《Lazy Ash》60. Glares, Noob stomping, and something important.
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Ash
"CCCiar now I am not mad b-but please tell me that these are not from my fa-family." My voice was trembling as I was pointing at a pile of jewelry, purses, and cash.
Of course I knew the answer as I recognized my mother's wedding ring.
"Why of course they are master!" She had a happy tone and had her head raised waiting to be praised.
I reached out and petted her while staring at the pile in horror. The fact that I am not my families match came to light last night and my amazing yet naive puppy just stole all their stuff while their attention was on me.
"CCCiar wh-when did you find the chance to take all of th-these?" My voice was still trembling.
"Oh manipulating shadows is fairly easy all I had to do is shadow port them while they weren't looking it was so easy and since they were bullying master they got what they deserved." She finishes with a hmph.
I absently pat her again as I am filled with both pride at the fact she stole so easily from master thieves and horror at the fact I have to return these.
Well I lived a nice life. Got to screw hot chicks, fight a god, travel in time, and almost bang a goddess. That should qualify as a successful life right?
"Master why do I smell fear?" Ciar tilts her head and looks at me.
"Oh no that's not fear pup that is absolute terror." Inari replies for me.
"Only master is allowed to call me pup "FOX"." She made fox sound like an insult.
The two traded glares while I was contemplating whether suicide will be easier than meeting my family again. It seems the girls don't like my awesome pup too much. Last night when we all going to bed the girls wanted to lay on either side of me and use my arms as pillows. Which they did but Ciar laid on my chest and every time one of them tried something she would "remind" them that she was there with a little bit of silver flames.
Honestly I wasn't up to trying anything after the love tap grandma gave my jewels and the fact she threatened me not to sleep with them. I couldn't get it up no matter what with Ciar there and I wasn't going to kick her out as we both have been through hell and a good sleep was necessary.
So when we all got up the girls were a bit upset.
"Ash what is wrong with your family? Why do they all seem to believe they get to choose who you are with?" Alita asks a little testily. I was wondering what was bothering her as she seemed grumpy as hell and she was the morning person of the group.
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"Honestly they have always been weird when it concerns me. Even when I was little they always made sure I was looked after and coddled the hell out me. Dad had to literally steal me away so he can teach me how wrong everything they were doing is." I reply shivering at certain memories.
"What were they doing?" Alita asks. Inari and Ciar stop their staring match to listen as well.
"Well from when I was 3 to 9 they would....Dress me up in girls clothes......."I said the last part quietly and went to pour myself some coffee.
"I'm sorry what?" Inari had a shit eating grin on her face.
"Laugh and I swear to goddess I will never cook for you again."
The smiles on all three of their faces wiped instantly. Ciar was introduced to my cooking this morning and pledge eternal loyalty to me after eating. The girls already knew my cooking was no joke and held back their laughs.
"No but seriously they dressed you up in girls clothes til you were 9!? That is seriously messed up. I mean you have sorta femmine features and ever since you gained your new abilities your features have become "softer" but damn you had one messed up childhood." Inari replies.
I look out the window with a dark expression."One day I will tell you guys how messed up." The girls shivered from my tone.
"Well we have to work Ash so take it easy and then tommorrow we will all go over to your families house." Aita says suddenly.
"Wait work!?" I turn around and look at the two.
"You didn't think our groups would let us just sit around right? We told them we took a vacation and decided to relocate here. But we still have jobs we do. Alita is an Arch Angel! She has to watch over huge areas of worship and protect her faiths followers. I have to find the male kitsune and establish a kitsune faction in town. While taking out the competition. Of course the male kitsune is you so." Inari informed me.
"Damn sucks to be you guys no way in hell I am-oh that reminds me! Alita I met your brother." I say as the two are about to launch of my balcony.
Both of them immediately freeze and slowly turn around. "Which brother Ash." Alita's tone goes dark.
A little scared I gulp and reply. "Yea I ay have forgotten to mention this but I kinda sorta may have died in Chernobyl. The result was your brother nabbed my soul and I paid a visit to hell."
Alita's expression turns to annoyed and she lets out a sigh. "So you met Lucifer ho-Wait you died!?"
