The Bright Eye Clan was easy to find. They lived within a mountain, seeking shelter within its massive cave systems. There were goblins in front of the tunnel entrances. Yeoman assumed they were there to stand guard, but honestly, if they were, they were terrible guards. At the entrance Yeoman was eyeing, one of the goblins was sleeping while standing, leaning its back against a tree, and the other one was picking its nose while staring at the sky. When Yeoman landed between them, the first goblin let out a loud snore, and the second goblin froze with its finger still in its nose. A booger slipped down its knuckle and dropped to the ground, but the goblin remained unmoving.

“Chieftain Big Wings has come to conquer,” Yeoman said. “Let Shaman Bright Eye know.”

“Y-yes!” The goblin regained control of its senses and dashed into the cave, leaving its sleeping companion behind. “A chieftain has come to conquer. Chieftain Big Wings has come to conquer!”

Even though the goblin had run out of sight, Yeoman could still easily hear its shouts. There were all kinds of chattering sounds, too many to make sense of. It was one of the drawbacks of having great hearing. He found it difficult to focus on any one thing.

Not too long later, a hobgoblin appeared. It was larger than the chieftains Yeoman had encountered yesterday, and just like the chieftains, it wasn’t one for words. It charged at him, leaping and swinging its arms down. Once again, Yeoman raised his left arm to block and punched out with his other arm, cleanly striking the hobgoblin in the groin before it even knew what had happened. When it fell to the ground, Yeoman stood over it. “Shaman Bright Eye?” he asked. He still didn’t know if the shamans looked like goblins, hobgoblins, or a whole different species of ape.

The hobgoblin grunted and whimpered, “Shaman Bright Eye … inside.”

Yeoman stepped over the crying hobgoblin and entered the cave. Surprisingly, it wasn’t dark at all. There were a few greenish-blue crystals lighting up the walls, illuminating the inside. Yeoman followed the tunnel. Instead of going deeper into the earth, the route was slanted upwards. Yeoman went around a bend and came face to face with a hobgoblin. “Where’s Shaman Bright Eye?” he asked.

The hobgoblin leaned to the side, peering over Yeoman’s shoulder. “Big Hand? Alive?”

Yeoman nodded. “Big Hand is outside, too hurt to walk.”

The hobgoblin swallowed. “This way,” it said, gesturing for Yeoman to follow after it. Evidently, it was weaker than the hobgoblin that had come out to confront Yeoman. “You are a chieftain, come to conquer? Very brave. I would never fight Shaman Bright Eye.”

Yeoman grunted. The two walked through multiple forks in the tunnel, choosing the higher route each time. Eventually, they came to a spacious cavern with sunlight pouring into it from the ceiling. There were a lot of holes in the rocks above, and Yeoman wasn’t sure if the cavern was structurally sound. It looked like it could collapse at any moment. In the center of the cavern, where the sunlight seemed to be concentrated, there was a green orangutan holding a staff and a red piece of flesh. It was standing over a dead goblin, which was lying in a puddle of blood.

“Shaman Bright Eye?” Yeoman asked.

The orangutan turned its head to look at Yeoman. “You are not a goblin.” It waved its staff, pointing it at Yeoman. “Unless…? You’re a half-goblin, half-human? Are you half-bird too?”

Yeoman shook his head. “I’m not a goblin, no, but I intend on helping goblins survive. I can speak both human and goblin; with me around, goblins and humans can communicate. The humans have already agreed to stop attacking goblins, and they’re willing to give goblins food in exchange for work.”

The orangutan, no, the goblin shaman waved its staff around. “Not too long ago, the humans invaded our territory, slaughtered our clans. Many great chieftains died. Why didn’t the humans want to make peace before then? They can kill us, but we can’t kill them?”

“I wasn’t present at that time,” Yeoman said. “There was no way for them to communicate with you.”

