《Summoning Shenanigans》Chapter 27

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I stretched, luxuriating in the feel and smell of fresh sheets. Work had been rough, a cascade of failures making the end of the week a nightmare. It starts with a bit of carelessness in a syringe, making the controls fail and the entire batch had to be redone. The next night, an instrument sprung a leak, setting us even further back. A broken needle tip on night three ensured that the reinjects didn’t get injected, while nights four and five were simply catch up on what should have been the slowest nights of the week.

The scent of maple syrup cut through my mind, and I reluctantly tore myself away to investigate. Isabelle was in the living room, doing her half crawl half scoot. Deceptively fast, she was across the room and smiling at me.

“Dada.” I said to her, and she lit up.

“DadadadaDADADADADADA!” Arms reaching, I scooped her up.

“Good morning to you too sweetheart! Should we go in and get momma?”

“Heheheeheeeeeeee.” It didn’t matter that Danielle had to have heard us, I still did the cartoonish, overly exaggerated sneak. “aaaaAAAAAHHHHH!” Isabelle laughed just as we reached the doorway.

“You are a terrible assassin.” I joked, stepping around the corner and walking in. “Ooooh, chocolate chip pancakes? Awesome.” I said, slipping an arm around her waist. Her hair had gotten a bit longer, but that was fine with me.

“No sweets beforehand Sean, you’ll ruin breakfast.” A spatula smacked my hand as it worked its way toward the bowl of chocolate, but I froze.

“Elendria?” What was she doing in my kitchen?

“Danielle will be out in a second hun. Don’t worry, she’s been teaching me about when to flip these cakes of the pan. Though I doubt that we should be adding both jelly and syrup to them.” She waved me off.

“Sean.”

“Sean.”

“SEAN!”

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

“Huh? Hmdr, whazza?” I startled awake, the oddness of the dream not wanting to let me go.

“Wakey, wakey Sean.” I turned to see Chris gently shaking my shoulder. “There we go! Rise and shine. Did you forget you had to cook breakfast today?”

“I’m up, I’m up.” I groaned, sitting up and rubbing the sleep from my eyes. Damn, but that dream hurt. “I’m fine with cooking, but didn’t I tell you? I unlocked Camp Cook last night.”

“Really? Fantastic!” He seemed genuinely impressed. “You still have to cook breakfast, then you are on dish detail for two days. Four days of prep, then you get to shine as cook again. So make sure you have a meal planned out.”

“Sure, sounds good.” I said, finally kicking my brain into gear. I headed over to the fire, seeing the setup for this world’s version of oatmeal. Not a bad breakfast, but rather bland. “Hey Chris, do we have any fruit that is nearing the end of freshness?”

“Some of the berries are looking that way, got an idea?”

“Yeah. If it isn’t going to throw a-“ I stopped myself from my world’s saying, and switched to Vitae’s equivalent. “If it isn’t going to dislodge the millstone, could we add a bit of diced fruit to the oats?”

“Sounds good. I’ll get someone to prep the stuff, you go ahead and get started on the oats.” He said, walking off. Cooking the oats wasn’t very difficult, just a time consuming process. Boil the water, add the oats and simmer. Repeat as often as we had pots. While I had initially wanted to do one massive batch of oats with the same pot I made the gumbo in, Chris had talked me out of it.

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“Sometimes smaller is better. If you are wanting all your flavors to meld together, go ahead with the big pot. But you are making oats. They just have to be cooked. It’s more efficient to use a few smaller pots than one big one.”

Breakfast went without much issue, though people were glad for the little bit of extra flavor with the fruit. I got a notification about earning profession experience, but not enough to earn a level. That was fine, I was sure that beyond the initial batch of experience it would be a long, slow grind.

“Sean, do you have a minute?” Elendria asked after breakfast, just before we were loading up.

“Sure, what’s up?” I asked, turning to look at her. With a smile that was eerily similar to what was in my dream, she sauntered towards me.

“There’s been something you’ve been neglecting. I really think we need to work on it.” I cocked my head as she got right up in my face, sliding her left hand along my cheek and around to the back of my head. “If I was an assassin, you would be dead.”

Confused, I blinked a few times before the cold point pressed against my chest made me look down. She had an ice dagger perfectly placed to slip between my ribs and skewer my heart. “Oh. That could be bad.”

“Indeed. My people have a saying, ‘Chance favors the prepared mind.’” She said, gently slapping my cheek. “Illusion magics exist, and assassins excel at them. Not only are you lacking in keeping your guard up, but you need close quarters protection. Preferably something non magical.”

“Damnit.” I muttered. “I guess there’s going to have to be a lot more training, right?”

“Indeed. I believe that you should start out with a knife. Possibly switching to a sword eventually. Aside from that, you created that wonderful suit of mana armor. Why aren’t you using it?”

“Because I’ve been lazy?” I explained.