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"Sorta late on the response but yea Abyss killed me."
"Ash this is important what deal did you make?" Inari says slowly.
"Deal? I didn't make any deal he said it was payback for saving his favorite sister."
"Oh thank god!" Alita lets out a breath. "Gratefully you didn''t say you would do something stupid like-
"Oh right I promised your niece I would escort her around a bit."
-promise to bring the daughter of a god on a city wide tour." Alita finishes and looks pissed.
Ok pissed Alita. Not a good thing she is giving off so much energy that the walls are melting and even Inari is slowly backing away.
"Ash.We.Are.Going.To.Talk." With that she stomps off toward the balcony and takes off. She left burnt footprints in the carpet and marble floors.
"You realise you fucked up right?" Inari says.
"Little bit yea."
She nods and then takes off as well.
"Well this sucks was hoping for a little fun now that my balls are healed but if they gotta work oh well." I turn to my pup and try to figure out what to do for the day.
I should probably try and get a hold of everyone. Maybe call Cindy and see what I missed and hope at least Garth isn't dead. Not sure how bad the invasion was.
Meh lets teach Ciar how to play video games.
2 hours later
"Master gank left lane!" I hear Ciar yell out.
I started her out with a simple game of Smite to see if she could play well. She uses the shadows to make hands and damn did she get good scary fast. I mean she got so good she was even shit talking our teammates after I taught her how.
Everytime time she calls out a noob I reach over and pet her. My eyes had tears of pride after she made her first little kid cry. It was honestly one of the most beautiful moments in my life.
My phone started ringing a little into our 3rd game and I picked it up to see who it was. It was Cindy.
"Yo whats up?" I answer.
"Whats up!?" You go off the grid for two weeks and all you say is whats up!?" I could tell she was a little pissed.
"Uhh Whats up Cindy?"
"Oh I don't know we just had an invasion, some werewolves decided to turn a small town into a breeding ground, oh and someone shot a ball of death through Mega Tower almost killing me and my father!" She roared through the phone.
Ciar glanced at my phone in annoyance. "Master we have noobs to crush she need to be dealt with." Her eye narrow at my phone.
"You...Are the best damn pup ever!" I pull her into a hug.
"Master! Hugs after the match our idiot teammates are all assassins in a conquest gametype!" She started squirming while looking at the game.
I release her and go back to my own screen while talking to Cindy.
"Yea was going to ask about the invasion. Anyone important?"
"No just the stupid Cherien Empire again. Those morons don't learn. Matter ended up teleporting 10 nuclear bombs to their planet and detonating them in their most populated cities."
I winced. That was overkill off the ass. "Isn't that a bit much?"
"Yea but he is a Super that contracts to the US so these things tend to happen. Plus they wanted to send a message."
"What message would that be "America will nuke your ass to oblivion if you attack again!? I mean for fucks sake I don't care too much but they were probably only a few nukes short of ending that whole race!"
"Yea probably."
I sighed at that. The stupidity of it all. The Cherien are going to be seriously pissed and will most definitely come back even angrier. Oh well not like they are my problem.
"About the ball of death though."
"Yea?"
"Now don't get mad but that might "MIGHT" have been my fault."
........
"Explain." Her voice was like a perfect replicas of my mothers.
"Well my pup attacked two uh "friends" and I kinda had to stop it." I say slowly. Then fill her in on some of the details.
"You fucking dog shot a giant ball of death and you diverted it towards my home!? You couldn't oh I don't know STOP IT!?" She yells through the phone.
I cringed at her tone. Damn is that scarily similar. Ciar looks up at me. "Master is she one of yours?"
"No pup." She is way too much like my mother at the moment and that would be a perfect excuse to hit therapy. Just the image of dating someone like my mother grips my heart in terror.
"Look noone got hurt right? So it's all good."
I can hear angry panting over the line. "You owe me." The line went dead and a feeling of dread washed through me.
"Well fuck."
I turn back toward the game and proceed to wreck another team. Of course Ciar and I did all the work. How do you play assassin and go badly negative?
Deciding if I want to teach her anymore games I remember something important. "SHIT! I need to make sure I can still get laid regularly!"
I grab up Ciar and shoot out my balcony.
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