The goblin shaman narrowed its eyes. It waved its staff once more. “Do you think all goblins are easy to fool? What difference does communication make? The elves can speak to us; they can speak to all things, but they refuse to. They treat us like vermin. Humans are even worse; at least the elves don’t wantonly slaughter us.”

Yeoman shook his head. “It doesn’t matter what you think. Once I defeat you, I’ll have united all the tribes. When my plan works, and the goblins integrate with the humans, you’ll see that you were wrong.”

“Or perhaps you will see that I was right,” the shaman said and grinned. It pointed its staff at Yeoman once more. “But it doesn’t matter. You look tired. Come, rest.”

A cold chill washed over Yeoman’s body, and all the green lines on his skin rippled. He charged at the shaman, but he felt like he was in a dream. He was forcing himself to run as fast as he could, but his movements were slow with no strength behind them. Every step of his seemed like he was stepping on a cloud with nothing to push off of.

“Why struggle so much?” the shaman asked. It raised its staff and chanted, but the words were too fast for Yeoman to understand, or perhaps, his mind was just too slow at the moment. “Rest. Go to sleep. Everything will be resolved once you wake up; there’s no need to resist.”

Another chill washed over Yeoman’s body, but he didn’t feel any different. The first spell must’ve been a weakening one. The chant must’ve been a sleep spell; however, Yeoman couldn’t sleep. Even though he resisted the sleep spell, he was still in a terrible position. Luckily, Yeoman had planned for this. He wanted to experience the goblin shaman’s abilities for himself, and the receptionist was right to tell him not to underestimate them. Yeoman focused on the ring on his left hand, and his vision swirled. The sunlit cave disappeared from view, and the receptionist’s face appeared in front of him.

“Teleportation?”

Yeoman barely managed to nod. His head felt numb. He had been to plenty of dentists over the years, and the shaman’s ability reminded him of the anesthetics the dentists would inject into his gums, making him unable to feel his lips.

“Seems like you got weakened,” the receptionist said. She gestured for Yeoman to sit on a nearby rock. “It should wear off within a few minutes.”

“Chieftain Big Wings! What happened?”

“Did you defeat Shaman Bright Eye?”

Yeoman was soon surrounded by a bunch of goblins. He had used the [Ravenwood Ring (Rare)]’s teleportation ability to return back to the camp. He was pretty sure there was supposed to be a side effect of nausea, but he couldn’t feel it through the heaviness of his body. Instead of responding to the goblins, Yeoman bent his legs and hugged them to his chest. He rested his head on his knees and spread his wings before wrapping them around himself. He took in deep breaths, letting the weight of the shaman’s magic press down on him.

A few minutes later, the heaviness went away, replaced by the warmth of the sun. Yeoman’s wings unfurled, and he climbed to his feet, spreading his arms out to the side, absorbing as much sunlight as possible. This past month, he hadn’t eaten a single thing, but he didn’t have to. In biology, there was a rule of ten percent: only ten percent of the energy from one level of the food chain would be passed upwards. Plants absorbed sunlight. Rabbits ate plants. Snakes ate rabbits. Hawks ate snakes. The amount of energy from the sun that the hawk obtained was only a tenth of a percent of what the plant had received. Rather than hunting to regain energy, it was much, much more efficient for Yeoman to directly absorb energy from the sun by photosynthesizing.

Yeoman suspected after a few more alien stages, everyone would have the ability to photosynthesize: it was just too convenient. Of course, there were downsides to purely relying on the sun’s energy. When it was nighttime or when the sky was particularly cloudy, other sources of energy were required. In A Rational Zombie, the zombies would absorb as much energy from the sun during the day as possible, and they’d hunt at night.

“Are you ready to challenge the shaman again?” the receptionist asked once Yeoman lowered his arms and furled his wings.

