he could easily keep track of items when worked in the convenience store back on earth. The pile of manure… looked like it had changed its shape a little bit… like it was a lot more moundish than before. It was weird to say the least... of course, over the course of the last few days, he had felt a weird vibe from this pile as well, hence why he had avoided it to start off with. More than the stink, it had felt a bit… intimidating, like it was waiting to swallow him whole.

“I’m just over thinking things… sheesh.” Muttering, Richard pushed his crude wheelbarrow over to the large pile and chose a safe spot to wield his shovel at. “Heh! My mighty blade… the Shovel of Cleansing……… or maybe that’s a bit corny.” Picking a spot, he planted the shovel into the manure, using his right foot to push it in all the way.

Rummble…Rummmmble..

Suddenly, the manure pile slightly shifted, and Richard quickly stepped back, a little worried and confused. “What…..” For a few seconds, he watched the pile, but nothing else happened. “Huh… maybe I’m just worrying for nothing…”

Returning to the shovel, he pulled it out, lifting a scoop of manure out.

RUMMMMBBLE…. RUMMMBELLE…. RUMMBLLEEELELE…..

This time the rumbling didn’t stop, and Richard backed away holding the shovel tightly in his hand. He watched with wide eyes as the pile of manure shook constantly, sending clods of shit tumbling away from it. It didn’t fall apart though… instead, it looked like it was shedding its outer layer or something.

Then… it moved!

Richard’s jaw dropped open in shock as the pile of shit began morphing into some kind of huge blob. Dozens of pustule like growths formed on its sides, growing in size until medium sized tentacles formed. The center of the blob caved inwards, forming a cavernous space, like a mouth or something. All the while, the mound… the blob convulsed and spasmed with ripples running all over it.

No doubt, the thing was still changing…. But Richard was not about to just watch. He already knew that standing and gawking was the worst thing he could do… so… he turned around and tried to run!

GUURGGHGAHAGGGLAAA!

From behind Richard, the Shit Monster suddenly let out a deep booming gurgle, sounding like someone had just exploded from farting too loud. Richard began to sprint, his spidy senses telling him something bad was about to happen, but… suddenly, he couldn’t breathe right. No… that wasn’t true. He was breathing, but…. It stunk bad enough to make his eyes water and to make him feel like his lungs were burning. The worst part was that he felt like he couldn’t get enough oxygen into his body. His eyes began swimming, and the world around him wavered.

For a second, he thought about just lying down and sleeping, but suddenly, his adrenaline spiked, as his instincts told him to move! Forcing his rubbery legs to jump, he threw himself forward as far as he could go. It wasn’t that far of a distance, but the moment he landed on his knees, he could finally breathe. Gasping and his chest hurting, he turned around, wondering what had just happened.

The Shit Monster was still there, convulsing and morphing, as parts bubbled up, twisted back in, or fell off it. It was a horrifying yet disgusting spectacle. But more terrifying were the two thick tentacles forming out of either side of its body almost like some kind of chunky arms… Richard knew he was in trouble.

Getting to his feet, he began to hobble as fast as he could go, screaming, “HELLLLLLPP!!! HELLLLPPP!”

All of sudden, he couldn’t move well. Looking down at his feet, Richard found himself sinking into the dirt ground, only… it wasn’t dirt anymore. The ground looked like some kind of mud puddle that was slowly sucking him in. It had only been a few seconds, but he was already down to his knees. Twisting around, he had just enough time to yell “FUCK!” before one of the Shit Monster’s ultra tentacles grabbed him by the legs.

Flailing around, he was pulled face down into the muddy ground without mercy. He freaked at that point, scared that he was going to drown… but to his surprise, the ground suddenly hardened again, causing his body to burn from being rubbed raw. He was dragged backwards, even as he tried to get a grab onto the ground or anything that could slow him down. The only thing he was able to grasp was the shovel, which was lying where he had dropped it earlier.

Even as he tried to flip his body over, he was yanked into the air, leaving him hanging upside down. The only good thing was that he could finally see the Shit Monster, even if it was from disgustingly up close. The monster still had parts falling off it and reforming in it. However, what scared Richard the most was the crater like opening forming in the Shit Monster. He stared at the deepening orifice in horrified fascination, unable to look away. He felt frozen in fear, his body trembling and unable to do anything.

Richard hated this. He remembered his earlier thoughts about dying in a shitty way, but actually being killed by ‘shit’ was something beyond the range of bizarre. More than that, he couldn’t let it happen! The thought of ending up in front of God or even that white world and its interviewer and telling them he had been eaten by a Shit Monster was… was… was… “NO [email protected]%&#G WAY AM I DOIN’ THAT! ORRAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!”

When the monster finally began plunging him down into its ‘mouth,’ Richard finally broke out of his brain freeze and began swinging his shovel around like a madman. He wasn’t doing any damage, but in his head, the only thing he could think of was someone like the stupid, dumbass interviewer laughing and saying at least his death hadn’t been ‘average.’

“ORYAAAAAAAA!”

In his heightened state of wanting to survive, his eyes finally caught sight of something he could hit other than shit. It was brightly glowing bubble of some kind, and it was poking out just a bit at the deepest part of the Shit Monster’s mouth. His frenzied brain had enough sense to realize there was something ‘special’ about the bubble thing, and when the Shit Monster finally dropped him, he instinctively aimed his shovel at the exposed part of the bubble. He fell like an arrow, plunging rapidly, even as the monster’s mouth closed around him.

CREAEKKK!

His frantic brain had enough time to be shocked as his shovel ripped into the bubble, freezing the shit that was engulfing everything but the top part of his body. The sudden reprieve snapped him out of his frenzied state, and he finally came back to his senses. Looking around, he realized was literally and figuratively in ‘deep shit.’ In front on him, there was just enough open space for his head, arms, and the shovel, which was gently vibrating in his arms along with the gel like bubble it was stuck in.

The layer of shit surrounding the head sized bubble cleared up just enough for Richard to finally make out two fist size stones in it. The stones looked like they had been in the process of merging but were now stuck in a figure eight shape. The reason was of course his shovel. Its tip was embedded right where the two stones were touching, but he realized the shovel was slowly being pushed back up. Also, the shit engulfing him began to slightly move.

His brain put two and two together, and Richard put every ounce of strength he had left into his arms as he pushed the shovel down, screaming, “ARRRRHRHRHHHAAAAA!!”

CRUMMMPPPP!!!

A sudden blast of air threw him backwards through the shit filled air, and his eyes were able to focus just enough to see large clumps of dark, brown excrement flying everywhere before he collided with the ground.

Ding!

Ding!

Ding!

Ding!

“Ughhhhh….” All Richard could see was the sky. It was so blue… he felt he could stare at it forever. However, he knew he couldn’t risk it, not when he was at risk of being eaten by a Shit Monster. Pushing his boy up using his elbows, he sat up gasping in pain. His entire body felt like it had been used as a punching bag.

When he finally looked ahead, all he saw was a mound of shit… with a small crater in it. It wasn’t moving or growing tentacles or growling. It was just a normal pile of manure, acting the way it should. “What the [email protected]%k just happened?” Somehow, his question seemed inadequate.

That’s when he also noticed the five little icons on the left side of his vision. He was familiar with one of them: the timer thing for his solitary skill. But the other four were new… Each was a blue colored plus sign, and… they were flashing.