《Lazy Ash》64. Drive, a Plan, and MOM!
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Soooooo.....Hows everyone been?
......
Yea look, sorry to all but I have been working 7 days a week and 12 hour days. I only get holidays off right now and I spend those sleeping mostly. Today is labor day so well holiday but I am not sleeping got off a little early yesterday.
Anyway, I figured I would just let you guys know whats up also....Chapter! So yay! My work should be slowing down soon so I may be able to start releasing like I was.
Bonus somehow while I was gone picked up a number of followers and breached that 1k mark and got an achievement which means you guys are awesome.
Lets hope I don't work myself into too early of a grave and heres the next chap!
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Ash
All of us piled into my car I stole in Chernobyl the next morning. I am slightly sleep deprived due to Alita constantly blasting things from my balcony last night. Sure I can easily fix my sleep deprivation but it gives me extra fuel to add to my anger , so why bother?
The girls were noticeably grumpier than usual. I still have no idea what last night was about but will try to make sure my end doesn't come the same way as the Cherien ship Alita blasted.
"So tell me again why we couldn't just fly to your parents house?" Alita asks from the back window.
"Also why are we in the back while she gets to sit in the passenger seat!" Inari yells and points at Ciar.
The girls had to shrink down (which is apparently a thing) and sit on the edges of the window while Ciar sat in the passenger seat.
"Sorry Lambos don't always have back seats and Ciar is young and needs a seatbelt for protection. Also I may need a little help in the flying department. I tend to crash......" I answer them as I blow a red light.
"So you are worried about the safety of a stupid dog and not ours!?" Inari shouts.
"Yep."
I feel four little holes slowly burning their way into my head. No really they are literally burning holes into the back of my head!
"OWWWWWWW! Holy Shit Girls! That fucking hurts!" I shout and swerve to avoid a church group. Hmmm maybe I shouldn't have swerved those people are annoying.
While contemplating vehicular manslaughter I notice Ciar peering out the window with a cheerful smile on her face or what passes as a smile for a puppy.
I reach over and scratch between her ears and cut off some slow prick. Not to sure why but I love this little pup. Haven't known each other long but I can honestly say she is the only female in my life who hasn't made it worse.
.....
This is how serial killers get their start isn't it? That moment when they realize that an animal (albeit a badass god one) is probably the only true person who gets them and wonder what do they need everyone else for.
Food for thought I guess.
A couple of cop cars surround me and try to make me stop. Mom hates it when I am late and when I am late to holiday dinners she limits my food portions and that just cannot happen!
"You should really learn how to actually drive you know and get a license." Alita says.
"Meh. DMV's are portals to hell. If you want to visit your brother just ask." I reply.
"That's not what I- Wait how did you know portals to hell reside in DMV's?" She asks.
Damn. My fourth-grade teacher was right...... Fuck I owe her a nickel!
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I don't want to damage my car so I start to slow so I don't hit the cop in front of me.
"Ash are you really going to stop?" Inari asks in surprise.
I shoot her a "Do you know me?" look.
"Master why is there less wind? It felt much better with more wind." Ciar asks.
"Well pup you see that car with flashing lights next to you?" She nods. "Well they are mean people who won't let me drive how I want and want to put me away in a cage." I tell her.
Her face explodes in anger. "No one touches my master!" She looks out the window again and got ready to murder the cops on the right.
"Ash make sure she doesn't kill anyone!" Alita says hurriedly.
"But they are just cops." I whined.
She gives me a glare that brokers no argument.
"*Sigh* Fine! Ciar no kil-
Before I could finish the front half of the cop car disappears into a ball of death. Ciar turns around and has tears in her eyes.
"Sorry master..I missed." She says with a sniff.
I pat her on the head in comfort. "Don't worry pup you'll get them next time." I say.
Alita is giving me a hard look. "What!? She didn't kill them." I say.
"That's not the point. She is a child just what are you teaching her that her first instinct is to kill!" Alita yells while Inari is giving me a disapproving look.
Before I can answer Ciar steps in. "Master teaches me the best things! Noobs should always be mercilessly crushed until their spirit is broken. Squeakers are not people and thus have no rights. Mean people are jocks and jocks must die. Hacking the government is the best way to train your finger speed, in my case shadow finger speed. Taco bell is gods gift to gamers. Oh! and the newest thing he taught me is that stealing from people you defeat is always a must. He said that it's the loot of the real world and that like in games if you never get loot how are you to progress?" Ciar looked proud of herself.
