Igor’s question elicited a mixed response among the collective. John’s group was obviously glad to grumble their agreement to the raised question, despite the man himself showing an unexpected indifference to the subject. The majority either looked away or did some moderate version of a face palm. The general mood was awkward and uncomfortable. I believe the better part of us could understand this wasn’t exactly a topic that would end well if emotions ran high. I knew it as well.

As much as Igor’s question felt as a provocation, I had already come to terms with what happened. There was nothing he could say that would make me lose control. I decided it was better to directly address the issue rather than let it fester.

“Do you have a suggestion to make, Igor?”

“What?” Igor wasn’t expecting me of all people to answer.

“I am asking, do you have a suggestion to make about what should be done about me?” I took one step forward. “I already hold the worst position in the entire defense line. I have stopped taking food and water from the supply stash and I have faced the boss at the end of every wave.”

“You-. I-. Yes, but-” I pressed on his stammering.

“Maybe you would like me to fight with one hand tied? Or maybe, you would like to expel me from the group. Would you take my place, then? It’s only me and Noah in that alleyway.” I turned to Noah. “What do you say Noah? Would you stick around to fight alongside Igor?”

“Fuck that, hell no, mate.” Noah spoke with so much disgust that you could say he vomited the words.

“Well, surely this isn’t a problem for you, Igor. I am positive you have friends in the group willing to risk their lives to fight by your side.” I kept my eye on him as I finished my monologue.

Face red, Igor swallowed whatever words he had for me. He really wasn’t expecting to be put down like this. A few smirks and barely held chuckles only helped to infuriate the man more. By the time Johann intervened, he was trembling.

“Now, Igor. You should really reign in this habit of speaking your mind without giving it proper thought.” Johann spoke as Igor shot him a nasty, vile look. Completely outmatched and already ridiculed, Igor stormed out of the meeting and eventually out of the building.

“For everyone still with questions regarding the issue that happened this morning after the wave, I can assure you that I already mediated towards both parts. Both John and Leo have understood it was the consequence of a heated argument coupled with the stress that everyone is living through in this place.” Johann pointedly looked at me and John. I nodded, but John’s mask of indifference seemed to crack under the stare of Johann. A flicker of anger passed in his eyes as he offered a curt nod in agreement.

“To put it brutally simple. There is no one that can take Leo’s place. He is holding a vital position, and he is the best equipped to do so. John made a decision of abandoning him in favor of not risking more of the group’s lives. Leo was understandably upset and ended up going overboard.” Johann took a deep breath and sighed. “It’s better for everyone if we leave it at that, and no one brings this up anymore.”

“I am sure there are still some of us who can’t accept it even after this. For you, I would like to remind you of something. This isn’t the world we grew up in, there are no courts of law or legal proceedings. The sooner you adapt and accept it, the better for you and all of us.” Johann looked around the group, but I could see him lingering here and there in some specific people. Will was one of them.

As if just being scolded, most of the people in the meeting either looked away or to the floor when I looked at them. Somehow I felt like I was being painted as a villain who needed to be appeased to keep them safe, this wasn’t good. Johann wasn’t capable of changing their opinions of me, I knew that, so I had to do it myself.

“I have something I would like to propose, Johann.” My sudden interjection seemed to take everyone by surprise, Johann the most of all. Seemingly lost for words, he just gestured for me to speak.

“As a gesture of goodwill towards the group, I would like to make a contribution to help with the food situation.” I summoned one hundred points worth of food as I spoke.

A pile of cans and water bottles started to materialize half a meter in front of me. Although I had been cautious of doing so earlier, the moment had been too good to let it pass. With this I shouldn’t come off as arrogant, but as someone trying to make amends. Johann caught on to my intent and sowed a few words in my favor. The meeting finally ended with my flashy display. Noah was quick to tease me about it, calling me ‘show off’, but I just laughed at it.

People started to disperse and I was suddenly faced with an urge to take a night stroll. This was something I used to do a lot while growing up, but I hadn’t done in over a year. Deciding to go for it, I declined the invitations to continue our earlier conversation. Noah was happy to take my previous spot; he did seem like someone used to navigating that sort of situation.

