《Old Version of Trials of Sanity (Dropped for a complete rewrite)》29 - A Pile of Questions, a Handful of Answers
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Crouched while leaning on a building wall while munching a nondescript protein bar, Ani seemed oblivious to my presence. We were some thirty meters away from each other, I had just turned a corner. I waited for her to make eye contact as I moved closer, but she didn’t. When I was an arm’s length away from her, she offered a protein bar from her pocket.
“Want one?”
“Sure, thanks.” I grabbed it from her extended hand. “Where is Sarah? How is she doing?”
“Miss Sarah is resting. The wound wasn’t deep, she should be better in a couple more hours.”
Just the two of us, then. Good thing Noah didn’t want to come. I started munching on the protein bar, it would do me good after the training. I had drank some water, but no food.
Ani wore a black coat and skinny blue jeans. Her hair was tied in a bun, but some strands still found their way out of the knot. It gently fell on her face and behind her ears, as her hand adjusted them to a better position. There was something fierce behind her blue eyes, something that betrayed her soft and gentle features. It was an entrancing contrast.
‘Shit, I’m staring.’
Aware of my impoliteness I looked at my snack and tried to make conversation.
“Are we going to have our conversation here?” Ani didn’t seem to care that I was staring, or had enough self control to not show.
“We could. Or we could take a walk.”
“Walk sounds good to me.”
Ani stood up with more agility that I had given her credit for. She invited me to follow her with a simple nod of her head and I did. We walked side by side in silence for a while, but I had too many questions.
“How did you find me?”
“I told you before, right? I have an intuition.”
“Right, you did say that. But how does it work? Is it like a tingling? A vision?”
“Depends.” Ani was silent for a while. I gave her time, it was obviously a delicate subject for her. “Most of the time it’s intent, but I receive visions as well, just not often.”
“Intent? That sounds very general. How can you translate intent into action?”
“It can be… challenging. But after years I got used to it.”
“You have been doing this for a long time? Do you work as a seer or something like that?”
“No, no. I had just joined nursing school when all this happened. I have lived most of my life suppressing my gift, back on Earth.”
“What do you mean back on Earth? Are you saying we are not on Earth?”
She stopped walking and I stopped one step further, turning back to look at her. It seemed Ani let on more than she had planned. With a sigh, she continued.
“I am sure you have suspected it already.”
“Yes, but there was no evidence to it. None of this feels like Earth, but no one was sure. Is this one of the intents you feel?” She nodded.
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That did and didn’t change things. It didn’t matter if we were on Earth or not when we were fighting for our lives every time that damn clock resets. But it did change things for people who are waiting for rescue or a chance to return to normalcy. I wasn’t acting on the idea that we would go back, but deep down I still hoped.
“This is hard to process, even if not exactly surprising. Why do I still hesitate to come to terms with it even after all that has been happening on these last days? Things that are happening here defy all manner of scientific law, and yet, deep down, I resist the idea that we are in a different planet, or galaxy or who knows where.”
We walked in silence for a while. I was too disturbed and felt like it was better for me to process things inwards and Ani was probably giving me enough time to do just that. As time passed and we walked, the more I thought about Earth and home, the less… attached I felt. The less important it seemed. The less… I cared. What was back on Earth that I yearned for so much? I couldn’t come up with an answer for that, as if something was missing. Large pieces of a big picture removed from my understanding. I could already feel a headache coming when Ani pulled me out of it.
“Don’t dwell on it too much. It’s better if you accept it and move on. There is nothing we can do about it, believe me.” She placed her hand on my forearm, her hand was soft and her nails still had the cracking and fading of what once was some beautiful artistic design.
“You are probably right. It’s not productive to worry about things I have no control over.”
I glanced at her hand and back at her. She quickly pulled her hand away and tucked it in her coat.
‘Did I make her uncomfortable?’
“Is there anything else you want to ask?”
“Ah, yes. You gave me something when you pulled me out of the… fight. The system called it a ‘Minor Healing Potion’, how did you get one of those?”
“I found it in here. It’s one of the rare finds.”
“Rare finds?”
“Yes. There are some unique items that you find here. The rarer ones, there are only one or two of them.”
“Like my sledgehammer?”
“A sledgehammer?” Ani stopped, as if trying to remember something. “No, there are a few of those, but they are on the rarer side. Sarah’s sword would be one of such items.”
“Like my spear, then.”
“No, I don’t think your spear can be found here. Some items are only available at the point shop.”
“Your intuition can be quite accurate and detailed.” I frowned. I saw as her eyes grew slightly, but she regained her composure just as quickly.