I remained quiet and facing forward as two very hurtful looks were reflected in my mirror. Ignoring them I decide on how to deal with the cops without killing them.
Mental note: Teach Ciar that no city in the world has cops that aren't corrupt. No seriously at least one cop in every city is corrupt in some way.
Eventually I just say fuck it. I shoot a blast of lighting at the motor to the one on my left, throw a bunch of ice caltrops at the one behind me, and the shoot out the tires of the one in front of me. I swerve to dodge the one in front and my problem just got dealt with simple.
"And that dear pup is how we deal with cops. Always use force do not I repeat do not ever negotiate with cops!" I give her a stern look.
"Yes master!" She say happily and starts wagging her tail.
"You're a monster."
"You're a monster."
I hear two very hurtful whispers behind me.
"You guys are just jealous of my parenting." I say.
"Someone needs to call cps." They reply.
A few moments later we pull up to my parents house. I grab Ciar and place her on my shoulder then head for the front door. I still have a key so I don't knock.
As I enter I notice that I happen to be last....Fuck.
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Everyone focuses on me the second I enter. Then their eyes land on the now full-sized Alita and Inari. My aunt, mom, cousin, and grandmother all look at me with disapproval. The men on the other hand look impressed. My dad and brothers had pride hidden in their eyes while feigning disapproval. Uncles Chris and Tom both gave me thumbs up. Roger though had his jaw dropped to the floor.
I noticed he brought someone with him. She was pretty with short dark brownish red hair. Barely five foot but had curves where it mattered. Her face was somewhat familiar but I couldn't place it. She might be one of his hero partners.
Roger pulled me aside in a hurry before any of the other family could get to me.
"Okay who the hell are those two and how is it grandma isn't trying to murder them yet?" He asks.
"We are his and he ours it's simple really." Inari says from behind us loud enough for the whole house to hear.
The room goes quiet quick. The temperature takes a noticeable drop as well.
"Welp that's my cue to leave you to your death. Nice knowing you cuz." Seeing the situation he decides to get out of the warzone. The cowardly bastard.
You know what I am going to kick Sleights ass first chance I get.
"Now that has yet to be decided dears. A mother's permission is necessary for such things and I don't plan on giving it twice." Mom's tone was calm at first but it picked up an edge toward the end.
When does a guy need his mothers permission? I felt like voicing myself but a glare from my mother made me swallow my words. Childhood defense mechanisms are hard to stop.
"Oh but we disagree Ms. Fall's. Ash is old enough to make his own decisions and so are we. He wants us and we want him. Your say and approval are secondary. Not like we would ever ask it either." Alita's voice picked up the same edge as my mother.
My mother's hand was on the table and a crunch was heard. Her hand was a fist and dust was falling from her hand. I slowly started backing toward the men in my family. I came here with the express purpose of yelling at my grandmother and dealing with an angry her and maybe a slightly pissed off mom but now.. I have never felt so much killing intent in my life.
Mom was radiating power. Her eyes were slowly turning into red orbs.
"What. Did. You. Just. Say. To. Me?" Mom's voice sounded calm but there was a note to it that made every male in the house want to beg for forgiveness.
"Ash son. I just want to let you know I love you." My dad said in a way like he was saying goodbye.
I needed to stop this. If it goes any far- nonononono don't go there Ash that's a dark place.
"Look it's a holiday they are here with me lets all just settle down and eat okay?" I try to reason.
"Of course. You are right Ash but first we should have a chat. Tom why don't you join us Roger, Tim, boys, Chris, and Ann would you set the table?" It may have been a question but no one took it as one. Everyone hopped up even Ann, Rogers date.
I followed my grandmother into the back porch and took a seat on a chair. Once everyone was seated my grandmother was about to speak but I cut her off.
"Take the motherfucking chastity belt off me this fucking second!" I roar.
All the anger I had finally came back in full. My dick needed freedom from his prison and as his representative, I was going to demand it.
Her eyes narrowed and took on a dangerous flash. "Who are you to speak to me that way! I am your Martria-
"ERRRRR wrong! You are my grandmother! I don't give a damn if our family is a clan. I don't give a damn if we are descended from a goddess and I sure as fuck don't give a damn what your fucking reasons are for doing this to me are. Take the fucking spell off NOW!" I yell.
Everyone was looking at me wide-eyed. Of course their surprise is warranted after all these years I always submitted but this time I had something I never had before. A hatred for my grandmother.