“Hmph. At least you are honest about it. From now on, you keep the armor up while travelling. I also expect you to keep looking out on occasion with mage sight. While most assassins are adept at even hiding from mage sight, you still might catch a flash of something. No stealth is perfect.”

“Yes ma’am.” I said with a small salute. “Permission to get on the cart and practice?”

“Get going.” She chuckled. “Don’t think that I won’t be testing you as we go.” Gareth chuckled as we all clambered into the wagon.

“Start with the blunt stuff.” He advised. “Bruises to get the idea across, then the sharp blades for when he forgets.”

“Thank you, that is excellent advice.” Elendria smiled.

“Not helping.” I groaned.

“Oh, but it is incredibly helpful.” She said. “If I cut you too deep or too badly, you risk permanent injury. If you just get a little bruise, you’ll live.”

“Who’re we bruising?” Bribis asked, as he joined his brother in hopping into the rapidly filling wagon.

“Sean has been slacking in his defensive armor.” Elendria explained. “I was offering to assist by randomly striking him with blunt spells, on the advice of Mr. Gareth here. Perhaps if he had attacks coming from multiple directions, it would help?”

“If that’s your way of asking us to reluctantly hit our trainee, well. I suppose we could help out. Dramitian?”

“Sounds like fun!” He chuckled. “Don’t worry Sean, we will limit it to bruises. Broken bones take too long to heal.”

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“Thanks.” I muttered. “Your sacrifices will be noted.”

“That’s the spirit!” Bribis chuckled, smacking me in the back. “So, what are we working on today?”

“Water.” I answered. “Got Geomancer when I killed the cockatrice.”

“Ah, then sadly I won’t be of any use.” The gnome said. “Neither will Dramitian.”

“I can give some of the basics, but that’s it.” Elendria said, as a small block of ice slammed into my bicep. “Armor up, Sean.”

“Gah, I’m going, I’m going!” I said, raising my armor as I rubbed my new bruise. “This is going to hurt.” I tried to mutter, but Elendria heard me.

“Yes, yes it is. But pain now will be a better teacher than you losing your life later.” She said with a smile. “So, what are you planning on trying to obtain first?”

“Elemental imbue.” I immediately replied. “It’s easy, and I already have it mastered at apprentice. I just need to adapt it to water.”

“A good place to start. Let’s see how much harder it is with your defenses up.”

Annoying. Keeping defenses up while learning new spells was damn annoying. Just when I was on the verge of a breakthrough, I would focus. Then lose my defenses and gain a bruise. Sometimes it was Elendria, sometimes one of the gnome brothers. For one particularly brutal hour, Bribis and Dramitian would alternate sending a small pebble my way every few minutes. None of them made it through the shield, but it was enough that I couldn’t focus.

The issues that kept cropping up were problems with the enchantment. I could imbue the elemental mana, that was no problem. It just didn’t want to stay in one place! It would flow along the blade, sloughing off. After several failed hours, I stopped and simply looked at what I was doing. I was applying the water mana like a solid, along the edge of the blade. No wonder. It needed a path to move along, one that it could constantly move through.

Sighing, I tried to alter the way it was imbued. Instead of simply being along the edge, I had it turn and follow the spine back around and rejoin the initial portion of the enchantment along the ricasso. Bribis must have sensed I was right on the edge, and sent a pebble shooting right at my forehead. Luckily I was able to maintain everything, and the spell clicked into place.

“Ha!” I cried out in glee. “Finally managed it!”

“Oh?” Elendria asked. “So you managed one novice and one apprentice spell?”

“Yep. Also managed to keep my armor up to stop Bribis from hitting me.” I bragged a bit. Then froze as I saw the smile creeping along Elendria’s face.

“Impressive. That means we can increase the damage. Good luck.”

“There’s no winning this one lad.” Bribis said in a sad tone, shaking his head. “She’s going to drive you to madness and beyond.”

“It was nice knowing you!” Dramitian called out in glee. “Though going mad isn’t so bad.”

“Thanks. Your support is what keeps me going.” I added as much snark into that comment as I could, getting laughs from everyone in the cart. We still had a few hours to go, so I sat back and sunk into trying to improve the next level of elemental imbue.

That ended up being an exercise in futility. I tried everything I could think of. Make a reservoir. Thin out the path in places. Thicken the path. Curves, waves, zig-zags. Nothing I did would improve the skill beyond level 1.

“Any progress?” Gareth asked as we finally slowed down to camp for the night.

“None.” I muttered. “I just can’t seem to figure out why the journeyman level of the skill isn’t getting boosted by using the mana.”

“Bribis? He did spend the whole day doing it.” Gareth asked.

“I suppose he has earned a hint.” The gnome muttered. “Especially for being such a good sport about the defense.” He turned to look me straight in the eye. “Look, you’ve got the lesser portions mastered. But mana will only get you so far. Elements are more than just mana. If you still need a hint, I’ll tell you one tomorrow at midday.” With that, he turned and hopped down. I wanted to give his words some thought, but I had to check in with Chris.