Making my way out of the perimeter I saw Johann speaking with a very upset Igor. Their conversation didn’t look to be going well, as Johann tried to appease the furious Igor that was almost shouting. This was one of the few times I actually pitied Johann to be in such a position. Dealing with that man must be in its own league of unpleasant experiences. If they saw me, they didn’t react. I was glad to leave them behind and continue on my merry way.

The scout group had developed a system of marking the building walls with chalk to navigate the concrete maze. I am not sure how they had found the chalk, but I guessed someone had brought it with them. Following their markings, I made my way through the night, not worried about getting lost. I wasn’t planning on going too far, but I didn’t exactly have a destination in mind.

Walking at night was relaxing. I have missed this state of mind, suddenly content for just enjoying the moment. The moon still shined the same, and I could appreciate a sense of familiarity that was sorely lacking these days. At some point I sat down on a fairly large road. It was probably four cars wide and it gave me a straight view to the temple.

‘What the hell is that thing? How is it connected to the wave? And how do I make sense of all of this?’

I couldn’t help but engage in some of the many questions that the mysterious building raised. What about the gates? Was something huge really going to show up eventually? Could we fight it? Could we survive it? So many questions. Barely any answers. Maybe I should have asked Anichka more about this place.

“Hi.”

I almost jumped up, startled by the voice suddenly manifesting beside me. I turned to look and it was Ani, dressed the same way as when we had met.

“Hey.” I quickly gathered myself, hopeful that she didn’t realize how startled I had been. “Lovely night, isn’t it?”

“Sorry about earlier. You were so concentrated I didn’t know how to get your attention.”

“It’s fine.” Well, I hadn’t really done a good job at disguising it either. “You wanna sit with me?”

“Sure.” Ani approached and sat a little less than an arm’s length away from me. Even from this distance, a distinct sweet aroma invaded my senses. It was perfume.

“I was going to say it’s a good coincidence we met, but I suspect that isn’t the case, is it?”

“No, it isn’t.” I thought I saw her cheeks flush a little red, but it might have been a trick of the moonlight. “I wanted to talk to you.”

“Ok. Is there a specific topic you want to discuss?” That was weird. She seemed in a hurry when we spoke earlier and not that eager to speak with me. I wondered what had changed.

“Nothing specific. Maybe you have more questions. I felt like I didn’t give you enough time earlier, you must have a lot of more that you want to ask.” She hugged her knees and avoided eye contact with me.

“I surely do, but you don’t have all the answers, right? That would be absurd.”

“You are right, that would be absurd.” Ani’s voice was almost a whisper.

“What is this place? I think that is the most obvious question I could ask.” She didn’t answer me, so I assumed she didn’t know the answer.

“Are there more people in here? What is that thing? Noah thinks it’s a temple, but is it really?” I kept on without looking at her, too caught up on my head. “Are we going to stay here forever? If so, why? What is the point of all this? Are we an entertainment show for whomever that Emissary works for?”

I didn’t realize when Ani had stood up, but when she spoke with me she was already standing.

“Tomorrow. Sarah and I will join you in defending the base. We will meet you when the sky clock has thirty minutes left. We will come through the alley you defend.” Without waiting for me to answer, she just turned her back and started walking away.

Shocked at the suddenness of the situation, I could barely muster a good night before she turned a corner and left my sight. The entire situation had been so strange that I couldn’t help but wonder if I had said something wrong. Maybe my excessive questioning upset her somehow. I couldn’t really fathom how it must be for her to know some of the future and the expectation that it creates, maybe that is why she is so selective with the people she interacts with. Then, why me?

A deeper part of my ego wanted to believe that I had somehow charmed her with my looks or some other nonsensical explanation. Surely this couldn’t be it. Was it all because I was consistently ranking high? It didn’t feel like it. Was it wishful thinking of my part? Was she only approaching me because I was a good bet on surviving this? Does it matter why?

No, it doesn’t. I was happy that she had taken her time to come see me, even if she didn’t spend more than a short while with me. I was grateful she cared enough to seek me out in the night to have a chat, even if a weird one. Maybe that was all she was capable of. It might be a great effort of her part to do just this much.

I sighed.

‘When did I start feeling so lonely?’