You see last night I managed to view a few more memories of Darkness's. They were all about grandma.
Turns out all the crap in my life is her fault. You see Darkness found out quite a bit about our family. But mainly he investigated grams.
Before I was outside of fate she found out that I would be far more powerful than any male ever born of the line and my descendants would all have great power as well.
Well grandma was truly ecstatic when she found this out and decided to tell my family about it. Here's the thing they didn't really care and wanted me to live a life that was my own.
Grams didn't like that. She knew from a seer that if given a choice I wouldn't bow to her rule as matriarch and work for the family. So she started telling people that if others found out that I would be in danger. Again my family didn't worry too much since they were the only ones who knew and I had already stepped outside of fate by this time.
So old grandma came up with a little plan. She got a hold of a special poison. One day while the family was gathered and I was playing in my crib she snuck in and slipped it into my bottle.
When my mother came for me and saw me nearly on death's door she freaked. Everyone rushed in and grandma brought up the rear. Telling her I told you so.
From then on my family followed her words without fail. I was to be raised fearing and respecting women. I was also to be subtly brainwashed into following female suggestions easier. Of course no one knew that but her as she is the one who did it.
The reason I ended up the way I am towards women is all her fault.
Once I finished those memories my anger turned into hatred for my grandmother. The worst part though? She knew one day I would find out and sealed me from ever speaking of it. All so that when the time came I would produce her an army.
Grandma's eyes were smoldering as she looked at me. But she raised her hand and I felt a weight lift from me.
"Can we talk now grandson?" Her tone spoke volumes about how she felt about me ordering her.
"Sure. Why don't we talk about why any of you give a damn who I get with? It's my life so long as I am happy thats all that should matter right?" I stare at my mother, aunt, and Lesley.
They all share guilty looks and don't reply.
"Wrong. Your children will be Laverna's and so must not be bred with pitiful stock." She gave a pointed look towards Alita and Inari.
"Who the fuck are you calling pitiful stock you old bitch!?" Both girls stand as power fills their hands.
Grandma ignores her and turns to me. "You see can't even make a comment and they dare threaten your matriarch."
"Ah but you see Grams you aren't my matriarch. I have no intention of ever helping you from this point on."
Grandmas face goes stiff. Mom and the others look at me in shock.
"Ash don't be hasty you have no idea what your saying." Uncle Tom says.
"Thats where your wrong uncle. If she thinks for one second I am just going to leave Inari and Alita she has another thing coming." I reply.
"Oh really!" Grandma stands and her power latches on to me again.
"Now you will never be able to so much as touch a woman unless I permit it." She shouts in my face.
"Mom how dare you!" My mother and Aunt shout.
Lesley and uncle Tom look sickened.
"How dare I!? How dare he talk back to me that way!" She shouts.
I calmly walk over to Alita and Inari and pull both of them into a kiss. Then turn to see my stunned grandmother.
"How!?" She shrieks.
The rest of my family are stunned as well. The answer is simple Darkness learned how to counter her charm magic in his quest to get the seal of the truth off unfortunately he never did.
"Let's just say your charm magic has no effect on me anymore." I give her a smirk. "Well table seems to be set why don't we all eat?" I don't wait for an answer as I walk out.
As I walk into the dining room I hear the bell ring.
"The hell everyone should be here right?" I ask dad.
"Should be but can you get that?" He asks and I nod.
I open the front door and am surprised at who I see.
"Cindy? The hell you doing here?" She seems slightly upset and doesn't answer and instead just brushes by me.
"Uhh yea sure come on in." I go to close the door but hear it stop. Turning back I see a skinny wiry looking older man holding the door open.
"I believe my daughter and I were invited." and then he too brushed past me.
The fuck daughter.....WAIT! That skinny fucker is Mega!?
Mega walks to my father and shakes his hand. "Nice to meet you my name is Solomon Hill."
"Tim Falls." Dad replies.
I walk over to Cindy while they talk. "Okay what the hell is going on why are you guys here at my family Thanksgiving?"
She looks up at me in confusion. "You really don't know?"
"Know what?" Dread slowly building up.
"I've been engaged." She says.
"Okay what that have to do with me?"
She just stares at me.
.....
"No."
.....
"No way."
She continues to stare.
......
"MOM!"
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Now this was supposed to be much longer but one of my idiots is being held by cops and I need to go pick his drunk ass up so I am not sure if I will be able to finish today. Thus I cut it off here.
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