“Hey Chris.” I said, walking up to the group of cooks. “Everyone. Sorry I don’t know names yet, I’m Sean. Anything I can help with?”

“You the new guy? That was pretty good stuff last night. I’m Mike, heading tonight’s dinner. I think we have plenty of prep stuff, so just worry about dishes.”

“Alright, thanks Mike.” I said, walking away a bit so I wasn’t underfoot.

“Aw damnit, I’m sorry Mike.” I heard someone swear. “It got a bit scorched.”

“Damnit Isaac. It’s ok. We’ll save that for seconds and thirds. By then nobody can complain.”

A few hours later, and I was mentally calling Isaac every name in the book. Well, all the uncomplimentary ones. “A little scorched.” I muttered, as I tried to remove the charcoal from the bottom of the pot. “A little scorched my ass.”

“If it makes you feel better, it usually doesn’t end like this.” Jerry said. He was my partner in crime for tonight, and had drawn the long straw and got the plates and bowls. “Just. A lot of Mike’s dishes are easy to burn.”

“I know, I’m just frustrated.” I said. “I’ve been trying to work out some new spells, and I had Elendria, Bribis, and Dramitian firing blunt spells at me all day to test my defenses.”

“Ouch. That where the bruise on your arm came from?”

“Yea. Elendria. Her gentle way of reminding me to keep my shields up.”

*Thwack*

“Just because you are in camp, doesn’t mean you are always safe!” I heard Dramitian chuckle as he had launched a small rock into the middle of my back.

“Thanks for the reminder.” I wheezed out, giving him a thumbs up that turned into a middle finger over the shoulder.

“You’re welcome!”

“That’s rough.” Jerry said, trying not to laugh.

“Tell me about it. Ugh, this is shit. I wish I had a damn power washer.” I swore, slamming the brush I was using down into the pot. Then froze. Power washer. I had already made pressurized air, could I do the same with water?

“What’s a power washer?” Jerry asked, confused.

“One moment.” I said, holding up a finger. I dumped out most of the water from my pot, and pointed a finger at it. Before I channeled mana, I needed to work out the spell. I could force it into pressure, but I would need a nozzle to be effective. I think a horizontal rectangle would be most efficient, keeping it thin to concentrate it. Very carefully, I modulated the pressure. I didn’t want to exceed what a small motor could pressurize. I was very aware that certain manufacturing processes used high pressure water to cut through steel, and I’m sure Chris would be up in arms if I managed to destroy his pots. With sputtering starts, I grinned as I got a success. There was a gentle stream of water shooting out. While that was great for the spells, I needed power. So I upped it a bit, and got a gentle stream upgraded to something like a kitchen sink sprayer.

I smiled at memories of pranks with my brothers. We would sneak in and use tape to hold the sprayer handle down, pointing it so that whoever was the next to turn on the water got doused. Half the time, they would panic and not realize they needed to shut off the water! Amusing as those memories were, the kitchen sink sprayer wasn’t powerful enough. Oh, it was taking little bits of it off, but not nearly quick enough. I didn’t have days to wash the pan, so I upped the pressure a bit more. Past a showerhead, and finally into power washer territory.

“GAH!” I spluttered, as I didn’t predict the blowback very well. Holding the pan at arms-length for some reason, I turned to see Jerry laughing at my drenched form.

“Ha! HAHAHAHA! Oh, that worked great!” He chuckled.

“I suppose there is likely to be a few setbacks.” I said, this time paying attention to the angle I was spraying. Taking a slow, careful path, I managed to carve a clear section through the burnt stuff. “And yet, we have progress.” I said, showing Jerry the pan.

“No fuckin’ way!” He swore, reaching in to run his fingers along the bottom of the pan. “I. I gotta tell Chris this. He’ll want to see it, hold on!” He turned and ran towards the head cook, leaving me chuckling.

“I swear, it’s amazing. It’s cutting right through the burnt bits.” He was explaining to the annoyed looking Chris.

“So. Apparently you have revolutionized dishes with a single spell?” He asked.

“Here. Slightly charred dinner stuck to the pot.” I said, showing him the bottom. He just nodded. I stuck my finger in, and carefully blasted three more rows clear, cleaning half the pot. “And now we have a halfway cleaned pot, with just a bit of mana used.”

“Impressive.” He said, eyebrows raising. “You do know what this means, right?” As he smiled, I got a sinking feeling in my stomach. “That’s right, you now get to use your spell on all burnt pots! Congratulations!”

“Thanks.” I muttered, turning. “Way to go! Find a better way to do things? Congrats! You earned more work!” As I went back to cleaning my pots, Chris laughed all the way back to his bedroll. At least it would help me train some skills. Finishing much quicker, I headed to bed. Swearing in my mind, I promised I would track Carrigan down in the very near future and have him teach me wards. In my copious free time, of course.

New spells acquired!

Water stream (5/5) novice

Water spray (10/10) apprentice

Water jet (6/50) journeyman

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