Yeoman nodded. “I’ve already thought of a way to deal with it,” he said. “But I’ll need a week to prepare.” The goblin shaman relied on its staff to direct its magic. If Yeoman could get rid of the staff, then the threat of the weakening spells would be neutralized. The easiest way to do that would be to fling the staff away with his magic bracelet; however, the teleportation he performed earlier set all his magic tools on cooldown for a week. Once the cooldown period was over, he’d go back to the shaman, fling away its staff, then beat it in close combat. There were other ways to deal with the goblin shaman, but this was the only honorable way that’d make the shaman’s underlings follow him rather than fear him. Perhaps there were other ways, but Yeoman couldn’t think of any.

Unfortunately for Yeoman, the goblin shaman didn’t give him a week. Three days after Yeoman encountered the shaman, an army of goblins and hobgoblins showed up at the Big Wings Clan’s doorstep. They were led by an orangutan, no, the goblin shaman. “Shaman Bright Eye has come to conquer!”

“Chieftain Big Wings! Shaman Bright Eye has come to conquer! You have to defeat him!”

“Chieftain, quickly. If you don’t fight, they’ll invade us.”

“Chieftain, if you win, I’ll promise to remember my A-B-threes!”

Yeoman frowned and stood up from his rock, the one he waited on to test the goblins. His plan of flinging away the goblin’s shaman staff wouldn’t work, not without the ability to fling. Charging at the goblin shaman wouldn’t work either; once it pointed the staff at him, he’d be overcome by weakness. If charging head on worked, then the hobgoblins wouldn’t have submitted since charging was the only thing they knew how to do. If Yeoman wanted to kill the goblin shaman, it’d be easy to fly into the sky and drop a boulder onto it, but he didn’t want that. If Ella or Cody were here, they’d—wait a minute. When Yeoman was fighting the guild master, Ella had suggested kicking dirt at the guild master’s face to blind him. Could he do something similar here?

Yeoman narrowed his eyes at the fire. He went over and picked up a few burning sticks, making sure not to grab any part that would burn him. “Where is Shaman Bright Eye?” he asked the nearest goblin.

“This way.” The goblin hurried forward, and Yeoman followed after it. Soon, the goblin shaman came into view. The instant Yeoman spotted it, he hurled a burning stick in its direction before throwing the rest one after another while madly rushing forward. The goblin shaman dodged left and right, too focused on avoiding the projectiles to apply a spell to Yeoman. By the time its initial panic was over, Yeoman was right in front of it. He snatched the shaman’s staff and yanked it to the left, but the shaman’s grip was stronger than he thought, and it refused to let go, flying towards the left along with its weapon. Yeoman snorted and raised the staff up before slamming it down, smashing the shaman’s body into the ground. He stepped on the shaman’s chest, careful not to put too much weight on it, and pulled, taking its staff away. A light flashed on his left wrist.

[Obtained Goblin Shaman’s Staff (Uncommon)]

[Goblin Shaman’s Staff (Uncommon): A goblin knew this staff was special when the wood didn’t get wet after being peed on. Allows the user to cast Weakness (1 Charge), Strength (1 Charge), Daze (2 Charges), Focus (2 Charges), Hypnosis (4 Charges), or Sleep (5 Charges). The top end of the staff must be pointed at the target.]

[Weakness: Temporarily weakens target.]

[Strength: Temporarily strengthens target.]

[Daze: Send the target into a temporary daze.]

[Focus: Temporarily increases the target’s focus.]

[Hypnosis: Hypnotizes target. The level and length of hypnotization depends on the target’s willpower.]

[Sleep: Puts the target to sleep.]

[Current Charges: 8/10. The staff requires one fresh goblin heart’s blood to replenish one charge.]

It took Yeoman a bit to finish reading the staff’s effects. It was the longest item description he had ever seen, but it was only an (Uncommon) item. The effects seemed pretty good, but it was likely rated as such because of the charging mechanism. What if he was transported to A Rational Zombie again? There’d be no way to recover the staff’s charges, and it’d turn into a lump of wood.