“It can be. It’s a fleeting thing, really.” I nodded, unconvinced. Ani was hiding something from me, but I am sure she had her reasons. She had saved my life earlier, I wasn’t about to be as ungrateful as to pry into what she was clearly not comfortable with sharing.
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“If you don’t have any more questions, I have somewhere I need to be.”
“I still have loads of questions. I should have asked this one first, how should I address you? I heard Sarah calling you Ani, so I just followed suit.”
“Ani is fine. My name is Anichka, by the way.”
“It’s a pleasure to officially meet you, Anichka. My name is Leonardo, you can call me Leo. But I guess you knew that already.” She nodded. A part of me wanted to know more about her, but I had too many important questions.
“You told me to spend my points in a certain way, Ani. I now understand the reason for vitality, but why willpower?”
“For more than one reason. For one, physical attributes are intuitive, I am sure you have thought of ways to increase them, but have you thought of a way to increase willpower?” I shook my head.
“But more important than that, you have been struggling on keeping your emotions in check, haven’t you?”
The fresh memories of the battle, almost dying, being saved and how I lashed out at John. It all came to me. I stopped walking and felt something that was barely suppressed rearing its ugly head again. The mere mention of it had brought such a reaction from me when I looked inwards. It was bizarre.
“It’s the system.” Ani said in a whisper, her eyes downcast. “It messes with our heads and makes us lose control of our emotions. The more you increase in strength, the better grip it has on you. Willpower will counter that. It increases your ability to resist outside influence, even from the system itself.”
I wanted to ask how she knew all that, but I decided against it. I should be grateful for the information. The implications of what she said were terrifying.
“If someone keeps investing in the other stats and ignoring willpower, what will happen?” I already knew the answer, but I asked regardless.
“Madness… Sheer lunacy.” I knew it was impossible for her to have known someone who had experienced that, but it felt as if she was speaking out of memory. I dismissed the thought. Maybe she was disturbed by some fucked up vision of the future.
“How much should I invest in it?” I was worried now. I needed to know how to keep myself in check.
“Eight points in it should be enough for now. Since you have your first deviation, it should be enough until you get at least two more, then you need to increase it to ten.”
“Is there a rule of thumb on how much willpower I must have?” She paused, arms crossed and frowning.
“I don’t know. I don’t have that information.”
“Don’t worry, you can’t know everything.” I tried to cheer her up, as she seemed somewhat disappointed with herself.
We spoke a little bit more. I asked about how she had survived so far, and why they didn’t want to join the group. It all pretty much amounted to Ani’s intuition. She was using it like a guide for most of her decisions. I didn’t question further. When asked about the next wave, she told me that she and Sarah would join us for the fight in the morning of the next day. I found it weird that she was fighting away from us until that moment, but now decided to join. I didn’t question, must be something from her intuition. Quite the convenient thing, she had a ready to go excuse for pretty much anything.
When asked how long we would stay here and if we would meet other people, she had a long moment of silent pause. I don’t know if Ani was trying to use her powers or trying to decide if she should tell me or not, but by the time she came up with answers they were frustrating at best.
“It’s not clear if this is the final destination of our journey, but we might not be here for long. I can’t see more people, but I see shadows around us. That could be the creatures attacking us every day or not. It’s good to be careful with your surroundings.” Ani had said.
That felt... cheap. Something a gypsy would say just so you don’t ask for your money back. The lack of definitive answers was annoying, and I think she realized that, for she quickly apologized for her lack of a better answer. I told her it wasn’t a problem, at least she wasn’t charging me, I joked. She seemed to take it well, and we both had a chuckle for the first time since we met.
Not willing to stop my barrage of questions, I asked about rare items. She was curt about it, not giving anymore information that what she already had. I didn’t pursue it further. If she knew or had more, she was keeping it to herself. Fair enough, she found them, I had no reason to contest it. She had already saved my life and given me plenty of help.
When I ran out of things I could ask, she excused herself. Our time had been short, but very enlightening. I had learned important things about this place and the system that I had to share with the group. But I wondered if they would all receive it well if it came from me? Maybe I should talk to Chen first and ask him to inform the group. It would probably be received much better from him than from me.
Jogging back to the base I couldn’t help but wonder what Chen thought of me after my scuffle with John. What about Mrs Aya? She seemed fine in our brief encounter, but I knew there was more to it than she was letting on. Feelings of guilt and anxiety threatened to take over me, but I fought them back. Now that I knew it was the system messing with my head, I wouldn’t be so easily influenced.
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