“Submit, Shaman Bright Eye submits!”

Yeoman glanced down. While he was reading, he had unknowingly applied a little more weight onto his foot. His body was heavy enough to cause a car to sink down. If he sat on the shaman, it might be crushed to death. Yeoman took his foot back. He had no intentions of returning the staff though. It was long, a bit awkward to hang from his waist. He had given the makeshift harness he had held his spear with to Ella along with the spear, only keeping his Dread Callers with him. Speaking of which, he had forgotten to use them before throwing the burning sticks at the goblin shaman. Then again, his hands were full. If he had more hands like Aakash, that wouldn’t have been a problem. Was growing more arms really the right route to go?

The goblin shaman sat up and stared at Yeoman with a bitter expression. “Can I have my staff back?”

“No.”

A sigh escaped from the goblin shaman’s mouth, and it nodded. “I wouldn’t give weapons back either.” It climbed to its feet and lowered its head, staring at Yeoman’s toes. “The Bright Eye Clan submits to the Big Wings Clan. From now on, you are our leader.” The shaman raised its head, staring Yeoman in the eyes. “From now on, you are our king!”

“King! King Big Wings!”

“There’s a new king!”

“Goblin king! Goblin king!”

“The time of the goblins has come!”

The shouts and cheers of the goblins were grating, and Yeoman resisted the urge to cover his ears. Someone tapped his shoulder from behind, and he turned around. It was the receptionist. “Congratulations,” she said. “Now that you’ve defeated the shaman and united the tribes, the threat of a goblin king has been quashed.”

“King! We have a new king!”

“Kill all the humans! Kill all the elves! Hunt down the dragons!”

“Wooooooooo!”

Yeoman cleared his throat. “Right,” he said. “I told you there wouldn’t be a goblin king, and I kept my word, see?” It was a really, really good thing the receptionist couldn’t understand goblin. He didn’t know how many times he had that thought over the past month, but never was that thought more prominent than now. Of course, he’d never admit to being the goblin king. A title that only brought troubles and no benefits, who would want that? “Now, two steps of the plan have been completed: we’ve united the goblin tribes, and the humans are on board. The only thing left to do is finish teaching these guys English.”

“At the rate they’re learning, it might take a whole year,” the receptionist said and sighed.

Yeoman nodded. Small Booger was the smartest goblin, and it had taken a whole month for it to realize the connection between the lowercase and uppercase letters. A year definitely wasn’t enough time for the goblins to learn anything meaningful unless something changed. Translation magic? Yeoman didn’t even have any mana; magic was out of the question. Perhaps one of the goblins would have another breakthrough and realize something else; it was the only thing Yeoman could hope for. He raised his arms and clapped his hands, and the chatter slowly died down. “Explain to our new clan members what we’re doing. If we want to survive, we have to learn the human language. Don’t forget that!”

“Yes, yes, we won’t forget!”

“Learn the human language?”

“Will learning it get us food?”

“Yes! The humans give us food to learn. The king has played a trick on them!”

“That’s right. The king receives tribute from the humans. There’s enough to feed us all.”

“What a great king!”

The goblin shaman grimaced and looked around. It walked over to Yeoman. “I’ve submitted to you, but I hope you’ll give up this plan involving the humans. They’re too cruel. It won’t end well for us goblins.”

“And the alternative is better?” Yeoman asked. “They conduct biannual raids, killing every goblin they see.”

The goblin shaman shrugged. “I’ve voiced my opinions, King Big Wings. It’s up to you to make decisions.”

Yeoman stared at the shaman’s back as it trudged away. Was he doing the right thing? Even if the goblins were mistreated, it was still better than going extinct, right? A long-lasting life of servitude or a brief life of freedom, Yeoman wasn’t sure which one was better. However, if Earth’s retirement ages were taken into consideration, clearly people thought a longer life was better—even at the cost of some happiness and health. No matter what, living was better than dying.